Loss of a Spouse: 5 Things Only a Widow/er Understands

Everything changes after the loss of a spouse or partner. For many, this was the person we spent most of our time with. This is who we made our plans with…the one who shared our worries. Every part of our past, present, and future revolved around this person, and to be without them is  harder, sadder, and lonelier than we ever could have guessed.

Loss of a Spouse

And here’s the thing…not only is it harder than we could have thought; the people we spend time don’t always seem to recognize the depth and duration of this loss.  This can be felt any time someone tries to cheer us up, smooth it over, or make it better. Our loved ones are well intentioned, there’s no doubt, but here is what most grievers who have lost a spouse would want those around them to understand:

  1. It’s a couples world and socializing after the loss of a spouse is never the same. This comes up just about every time I facilitate a group for widow and widowers. We don’t even notice how much of a couples world it is until we’re no longer part of it. Going out to dinner, going to the movies, taking a vacation. Sure, some people will do these things on their own, but for most these activities were reserved for their spouse or partner. And unfortunately being part of a bigger group or going to a party isn’t necessarily any easier. The problem isn’t just the griever who may feel awkward in a setting that is mostly couples. The friends themselves may hesitate (or all out avoid) inviting the griever along for fear that this newly single person will feel out of place. And for most widows and widowers I speak to, nothing feels worse than that.
  2. Even a very caring network of support can’t replace this one thing we had: a shared and equally vested interest in the outcome of each other’s lives. A widow pointed this out to me, and boy was she right. “My friends are great,” she said, “when I share a worry about my daughter or grandson, they’ll nod and show compassion and concern. But here’s the thing…in the end, whatever happens just won’t affect them the same way it would affect me. The only person who could share the weight of these concerns was my husband”. Since then, I’ve used this example. Imagine a restaurant opens. It’s a wonderful restaurant, with a lot of loyal and happy customers. But then there’s a fire, and suddenly the restaurant is no longer there. The  patrons of that restaurant will miss eating there, and will feel saddened at its loss. But eventually, they will find another place to eat. The owner, however, will never be the same. Because every part of the owner’s life and livelihood, and every part of their security and dreams and hopes went into that restaurant. And in the case of the loss of a spouse, the fact is that only our spouse or partner will feel the same investment and care in our life that we do.
  3. Following the loss of a spouse or partner, I feel like only half of a whole. A lot of couples will refer to their spouse or significant other as their “better half”. While it’s usually meant to be a sweet compliment, the truth is that most marriages (even the imperfect ones!) operate and function as two people joining their lives together as one. After the loss of a spouse most widows and widowers will report feeling that not only is their other half missing, but that they themselves feel incomplete. This union can become such a part of our identity that without it, we don’t feel like a complete or whole person anymore. So we’re not only missing our spouse…we’re missing ourselves too.
  4. Every part of my day and routine is now changed and altered, especially when it’s time to go to sleep. There’s no doubt that a parent who has lost a child, or a daughter who was the full time caregiver for a parent will feel this same void and change in routine. But there are some differences with the loss of a spouse (and it’s important to note that none of them are being highlighted to say that one type of loss is harder than another- they’re just different). Household chores, sharing finances, making plans…all of these things can make it hard to get through the day after the loss of a spouse. But the promise of escape from these stresses that sleep may otherwise provide is something else a widow or widower may lose. Because unless a couple had already become accustomed to sleeping in separate beds (because of long term illness or nursing home placement, for example) a person who is dealing with the loss of a spouse or partner is going to be feeling this very significant change at the end of each day too. “Do I leave the light on the way he used to? I never liked it, but now it feels weird if I don’t.” “Do I stay on my side of the bed, or do I move to the middle?” “Even with the lights out and my eyes closed I can still feel the emptiness of the bed…” “How strange it feels to go to bed without having someone to say goodnight to- ending the day without a goodnight feels like leaving a period off a sentence”
  5. My spouse/partner filled more than just one role in my life. Losing even “just” one person in our life is hard enough. But following the loss of a spouse or partner, a griever will feel like they’ve lost many important people: their friend, their lover, their peer, their co-parent, their confidant, their business partner, their travel companion, their date…meaning that this loss doesn’t mean the loss of “just” one person. This loss will create a vacancy in many roles that one very important person had previously filled. And no one person is going to be able to take the place of all the roles a spouse or partner filled.

A list like this can be hard to create, but for the griever it can be even harder to read. So what is the point, really, in illustrating or highlighting all that a widow or widower has lost?

I’ll go back to the widow from the #2 point on our list, the woman who described the feeling of shared investment that she had lost when her husband died. She told me that the slow recognition of this fact was actually a huge turning point for her. Because when she started to take a look at all the reasons that she was struggling and all the reasons she missed her husband it revealed something even more important: all the things they had shared together. And lying underneath the sadness and yearning for what she had, was a realization of the blessings that their union and time together had created.


If you’re struggling with the loss of a spouse, talking to others who are going through it can help. While our experiences of grief are unique, there is still so much of this journey that grievers will find they have in common. You’ll find them here at: www.griefincommon.com. 

And if more help is needed? In Grief Coaching, the majority of the people I speak to have lost a spouse. Why? With the loss of a spouse we lose not only our partner, but the person who gave us stability and confidence. The person we made all of our decisions with and the person who shared in the outcome of our days and our lives. I find many widows and widowers feel like they’re floundering as time passes. Finding guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. 

For a special kind of grief support click here: GRIEF COACHING. FREE 15 minute consults available to www.griefincommon.com members.  

Sending you all light, hope and healing~




227 thoughts on “Loss of a Spouse: 5 Things Only a Widow/er Understands”

  1. So sorry that you have to still exist without Randy. He loved you a lot. God made him especially for you. My heart grieves for you and having to continue on. What can I do for you. I can pray for comfort and peace but that won’t bring him back. You are still a shining example to many people. May God grant you what you need st this very moment. Love you, Becky

    1. To everyone on here, I am so sorry for loss and sorrow, I am praying for you all, my wife Susy went home to Jesus on May 5, she was 47 as am I, she had kidney disease and diabetes, an enlarged heart so transplant and dialysis were not an option, I had not been able to see her except through her window, she was in a nursing home since June 1 2018 and I could not visit her in her room because of the china virus, I was able to be there in her room when she passed away, we all thought she still had a week left, I checked on her @ 6:15pm and she mouthed something to me but I could not make out what she was saying, by this time she was rather incoherent, I was praying every 15 min for her, and playing a game on my phone to distract myself from what was coming, the night nurse came in at 6:50pm to check her blood sugar and then she called out to me, Ed, and I asked what, and she said Susy is not breathing she had a DNR because she was tired of the pain, so with that she was gone, I thought she was sleeping, we would have been married 27 years on August 13, and been together 26 years on July 3, I miss her terribly, I still drive to town everyday, even if I don’t work, I can’t seem to break away from my old routine, everything said in this blog is true, I reach for her in bed even though she hasn’t been home for 2 years, and I go to call her only to remember she not there, I hope this gets better, and I hope everyone on here gets piece as they go through this.
      I wish you all well,

      1. I too just lost my husband only 6 days ago he was only 45 he texted me help and by the time the ambulance arrived it was too late . I sat on the floor next to him and held his hand and told him I loved him he was my best friend there will never be another person like him .We had only been married 4 years but I loved him so very much I ve been sleeping with the shirt he always wore and cry on and off I know I will never ever be able to replace him I just hope the pain of loosing him will lessen over time . I wish you peace and hope time will lessen some of the pain you feel . I know hes with God and is always with me watching over me from above .

      2. Dear Ed,,, I recently lost my wife of 47 years. She died in my arms at night of COPD. I have been going to the cometary daily, only time of the day i feel at peace. I am so sorry for your loss also. I really to not think what you and I are going through and how we feel can be understood by others. I feel so incomplete. Take care, John

      3. Oh Ed it was so wonderful and yet so painful to read what you wrote. My husband of 38 years just died on May 16. Even though I knew it was coming I feel as though my heart has been ripped out and it will never repair it self. I hate the thought that you are suffering so but I must admit it is a relief to know that I am not alone. I don’t know where in the bed I should sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night reaching for him and talking to him. I swear I hear his voice. I now truly believe that one can die of a broken heart.

  2. We just had a huge fire here. I had to evacuate. I was angry with Steve all over again. He died 9 months ago and I was angry, lonely, and scared!

    1. Lost my wife 9 months ago…Tried some dating sites/a…talking to new women is so strange…I’m bored by these attempts of conversation/banter/connection…my wife was truly a force a powerhouse to our whole family…my in-laws their kids and such….it’s like she had the magic wand and everyone Became family…I understand they all have their lives, and are moving on.guess what I’m saying is that I miss what we had, and people tell me it will take time……it is so I don’t want to say empty or lonely…but….it’s very……………..

      1. Hang in there Ralph ..I’ve been a widower for 13 yrs…I remember feeling just like u do…avoid those dating websites…let your friends imtroduce u to people…it takes a LONG time…

        1. My husband passed away this year March 13 45 years old I was 26 years married have 5 kids I feel all your pain I can’t breath at times , I’m so scared I find hard to believe he’s gone . Some days feel that I’m not going to get through this day I’m scared and living in world on my own that’s how I feel

    2. I lost my wife 6 months ago. The struggle is with being alone and then having to pretend to the kids and friends that it isnt agony. I dread late evenings when my son (other son is at college) is watching tv or reading. The whole house feels empty. For now I just seem to be passing time. Hoping for things to stabilize and get better. Like you I miss being touched, having a best friend and somebody to share silly things with daily.

      1. I understand what you are going through my husband passed away it will be 3 years on June 12th, 2019, he had congestive heart failure and diabetes, it is still hard sometimes but I keep in mind he is not suffering and not in pain anymore he is at peace now and is happy now too, it seems to ease the pain some and becoming bearable, he was very ill. May God give you peace and comfort for you. I will pray for you. Your Friend, Lisa C.

        1. i feel just like you. My husband died July 1 and even though i have been able to take care of logistics i just miss him so much. It feels as if there is an elephant sitting n my chest and it wont budge. i keep hoping i will wake up and realize it was just a nightmare. all my friends try to help but i just feel sad

          1. I feel the same, my husband, my best friend, my everything died June 23rd. We didnt’ have kids. I feel so lost, sad, alone and just wonder why I am here now. Friends mean well, I have work and my pups but I am just moving thru the days existing. The elephant wont get off of me either.

          2. My husband of 35years died suddenly and without warning in July. He was only 60:years old and in good health. I’m 53 and living alone for the first time in my life. He was my best friend and soulmate. We did every thing together and we loved the same music and movies. I can’t watch baseball anymore. I miss being able to tell him about my day, sharing funny stories and observations with him and having my phone buzz throughout the day with his funny messages. Can I ever get past these feelings? I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I can’t imagine that I can ever fall in love with someone else because I am still married to Peter in my heart and soul.

          3. My husband also died June 23. Hard to believe it’s almost a year already. Together 46 years, married 39. Hope you are well.

        2. I lost my husband April 29, 2019. Our anniversary is Oct 2…how am I to cope. I am sad all the time, people tell me I need to move on. I can’t, I miss him so much. He is the love of my life, my best friend. My life is so empty. We have been together for 42 years….I too, want to wake up from this nightmare and find him beside me, softly snoring. I keep thinking Wednesday will be a good day to die!

          1. my husband died on Juni 7, 2019. We were married 10 years, together 15 years. He was 63. All was so fast and i missed him very much. I see life now and i cant find a reason to find living interesting. I just want to go where he is, and talk to him again, and touch him, embrace him. Like you, i hope i will wake up from this nightmare. And be fully happy again, like i was with him.

          2. Wednesday? Jane, I pray you are still with us. I had a day picked too. But then I remembered about ‘change’. Nothing stays the same. I would have missed some great occasions. So stick around and see how it all turns out!

          3. Jane,
            My husband passed April 28, 2019. We were only married 11 years. I, too, try to keep up a good fight every day. Friends and neighbors are wonderful … but nights and holidays are rough. I hope to retire in May. I so want to feel like my life is needed here. My church helps, too.

          4. Jane, boy can I relate to you. My husband died April 4th, 2019 when he hit a truck while riding his bike, poof, gone. We had been together 43 years, Our anniversary is also Oct 2nd. I too think any day would be a good one to die. My kids don’t get it either, they don’t understand how alone I am, they live in the US, haven’t seen them for 2 years. I hate every decision I have to make entirely on my own, and deal with various organizations with issues, I need him here to bounce things off on. It is so hard, I don’t like it. We had so many plans for our retirement, and now I am alone. All the things we wanted to do and were going to do I have no interest in. I don’t want to be around groups who get upset about nothing. They don’t appreciate what they have, just like I didn’t. So sad all the time. It has now been over 2 years, I still want to wake up from this nightmare called life.

      2. I lost my husband April 7 2019 the loneliness and quietness is killing me ! I have a son in high school 16 good kid but doesn’t understand why I cry so much lol

      3. Yes, Sir. I know exactly how that feels. I am a Pastor. My wife was my best friend. We lost her less than a week ago, after just over a year of fighting Triple-Negative Breast Cancer. We have two children ages 12 & 14. She planned all of our vacations and family time. The house seems so empty and quiet. It is truly gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I am not one to “put on a happy face” or try to hide my emotions. I try to think or listen for her advice, but that only reminds me of her voice, or points me to her photos. She was a wonderful best friend to have as my wife. I miss her terribly.

      4. Robert, I don’t want to say this and I don’t like it – ‘but I hope your doing better’

        You mentioned passing time, for me I dont think I can bare that…my loss happened this past March 2020.

  3. One of my realizations was that I missed being touched. A hug or a grandchild’s touch isn’t quite the same as being touched by a partner in life.

    1. That’s exactly how I feel too. I miss my husbands warm embrace and our good night kisses, holding hands while falling asleep. I even miss his snoring!

      1. My husband died almost 9 years ago. The morning after he died, I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe I still looked whole. I expected an arm or leg to be gone. I realized something essential had been scooped out of me. I still feel that way.

  4. I lost my hudband in june 2015…..
    This article is so correct and still people dont
    Get it…..loss of a spouse changes you.
    I have God an a handful of awesome people and did hospice support group then greif share
    I did not start to come out of the hard struggle till 2 yyr mark

    1. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 11 months ago and I thought it must be me why am I still like this. I see that you went to the 2 yr Mark maybe there is hope for me.

    1. very true i lost my wife 12 years ago while i was at work.my son called to tell me my wife passed out.i got to the hospital and she was in a coma she died three days later.she was my everything i keep working so i don’t have those 8 hours to think about missing her so much there are days i just want to die.

      1. Frank, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband, my soulmate just 2 weeks ago. I don’t know how to live without him. The pain goes so deep, I cannot describe it. No matter what I do, it’s not the same. I went back to work, picking up 12 hrs shifts. I do understand why God took him from me. He had surgery with complications and died from it. God took him because he knew the future and he would be suffering in pain. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and my husband didn’t want chemotherapy or radiation therapy.
        This came to me while I was praying to our Father asking him Why. Now I am thanking God for giving him Life without pain suffering.
        I don’t have all the answers but I do Believe he is Saved & living in Heaven.
        I’m not saying it’s easy because that would be a lie.What I am saying, Please give this to God and let him give you the Peace- Love- Comfort that you long for.

        1. I lost my wonderful husband on Feb 20th
          2020. I can not endure the pain anymore. I just want to die to be with him. He has been taking care of me since I was 21. 34 years.
          We have no children, only our sweet little
          Dog who we view as our child. He is my
          Whole life. It only gets worse not better
          Therapy does not help. I only want him.

      2. That is what I say my wife was my everything its 4 months she passed away and it feels like it was just a moment ago

      3. Funny my husbands name was frank , it’s 5 years for me and. You’re the only person who is honest enough to say how hard it is and sometimes you don’t get over it

        1. Pam my husband died 9 months ago yesterday, I am alone I am without half of myself. People say some dumb things they mean well they just don’t understand. I just quit answering and say I hope you never feel this way. I don’t want to be sad and I don’t want to be alone, but for now I am I don’t think I will ever get over it but I am going to get through it, because that is what he would want. I love my memories and my pictures sometimes I want to call him and tell him something and I cry, I cry over pictures & memories, we all have to do it our way, with Jesus guiding me through his Word I will make it and have the hope of seeing him again.

      4. I lost my husband just a week ago I feel like I want to die. I miss him so much nothing has ever hurt this deep. Am so alone, one hours seem so long I don’t even want to live anymore. He’s left me in a financial mess am going to lose my house and everything. Nothing will ever be the same. It’s hard wanting to live another day, I know I don’t want to.

        1. Bonnie my husband had a stroke, he i assumed took care of our bills.anyway his phone kept ringing off the hook and i never look at his phone so hes in a coma i start calling these numbers, 3 house payments behind, a huge electric bill , 2 truck payments behind ect.he made good mony i swear i dont know what he did with it.anyway he died 4 days later august 15.i had a job within a couple weeks.also his family never talked to him sso i was filling out body donation papers! The hospital would call and ask me about his body.so his family all donated mony and got him crematef.he left me with 800 in cash a closed checkbook.i understand he did not pay the insurace.

  5. I experienced loss of friends ,not invited anymore I ‘m now single not by choice and it sucks .People can suck sometimes . I see car’s full of people going out in my neighborhood ride by they dont even say hello anymore .Or why dont you come and meet us weare such and such a place tonight .

  6. My Beloved died in 2011. I still miss his touch. And as much as I am grateful for others touch, it is not the same. This is a wonderful article. I wish I had read it earlier.

  7. I’m sure glad I came across this. It is so helpful. Loss my husband 1 yr and 4 mos. ago. Lately it seems like just yedterday. It keeps hitting in waves. It’s not something you get a dress rehearsal for.

    1. Rick,I lost my wife about twenty years ago. I too still cry for the loss I suffer with. They say it gets better with time. All I ask myself is when will that time be. My wife’s name is Debbie. My life stopped twenty years ago. I’m still waiting for it to restart. Not only did I lose my first wife at 45, I lost my second wife Nancy at 66 years young. My mind is trashed, which has caused an avalanche of other issues related to loneliness . I too feel dead inside. Don’t know what to do to pull me out of this terrible dream. Wish I was dead also. Thanks for sharing.

  8. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with,It has been 1 year 2 month and I”am still crying every day .

    1. I understand weeping every day, I still do it, my wife died on Nov. 08, 1917.

      In my agony I wrote this for my dear wife and best friend, Georgette.

      I Weep When…
      Looking at your photos, notes and cards.
      Going to bed with only your pillow beside me for company.
      I no longer hear your gentle voice in the dark, telling me,
      “You are my best friend, and I love you honey.”
      Seeing the full moon, you loved looking at
      through the bedroom window while in bed.
      Waking up without you by my side.
      The morning sun shines, you loved the morning sun.
      When I am out walking, and don’t see you there beside me.
      Waiting for the bus without you by my side.
      Riding the bus as I glance over at your empty seat.
      I don’t see you across the table from me at the coffee shop.
      Sitting on the couch with your empty space beside me.
      Looking in the closet at your things , you will never wear again.
      I see your watch still keeping time, while you are in eternity.
      Seeing your shoes by the bed where you always kept them.
      Seeing your toothbrush and hand lotion still in the bathroom.
      Watching your favorite TV programs without you by my side.
      I can no longer make you an egg sandwich before bed.
      I don’t hear your voice calling , asking me to come on up to bed.
      Your absence keeps me a prisoner of God.
      I no longer hear you saying, ” honey don’t worry,
      every thing will be fine, God will help us.”

      I still weep many times a day. We were married for 52 years…..I just turned 72.

      1. John again…..my dear wife of 52 years passed on Nov, 08, 2017, not 1917…….sorry for the mix up in the date,
        I was weeping as I typed the message and tears were in my eyes. thank you for understanding the mix up.

      2. i was 60 when my wife died.i used to call at 9am every morning while i was at work.the morning i called her she told me she had a small headache.i said if she wanted me to come home she said no i should have. my son called me three hours later to tell me my wife passed out.she died three days later and till this day i think i should have went home.i am 72 now and i am alone and sad hoping for the day we are together again.remember you are not alone on this ride of grief you have a lot of company God help us.

        1. I understand your pain and ‘regret” for not going home. I sometimes still call home when and leave a short message for her when I am out, even, though she is not there, I leave a message for her on the answering machine…….just to hear her name mentioned when I listen to my messages when I get home.

          1. Hi Beverly, I feel similar to you. My husband died eleven months ago at age 77 with heart failure and it’s like world stopped being in color. I am 62 and my parents aare still living in their mid 80’s. If it weren’t for me trusting God each day, I don’t think I could have any hope. I appreciate all the writers expressing that they wished that they didn’t have to still exist. I really know this feeling. May God lift every one of us up to bear this and in fact thrive, in Jesus’s name.

        2. My husband and i were high school sweethearts. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 esophagus cancer on you 41 st. Wedding anniversary august 10th 2006. He ppassed away 13 months later. These last 12 1/2 years hahave been so very lonely. My daughter and my sisters girl’s were very supportive, but after a while life for them life goes back to their normal. As it should, they have their own families and lives to live. Its just so lonely. Just seeing family 2 to 3 times a year makes life very lonely.. i slways wish someone would call to check up on me to see how I’m doing. Been thinking if i died how long would it be before my body would be discovered. Sick thought iknow.

        3. its been almost 8 months, i found out my wife was gone, it still feels like yesterday, Im lost, I miss my girl, peole do not seem to understand when you say She is my Everything, she wasn’t “just” my wife. we did everything together, 30 years gone in a single phone call, I still can not think, the pain is real, it is gut wrenching, I still find myself looking at my phone about the time she usually calls to head home, the nights are horrible, Im 58 and can not seem to get anything together still I would not want this pain for anyone.

      3. John, this could have been written by me, al.ost word by word. The pain is so real, for the loss of all the things that will never come again. I entered your comments in my journal, because it spoke as of from my heart. We were truly blessed to have known this fulfilling love. May the love of our Lord fill our hearts with the confirmation this is a temporary separation, until He calls us by name, and comes to take us to join our spouse in our room in His mansion. Prayers for a Merry Christmas.

        1. I understand your pain and ‘regret” for not going home. I sometimes still call home when and leave a short message for her when I am out, even, though she is not there, I leave a message for her on the answering machine…….just to hear her name mentioned when I listen to my messages when I get home.

        2. Thank you Sandra…….My Georgette was so very close to God and prayed allways, and now I think I am riding relying on her her prayers as I always have always throughout our marriage.I am still praying one prayer,”God be merciful to me a sinner.” The only prayer that I can muster these days……along with Georgette please pray for me.
          My prayer every morning and every night!

      4. Hi John,
        I lost my husband 5/27/17. Your message is exactly everything I have happening. the remote still goes on his bedside stand and not mine. I put his pillow out every night. His shoes are still outside the door showing this is his house. His razor is on the bathroom counter, his mouthwash, lotion, toothbrush, clothing , etc etc etc is still in the same spot. I no longer can lay his vitamins out , even though I still have his bottle of vitamins. I use to cry when Id see lonely people eating in the restaurants alone. Now, I am one of them. He use to call out to me to come to bed. I make popcorn for one on our special show night , instead of two. The list is never ending and I am very sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult. You will be in my prayers.

        1. I so get it. My husband and my son died this year. I did remove everything, But I wonder…will I regret it?
          My deal is to switch up all routines. But, I am never quite sure what if anything I should do today. No matter how we choose to handle this we are left in an Alice and Wonderland world. What is next?

      5. My husband died last June. I fell in love with him when I was 14 and I am 62 now. We weren’t able to have children. I have lost my father, mother, brother, stepbrother, and stepfather to cancer and now my husband. The line that stood out to me most is the one about being a prisoner of God. I don’t want to live anymore. David was my entire life. I can’t believe in a good God but I cannot commit suicide. We who have lost a spouse will never ever have that spouse again as there are no marriages in heaven if there is such a place. I want my David back. He was all I had, my reason for living.

        1. I can relate, Lesley. My husband died on 8-11-15 after 17 years of marriage. I retired earlier this year and this has made the loss more acute. I have friends a d family and I am grateful for them, but it’s not enough. I wish I had the luxury of committing suicide, but I can’t because I am a Christian. I just hope I don’t live too much longer.

          1. I understand totally. My wife died if March of 2018. I still just want to die so I can be with her, 33 years together and the last year and a half have felt like eternity. She didn’t believe in suicide, otherwise that would be an option. I just want to be with her again

        2. Lesley, I too feel I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. It’s only been 4 weeks for me and my husband died suddenly, only 64 and very healthy. We were together 38 years. I just pray that I don’t live a long life. I don’t want to as Jon was my entire life and now I have nothing to look forward to. It just makes for a life without hope.

        3. My sweet husband Darren and I got married last November. We had the most beautiful wedding. A week after we come back from our honey moon he got sick and was diagnosed with stage colon cancer. He was 47 years old. The drs told me that he was going to be with me for 5 years the most. We did not make it to our year anniversary. I’m 52 years old. He pass August 29th. I cry everyday. I’m so depress. We were so much in love. I was a single mom for almost 20 years. I raise 2 beautiful daughters. My 23 got kill with her husband 5 years in a horrible car accident. I do believe in God. He have promised to all who believe in him that He is The way the truth and the life. I believe with my whole heart that I will see my sweet husband in heaven. God be with me and all people who have loss there wife or husbands. It is not easy. One day we will know. God is good. He who believes in Jesus as Lord and savior will have eternal life.

          1. God bless you Nelli. Hold tight to your faith. I had lost mine, but as time passes, it was and now will forever be my saving grace. It is Dec. 2, 2019. I lost my husband of 35 years on November 20th 2008. I am still sitting here crying this evening, aching, … too many feelings to describe. I remarried in 2013. I love my new husband, though I can not and never will get over losing my one and only first love. Is this wrong? No, it’s not. I was blessed to know that kind of love. So we’re you.

          2. Hi Nelli, my beloved Marie and were 47 when we met and 52 until this past March 2020 she passed sudden to due to her underlined medical whenever treated. I’m a believer as well (as well as she)…but this rooted me out.
            At this point Im only talking to him and the Holy Spirit in my agony horror. She had kids similar to you, I did not.

      6. My husband died 9 months ago. I also weep several times everyday. The pain and sorrow are so intense.

      7. You have so completely described me and my thoughts. I am 74 and my spouse died Jan 2018. 6 mos. of lung cancer. It seemed everyone thought he was a burden, how Wrong they were!

      8. John, my husband died 11/7/17. We were married almost 49 years. We were best friends. We did everything together. I miss him so much still, but it is the loneliness that I feel all of the time even when I am with other people that is so hard. I miss that special bond. Friends and family are dear to me, but it is just not the same as when he was with me. I look at his photo and talk to him every day. I ask his opinion on things and seem to hear in my heart his replies. It is good to know that others are hurting too. May God bless you. I am 74

      9. This is what I feel , my husband died Feb 2021 Tomorrow would be 53 years of a wonderful marriage. I just can’t stop crying today.

    2. for some people they get married right away thinking that will make them happy again or just to be no alone.for some people it make work but no one can ever replace the love me and my wife had.

      1. I do the same June . I also panicked when I saw the first Christmas ads because after that is January – 1 yr . I dread this . I still cry at least once a day and I am ready to go anytime . I am 56 . He died right before his birthday ( I am 18 months older) and we have never been this far apart in age . It’s weird I know but still . His death was sudden and only 53 .

    3. I just lost my wife of 62 years. I will never get over it. I cannot imagine remarrying or even going out with another woman. I would feel I was betraying her love. We were tightly bonded together. I am 80 yrs. I still feel that I am married to my wife. I cannot deal with it any other way.

    4. Rick my husband passed away almost 4 years ago and I’m still crying for him. We were married for 47 yrs. I miss him so much nothing in my life is the same.

  9. He pasted 1991 I had the children, house cat and dog to care for I worked and was busy. Now with pension and it is hard all over. All the above said is true I feel like the sore thumb sticking out and must find things to do for single people as I do not fit in with couples.

  10. I lost my husband on August 14, 2017……he and I were both disabled, so we have spent the last 9 years being together 24/7……. and to go from together every minute of every day to zero is hard to get used to. Everything that is mentioned in this is 100% how I have been and continue to feel. I cry every day …… he was my soulmate for sure….thankfully we did a lot of different things during our time together (only 15 years) and I have a lot of awesome memories to help……spend your time collecting moments not things!

    1. I am so glad I came across this blog. Sometimes I feel so desperate without Richard. He passed away August 15, 2017. He was everything to me. Life has lost its joy. I feel like I just go through the motions day after day. Well meaning friends advise me to join a singles meet up group or similar activities but it doesn’t interest me at all. I miss Richard not a man. I am so jealous when I see couples having dinner or out for a walk. Especially older couples. Why were they allowed to grow old together and my Richard had to become sick with heart disease. I am 62. I wish I was 92.

      1. Hi Beverly, I feel similar to you. My husband died eleven months ago at age 77 with heart failure and it’s like world stopped being in color. I am 62 and my parents aare still living in their mid 80’s. If it weren’t for me trusting God each day, I don’t think I could have any hope. I appreciate all the writers expressing that they wished that they didn’t have to still exist. I really know this feeling. May God lift every one of us up to bear this and in fact thrive, in Jesus’s name.

  11. You lose your husband, but worst of all the people you thought were your bestfriends leave you also! I am grateful for what I had and I know we will be together again one day!!

  12. It will be 5 years in Feb that my husband is gone -feels like yesterday – he’s constantly in my thoughts and my heart still breaks a little more each day as I miss him more

    1. I’m the same way. It’s been almost 4 years since husband died suddenly after 42 years. We did most everything together, even work. We were raising our now 12 year old. Now Its just her & me. Don’t really fit in anywhere, couples or singles . Very few minutes is he out of my thoughts . People , even family, who used to come visit , don’t . Have moved to make a new life, new friends. Some things are better but still so hard sometimes.

    2. I am sorry to bring you crushing news. We who have lost a spouse will never have them as a spouse ever again as there are no marriages in heaven if there is such a place. Our soulmates will never touch us again or be their special loved one. I cry on buses or trans, on the street. We are programmed to become one with someone and then have them ripped away from us. If that isn’t the most evil cruelty ever I swear I don’t know what is. David was my entire reason for living and now he is dead I swear I wish I was dead. But we have to stay as long as the good (I am being sarcastic) God wants us to suffer or else what else will He do to us?

      1. Lesley, I am so sorry for your loss, I know what you atr going through I lost my husband it will be 3 years on June 12th, 2019, he had congested heart failure and diabetes, I still cry for him sometimes but it is not God’s fault it is Satan’s fault if you want to blame someone blame Satan he caused all this when he betrayed Adam and Eve, that is where it all started. One day we will see our Spouses we will see all our loved ones we have lost one day, it will be a joyous day for sure something to look forward too. May God comfort and strengthen you. Your Friend, Lisa C

        1. Elizabeth,
          You shared Congestive Heart Failure on you loved one passing. May I ask if these were the symptoms, for my beloved Gf very much Wife passed this past March 2020:

          Shortness of breath, sudden irregular heart beat, she called it ‘pompultations?”, slow to walk due breathing pressure, then cough up blood?

          She never allowed me to take control of her true medical and this 7th hospital admission too her. Thank You.

      2. Thankfully, I do believe their is a restoration of relationships after death. Not a physical one, of course, but the one where the Lord who allowed us to share the physical joy of each other lets us experience a transposition to a spiritual one.He knw how great our love was. I am four years plus without my sweetheart. I can feel changes. Not in emotion, but in intensity.I very often worry that I offend the Lord because of my desire to be with my love. Love is not destroyed , love is eternal.

  13. this is such a hellacious and lonely path we are now forced to navigate. i have often wished it had been me who died instead of him. i am grateful for having my fantastic guy by my side for 30 years but still reeling from his sudden loss in august 2016. i would love to win the lottery and build a sanctuary/retreat for us = widows & widowers to be together to talk and help each other transition into this new single life.

    1. Please read Abel Keogh’ books. I recommend Room For Two, first.
      I’ve been in a relationship with a widower for almost a year. Lots of challenges, though.
      Learning curves and boundaries.

  14. My late wife was a housewife and me a sole breadwinner.It’s so funny that I feelI was still wanting To do more for her and My child.I miss her a lot.I don’t See any purpose of working any longer.I want to accomplish things for someone,not myself.

    1. Trust me, its not easy and no one understands until they go through it. To me it feels like half of me left with him…its such a painful adjustment. I am really sorry you had to go through such a rollercoaster of emotions. With me my kids are my driving force but its not the same as my husbands presence.

  15. This article is so true. You feel completely alone. Everyone looks at you different. When I do go out it is like I am on auto pilot. I feel blessed for the time I had with Tim but now I am floundering. He told me if I was always there for his children and grandchildren, they will be there for me. Recently, I realized they are there for Christmas and birthdays only. It hurts when reality sets in. So where do I go from here.

    1. I have one daughter and one grandson. I see them maybe 2 a month. If it were not for my sister I would not be here the loneliness is the worse what do you do to fill the void of your husband of 45 yrs?

    2. Pam my husband died 9 months ago yesterday, I am alone I am without half of myself. People say some dumb things they mean well they just don’t understand. I just quit answering and say I hope you never feel this way. I don’t want to be sad and I don’t want to be alone, but for now I am I don’t think I will ever get over it but I am going to get through it, because that is what he would want. I love my memories and my pictures sometimes I want to call him and tell him something and I cry, I cry over pictures & memories, we all have to do it our way, with Jesus guiding me through his Word I will make it and have the hope of seeing him again.

  16. Lost my husband 12/21/17 after 50 yrs together. Now I’m about to lose our 46 yr old daughter who has been ill for years so not a total surprise – just not what I need — another loss– so soon. She moved to hospice (just like her dad) yesterday so now the final waiting is taking place again.

    1. So sorry for the loss of your husband, my wife for 52 years passed away on Nov. 08, 2017, and now our 55 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, and though her symptoms are not severe at the moment, her near future is very uncertain, and she has two son’s in their early twenties, and now they are wondering about their own fate, as the disease is in the DNA.
      My wife Georgette was a woman of faith, who trusted in God, and that is what I am clinging to at the moment……faith in God, whatever and whoever that entity may be….that the universe is unfolding as it should. Naive thinking perhaps….but that is all I have to cling to.


    2. I never understood pain until now I just lost my husband a few weeks ago. My heart aches for you, many blessings for healing

  17. On November 22nd of this year, Jimmy, my husband and best friend, went home to Jesus. While I celebrate in knowing where he is, I feel like a half shell of a person. The woman I was is no longer. This article describes so much of what I’ve experienced; but with much anguish. I’m just lost……

  18. My husband died on Jan 20. We were married 48 years. I am so lost. I don’t belong to anybody. We always knew within five minutes where the other was. I was in the shopping mall one day recently, and I realized nobody knew where I was. My next thought was ‘and nobody cares.’ I have wonderful children and grandchildren, but half of me is gone.

    1. I feel the same way everyday I lost mine one year and a half and I am so lost inside I have nobody now just my little dogs if it wasn’t for them keeping me busy I couldn’t stand it we shop together we done everything together now it’s just me play in the park I know how you feel God bless

    2. That completely describes how I feel. It’s only been a month and we never had children. I’ve never felt such agony. No one can fill that horrible void. Together 45 years also. All I had. How do you do it??

      1. I lost my husband on April 29, 2018. He said he was going to take a shower to sooth a bulging disk he was being treated for. He died in the shower 45 seconds later. We would have been married 50 years in November, 2018. We had known each other since we were 12! Practically all our lives! How do I go on from here! I see him everywhere and then nowhere! How do I live this life alone!!! It is so hard!! I miss every aspect of our lives together!!! Everyone says time, but time seems a long way off!!!!

      2. I have one daughter and one grandson. I see them maybe 2 a month. If it were not for my sister I would not be here the loneliness is the worse what do you do to fill the void of your husband of 45 yrs?

    3. My husband of 43 years died in February 2018. Janet.. I said this same thing to so many people. My husband, even though he always knew where I was, if I was gone more than an hour would call and say” where are you”?? It’s hard knowing that nobody knows where you are any more and nobody cares.. my heart is so broken!

    4. I feel nobody cares too, but I do care about how you feel. I just want you to know. When the people that don’t care have to go through it themselves, they will suffer the same.

  19. Thank you for writing this. My husband passed away suddenly without warning in 2012. Every word you say is true. I live alone with my dogs and cats, and most people around me do not have any understanding of how this loss affected me. It isn’t their fault, I was the same once too. Thank you.

  20. I was driving home today after a a busy day of meeting, movie, then shopping. My 14 yr old son was home but as much as he loves me he didn’t really care when I came home. My husband, who died Dec 2017, would have certainly cared. Before he passed away I always new while I was out and about that he always looked forward to when I came home. Even if we didn’t have anything planned. I think today was the first time I realized why I don’t look fwd to going home sometimes. This realization has me quite emotional tonight.

  21. April 14th/2018 at 7:30pm my husband took his last breath while I was holding his hand. 25years it would of been on my up coming Birthday of us being together. More than half our lives. It feels like forever since I last talked with him, told him I loved him and laughed together. The pain comes in waves once it hits anytime and any place will I cry for him. He was my true love and always will be. Now I know life doesn’t stop after losing your better half. You still have to keep going even though at times it’s such a struggle. With a heartache that you can’t explain.

    1. Angie…..so sorry for your loss…..it is not hurt,
      It is agony!

      I wrote this for my dear wife Georgette after she passed away on Nov. 08 2017.
      I always disliked the expression “passed away’. She died and was taken from me.

      Dear Georgette Honey,

      Thinking of the last time ever, that I saw your face, and kissed your brow. As your heart beat it’s last, I was holding your wrist, my heart was breaking, as held you close, just one more time again, to feel your warmth, your love as I sobbed my goodbye into your ear, “I love you honey, you are my best friend.”

      My world came to an end at that moment,
      I knew that nothing would ever be the same again.The stars will no longer shine as brightly,
      The nights will be longer and darker,
      The sun will no longer be a comfort after a storm.

      I will be loving you forever honey no matter where you are……your broken husband John…

      1. How are you doing now? Iost my husband suddenly 6 weeks ago. I am heartbroken. I was with him for 37 years. Does that get any easier?

      2. My husband passed away October 17, 2016. After 25 years of marriage I still feel as though I am living with half a heart (as painful as being ripped in half). My soul is living in two world’s. My feet are on Earth but my soul longs for heaven. I put on a smile in public as you learn to do as pto do because people are usually well-meaning but don’t understand my pain. Or they say well-meaning but trite platitudes in their attempt to make you feel bettetrI miss my husband’s presence. I miss being someone’s soulmate and having someone to share a home with…to share life with. Life is lived one day at a time because that is all I can handle right now. Thank you all for letting me share my feelings and for being open about your loss. God bless you all

        1. I know exactly how you feel . My husband of 34 years passed away 6 months ago. There are no words to discribe the momumental loss. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that one day we will be united in heaven.
          They say that time heals all wounds I just find that hard to believe. Just take one day at a time. Take care.

  22. I have tried to do things and see people since my husband died in July of 2017.
    Lately, I realize there is no point in trying.
    I’m so tired and just want it to end.

    1. Please don’t give up,the pain will never leave you ,but it does get a little easier with time.l know that’s a cleashay,but it’s also very true.l could not have loved my husband more or him me we were married 23years I was just 48 when he passed away,my life changed forever that day,and l will never know happiness like it again,but he would not want me to take my own life,that would be one guilt l could not face.

  23. It has been almost 3 years since Jim died. I’ve had numerous deaths (uncles, grandmother, aunts, friends, my dog and my dad), since Jim died. Each death is now compared to and made more painful due to the death of my husband because he is the one I’d turn to on dark days. Going out with friends is a complete chore and I do so because it “looks like I have it all together,” when in reality, I hate it and can’t wait to get home so I don’t have to fake being happy. I know death is part of life. But it is the crappy part. Dating? Every male my age (54) seems to be looking for a 30 year old. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m still standing so I’ll hang onto that. Good luck to all…

  24. My husband died April 12, 2018, i am sitting hear reading this and crying, my heart is broken. We were married 45 years. Nights are the hardest. I just want to reach out and touch him and to be held in his arms. I am at such a lost.

    1. I agree with you, Susan. Mornings and nights are the hardest. I feel lost without him and I question my decisions. I hope for less pain with each day because I know that the pain will never go away.

      1. The loss of confidence that my wife and I had grown and perfected for 37 years together is now GONE. We always bounced things off each other- what I could not handle -she did-for me! I too question almost everything I now do. The nights are tough but the worst is looking over at the other side of my bed in the morning seeing and hearing nothing. Sometimes I have such disappointment when I wake up -yet another day without her.

      2. Its been One Year since he went into the kitchen and died. We were together for 52 yrs. I have a buyer for the RV….I sure could use the money. But I just cannot sell it. Why? Anyone else feel like this? Everything in our house (which is a mess) is not touched or moved. Its a time capsule of that day in May. I just can’t deal with moving his things, selling our cars, or his tools. I am paralyzed. Now we have this Pandemic so I am all alone. I am in the grip of Fear and his Loss. Help me understand how I am feeling.

  25. My wife died in Sep 2017. Its about a year now but it seems like only yesterday. The agony is still unbearable. Whatever has been said is absolutely true. Only the person who experienced it understands. May God bless us all and help us to cope with the loss.

  26. My husband passed away on July 22, 2018. He was 53 years old and was my best friend. We loved to take walks together, he made me laugh with his quirky humor, he loved watching movies and playing tennis. I realize God has a plan but I don’t understand it.

    1. I feel the same way. My wonderful husband passed 6 weeks ago and he was my best friend and the love of my life. We had been together for 37 years since just before my 21st birthday. I feel so alone and so lost just sitting here in this huge house all by myself. I need someone to help me because I don’t know how to do this all by myself.

      1. I had 37 years too and same here now in a house that was once a home. It was fine for US but alone its now suddenly way too big! The hardest part is being alone- you dont feel well and now its just you. You feel a pain somewhere and its no more “ahh honey that doesnt feel right”. No more- “just go the the Dr.I will go with you”! No more US and the silence is defeaning- Fighting the battle of life alone now after 37 years with your soulmate and battle-mate- you no longer feel strong-confident. The phone rings ? You cringe. The walk to the mailbox is filled with anxiety and worry. You rush through shopping-to get home- Why? You get home and you are all alone? But you go out and? You are alone. The neighborhood is all married couples-young and old. You fit in fine before. Now you stand out like a sore thumb as you drive in and out of the garage. Mostly hoping nobody notices- but they dont even seem to be looking at you anymore. In 5 months- I got no calls from my wifes family..None. My days are spent-hoping to get to the night and some sleep aided by Zquil! I worked almost 40 years to retire- I do not want to have to count on a job again at age 64. I did my time damn it! Yet now on 1 income I fret over the bills and online banking-worried-scared. Together we had this all BEAT- alone as one- I am totally defeated! I know how you feel as I am trying every day to get by with little to no confidence and just worry and concern. This is NOT living!

        1. 7 years for me after being married 36 years. My husband passed away from bladder cancer within 6 months. You will never be the same but you will move on. You are a survivor and you will learn independence. Over the years you will gain confidence that you can accomplish anything life throws your way. You will be strong, confident and beautiful. No matter what pain you endure there is always room for sharing love that you give to others. Think about what you can do for others while you still have time on this earth. Your soulmate is gone as well as mine but you still have love in your heart. Share this love with others as long as you breathe. That is what keeps your heart beating. So sorry for your loss. Don’t waste the life God gave you. Love one another.

      2. WoW, well written, after 34 years with my husband, I feel exactly the same. You describe my feelings so well. I am so sorry even two people have to experience this.

    2. That’s what everyone says. My husband died in October 2018. Yes, I believe in God’s plan and there is always something good in it. But as much as I am a believer, I don’t see what good there is in this plan . Now I only know pain, feel insecure and helpless emotionally. The article described it well. I did not only lose my partner, but my best friend, my provider, my lover and my better half in the real sense. I miss sharing the smallest things day to day with him.

  27. My wife of 32 years went home to our lord on August 3, 2018. She took my life with her.
    We did everything together. She was my other half of everything in life. I know where she is, she is pain free sitting at the right hand of our father. Now i am living with pain and agony of losing a wonderful wife. People tell me its going to take time, they don’t get it, I am lost!!!

    1. The pain and agony of those like us that “go on” can never be understood by others. They dont understand- we dont want a “new normal”. They dont know what its like to see yourself a shell of who you were and now someone you dont like. They dont realize “I have no interest in playing “the game” of life all over again when we had that game won after so many years of our marriage! No they do NOT get it- WE ARE LOST FOREVER.

      1. It has only been two weeks since I lost my husband of 66 suddenly from a heart attack we worked very hard to make a good life and we’re on our way for a five week RV trip. We had no children he was my life he was my interest he was my hobby he was my passion we liked to do things together. I also would like to take some pills and go to sleep forever. I don’t know if there is a heaven but I do know I do not want to be here without him.

    2. I lost my husband of 32 years on Nov 3, 2018. i died too that day. What I mean is I died inside. Where am I? Where did I go, why do we have to go through this? Why does everyone around me think I can ever be the same. I am sorry, but time does not or will not heal all wounds and who made this up anyway? He is still there in my mind and heart and that will never change. He is there and is my guardian angel. I believe god had a plan for him, but I was not consulted. To lose a spouse is to live in complete misery. I am sorry for your loss!!

    3. I can relate to all .I just lost my husband to cancer 2 months ago. married 21 yrs. he was the best husband, extremely sweet and kind. ex military with 28 yrs in he spoiled me rotten and he was the only man i ever trusted i cry everyday for him several times per day and wonder what will my empty life be like in the future. loneliness is hard.I read your stories and pray for all of you. loss of a spouse is so painful

  28. I lost my wife 12 years ago and it feels like yesterday.there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel sad and lonely.i don’t want to feel the pain again I am 72 but look 50 I am very healthy and fit buy I want to get something so I can join my wife again.but I keep myself in good shape I don’t know why because I am tired and want out of this world.my son is getting married and soon will leave home and I will really feel sad and lonely.

  29. Some of us truly can not survive long without our other half, our soulmates. Don’t know why there just can’t be a socially sanctioned red pill to take so we can leave. Being single when you don’t want to be is hell with your eyes open when all you want to be is with your beloved. Very tired of society always pushing down our throats “oh the new normal….”. To heck with that !

    1. I agree- I would gladly take that pill after 5 months without the love of my life. After 37 years I am now empty-a shell of myself- a person I do not like- The married guy was a pretty good- fun loving-confident guy- BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE! With her gone that guy no longer exists. I envy those who are fortunate to also have a broken heart as I do but they pass on days or a few months after. I fear having to go on and on. I want to be with her.

    2. I have been reading all these comments and felt filled with compassion for the terrible reality of our shared grief experiences. I was married for only 8 years and at 32 u was a widow raising our 3 year old son alone. Life just LOOMS before me and I find myself feeling enviously the widowers and widows in their 70s 80s and upward as they are at least likely a little closer than me to ending their miserable sentence on this earth. The red pill, if it existed, is not even an option for me as my young son needs me to not only carry on with it, but to carry on well so he can have at least something of a decent childhood in spite of my grief. I am sorry for all the suffering expressed here. It certainly seems like the design of humans to bond as closely as we do only to leave this earth individually is a flawed one. I am imagining all of us holding hands together, sharing in the alikeness and lovingly supporting each other in the differences of our personal grief experiences.

  30. God has a plan for my life,I know He does.I wake up everyday and give thanks for the time,the life,the love I once had.I pray that I can stay strong to fulfill His plan.Grief is real.I will never be that person again,but pray I can be someone better.I’m so lonely I dont even know myself anymore.Last summer I lost my home,my job,my beloved husband & our dog of 14 years.But I will press on , I’m just waiting for it to not hurt so bad.

    1. Hi Janet! I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. My husband passed away on April 21, 2018. We were married for 44 years too. Next month, November 17th would have been our 45th Anniversary. This is such a difficult journey for all of us here…..❤️💔😥

  31. I am so sorry for all who have gone through the pain and the loss of their spouse, My husband passed on November 28, 2014. It will be 4 years next month. I especially don! t enjoy the weekends, mornings, nights, and holidays. I feel so alone. As we all feel he was my other half. His death was sudden I was in a state of shock, I too feel like many of you, I feel lost and I feel that no one really cares. People just go on, those that said they would be there for you. We were married 44 years.

  32. I can certainly relate to all your sad stories. My husband got his wings Dec.9,2013. We were together 44 yrs. I think of him constantly & miss him so very much. He was
    my everything. I moved from our home in CA a year
    after his death because of no relatives there. We don’t have children but I have many relatives here in MI that I try to socialize with. Your whole life changes though….but the beautiful memories will never change. My faith keeps
    me positive and know I will see my sweetheart again.
    Wishing only the best for all of you friends.

  33. I just lost my wife of 21 years this month October 2nd 2018. She was my everything. My whole life was built around her. I’m only 50 years old but I really have no interest in going on. The only thing that gives me solace is that I think I have developed a heart condition and the thought of it taking me away from all of this.

  34. I lost my wonderful angel August 9th to stage 4 lung/brain cancer. It was a total shock we never saw coming. It was only 2 months from diagnosis and she and our 37 years of marriage and our 44 years of HS sweetheart love ALL GONE! My world- my life-my soul torn from me. Yes this article hits most of the points. But like many here I dont care any longer-yes 4 children grown and 2 grandchildren but SHE was MY life- it is not the same without her and I know they all feel same as well. It should have been me. I would be fine with that as now all I do is curse the mornings when I get up. She was only 62 and I 64 and I am done. I cant start over again – I invested ALL I had in her and I have nothing left to invest. If God would listen he could take me! What God does this? This is a plan? What type of cruel plan takes a woman who loved God so much away? All along she was saying “God says this will be fine- I will live to be 101- God said so”! God apparently never heard the “terminal no cure diagnosis”. First given a few months-then weeks. I hate this new world I must live in! I dread mornings and fast forward to get to sleep with help of zquil! I wake up disappointed that I have. When will this end? It cant come soon enough. I see many share the same thoughts and I surely understand your reasons. I too grieve the poss of my past-present and future- so what the hell is really left? Take me too.

  35. My heart is so heavy. I was hoping to carry on without my husband, it’s been 4 months since he past away and I’m still in pain. I just want to feel alive.

  36. I lost my husband in March 2012! The 1st 6 months were unbearable! My brother, told me to get on with it! I wanted too, but I took one step forward and them fall two steps back. The financial part will hit you like a brick! From 2 income, to one changes you forever! And yes, couples stop asking you out, but if you go, you feel as 3 person, no longer a pair!
    But there is hope if you give this to God! Lay it at His feet and He will aid you!
    Without Faith in God, I would be in depression! So, if you lost your Faith, it will be much harder for your loss!
    You can have hope, your heart has a lot of love to share!

    1. I have lost my faith in God right now- I have plans of trying to get back. But while nobody has told me after 5 months to “get over it” I can feel it from my own daughters.I know nobody when I talk wants to hear it but they hear the truth -“nope not doing so well”. I refuse to happy face it.Yes the financial part of going to 1 is scary- I had just retired and she was going to as well- Now its ALL on me. I am 64-worked almost 40 years and had no intention of going back and being miserable. I refuse to work till I die. I did better in life to deserve that. Yes all else in the world is couples and living in a neighborhood of all couples- yeah now it hurts. THIS SUCKS!

  37. Hi everyone,
    I can totally empathise with you all, my husband, soulmate and best friend died seven years ago when he was 47, we met when I was 15 and were together for 30 years. I have cried millions of tears, the price I have paid for the love we shared for each other. Some of us have had something that some people never experience in a lifetime, an unconditional, everlasting love, we are privileged to feel such pain but it is so difficult to feel lucky when we are hurting so much. I feel the deep loneliness you all talk about and I know the ache in my heart will never go away, it’s like an open wound that will never heal. Grief is a heavy weight to carry around, it feels lighter sometimes but it’s always lurking deep within me, waiting to surface, it takes a lot of effort, energy and stamina to keep it under control while life carries on. I know I will love him with all my heart and miss him every day for the rest of my life, It’s not just a saying that half of me has died, it’s a reality, I know I am half the person I was, the other half of me has gone. I have lots loving family but I’m alone, in a room full of people I’m alone. I feel like a spare part and as you said, there’s no one waiting for me to arrive home, I still feel lost as if I’m just keeping everything going and managing until he comes back but knowing he never will….never ever and that is so hard to live with. I like to think I will meet him again one day and he will be proud of me for doing my best and carrying on for our family but when he died the hardest thing was knowing I could have to live another forty years or more without him. My husband was a truly wonderful husband, son, father, grandfather and friend. I can’t describe how much I love him, my heart is heavy with grief but so full of love, that will never die. I am so sorry for you all, I truly feel your pain. I am sending love to you all. I read a saying which said ‘ the more you give away, the richer you become’ this is so true, not financially but your time, love, care, anything you can do to help someone else will make you richer and stronger, it’s the only thing that has helped me. My son said ” Mam, Dad gave you enough love to last you a lifetime” he was right.

  38. My dear husband died unexpectedly on December 3, 2018. He died of pulmonary emboli, with no history of blood clots. My brain knows he is not coming home, but my heart does not get it. 31 years of having a best friend I would always try to get home to as quickly as possible has me conditioned to getting home so I can see him. The pain I feel is something I have never felt even though my husband and I have lost other loved ones and have two children with many chronic diseases. I feel my husband trying to reach me through music. Do others feel their loved ones trying to reassure them? My condolences to all on this site who have lost their beloved.

  39. I lost my husband November 25, 2018. I really don’t know how I feel. Some days are better than others, but I agree that I feel like I lost a big part of myself. I find myself wanting to talk to him and wait for him to come down the hall and smile. I know it isn’t going to happen, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking that. I know he is out of pain and at peace, but it still hurts a lot. We were one week short of our 30th anniversary.

    1. Thank you all for sharing your deep pain and thoughts with others. I lost my husband 1 yr., 3 months and 24 days ago on October 3, 2017. The pain and devastation I feel is too much some days. I want to see him again more than anything and I truly do not want to go on. His death was sudden and very unexpected. He had just turned 50 years old. People who have not experienced this say the most ignorant things. I have lost my tolerance for people.

      1. Hello everyone, I just lost my husband last week on May 1st, he has been sick for a long time, he was in a lot of pain, he tried so to hang on for me, waiting for me to retire, I miss him, it would have been 34 years this coming October. I’ve been sleeping on the couch because it feels safe, I just can go in our bedroom,

  40. I see this coming our way… For, right now it is still “our”, and not my. I see all the injured souls, of which we are two more, for he is hurting in advance of leaving.

    While he is still here, I have a head about me to say, protect all lifeforms we have brought into our pack… him, I, our dogs. We have experienced much horrid loss together, and held onto one another. There will be no holding onto after the door slams.

    Part of me just wants to shrivel up. The other part of me wants to keep it together both before and after this door slams in our faces.

    I want to force that door back open, so the dogs still feel joyful at life (I will be left to be the soul source for two large and one rather intelligent dog), and so that I am a fighter still, able to suck joy back into my life as well.

    There do not seem to be any such support groups or circles for that. That support should possibly be put in place now. Where are those circles. I am not dating. I am seeking mutual support for me and for him. And sadly, then the us whom are left behind. I am 60. He is 73. We have lost two dogs in the past 4 years, which dire consequences to a dog that has the intelligence to grieve and now he will grieve again.

    I am sure others went through this stress and hell, and it either overcomes you with a silence that is defining, or you overcome it to a certain degree. Mind you, you never overcome it completely. I have lost at least 10 family members and know that better than anyone that it never leaves you.

    Somehow I must make this final hurrah, be infused with support, both while he is here to see that his dogs and wife will have that after the door slams.

    We appeared healthy, we were thankful for our health and then along comes this freaking prostate cancer.

    I view this as Nightmare, Chapter 1, which we have entered. Thanks for anything positive you may send our way, Dog Lovers in Maryland.

  41. I lost my beloved 4 years ago tomorrow. We were married for 31 years. It seems like yesterday I lost him the pain never goes away. I pray every night when I drive home from work that when I open the door I will see my love. I know it will never be. I will work as long as I can because it helps me to keep my sanity from losing my best friend, my love, my everything. We have two children and 5 grandchildren and they do help. But I need him, he was the love of my life. I pray every night before I go to sleep and Thank God for bringing me my wonderful husband to me. I truly feel so blessed to have been his wife. I miss him more than words can say. I was the same after I lost him to brain cancer all I wanted to do was go with him. It is a very lonely life, you get up and you try to go on and then you work, then come home and it is a routine. You go out to eat alone and you go to a movie alone when all you want to do is sit and cry and you do that everyday. It is so true you are only half a person. I feel so sad I just need him back so much. My love for him has to get me through and one day I will see him again. God bless this journey for all of us is very difficult and heart wrenching. I have lost loved ones before but his death has been so so so so so difficult for me. Prayers for us all.

  42. RE: Death of spouse; Married 54 yrs. Met ages 19 and 21 yr.Medical long-term went undiagnosed.
    Have donated husband’s clothes, 3/4; Have given
    children articles of personal storage; kept office of computer, cookbooks and many books of economics, politics and Math. Organized all family pictures and left his room and office as is. Missing conversations and daily routine for him. Have set activity routine but always return before dark. Try to get back in his computer party friends, and relatives, but all is closing out after funeral. Visit grave site 3 times a week and talk to him at the grave. Have crying spells while driving and in stores. Have joined new activity with an elderly church group, but cannot forget all of the short drives we use to do together./jpd

  43. I am very glad I came across this forum! My dear wife Cheryl passed away from congestive heart failure on October 10 last fall. We had just passed our 30th anniversary. It helps so much to read the comments and stories of those who have also suffered the loss of their beloved spouse. So many of my days are just a sea of tears and memories, and your comments make me realize that this is a very human, very loving condition. I pray that God will comfort all of us who are grieving. Christ rose from the dead, He conquered that final enemy, and He said that all who believe in Him will also rise from the dead some glorious future day. This belief gives me the strength to live, day by day. May God bless and lead all of us here on this forum to trust in that amazing promise!

  44. Hi Chris, I also lost my husband 7 years ago. He was found dead on the bathroom floor while I was in Hospital. I wasn’t the one who found him, I wasn’t with him, I couldn’t sit with him till the ambulance came. I am still angry I wasn’t with him.
    I am a different person, will never be the same again. It is so difficult being around couples or even if not couples they have somebody to go home to. My family just don’t get how I feel. I am really struggling, I have been a widow now since I was 60. I never thought this is how my life would be.

  45. hi
    i lost my love 17th of november 2018. she was/is my world. there are nights i lay in bed so tierd i drift in and out of sleep, I start to rub her back behind me , because she always sat with her feet dangleing over the edge playing magong . she would laugh and say what you doing. when i turn to look , shes not there. i miss her .

  46. My husband passed away on August 31, 2018 after a massive stroke. He was 72. We had been married 17 years in June. He was my soul mate, best friend, and partner in crime. I am managing to get by but it isn’t the same without him to talk to, or hug, or play a joke on. People who haven’t lost their soulmate don’t understand what it is like. I think he visits me tho, because every once in a while I get a whiff of a cigarette being lit. Then it just goes away. I miss him.

    All the plans we had for what we were going to do when I retired (I’m 10 years his junior) are gone and I have nothing to look forward to.
    I feel lost, detached and invisible.

  47. The one thing that makes me feel the most alone in all of this is the fact that i’m only 20 years old. We had been together for several years and got married 2-9-18 and he was in a car accident that killed him on 8-8-18 a day shy of our 6 month wedding anniversary. I miss him everyday and i’m pretty sure the words “Please come home” slips out of my mouth at least once a day with tears in my eyes. We didn’t have children like most couples when he passed, we had just lost 3 babies over the last year before his death and so I don’t have even the smallest part of him to hold on to. I love you Kolby Miller you will forever be my everything.

    1. David and I were married for forty years. I fell in love with him when I was 14 and we married when I was 21. I lost him last year. We weren’t able to have children. He was my entire life. I swear I don’t want to live without him. I lost my dad to cancer when he was 42, my brother, stepbrother, stepfather all to the same evil disease. All you can do is be thankful that you haven’t brought another human being into this world to suffer. Would you want children to suffer? I need my husband but he is gone and he will never be mine again. I send love and condolences to all of you reading this.

  48. I lost my wife of 46 years suddenly two months ago. I feel numb, I am looking at life through an empty heart.

    1. You go on. I lost my wife 8 months ago and I just go on. I am not the same and never will be. Her family basically ran out after funeral mass breakfast and have never been heard from again. I had retired now I am all alone. The game of life we played so well and perfected together for 38 years is over. I have no desire to get back in the game at 65! I look forward to the nights and getting to bed- if I can sleep- If not I grab some Zquil. I take my meds- see my Dr. see my grief counselor. I shop and pay bills and cringe because our income is now just my income and makes it tougher-scarier. Nut my friend I wake up- ask why? And I go on. I dont like it but there are no other options. I cry alot- kiss her ashes good noght and good morning- Refuse to put her in our niche till I go and we go together. Silly but I cant let her be alone! So shes in our bedroom till finally they shove me in our companion urn and then we are finally together forever. I find it so unfair to be the one left behind- to go first means to not grieve the rest of your life. Its torture-unfair- I try as best I can and I go on. You will too. Does not mean you ever accept it. But to answer what do you do now? You go on. Yes sorry to say. I do feel your pain! I to am living it- Good Luck in your life journey.

    1. Charles – What you do is live your life to the fullest, for her. Believe that she is watching you, and she wants you to be happy! Live for her and live for you. Use the love she poured into you and multiply it by helping others. Volunteer at a food pantry, help with Boy Scouts, do something good and tell them it’s because of your fantastic wife – cause it is! Life is but a fleeting moment and you will be back with all whom you lost. Use the love you have been given and give Death a kick in the ass by paying it forward to those who need the help now….in this life…while you can. I’m trying to take my own advice after losing my wonderful wife two months ago.

      1. My intellectual side tells me I need to move on, make the most of life, its how my spouse would want it. It does no good to stay in that hold of grief…. Yet I can’t live what I tell myself. I keep falling back into that hole despite my constant reminders to myself that I must move forward. Thirty-one years together, he was the center of my word, my other half. I feel so incomplete and empty. Life is going on around me and I see it, but it’s as though I’m at a distance, separated by this grief I can’t shake. Yet I tell no one for fear as coming off as week. People will say I should be moving forward, not dwelling. If I’m busy, I can sometimes forget for a while. But nights are the worse. The quiet house and empty bed always get me. Miss my yeebon

  49. I lost my spouse years ago.before the internet and Facebook Most of my friends remained happily coupled and did what these people describe people doing to them. ( pretty much ignoring them after a week or so) Oh the horror of “singlehood”. I was xcluded and as we must, moved on. Now my newly widowed friends turn to me since I’m an outsider and until they re couple, need that support. It’s painful for everyone

  50. The article was interesting and touched on some good points. There is just one and only true facts – nobody knows what the loss has done to you. My wife and I met when she was 17. We married 5 years later. We had 4 daughters (the loves of our lives). We sent them to college, we gave them weddings and they gave us 9 beautiful children. The problem – it just isn’t the same. I have moved away from my children and grandchildren because they are such a reminder of my wife. I will see an accident on the road and say I will “have to tell Fran about that” or I will see something in the paper or hear it on the news and will think “I wonder if Fran knows about this.” Fran will be gone 8 year this November and I still think of everything and terms of her. And yes, I still sleep on “my” side of the bed. It hurts.

  51. I lost my younger sister 7/9/2017 on her 63 rd birthday. My only sibling who was not only my sister,she was my friend, sounding board and the last living part of our mother. Jan 17,2019 I lost my husband of 51 yrs, but together for 53. I cannot function. I really can’t I want to end it. But will I be able to reconnect with them

    1. How sad and painful is the fact that as with you-when I lost my wife of 38 years-Our story was lost and gone forever. We used to always remember it-talk about it-brag about it. Almost every day the story lived and was recollected. Now its silenced forever. How sad to think your story has ended. But when your spouse goes it does. It lives on in our silence in our minds and thoughts. But with nobody to exchange with the way we used to. To laugh and cry at times that warranted it. To see older couples now- I resent what they have. We were in our early 60s- there are so many fortunate past that and it absolutely tears me apart. We were to have 20 so more years- we worked hard for it-we deserved it- we were robbed. End of story.

  52. This blog is so very comforting. My husband passed 61/2 years ago. He was 56. We were married 36 years. When he died, our story died with it. While I am able to realize how truly blessed my life was and still is, I struggle to feel true joy. The sad part is I want so much to be joyful, and be joyful with others, but it seems to take so much energy. The love and support that we provided to each other made us so strong and capable of doing so much together.We shared a deep faith and celebrated this with others. I miss the confidence, and fun we had. I miss our ongoing conversations about both big and small things. I always will.

  53. It seems that we all feel and think the same, missing our other halves leaving us lonely ,single again, seeing couples together, seeing much older couples still together. It seems that everybody has somebody with them but you dont.
    Its early days for me l just hope that my life will get better, perhaps meet someone who will be my friend would be a help,
    lts good that we have a means to communicate like this and it helps to know that you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts others are feeling the same as you. .

    1. Joseph… i just came across your post… you said it’s early days for you…..how is your day today? i lost my boyfriend December, 2018… i came to this site just to be comforted by other widow/widowers… do you have friends you can talk to…..? i do… but none of them are widows… and they just don’t know what i’m going through

  54. I lost my husband two weeks ago suddenly in a fatal car accident. My world has been completely tossed upside down. He was only 26. I’m 24 and we have a 3 year old… I enjoyed the article. It articulated a lot I havent been able to figure out how to say. Just so heartbroken.

  55. I have just finished reading almost all of the comments on this wonderful site and I can identify with most of them. I was crying a good bit of the time while reading, but then something hit me. I am about to turn 80. My Tom died May 18, 2018 just 10 days after our 60th anniversary. I was blessed to have 60 wonderful, happy years with my guy – many more years than so many I have just read about. I do cry every day. Anything can set it off – a picture, a thought of him, taking a pkg. of meat out of the freezer that’s dated while he was still alive and has our 2 servings inside. But after having a good cry, I try to count the blessings that we had together and the blessings that I have today – and there are so many. Tom and I both believed in God and I know that he is waiting for me in Heaven. I am eager to go. After 2 years of tough caregiving, (he had Alzheimer’s as well as CIDP, a disease that left him unable to walk), I was blessed to be at his side when he passed away at home. His breathing was labored and all of a sudden he opened his eyes wider than I had ever seen them before, and he looked up at the ceiling. Then he closed his eyes and took his last breath. I wonder what he saw but I am hoping that he saw angels coming to take him home. It gives me comfort as the first anniversary of his death approaches. I do grieve and miss him so very much, but I also feel gratitude for the many years we had together and for the 5 children the Lord blessed us with, as well as for a church that gives me the opportunity to serve and to bless others. I pray God’s blessing on each and every one of you today who grieve.

  56. I lost my husband 14 months ago suddenly, unexpected age 57. Then my sister lost hers 7 months later age 53. I am still in a bubble, walking with half a body. I told myself and God this a.m., I am content but not happy. I wished I could have had option B or C. (B. he lived 5-10 years longer and C. We grew old together in our 70’s-80’s.)

  57. I feel horrible lost now live in a empty house that used to be our home miss my wife so badly she passed away from aggressive lung cancer suddenly two days after she came home from hospital on July 30th 2018 got up at 4amnoticed her breathing was raspy tried waking her to see if she wanted a glass of water when she did not respond I call 911 they took her to emergency room where she awoke I was holding her hand she looked into my eyes and then gone I never slept right since and wont sleep in the bedroom anymore just in the recliner I always look to see if she’s with me in the store or when I get home from work or anyplace no one there to ask how my day was or hug kiss or talk to I havent had any visitors in 8 months straight somtimes wonder if I should just move away but both of us made the house the way it is together it’s hard i wish i could be with her again 😪💔

  58. I feel all of the above comments. my husband has been gone 5 years and 3 months. all of the pain and sorrow, tears and sadness have been felt. and always will be there – we were together for 30 years.
    cancer and diabetes took him too soon.

    I heard another widow refer to this time without your spouse as the ‘new normal’. and I have to adjust my sails to be in this new space. but I will.
    I still see my husband in parts of our life together. he is here even though he is not
    here. comments come back to me about things he said. lovely. he lives on.
    I know he is in heaven now, taking care of all his loved ones. and I miss him dearly, love him forever, and i know that someday I will be with him again.
    for now I have to take care of the kids and grandkids and keep my spirits up.
    a lot of exercise, love from the family and the dogs, love of god, belief in angels and to keep moving forward are my aims.
    the two hardest words in the English language – Have Faith.
    Take care –

  59. All the people who said we’re here for you, let us know what we can do for you, we’re going to be here for the long haul, etc etc etc….they are gone, went back to their lives. I can’t blame them. They didn’t come home to find their 51 year old wife of 24 years dead on the bathroom floor. They get to be sad, but they get to move on. Is it me, am I hard to be around now?

    1. I am sorry for your loss! People have not said to me that they would be here for me. So yes, they go on about life. May God help you, me, and each of these hurting people who were dedicated to loving their spouse with all their heart!

  60. My husband died from a sarcoma cancer five years ago. He was my soulmate, best friend, the best husband, the best father and made me feel so special. We were married 36 years. I never lived alone until now and hate it. I have two beautiful grown children. My relatives and friends have abandoned me and all I have is my little dog. I wished we would have both died together and I would not have this lost feeling if hopelessness and loneliness. I wake up with a sense of dread as everything is on me-house, finances, etc. I really miss working as a team together and miss him forever. Time does not heal.

    1. I lost my husband to brain cancer on Nov 3rd 2018. I watched him die slowly over 8 months all while wishing I could take his place. I never left his side. Now, I am left with an empty heart. It is amazing how everyone seems to not care. His parents abandoned him during his illness and went on their fancy vacations. Now they tell me how they wish they had more time with him. How dare they? I cant comprehend how anyone could not be
      there for their own child. I saw how this hurt him, when he would ask when they were coming to see him. and I get angry at there sight. They tell me they care about how I am doing, but I do not believe them. I pray to try and forgive. I have a dog now that a rescued and she rescued me too. It helps the loneliness. I am lost and forgotten in this hell I live in. Someone lied, time does not heal all wounds! I am grateful of the time we spent together and this website of people who care!

  61. I lost my husband two years ago. It was like being hit with a mallet I was confused for months. I couldn’t plan anything, although I had acted as manager of my husband as he was a singer/actor. Psychiatrists tell me it is unhealthy to still be in love with a dead man. I felt guilty for a while but nothing put him out of my mind. We had been married 34 years so he was always ‘in my mind’ in our plans on our travels. You have to be completely ignorant not to realise that this affects someone profoundly and for ever. I manage reasonably well even though couples we knew dropped me. At my age I had lost all of my lifelong friends and those friends of a lifetime ‘our best friends’ have also died. We had no children but did a lot of community work together in retirement.
    I am feeling worse now as I looked after ‘his’ cat and kept myself together for her. She missed him. We were both animal lovers and had rescue cats and dogs. She was the last. She died two days before the 2nd anniversary of his death. I recently brought myself to go through documents he had filed away after his mother’s death. He had saved all the letters I had sent him and reading them again broke my heart.
    I feel lucky, so lucky, to have been his wife. The pain of loss is unbearable at times still.
    The late Queen Mother said in her diary. “Grief is the price you have to pay for loving and being loved”. I wish I had something consoling to say to you all. I agree with Patricia – time does not heal.I still use the words ‘us’ and ‘our’ in my conversation. That’s how its always been and I can’t change now.

    1. Yes Jen, you put it into perfect words.
      Neither Rhe or I were looking for love, the 2nd. time around for each of us. We formed a friendly relationship that quickly blossomed into a perfect joining of the souls.
      I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t go on crying every day, knowing I not complete without her.
      I’m afraid for the first time in my life, of what my future holds without my precious love.

  62. I lost my spouse of 31 years 7 months ago. I don’t know who I am anymore, the joy is gone. I operate on autopilot. Like many, I have wanted to be done with my life too. I dislike when I hear that I can create a new me. Friends, children, and relatives are not filling my void. I cry for my loss and what I miss daily. After reading all of our similar stories, I couldn’t help but notice that no one likes being alone. It was our special connection with our spouses who made us feel alive, happy, connected, loved. We loved “coupleing”. Our grief is so intense because we loved intensely. I felt as though my spouse’s spirit was with me continually during the first 6 months after he passed. I talked to him out loud constantly. I received many “signs” from him. However, I am no longer feeling his presence. This month has really been difficult because of this. Now I truly feel alone. It is so difficult to let go which is what I feel my spouse is wanting me to do. I was becoming too dependent on him in spirit. Does anyone else feel this way?

  63. I lost my partner of 18 years on 03/25/2019 3:39 am. She had pancreatitis for the last 16 years. In December of 2018 she suffered a stroke. On Christmas day she became unresponsive in the early morning. 3 months to the day she had another stroke and this time she could not pull through. Tomorrow would have been 18 years. Now, no more celebrations, no more anniversaries. Flowers still, but to a crypt, in a miserable place,, we call cemeteries. I lost something inside me. I don’t know what, but I lost something. I can feel it. A hole. They tell me if I am ok. I ask why. They say you seem gone, lost, not here. I react and smile but then I can feel the smile fade and they can too. We have a 16-year-old child. Mom and child were not close. I feel anger now. Sometimes rage. I don’t think of happy memories. We had ups and downs but she was my true everything. I would have given anything for her sole happiness. Now I sit alone in the darkness of my thoughts and being and see no love from her. But yet, I would give it all for her. My one true love. I am lost and empty. I keep going for our child nothing else seems to matter. At the end friends and family came and went and I stood by her side with love, respect, and a sense that she made my heart beat.

  64. My husband died in Dec.’17 and I still can’t believe it. Although he was 86 yrs. old, he was in relatively good shape until he had pneumonia. While he was in the hospital, he developed an infection called “C-diff” from all the antibiotics he was given. All this time I expected him to be home soon but I was in denial the whole time, even at the end. The only thing that keeps me going is that he would have ended up in a nursing home if I hadn’t been able to take care of him. I agree with all the above comments that no matter how good your family is, the pain lasts forever. We were married for 55 yrs., he was eight yrs. older than I.
    I wish everyone above who have told their sad stories PEACE, at some future point in their lives.

  65. I lost my beloved only 58 years old… He’s still my husband to me. It was unexpected and I hurt. And yes I feel people have no use for a mid age widow like me..The pain is devastating and while not suicidal I feel left out like I should be with him…I speak of him often present tense. I can’t stand when one calls him “dead”when I know his spirit is very alive. My beautiful baby Jae

  66. Still not over it after almost 3 years but the entire support group as no clue. Companionship is not to be understated. Sure, there is a tryst now and then but it pales in comparison.

  67. I want to say your comments are helping me be more understanding as I have watched my mother struggle with my dad’s passing in Feb. 2015. She lost a lot of weight because of depression and lack of appetite. Five years later she still cries, I’m sure more than she admits, and consistently tells stories, good and bad, of their marriage. All normal, as I know of a 40 yr. marriage. As the child, it’s odd to see your strong parent face the devastation that rips them apart. Because we don’t want to know that something so terrible exists, something that your parent can’t handle. So, I realize my “smoothing over” talks are a way of saying “if you can’t find a way out of this nightmare, and you’re the strongest person on Earth to me, I’m doomed.” I imagine what I would do in the same situation, with my current relationship, and it’s more realistic, but I know worlds away from my mom’s pain. Again, your comments are honest, painful, and beautiful. I wish everything that brings all of you peace. Please know that you have helped this daughter.

  68. I lost my husband October 20, 2018. We were together since I was 15. The lost of my husband has been hard. I feel like all of you that I am only half a person. I was lucky to be with him for 49 years. Now I am lost and so lonely. I cry every day and it is getting harder for me. I was his caregiver. I believe that he is in heaven and not sick anymore. That is what keeps me going. I do agree with one person that my house is not a home anymore. I just do the steps to survive. Not healthy but that is my life. Thank you to all that wrote in the blog,. I did find some peace as I read all of your stories. I will pray for you all to find your way.

    1. i lost my husband a year ago this month. I’m still blaming myself for feeling as though I didn’t do enough to help him and perhaps he wouldn’t have died. I was so tired of caregiving while not tired of him! I’m angry with him because he wouldn’t try to help himself….he ate whatever he wanted even though a diabetic. I resented all the problems that I had to handle due to his neglect of himself. Still yet, I loved him with everything within me. I’m not old by any means (64) and feel like 40….most people are shocked that my husband has already died! Well not as shocked as I am! I went into a restaurant tonight alone….and I’ll never do that again. Every table was couple after couple…and most my age group. I thought I would have a panic attack before the girl brought my ticket. I have friends but honestly I don’t much enjoy going out with a group of women. my whole life has changed and I feel that I am to blame. I cry a lot. My kids are a big support but they also have their own lives to live and I don’t want to be a burden to them. When I was so weary with caregiving I remember thinking that death would probably be better for him….😢 he was struggling so much that just getting him in the shower left him gasping for breath. I had to shave him, dress his diabetic wounds, get his clothes on him, etc. I no longer felt valued and I cried a lot. Now, I would give anything to be back in that place just to have him here for my own selfish reasons…comfort, companionship, his wisdom….I just feel like I let him die and Didnt fight for him. I’m sure God hates me as well.

  69. I lost my husband 25 months ago its so hard. There is a younger guy interested inme and I am so scared but I feelImost try.

  70. I feel the same way all you people feel I lost my husband of 29 years to esophguseal cancer he was 50. He left me with two wonderful kid age 15 and 12. A 200 acre crop farm. A broken heart days go by and its hasn’t gotten better only worse my husband family has completely disowned us as well. I was his caregiver for a few short months olny to be told by his family that he would still be here if I had taken better care of him. I also belive time does heal a broken heart . He passed away may 25 2019. The kids and i miss him every day.

  71. I have read every one of the messages posted on this blog. I cried many times as I read through them. I feel and understand the pain, agony, torment, sorrow frustration and loneliness with which all of you are struggling. Only those who have suffered this torture can truly appreciate the pain that is express in these thoughts. I lost Louise on August 27, 2017 after her heroic eleven-year battle with breast cancer (I HATE cancer). We were married for forty-nine years and nine months. I had planned on having a huge party to celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary. Instead, my daughter and I hosted a celebration of Louise’s life. I miss her very much. A friend of a friend, also a widow, invited me to join the “Widowed People’s Association of California (WPAC). My joining that association was a life-changing decision! WPAC is a group of self-trained widows and widowers helping other widows and widowers reorganize their lives in a healthy way. My life changed dramatically after Louise’s death and it will never be the same as it was. But my life continues, in spite of the difficulties. Every Sunday afternoon at “Sunday Support”, I work with the people who are most-newly widowed and have found there way to our organization. My life now has a new purpose and meaning. Please check out WPAC on the internet and contact them. Look for a similar group in your area. If an association like this doesn’t exist in you community, start one. It will be one of the best things that you can do for your community, other widowed people living near you and yourself.. It will give your life a new meaning like it did mine. Good luck to all of you! (I’m crying, again)

  72. August 8/ 2019 / I lost my wife of 35 years. We had her ashes buried on her birthday
    Sept 21/2019. i try to move forward everyday and try to take care of myself first. The pain always feels like a slow torture that never ends.
    As much as I try the loss feels unbearable and the future bleak. Through exercise and eating well I’m trying to move forward, but the loneliness of not having her her is the hardest part. She was the love of my life.

  73. I lost my darling George in July/2019. George was 90 and I am 85. It was a second marriage after we both lost our spouses to cancer. At the time we hoped for ten years and we got fifteen. He was my everything. He said he missed me when he fell asleep.All I want is to be beside him for eternity.
    I spend each day alone. The phone never rings and no one comes to my door. I guess that’s because I am old.
    One last kiss upon your brow so smooth and white.
    Upon your lips once pink and bright
    Now pale in death’s cruel delight.
    One cold embrace where once
    The beat of your heart
    Raced just for me
    With warmth and purest ecstasy.
    Your hands, what can I say,
    They did so much each hour each day,
    To make my world what it once was
    Of joy,work, play and love.
    Now here you are, one last embrace,
    One last look upon your face,
    One last kiss and oh,
    What I shall miss.
    One last kiss, how can that be?
    I do not believe that you are gone,
    For I am you and you are me,
    Two lovers bound for eternity.
    Your Audrey

  74. I lost my husband Steve expectedly 3 years ago. I still cannot believe he’s gone! I find myself just going through the motions of life. He was the funniest guy i ever had known. I haven’t laughed since he has passede’s passed. it’s amazing to me how many people think should be healed by now! That life is for the living and I need to move on. After being with somebody 35 years things you’re supposed to just be miraculously different for me after just three years? Mother night I seem to miss him more and more everyday and I do. I haven’t even been able to clean out his closet. my friends are there for me it’s just not the same. My heart goes out to everyone and this board you really have to be in the situation to truly understand the meaning of loss.

  75. I lost my husband Steve unexpectedly 3 years ago. I still cannot believe he’s gone! I find myself just going through the motions of life. He was the funniest guy i ever had known. I haven’t laughed since he has papassed. it’s amazing to me how many people think should be healed by now! That life is for the living and I need to move on. After being with somebody 35 years things you’re supposed to just be miraculously different for me after just three years? ther night I seem to miss him more and more everyday and I do. I haven’t even been able to clean out his closet. my friends are there for me it’s just not the same. My heart goes out to everyone and this board you really have to be in the situation to truly understand the meaning of loss.

  76. I found this site by chance, because my grief is still so overwhelming for me. I work, I cook, I clean, I, I, I..
    I miss the we. I miss my wife more than I can express. I pray, I listen to her last voice mail several times a day, and since she passed away this past August, there isn’t 1 single day that has passed since the day she left, that I haven’t wept.
    Being alone isn’t my issue, being without my sweet angel is.

  77. I lost my husband March 19th, 2017, with the holidays coming up I am feeling so alone and sad especially this time of year when everyone is so happy and joyous. We were together 39 years and life without him is unbearable, Stella says it amazing how people think you should be healed by now but I am no where near healed. Reading all these messages confirms that I am not alone. No one understands this pain unless they have gone through it, they really don’t friends and family. I pray every day for God to help me with my grief.

  78. I lost my wife of 30 plus years in January I fill so empty, alone I try to stay busy, Physically I am wearing myself out.

  79. My wife died unexpectedly just shy of our 40th wedding anniversary. MJ had Multiple Sclerosis, but was determined to live as normal a life as possible. She didn’t want anyone to know that she had MS. She woke me up that morning complaining of the worst headache of her life. I got her a hot washcloth to put on her forehead. She said thank you. Those were the last words she ever said to me. She sank into a coma and died 4 days later from a massive hemorrhage in her brain. I was holding her hand as she took her last breath.

    She was my best friend, my confidant, my everything. We were always together. She could walk short distances, and would hold on to my arm as we walked so she wouldn’t fall. When she died I couldn’t believe it at first. Once I accepted that she was gone, I realized that the man I once had vanished; I was wandering around, lost, confused, and utterly lonely. I miss telling her little things that I saw – like when a chipmunk came up and got a drink of water out of the dog’s bowl. I didn’t have anyone to tell.

    She used to ask me how I was doing, and she used to hug me for no reason. I used to massage her legs at night to relieve the pain so that she could sleep through the night.

    She had just turned 65; we had recently learned that our daughter was expecting our first grandchild. Now she will never meet her grandson.

    I basically feel that my life has been completed – I have no desire, or energy, to start all over again as a “new person”. The huge loss is with me wherever I go. I miss my darling wife. I want to be with her, wherever she is.

    Christmas is approaching, and it was MJ’s favorite time of year – she loved the little rituals and traditions that we developed over the years. I can’t stand to enter the Holidays. But, I have to play Dad for my children, even though they are grown and independent and don’t really need my help with anything. I am sticking around only to see my grandson, who is expected in March.

    1. My wife and I also did everything together. Unfortunately she was only 45 and we were married for 19 years. So even though I don’t know exactly how you feel I can relate. I too was holding her hand while she took her last breath. It was and is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t pretend to have any great answers, from experience I know there aren’t any. I have a granddaughter that my wife got to meet but at the time we were not sure she belonged to our son, but I believe that she knew. I don’t know what I’m doing, I just know I’m lonely and miss her terribly. I hope you stuck around after your grandson was born. He needs a grandfather just as much as you need him.

  80. My wife Tomi Lou went home to be with the Lord November 12 2018 we have been married for 45 years the memories of being together will continued forever for the rest of my life the earlier days after her death were the hardest times I have ever faced in my life, Today those waves of emotions has subsided as I’m comforted by believing that she’s not suffering and in eternity with Jesus in accordance with His promise and one day we will see each other again.

  81. It has only been6 weeks since my wife breathed her last breath on earth, and I’m just tired. I want to just sleep..
    I’m tired of lawyers, and well wishing family and friends, I’m tired of crying all the time. I’m scared for my 17 year old son who was right there with us and watched helplessly as she stopped breathing, he has only cried twice. I am just scared and tired.
    Did I say tired?

  82. hi my name tom the og. this to nelli.re:nov 10 2019.
    Nelli, I found my better half may 12 1962.fell in love in two weeks. she 15yrs 9mo. me18yrs 9mo. we got pregnant dec 1 1962. married march 17 1963. became parants sept 1963.. we married 53yrs 4mo.. she died sept 12 2015, I was beside her side. iam just like you all, heart broke, empty, most days very sad. hurt and times cry. the only think I want is to be with her in heaven.. I have asked GOD, I don’t want to marry her I want to continue our marriage through eternity from may 1962 to end eternity. you see iam retired police over 100 dead ive seen. my wife and I together 53 yrs 4 mo. and she gone 4yrs 5mo and 2 weeks. this re” God. Nelli I have seen the works of God. he is real an he does care. we all hurt and it sucks to say the least. everyone is saying the same thing. we will be with our love ones when its time.. an know we cant do our selfs in.. big no no. I pray all of you find relief cause I have not. but this is true. my wife has come down and seen me 6 times. this is no joke. I pray for all of us to kept the love we have forever.. GOD does live… love to all Tom the og. old guy

  83. my husband died January 18,2015. i grt so lonely that i cry myself to sleep at night. I tried dating but it wasnt like having my John back. he was an auctioneer so when i see an auction sign it brings back memories. i also eish for God to take ne out of here. just help me in this lonley world

  84. I wrote this about 6 days after my wife died. She was one of a kind and I miss her terribly. 19 years was not long enough. It was supposed to be much longer. I was told by a friend that we were lucky because we found our soulmates and she was right. However I would like just 1 more day, 1 more I love you Beautiful, 1 more big Beautiful smile, 1 more kiss, 1 more touch of her hand, 1 more time she calls me honey or babe or dork. She called me that alot, but I always told her ” yes but I’m your dork” too which she would laugh and roll her eyes at me. I know I have to move forward without her, but that is going to take time to get used to because we did EVERYTHING together and I Loved it! So I’m going to miss you Beautiful. There is a hole in my heart that will never completely heal, but it will heal some. I have always told her 2 things. 1. They have never invented the words to tell her how much I love her. 2. There isn’t much Ed without Billie. Sharing this probably doesn’t mean much to some of you but it helps me to share my thoughts about her with other people.

  85. My husband filed for divorced because of his mistress and told me has know feelings for me anymore. It was tragic for months without my husband. My mom did her best to see us back it couldn’t work. I actually want him back he was the only man i have loved all through my life we started when we where both young. i never give up because i always believe what is mine will always be mine, i visited a site solution to a relationship problem, where i found someone talking about manuka help her marriage, It very clear to me he can also put a stop with the nonsense going on in my marriage, i pick up the contact i met on the site to see if he could help me as well. but today with the stress of the covid-19 going on am a testimony to priest manuka who restored peace back to my life. what shocked me most was My husband who hasn’t come visit in few months came home to talk about how sorry he was, He never left since that day I can never be more grateful. The buddhist Old religion priest is a very holy and powerful man, I have never seen anything like this.It is a good remedy to resolve marital problems. anyone can also be a testimony to manuka temple his contact.. lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com

  86. So sorry for your lose, My husband Vince
    died Oct 31,2019. I have had to trust God, for all things, we were married 39 years, its hurts
    but life will get better, you learn! One day at
    a time, Trusting God, and the word of God.
    And my husband waits for me in heaven,
    So this is the way life is, I know he is safe and
    very happy, no more suffering! Just great Joy!

  87. My Husband had a Hemarogic stroke 5 yrs ago we’e been married 53 years. He has vascular Demintia – it’s been a roller coaster – paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Just me and him. We where and are very close but he isn’t the same man, even so I love him so much and I see the man I married and loved extremely all these years. I’m with him every day, doing all I can for him. It’s like watching him pass away year after year in slow motion, wanting him to get well and a miracle. I’m wearing out but I still know if he passes away I will be devastated. No one even knows how to be close to me or even try to know how I’m feeling. He is my handicap right now. When he had his stroke, we both had his stroke. Both our lives where changed dramatically forever! I’m a woman of faith and I know the Lord is all that keeps me breathing.

  88. My husband and I have been together for 8yrs and married for 5yrs. We experienced A midlife crises last year for a period of 6months. He was angry, depressed, he hated me, left home, told his family I had an affair, created his own stories and then tried hooking up with his ex girlfriend. Through all this I made sure to keep things amicable because we have children. I knew it was not ordinary by getting back to his EX, His family turn against me because of what he told them I wanted the marriage to work but everything seems to be impossible. I was really worried and needed help to save my marriage. I was searching for tips on how I can save my marriage from divorce. I came across a comment which says priest manuka help her out. I contacted him to save my home and restore peace back to my marriage through his email [lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com] After 3days of manuka reunion spiritual prayers I swear with my life my mother in-law came to the house and ask me to forgive her and her Son for the pain they must have cost me. Today we are living in peace as one family. Once again thanks to priest manuka I really appreciate for what you has done.

  89. My husband passed April 7 2016, we were married one after we met we were married for 29 years. We were watching tv and my husband said he had a headache and then he was gone. It took me about three years to want to watch tv again and I don’t watch it long. It’s been five years since the aneurism took him from me and it’s not getting any easier then that day in April 7 2016. I miss you so much Phillip, when I read this it took me two days to read. The tears were making it hard for me to read. I felt that this pretty much sums it up.

  90. I am very happy today and grateful to priest manuka for having reunited with my ex husband. All hope of finding my husband was lost because my husband left me for his mistress for over a year before I contacted. priest manuka who used his powerful reunion love spell to bring him back to me within 7 days. after contacting him on via email. [lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com] Am back here to say thank you to him for the restoration and peace he brought back to my home. I will forever grateful to him.

  91. I lost my wife after 45 years of marriage. She was my best friend, my better half, my all. I think of her every day, but life is difficult without her. I was her caregiver until her last breath, and it was not easy to watch her die. May she be with the Lord in Heaven.

  92. Hello, I bring you good news. Do you need black magic spells to get rid of your husband’s mistress ? Do you want to fix your marriage or relationship or you want to get back with your ex after the breakup or you want to put a stop to that Divorce? Do you want revenge on your enemies or do you want a death spell cast on someone who has wronged you in the past ? If yes then let me recommend a tested and trusted voodoo man called  Dr noble who has helped me to destroy my enemy (Donald) that almost ruined my life just because I got promoted before him at our place of work. I contacted Dr Noble for his powerful death spell and in 48 hours Donald died in an accident. It was the greatest news to me that day. Finally my enemy is out of the way thank you Noble.  Here is Dr Noble’s website  noblesolutiontemple. com 

  93. I lost my true love 1 month ago and now l don’t feel as alone now after listening to all of your love stories.l feel the same way as all of y’all here in the same boat with no direction. I’m a 69 year old great grandfather and I can sleep now knowing that I’m not alone here without friends like you Good hearted people.God bless you one and all!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *