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Loss of a Spouse: 5 Things Only a Widow/er Understands

Everything changes after the loss of a spouse or partner. For many, this was the person we spent most of our time with. This is who we made our plans with…the one who shared our worries. Every part of our past, present, and future revolved around this person, and to be without them is  harder, sadder, and lonelier than we ever could have guessed.

Loss of a Spouse

And here’s the thing…not only is it harder than we could have thought; the people we spend time don’t always seem to recognize the depth and duration of this loss.  This can be felt any time someone tries to cheer us up, smooth it over, or make it better. Our loved ones are well intentioned, there’s no doubt, but here is what most grievers who have lost a spouse would want those around them to understand:

  1. It’s a couples world and socializing after the loss of a spouse is never the same. This comes up just about every time I facilitate a group for widow and widowers. We don’t even notice how much of a couples world it is until we’re no longer part of it. Going out to dinner, going to the movies, taking a vacation. Sure, some people will do these things on their own, but for most these activities were reserved for their spouse or partner. And unfortunately being part of a bigger group or going to a party isn’t necessarily any easier. The problem isn’t just the griever who may feel awkward in a setting that is mostly couples. The friends themselves may hesitate (or all out avoid) inviting the griever along for fear that this newly single person will feel out of place. And for most widows and widowers I speak to, nothing feels worse than that.
  2. Even a very caring network of support can’t replace this one thing we had: a shared and equally vested interest in the outcome of each other’s lives. A widow pointed this out to me, and boy was she right. “My friends are great,” she said, “when I share a worry about my daughter or grandson, they’ll nod and show compassion and concern. But here’s the thing…in the end, whatever happens just won’t affect them the same way it would affect me. The only person who could share the weight of these concerns was my husband”. Since then, I’ve used this example. Imagine a restaurant opens. It’s a wonderful restaurant, with a lot of loyal and happy customers. But then there’s a fire, and suddenly the restaurant is no longer there. The  patrons of that restaurant will miss eating there, and will feel saddened at its loss. But eventually, they will find another place to eat. The owner, however, will never be the same. Because every part of the owner’s life and livelihood, and every part of their security and dreams and hopes went into that restaurant. And in the case of the loss of a spouse, the fact is that only our spouse or partner will feel the same investment and care in our life that we do.
  3. Following the loss of a spouse or partner, I feel like only half of a whole. A lot of couples will refer to their spouse or significant other as their “better half”. While it’s usually meant to be a sweet compliment, the truth is that most marriages (even the imperfect ones!) operate and function as two people joining their lives together as one. After the loss of a spouse most widows and widowers will report feeling that not only is their other half missing, but that they themselves feel incomplete. This union can become such a part of our identity that without it, we don’t feel like a complete or whole person anymore. So we’re not only missing our spouse…we’re missing ourselves too.
  4. Every part of my day and routine is now changed and altered, especially when it’s time to go to sleep. There’s no doubt that a parent who has lost a child, or a daughter who was the full time caregiver for a parent will feel this same void and change in routine. But there are some differences with the loss of a spouse (and it’s important to note that none of them are being highlighted to say that one type of loss is harder than another- they’re just different). Household chores, sharing finances, making plans…all of these things can make it hard to get through the day after the loss of a spouse. But the promise of escape from these stresses that sleep may otherwise provide is something else a widow or widower may lose. Because unless a couple had already become accustomed to sleeping in separate beds (because of long term illness or nursing home placement, for example) a person who is dealing with the loss of a spouse or partner is going to be feeling this very significant change at the end of each day too. “Do I leave the light on the way he used to? I never liked it, but now it feels weird if I don’t.” “Do I stay on my side of the bed, or do I move to the middle?” “Even with the lights out and my eyes closed I can still feel the emptiness of the bed…” “How strange it feels to go to bed without having someone to say goodnight to- ending the day without a goodnight feels like leaving a period off a sentence”
  5. My spouse/partner filled more than just one role in my life. Losing even “just” one person in our life is hard enough. But following the loss of a spouse or partner, a griever will feel like they’ve lost many important people: their friend, their lover, their peer, their co-parent, their confidant, their business partner, their travel companion, their date…meaning that this loss doesn’t mean the loss of “just” one person. This loss will create a vacancy in many roles that one very important person had previously filled. And no one person is going to be able to take the place of all the roles a spouse or partner filled.

A list like this can be hard to create, but for the griever it can be even harder to read. So what is the point, really, in illustrating or highlighting all that a widow or widower has lost?

I’ll go back to the widow from the #2 point on our list, the woman who described the feeling of shared investment that she had lost when her husband died. She told me that the slow recognition of this fact was actually a huge turning point for her. Because when she started to take a look at all the reasons that she was struggling and all the reasons she missed her husband it revealed something even more important: all the things they had shared together. And lying underneath the sadness and yearning for what she had, was a realization of the blessings that their union and time together had created.

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If you’re struggling with the loss of a spouse, talking to others who are going through it can help. While our experiences of grief are unique, there is still so much of this journey that grievers will find they have in common. You’ll find them here at: www.griefincommon.com. 

And if more help is needed? In Grief Coaching, the majority of the people I speak to have lost a spouse. Why? With the loss of a spouse we lose not only our partner, but the person who gave us stability and confidence. The person we made all of our decisions with and the person who shared in the outcome of our days and our lives. I find many widows and widowers feel like they’re floundering as time passes. Finding guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. 

For a special kind of grief support click here: GRIEF COACHING. FREE 15 minute consults available to www.griefincommon.com members.  

Sending you all light, hope and healing~

Karyn 

www.griefincommon.com

 

387 thoughts on “Loss of a Spouse: 5 Things Only a Widow/er Understands”

  1. So sorry that you have to still exist without Randy. He loved you a lot. God made him especially for you. My heart grieves for you and having to continue on. What can I do for you. I can pray for comfort and peace but that won’t bring him back. You are still a shining example to many people. May God grant you what you need st this very moment. Love you, Becky

    1. To everyone on here, I am so sorry for loss and sorrow, I am praying for you all, my wife Susy went home to Jesus on May 5, she was 47 as am I, she had kidney disease and diabetes, an enlarged heart so transplant and dialysis were not an option, I had not been able to see her except through her window, she was in a nursing home since June 1 2018 and I could not visit her in her room because of the china virus, I was able to be there in her room when she passed away, we all thought she still had a week left, I checked on her @ 6:15pm and she mouthed something to me but I could not make out what she was saying, by this time she was rather incoherent, I was praying every 15 min for her, and playing a game on my phone to distract myself from what was coming, the night nurse came in at 6:50pm to check her blood sugar and then she called out to me, Ed, and I asked what, and she said Susy is not breathing she had a DNR because she was tired of the pain, so with that she was gone, I thought she was sleeping, we would have been married 27 years on August 13, and been together 26 years on July 3, I miss her terribly, I still drive to town everyday, even if I don’t work, I can’t seem to break away from my old routine, everything said in this blog is true, I reach for her in bed even though she hasn’t been home for 2 years, and I go to call her only to remember she not there, I hope this gets better, and I hope everyone on here gets piece as they go through this.
      I wish you all well,
      Ed.

      1. Thank you for shareing. My wife Janie just passed comming on 60days now. She passed on May 28, 2020. She had a brain ansurysm Oct 2017 and was doing great healthy and one last surgury on her left hand to release tendons. Doctor said it all was good and the next day Janie was in good sprits and the next morning got up had her in the wheel chair eating lunch and I ran down the street, and I recieved a call from my sister Janie isnt responding get home. When I arrived she was gone. I am so lost and waiting on some kind of closure from the Medical Examier’s report. we didnt have kids so I dont have anyone to talk to. I am leaveing Texas and going to Arizona to find a life that I dont have anymore. I am a veteran and she was my rock.

      2. Fairly new widower here. I’m 59. I lost Brenda to a two year bout with cervical cancer. It’s been difficult to bear the time without her. We too had been together for 27 years, but had known each other since my early teens and her childhood. She was a wonderful woman. Sweet, kind, charming and beautiful.
        It seems that I have a slight advantage as far as grieving goes. Had I lost her suddenly while she was in good health, I don’t think that I would be able to bear the pain. She died a very long and painful death. That was the nightmare! Twenty doctors in two years, and not one of them could get her out of pain. I had never felt so helpless and so impotent. We had a fairytale love, and she was my everything. My best friend. My lover. The mother of my children. There was nothing I could do for her. Her life was an existence of pain for two years.
        She never believed in doctors, and she hadn’t seen a gynecologist in over 22 years. By the time she did, it was just too late. She had an extremely large tumor on her cervix that had engaged too many internal organs.
        I finally got hospice involved after being told that she was terminal. She already had tubes draining everything from her body into bags. It was very disturbing. Nothing they did helped her, and hospice was a blessing for her and for me. She was finally out of pain for the last 17 days of her life. Her passing was also a blessing. Only someone who has experienced an extended painful disease could understand that, I suppose.
        While she was in the hospital, Hurricane Michael wiped out our house, and I was tasked with not only trying to help her, but rebuilding our life and building another house so she could have a house to come home to.
        She was my drive. Always had been. Everything I did was for her and our kids, and although I am glad that she is no longer living a painful bedridden existence, I still miss her terribly.
        I don’t go out to eat anymore. I don’t go visit the few friends we had. Nothing is the same anymore. Long time married couples seem to gravitate toward other long time married couples, and it’s a couples world, as one poster here pointed out already.
        I don’t know where I go from here. I find myself thinking about her continuously.
        Brenda died on January 31, 2020. She was her mama’s only child, her children’s best friend, and my soulmate and greatest love of my life.
        The last thing she asked of me was to finish building the house and give our babies and grandbabies a home, which I am doing.
        Moving on, as they call it, holds no excitement for me. I have no interest. I don’t particularly want to be alone for the remainder of my life, but I couldn’t imagine dating. I don’t want someone new. I want her. I keep wishing that I could go back in time and force her to go see a gynecologist, but that’s fully. Even if it were possible to go back, there was no forcing her to do a damn thing.
        I’m six months into the grief process, not counting the two years I agonized and grieved while she was ill.
        I just wish things had been different and we could have grown old together the way we wanted to.
        I guess if wishes were horses, we’d all have a ride.

        1. He lost his wife to Cancer and you make comments about his writing?
          Go down to the Cancer ward and Listen to the outcry of pain from each room.

      3. I was married 35 yrs to the man of my dreams. You don’t realize how wonderful your darling is until they are gone. I knew my husband was very valuable but I didn’t know how priceless & unreplaceable he was. He knew Jesus as his Savior. God gave me a dream of him in a blue shirt young & strong like when I 1st met him in gorgeous Heaven. He was sitting at a picnic table. Everything there is absolutely perfect right down to the last detail. The water is light blue & spotless.
        All that we go through on earth will be so worth it all when we arrive in Heaven.
        They wait & dream of the day we come.

        Great books that have brought me a great deal of comfort. Both have many scriptures.
        My Time in Heaven by Richard Sigmund
        Listen to the audio book if you prefer.
        Heaven is Real & Fun by Kim Robinson
        Also CDs & audio on line by Kim

        I can’t wait!! The Bible says we will be completely satisfied.

        We have so much to look forward to.
        God knows the number of our days.
        He is tender hearted towards the widow & widower. God is a good God.
        He has a plan for us to fulfill.
        Hang in there!! Truly your best days are ahead of you in Heaven. The Best is yet to come!!!
        Sincerely, Sandi

      4. I am sorry for all the pain that you are going through I lost my wife on August 8th of this year I was getting ready leave for work went inside to wake her up and kis her up to let her know that I was leaving and she was gone. I feel lost I miss her so bad she was my everything I feel empty lost lonely. Her birthday was 10/22. So something that I used to do every time it was 10:22 on the clock I would text her and say 10:22 10:22 she would get a kick out of that every night before we went to sleep she would have me a tissue and kiss me good night

        1. I lost my wife 04/06/22 , her birthday was 10/22 also. She had breast cancer 1st then ovarian cancer we fought it hard for several years. She was my everything I miss her greatly . We were married for 36 years, married young at 20 and 21 so she was way to young . It’s only been 10 days since she passed I hope it gets easier because I am lost.

        2. I lost my wife last month (she was ill for 10 months) and today is our 30th……I am devastated I have no interest in anything……however, I fall in love with again everyday….

      5. You have a new normal now. It is hard! At first you can convince yourself they will be home later m, just to get by. But then night comes and you know they are not coming home. Things will come up that only they knew how to care of and you will get angry at them. It is normal. Then you feel selfish for thinking this. Also normal. You know they are with Jesus and happy, but you just miss them soooo much! My husband will be gone 5 years November 28th. I still miss him every day! But I can finally start to face my life without him without feeling excruciating pain. I had it explained like this: you have a box and inside the box is a circle. That circle fills the box. That is your grief. There is a button on the box. And when the ball of grief touches the button your grief is hard to handle. Crying, sad, not sleeping and such. Then as the days and years go by the ball inside the box gets smaller and smaller. The ball still bounces around and hits the button, activating the grief. There is no certain time or reason why the ball hits the button, it just does. At some point the ball is so small that your grief does not get activated very often, but it is always there. It is your new way of normal. Maybe if you are young enough, God may put another person in your life, when you are ready. But this person will have to be one made by God for you. Because understanding what you feel for your spouse and not getting jealous over those feelings takes a special person that God will have to prepare. I see many times it is somebody who has also lost a spouse that remarried a widow(er). Just let God walk you through the process! He will never leave you not forsake you! If God does decide it is best for you to be with another, He will mold them for you! Don’t be in a hurry! Make sure you feel peace! God never rushes us or confuses us! But He will give you a comfort that you can’t find in the world! I have focused on God, my kids and grandchildren. It is scary when men show interest in me. But I know God knows me better than I know myself, so I leave my future in His hands. I will continue to listen and obey Him as I get closer and closer to Him. When God is first everything else works out. I hope I have helped a little. May God bless you and keep you!!!

      6. I just lost my husband of 29
        Years. I feel so lost. I lost my best friend. My protector. My everything. I feel empty and just in a total state of shock.

      7. Dear Ed,
        I pray you find peace as time passes. My Sweetheart, Raymond, died March 27th. He received a diagnosis offstage 4 prostrate cancer that had metastasized to his bones four days before he passed. He was hospitalized because of his heart that same day. Due to Covid restrictions, I could not be with him. He was released on the fourth day and died 8 hours later. I am grateful he was able to be home with his little dog and me. I miss him terribly. I still sleep on my side of the bed…for 6 months I had one of his t-shirts folded up on his pillow. I had ten quilts made from his t-shirts to give to his 3 children and 7 grandchildren. His memorial is scheduled for November 22nd, and I will give them the quilts then.

      8. Ed…we have lots in common. Robin & l were married almost 28 years. Her birthday june 1st, she was in her nursing home for almost 2 yrs from a horrible stroke that almost took her. 2018 stroke til her passing from covid july 20th 2020…l too was kept from seeing her anymore as the covid hit but l was allowed to be by her side when she passed. I was so hard to watch her go….believing she is truly with Jesus now is the only thing that will ever make sense or get me through. Though no marriage is perfect…. Ours was an unbelievable fairy tale come true. I love her forever & will see her soon !

      9. My wife, Patti, passed away 10 years ago. I can assure you that things will get better if you let them. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, but it has gotten easier. There is joy in my life, along with the sorrow. It’s a bit like I’ve lost a leg and an arm … but think about those people who have physically lost a leg and an arm: so many of them still lead full lives. I’m sure your Susy would want you to do that. You’ll never forget her, but my her memory be a blessing.

      10. Dear Ed, May God mend your broken heart and renew your hope going forward. My new normal is as you described-wanting to call him etc. You were there for her and she knew it.
        Stay safe.

      11. Sending a hug to you sir. My husbands been gone 5 years now and I still feel like half of me is gone. I hope you find some semblance of a bit of a measure of happiness sometime in the future. Wishing strength and love for you.

      12. I too just lost my husband only 6 days ago he was only 45 he texted me help and by the time the ambulance arrived it was too late . I sat on the floor next to him and held his hand and told him I loved him he was my best friend there will never be another person like him .We had only been married 4 years but I loved him so very much I ve been sleeping with the shirt he always wore and cry on and off I know I will never ever be able to replace him I just hope the pain of loosing him will lessen over time . I wish you peace and hope time will lessen some of the pain you feel . I know hes with God and is always with me watching over me from above .

        1. My wife and I were going on 6 years sep14 she was find
          during the C19 chaos I got to
          her 2 hours a day I didn’t know how to pay a
          Billl We were together all day every
          Day now I am alone the son/step
          Son went to Dad that walked out o
          Him at 6 years old and now I have a dog
          And the darn cat’s the boy left to get me to
          Take care of I can’t take care of my self
          At this point..

      13. Dear Ed,,, I recently lost my wife of 47 years. She died in my arms at night of COPD. I have been going to the cometary daily, only time of the day i feel at peace. I am so sorry for your loss also. I really to not think what you and I are going through and how we feel can be understood by others. I feel so incomplete. Take care, John

        1. I too lost my husband to COPD and heart failure suddenly at home one morning of June just last year. I was still getting over a broken ankle before that. Colin got off the couch and walked away to kitchen, didn’t return for a while so I got up with my walker to look for him around house. Found him and called paramedics. I was told to perform resuscitation him as per operator’s instructions until paramedics arrived. I ended up in hospital that same afternoon day he died. I went to cemetary every week with fresh flowers. Would have gone every day as I felt drawn to going more often, it felt like the right thing to do, gave me some comfort. On the other hand, when I did go there it often made me grieve more. I am slowly trying to wean myself into going only every two weeks. I rarely see him in my dreams. However, yesterday was Saturday, I felt exhausted and lay down for a nap. Just before I woke up I was lying on my side in my dream and felt his arms around me. I couldn’t see him but knew it was Colin as he held me and could feel him breathing on me. It felt so good. Only problem is that I then cry so much afterwards. Hard to forget and affects me another day or so. Take care John.

      14. Oh Ed it was so wonderful and yet so painful to read what you wrote. My husband of 38 years just died on May 16. Even though I knew it was coming I feel as though my heart has been ripped out and it will never repair it self. I hate the thought that you are suffering so but I must admit it is a relief to know that I am not alone. I don’t know where in the bed I should sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night reaching for him and talking to him. I swear I hear his voice. I now truly believe that one can die of a broken heart.

        1. My husband of 56 years passed away May 6,2021. I too only sleep on my side of the bed yet. Someone told me because the sheets aren’t dirty on that side I should sleep there but I just can’t. I’m glad he’s in a better place with no more pain and can walk again but I miss him. I have two daughters and they have been wonderful but they too are grieving in their own way.

        2. I too talk to my Colin every day since he passed away June of last year. Yes, the heart is never the same afterwards. It is so sad to read about the magnitude of other peoples grief. At times, it feels like it is not good for my own healing, which I hope comes sooner rather than later because it is so hard. On other hand, I am not the only one living with grief that seems like it will never go away. Have been to a psychologist to deal with the grief a couple of times but all that seems to happen is I cry again during the session and more crying and feeling really low for day or two afterwards. The reality is that time doesn’t seem to heal all wounds. As have read, more like one learns to live with grief of losing a loved one.

        3. Hi Leslie, I just lost My wife of 51 years, I spent the last 3 years trying to alleviate the cancer she had and the last 3 months in the hospital 6-8 hours a day, But when I brought her to the hospital and then went home, I slept in the bed in the other room and I still do and I believe one can die of a broken heart but my wife had so much courage at the end never complained except for me being there every day..I could be nowhere else My best to you take care and This site is good because we all know what we are going through people who have not lost someone very close to them could never understand, even though they are always there for you and mean well.

      15. I am sorry for your loss. My husband was 47 when he passed away from a heart condition. I know I will see him again in heaven and I constantly remind myself that he is more joyful now than I could ever imagine.There is a giant empty space in my life and in my heart and I try hard to fill it with God because I know it would be way too easy to look to other things for comfort and that comfort would be fleeting and shallow. I’m sorry your heart hurts. It helps me to remember that some people never get to experience the kind of love my husband and I shared and although our marriage ended in sadness I had the experience of being loved completely. I try to replace my feelings of loss with gratitude for specific memories. There is music I can’t listen to and places I won’t visit because they are not the same and it is just too painful. I leave those songs, restaurants, cities… in my favorite memories and try new places. I have thought about grief counseling but I am not up for sharing any of those memories and without those no one can know how much he is missed.
        I will include you in my prayers. We are all still alive and life is a gift.

      16. Hi Ed, Linda, John and Leslie,

        I am very, very sorry for this happening to you. I’m not sure if I feel better or worse to hear that others are in the same situation I am in. Everyone tries to help but sometimes I have been a wise guy with my responses and then have to apologize for it. People will ask if there is anything they can do to help. Yea, bring my wife back to me. See what I mean? Not good. I am better off keeping quiet.

        I lost my wife, Carol, 48, to respiratory failure due to Covid 19 on June 16th. We started dating when she was 15 and I was 17. We married 4 years later. So 29 years of marriage and now I am supposed to move on somehow.

        I wish I had some good advice for you, but I am unsure myself of how this works. If I learn anything that may help, I will share. Until then, I am stuck in the same nightmare. I hope you all find something to help you cope with each new day.

      17. Ed, I can relate. I lost my husband, age 60 to COVID on 3/12 of this year. I am devastated without him. It isn’t getting any easier.

      18. ED, My wife of 36 years died of the exact same illness as your wife. The thought of not being able to be near her is beyond terrible…I totally understand and feel the same..My wife passed away and yet, I feel like a ghost in my own house. I dread going to bed and worst when I awaken and don’t see my wife laying next to me. I shudder at the idea that this is how it is going to be the rest of my life. They say time heals the pain..but I only miss her more as time goes by…I miss her so much, She was only 54…to young…we raised a family and were ready to continue our courtship..I don’t know how am going to to cary on, but I will..I still feel my wife’s love and her expectations of what she would want me to do and so I do..drag myself out of bed..check in with my kids, grandkids, friends and family…I put on the best smile I can and push through the day..the next day I do it all over again…the price of love! I wish and pray for the strength and I will do you the same..take care Ed!

      19. So sorry for your loss.I too lost my husband last year and our story is very similar to yours.I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him.

      20. So so sorry for your loss and how you feel now. I lost my husband suddenly last year. It has been over a year but I still grieve just about every day. Yesterday, I had a nap during the day. I woke up from a dream of him with his arms around me as I lay in bed. I couldn’t see him in my dreams but I just knew it was him. It felt good because I do not see him often in my dreams, rare. Yet, after I got up if was uncontrollable crying and again today. Also, still reach across to where he used to sleep. So hard reading other people’s grief telling that things do not really get better with time. It appears that with time one probably only is able to learn to live with grief of a loved one. Best wishes Ed.

      21. IF YOU HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM I WILL ADVISE YOU CONTACT HIM FOR HELP …………EMAIL:ROBIN SONBUC KLER11 ((@)) GMAI L COM——————

      22. Dear Sir I’ve lost my wife on June 14 of 21 and I’m having a hard time with this grief my wife and I were together for 66 years we was always with each other we did things together we waterskis together we did everything together we remember the same church and I miss her so much David

      23. I lost my husband 3/12/21 to COVID. We were married 27 years. He was 60. I am lost. I hate going to bed because he’s not there at night. I miss our morning cuddles on his mornings off. We did everything together. I brought him to the hospital the day that the vaccine became available for our age group! I had a mild case. Being totally alone is devastating: having to do the work of 2 around the house is physically exhausting and emotionally draining. I pray for strength every day. With COVD resurging I don’t have friends over or go out to lunch, etc. Total loneliness. I miss his phone calls, texts, hugs, kisses, support, love, etc etc. Thanks for listening, Phyllis Franco

      24. Ed sorry for your lose. I lost my wife Nov.30 . 2019 to cancer. She was 59 she also was a diabetic for 41yrs. with stage three kidney disease. We were together 22yrs. Both our second marriage but the best. She was my best friend and my joy. I loved being with her no matter what we’d be doing. I was going to once a month grievance meeting but since covid they have been on zoom meetings. I know how you feel Ed I still hurt and miss my Cathy so much. At times i want to give up and get angry at times. My faith has got stronger. I beleive i have had messages from her. Good luck to you and dont be afraid to look for help.

    2. I pray for everyone to have the strength. I lost my fiancé 9 months ago today. I miss her everyday and before I leave the house no matter how many times I leave the house I kiss her picture. I take her photo upstairs when I go to bed everynight. Julie was my life and we took care of each other. My heart is broken…

    3. Idk how to find a normal routine anymore without my husband, was w him since I was 17 until now 44….married 23 of those yrs, my best friend, lover, n since I got sick..my caretaker…than his motorcycle accident n I’ve been sitting alone in the house a yr plus now….I’m still very numb n very lost. Find joy n smiles when I can but I don’t feel like I’ll ever truly feel happy n whole again. Kids grown up n moved on. Holidays I spend alone now, no one comes by, phone never rings, I’m having issues with my purpose lately. Ugh. And going to my chemo treatments is my most social activity every other week. Wow, I suck.

    4. To everyone who’s lost a loved partner, heartfelt sympathy. Unless you’ve lost a spouse nobody knows the pain and loss we endure. My Gorgeous Gal passed away 23rd October 2020. We married late but had 32 wonderful years together and a beautiful daughter. How do we endure day after day I don’t know. We show a brave face but inside its all a mess. My hearts broken into a thousand pieces and can face carrying on alone. Weekends are the worst, but each night coming to a cold bed does me in. I miss her every minute of every day. How do we keep going I don’t know. We were Partners in life, and just knew how each other felt without having to say a word. It was wonderful being with such a beautiful lady and now I’m in total loneliness without her. As others say it’s a couples world and sadly as time passes so does support from friends. Now I feel alone except for our loving daughter. What purpose is our existence without the one we loved and lived for….

    5. I lost my wife Julie barron she was so loving and everyone loved her she was only 38 and we been together for 16 years . It is so hard without her we have 6 kids together and the youngest is 3 she is so beautiful. She looks just like her mom . Will I ever see her again while I’m on earth ?

    6. I lost my darling one month ago. We were married for 28 years. Together for 39 years. He had been ill for most of the time. Multiplying illnesses from Vietnam and Agent Orange. Severe PTSD but his faith in God kept him going. Last was Multiple Myeloma. Dr.s gave him 5 years, he lasted 13, fighting every step of the way. COVID was the last straw and the MM that had been in remission came back with a vengeance and he lasted another month. I was with him when he passed. One of the last things he said to me was, “I’m glad you are here.” It was a 325 mile drive for me to the hospital in Milwaukee in severe winter weather.
      My husband was my Superman. He lived the life many men only dream about. He was a sportsman, outdoorsman, loved music, he saw beauty everywhere. He loved old people and children, animals, birds. The joy he saw in life kept me going. He would sometimes look at pictures we had taken over the years and as his illnesses began to take their toll on him, he would ask how I could stand living and taking care of an “Old man.” I would tell him, In my eyes, he was still the young, vibrant man I had met all those years ago.
      Dear God, I wanted to go first! Life has no meaning without him to share it. The memories that are so beautiful are so terribly painful at the same time. I want to be with him but he would be ashamed of me if I took my own life and I know God would not want that either. I am in limbo. The only hope I have is that we will be together again some day.

      1. I just came across this site & happened to see your comment. It’s so relatable. My husband, Nick, was a Marine. Vietnam Vet. He died in October 2020. Small cell lung cancer, attributed to Agent Orange. Also PTSD. He was an outdoorsman, hunter, fisherman. We rode his Harley for 25 years. The most positive, happy man I ever knew. God & family were his priorities. I’m going on 17 months without him..
        I still wake up sad everyday & the emptiness is with me 24/7. But I do journal (I write to him & tell him what’s going on ). And I did join a bereavement group. Those 2 things really helped me to get through each day. I still have breakdowns but not as often & they don’t last long. From what I’m reading & hearing from other widows that are 3,4,5 + years in this horrible club, is the sadness will always be there but somehow they have found a purpose in life. I can’t foresee any real happiness in my future for myself. But I continue to pray. I have my kids & grandkids close by & they have been my true support..but it’s time I let them live their lives.
        I’m being told by therapists & books I read, that we need to find a new life. I don’t want to.. I just want my old one. I hope wherever you live, you can join a support group in person. It will help you to move forward.. we all have to. 😢

  2. We just had a huge fire here. I had to evacuate. I was angry with Steve all over again. He died 9 months ago and I was angry, lonely, and scared!

    1. Lost my wife 9 months ago…Tried some dating sites/a…talking to new women is so strange…I’m bored by these attempts of conversation/banter/connection…my wife was truly a force a powerhouse to our whole family…my in-laws their kids and such….it’s like she had the magic wand and everyone Became family…I understand they all have their lives, and are moving on.guess what I’m saying is that I miss what we had, and people tell me it will take time……it is so I don’t want to say empty or lonely…but….it’s very……………..

      1. Hang in there Ralph ..I’ve been a widower for 13 yrs…I remember feeling just like u do…avoid those dating websites…let your friends imtroduce u to people…it takes a LONG time…

        1. It’s been almost 18 years since my 1st wife died. Today is our 27th wedding anniversary. Even though I’ve remarried there’s not a day go by that I don’t think of her. She was my whole life and my reason for living. I have been lucky I found an amazing woman who loves me, she she has taken her place but she’ll never replace my first wife. All I’m saying is in time when you are ready and only you will know when that is you will move on in your own time. This is a very personal journey and unique to you.

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        3. My husband passed away this year March 13 45 years old I was 26 years married have 5 kids I feel all your pain I can’t breath at times , I’m so scared I find hard to believe he’s gone . Some days feel that I’m not going to get through this day I’m scared and living in world on my own that’s how I feel

          1. I just lost my husband 5/11/21 from a very progressive type of ALS, he was 57, we’ve been together for 40 years and have been married for 29 years. We have no children so I’m totally alone. I miss him so much… at first after his death he didn’t really sink in I guess because I was too busy trying to keep everything together and now that I’ve managed most of the things that happen after spouse dies it’s really hitting me hard. The grief and loneliness that I feel something I never imagined I would go through. Almost unbearable some days. I just feel so alone. I haven’t been out at all yet, I feel like I’m not complete without him and like I’m a third wheel—all our friends were couples. It’s so hard.

      2. I was blessed with connecting up right away with a girlfriend from my church. She also lost her husband 10 years ago…..so she understands l can never replace my precious wife of 28 yrs. But we are happy together and not alone.

      3. I thought of going onto date site only because the grief was hurting so much and was no going so thought that maybe it will help with companionship of another person. But I backed out and did not join because just couldn’t imagine having to go through the process of trying to connect and date with anyone other than my Colin who passed away just over a year ago. I didn’t want anyone else and still don’t. He is still on my mind everyday and just about all night, except when I am sleeping. Still hard to listen to music we had or when out somewhere and songs are heard in background, even when it is at the supermarkets. He was my husband, friend etc etc. Don’t know when I will be ready. Instead, joined a site where people of my age meet for a coffee, walk or other outing. Meet up once a fortnight. That will do me for now. Zoom in on an education session at local congregation when have it and attend odd congregation service because not close to home. I now realise that grief will be a long and slow process. On a day you feel like you are moving forward but then end of same day or next day you have just taken two steps back. Have learnt that the loss of a loved one is what wears one down in this life more than anything else because it is just so all consuming physically and mentally. Their loss takes a piece of your heart more than once in life.

    2. I lost my wife 6 months ago. The struggle is with being alone and then having to pretend to the kids and friends that it isnt agony. I dread late evenings when my son (other son is at college) is watching tv or reading. The whole house feels empty. For now I just seem to be passing time. Hoping for things to stabilize and get better. Like you I miss being touched, having a best friend and somebody to share silly things with daily.

      1. I understand what you are going through my husband passed away it will be 3 years on June 12th, 2019, he had congestive heart failure and diabetes, it is still hard sometimes but I keep in mind he is not suffering and not in pain anymore he is at peace now and is happy now too, it seems to ease the pain some and becoming bearable, he was very ill. May God give you peace and comfort for you. I will pray for you. Your Friend, Lisa C.

        1. i feel just like you. My husband died July 1 and even though i have been able to take care of logistics i just miss him so much. It feels as if there is an elephant sitting n my chest and it wont budge. i keep hoping i will wake up and realize it was just a nightmare. all my friends try to help but i just feel sad

          1. I feel the same, my husband, my best friend, my everything died June 23rd. We didnt’ have kids. I feel so lost, sad, alone and just wonder why I am here now. Friends mean well, I have work and my pups but I am just moving thru the days existing. The elephant wont get off of me either.

          2. My husband of 35years died suddenly and without warning in July. He was only 60:years old and in good health. I’m 53 and living alone for the first time in my life. He was my best friend and soulmate. We did every thing together and we loved the same music and movies. I can’t watch baseball anymore. I miss being able to tell him about my day, sharing funny stories and observations with him and having my phone buzz throughout the day with his funny messages. Can I ever get past these feelings? I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I can’t imagine that I can ever fall in love with someone else because I am still married to Peter in my heart and soul.

          3. My husband also died June 23. Hard to believe it’s almost a year already. Together 46 years, married 39. Hope you are well.

          4. I know the feeling. My husband died suddenly January 29 of this year. No warning. It was not in our plan; 45 years married; retired; everything perfect; then he’s gone. The deepest sorrow.

        2. I lost my husband April 29, 2019. Our anniversary is Oct 2…how am I to cope. I am sad all the time, people tell me I need to move on. I can’t, I miss him so much. He is the love of my life, my best friend. My life is so empty. We have been together for 42 years….I too, want to wake up from this nightmare and find him beside me, softly snoring. I keep thinking Wednesday will be a good day to die!

          1. my husband died on Juni 7, 2019. We were married 10 years, together 15 years. He was 63. All was so fast and i missed him very much. I see life now and i cant find a reason to find living interesting. I just want to go where he is, and talk to him again, and touch him, embrace him. Like you, i hope i will wake up from this nightmare. And be fully happy again, like i was with him.

          2. Wednesday? Jane, I pray you are still with us. I had a day picked too. But then I remembered about ‘change’. Nothing stays the same. I would have missed some great occasions. So stick around and see how it all turns out!

          3. Jane,
            My husband passed April 28, 2019. We were only married 11 years. I, too, try to keep up a good fight every day. Friends and neighbors are wonderful … but nights and holidays are rough. I hope to retire in May. I so want to feel like my life is needed here. My church helps, too.

          4. Jane
            My husband of 43 years died after a 3 year battle with cancer on May 17, 2019 at 9:50AM.. It was never a chore to be with him through this, it was a real privilege–I told him he would never go anywhere but home or if need be, the hospital when he needed some stabilization.

            Now he’s no longer here physically and it’s horrific. Death changes everything, no way around it. I will never rest until I see him again in the next world. In fact, I am just going through the motions. It’s a waiting game because I really do not exist without him and I am not ashamed to say it.
            When someone is the father of your five children, who went through so many battles with you and who is connected to you in every way, there’s no relief from their being gone. I always thought we could go together because I knew neither of us would be good without the other. My oldest daughter said Dad told her 3 days before he died, ‘I’m worried about Mom.’ I told her it wasn’t about finances, or where I would live or anything it was because he knew we were definitely one person. I don’t care if that makes me codependent or some other term, it’s the truth.

            I’m taking it one minute at a time and I’m not letting go of anything or ‘moving on’ until I leave this world and join him.

          5. I do understand. My soulmate passed away April 29,2018. We were married over 47 years and together 50 years. Actually we met in the 6th grade. Things we used to do together I just can’t do. We used to go to the fitness center together. I tried to go alone and had a major meltdown. We loved watching Westerns. I can’t anymore. I just take it one day at a time. I have accepted that I will never be as happy as I was before that day. My family and friends have been wonderful but like it’s been said they can’t begin to understand my despair. I was an only child so being alone is not the issue. It’s being without him that is so painful. May we all find peace.

          6. Jane, boy can I relate to you. My husband died April 4th, 2019 when he hit a truck while riding his bike, poof, gone. We had been together 43 years, Our anniversary is also Oct 2nd. I too think any day would be a good one to die. My kids don’t get it either, they don’t understand how alone I am, they live in the US, haven’t seen them for 2 years. I hate every decision I have to make entirely on my own, and deal with various organizations with issues, I need him here to bounce things off on. It is so hard, I don’t like it. We had so many plans for our retirement, and now I am alone. All the things we wanted to do and were going to do I have no interest in. I don’t want to be around groups who get upset about nothing. They don’t appreciate what they have, just like I didn’t. So sad all the time. It has now been over 2 years, I still want to wake up from this nightmare called life.

      2. I lost my husband April 7 2019 the loneliness and quietness is killing me ! I have a son in high school 16 good kid but doesn’t understand why I cry so much lol

        1. I met my husband when I was 171/2 and he was 211/2 a First Class-man (Senior) at West Point,USMA when he and 4 others came to dinner hosted by my parents. Exactly 18 months later we celebrated Christmas together.We were married on 12/18/65.
          On 6/2/20 he died of LBD after 6 years of suffering from LBD,a horrific disease.This is 1st time I have EVER lived alone.Our first child was 3 weeks old when he left for RVN.We were blessed with 2 more children and have 4 Young Grandchildren. I have never felt so alone .

        2. I lost my wife, of 52 years, a year ago.She was my life,I loved her so much,I wish I loved her more.I miss her so much.Her laughter,her happiness.The way she loved me.I did not deserve her.The loneliness is killing me too,especially in the evening and at night.I pray we meet again.

      3. Yes, Sir. I know exactly how that feels. I am a Pastor. My wife was my best friend. We lost her less than a week ago, after just over a year of fighting Triple-Negative Breast Cancer. We have two children ages 12 & 14. She planned all of our vacations and family time. The house seems so empty and quiet. It is truly gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I am not one to “put on a happy face” or try to hide my emotions. I try to think or listen for her advice, but that only reminds me of her voice, or points me to her photos. She was a wonderful best friend to have as my wife. I miss her terribly.

        1. My heart goes out to you Michael and I wish you what ever peace may await you. My darling wife has only days to live after a brief fight with cancer. We have been pals for 48 years and I am in total despair and crying continuously. At 90 years of age and with no other family member alive I will have nothing left to live for. I feel what you are going through, let us think of each other occasionally and wish each other peace.

        2. Michael, how are things going for you now? I lost my wife to metastatic breast cancer two weeks ago. We were together for twenty two years and have two boys, 19 & 16. I hope that things have become more stable for you and that you have begun to find your “new normal.” Though we knew that she would not survive the disease she passed much sooner than any of us had hoped. She was the light of my life and my best friend. I trusted and loved her like no other. I am wandering around the house, constantly looking at her pictures and talking to her. I thought that after being her caregiver for the past two years would have prepared me somewhat for this day, but nothing prepared me for feeling this lost and lonely. Losing my partner and the most beautiful person in the world, both inside and out, has been more devastating than I ever could have imagined. I pray that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel one day.

      4. Robert, I don’t want to say this and I don’t like it – ‘but I hope your doing better’

        You mentioned passing time, for me I dont think I can bare that…my loss happened this past March 2020.

        1. Joel, I just saw your post. It does get better. It is still hard some days and it is hard being a dad of a son who still grieves but I think more now about my future and I find joy now in being with people. I have met a woman I think is special and that has been fantastic. It will take you time but try to get out and be with somebody else 1 on 1. Feel free to start a new life. I will pray for you. Bob Kalinke

        2. My husband was diagnosed with ALS in December of 2019, he died May 26, 2020. Our 21st anniversary was July 31. We have children and grandkids. This man was my soulmate. In the 22 years that spent together there were only 14 days that we weren’t together. This pain is so deep it is actually physically hurts. I don’t know how to live without him. It’s been so hard just moving from minute to minute when the center of chest feels like it has ripped out and just breathing seems impossible.

      5. Robert, I so know the feeling! My best friend and partner is forever gone! Everyone else is busy with their own families, including my children. It’s so lonely without my partner! Tough to take!

    3. I lost my wife after 37 years of marriage. Pancreatic cancer. It’s been 2 plus years but that never ending hole in my heart will never cease. Gd has given me the strength to rebuild my life with dating( still surreal), building a new business. I miss the intimacy ( not necessarily physical), even while she was drifting away, just feeling her presence was comforting. We certainly don’t want our spouses to suffer and for those who are believing in the almighty , in peace and tranquillity. The survivors are left with the questions, and our significant other has the answers. I have grown in my grief. Don’t allow yourself to be so despondent to the point of giving up on life. I’m in it with all of you survivors. Make a plan and stick with it. Baby steps, and each day will be a little better. Much Love Steven

  3. One of my realizations was that I missed being touched. A hug or a grandchild’s touch isn’t quite the same as being touched by a partner in life.

    1. That’s exactly how I feel too. I miss my husbands warm embrace and our good night kisses, holding hands while falling asleep. I even miss his snoring!

      1. Very, very true. That is one of the hardest parts. I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Wishing tranquility, acceptance and good health to all.

      2. My husband died almost 9 years ago. The morning after he died, I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe I still looked whole. I expected an arm or leg to be gone. I realized something essential had been scooped out of me. I still feel that way.

      1. My husband died in May 2020. He went to the kitchen to get us some ice cream and had a massive heart attack. I tried with help from 911 to save him and at first seemed to have worked but he didn’t survive it. We had just retired and I thought many wonderful years ahead. He was funny and loved to tell stories. We held hands all the time. I miss that and wonder what’s Gods plan for me now? I have pets and they keep me busy. I’m still shopping and cooking for two so I need to learn it’s just me now. That hurts. I don’t want to live alone for the rest of my life. No children or grandkids either.

    2. My husband passed just 8 weeks ago. If I hear one more person say I know how you feel I’ll scream. 53 years with one person is a long time and unless you’ve been through this type of loss you can’t know how it feels. The emptiness is so much. I feel like I’m drowning most of the time. I hate putting on the brave face. I can’t see how anyone does this. But we have to. Stay strong all of you. 💕

    3. Judith.. So right! Having one’s longtime partner leave, with no warning, is extremely heartbreaking, lonely & life changing!

  4. I lost my hudband in june 2015…..
    This article is so correct and still people dont
    Get it…..loss of a spouse changes you.
    I have God an a handful of awesome people and did hospice support group then greif share
    I did not start to come out of the hard struggle till 2 yyr mark

    1. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 11 months ago and I thought it must be me why am I still like this. I see that you went to the 2 yr Mark maybe there is hope for me.

    1. very true i lost my wife 12 years ago while i was at work.my son called to tell me my wife passed out.i got to the hospital and she was in a coma she died three days later.she was my everything i keep working so i don’t have those 8 hours to think about missing her so much there are days i just want to die.

      1. Frank, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband, my soulmate just 2 weeks ago. I don’t know how to live without him. The pain goes so deep, I cannot describe it. No matter what I do, it’s not the same. I went back to work, picking up 12 hrs shifts. I do understand why God took him from me. He had surgery with complications and died from it. God took him because he knew the future and he would be suffering in pain. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and my husband didn’t want chemotherapy or radiation therapy.
        This came to me while I was praying to our Father asking him Why. Now I am thanking God for giving him Life without pain suffering.
        I don’t have all the answers but I do Believe he is Saved & living in Heaven.
        I’m not saying it’s easy because that would be a lie.What I am saying, Please give this to God and let him give you the Peace- Love- Comfort that you long for.

        1. I lost my wonderful husband on Feb 20th
          2020. I can not endure the pain anymore. I just want to die to be with him. He has been taking care of me since I was 21. 34 years.
          We have no children, only our sweet little
          Dog who we view as our child. He is my
          Whole life. It only gets worse not better
          Therapy does not help. I only want him.

          1. Tina, I very recently lost my wife of 47years as of this coming Christmas eve. She was my entire life, energy and pretty much everything else. Your words come closest to my own thoughts except (we) have a son an no pets. The grief side of your words are how I feel, I hope you were able to get better in some small way at least as of now I still don’t see it for me.

          2. I lost my husband in October 2020 and a son in June 2020. My heart is broken and I feel so lost . We were married for 66 years and 90& of the time we did things together. Dancing, playing cards, shopping and many more things. I also want to be with him.I have 4 other children an many grand and great grandchildren. but they have there own lives to live.

        2. that is how i feel. lost spouse of 35 years. no children. we shared 2 dogs and several cats over the years and current cat that he loved and cat is my heart. i do not want to live anymore i am brokenhearted beyond comprehension. we were so close did not have to speak we knew what the other was thinking. our bond was unbreakable. it has been 3 months. i am not ok and never will be i want to be with him unbearable pain noone understands it

      2. That is what I say my wife was my everything its 4 months she passed away and it feels like it was just a moment ago

      3. Funny my husbands name was frank , it’s 5 years for me and. You’re the only person who is honest enough to say how hard it is and sometimes you don’t get over it

        1. Pam my husband died 9 months ago yesterday, I am alone I am without half of myself. People say some dumb things they mean well they just don’t understand. I just quit answering and say I hope you never feel this way. I don’t want to be sad and I don’t want to be alone, but for now I am I don’t think I will ever get over it but I am going to get through it, because that is what he would want. I love my memories and my pictures sometimes I want to call him and tell him something and I cry, I cry over pictures & memories, we all have to do it our way, with Jesus guiding me through his Word I will make it and have the hope of seeing him again.

          1. I read your words and I feel the same way. I cry when I see couples. I want to tell them enjoy every minute. My husband died June 16 2020. The isolation and silence can make your mind reflect and it’s unbearable. I wish you the best on your journey. Your not alone🙏🏻 Mary

      4. I lost my husband just a week ago I feel like I want to die. I miss him so much nothing has ever hurt this deep. Am so alone, one hours seem so long I don’t even want to live anymore. He’s left me in a financial mess am going to lose my house and everything. Nothing will ever be the same. It’s hard wanting to live another day, I know I don’t want to.

        1. Bonnie my husband had a stroke, he i assumed took care of our bills.anyway his phone kept ringing off the hook and i never look at his phone so hes in a coma i start calling these numbers, 3 house payments behind, a huge electric bill , 2 truck payments behind ect.he made good mony i swear i dont know what he did with it.anyway he died 4 days later august 15.i had a job within a couple weeks.also his family never talked to him sso i was filling out body donation papers! The hospital would call and ask me about his body.so his family all donated mony and got him crematef.he left me with 800 in cash a closed checkbook.i understand he did not pay the insurace.

      5. my husband died 11yrs ago. he had a massive heart attack right next to me. it was his 49th birthday. my son tried to save him but could not save him.i struggle from bipolar disorder and depression.he is my life and breath.i dontwork i am on disability so i have way to much time to think. but threw the grace of god i am still here.i pray that god has grace and murcey on your soul. god bless you.

    2. I lost my firstborn son 2/05/08. He was 28. That is by far the worst pain and I’ll set that aside because the subject is spouses. My husband had a couple of heart attacks later that year, 7/28/08 and a double stent was inserted. 1/01/09 my husband had The Big One and I performed the new way of CPR I had seen two weeks before. God was in charge. He lived but had permanent and severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen to the brain. All the nurses and doctors said I did everything right. He didn’t know who the kids and I, or anyone else, were. He lived over three years as I changed him, shaved him, bathed him etc. He finally succumbed 3/09/2012. We were married 21 years and 9 months. I get scared. Am I doing everything right? What would he think I should do? I considered a partner to go to dinner and movies with but it’s all I can do to take care of myself. I’m not a good bet and no one could live up to the legend who was my husband.

    3. I lost my husband on Sunday. There’s nothing that can accurately describe this pain. We lost our son 5 years ago and I thought nothing could be worse. I was wrong because we had each others love and support to get us through. This, this leaves you devastated in such a way that you can’t see an end to it…..ever. How do you forget a 42 year marriage that was as near perfect as one could be?

  5. I experienced loss of friends ,not invited anymore I ‘m now single not by choice and it sucks .People can suck sometimes . I see car’s full of people going out in my neighborhood ride by they dont even say hello anymore .Or why dont you come and meet us weare such and such a place tonight .

  6. My Beloved died in 2011. I still miss his touch. And as much as I am grateful for others touch, it is not the same. This is a wonderful article. I wish I had read it earlier.

  7. I’m sure glad I came across this. It is so helpful. Loss my husband 1 yr and 4 mos. ago. Lately it seems like just yedterday. It keeps hitting in waves. It’s not something you get a dress rehearsal for.

    1. Rick,I lost my wife about twenty years ago. I too still cry for the loss I suffer with. They say it gets better with time. All I ask myself is when will that time be. My wife’s name is Debbie. My life stopped twenty years ago. I’m still waiting for it to restart. Not only did I lose my first wife at 45, I lost my second wife Nancy at 66 years young. My mind is trashed, which has caused an avalanche of other issues related to loneliness . I too feel dead inside. Don’t know what to do to pull me out of this terrible dream. Wish I was dead also. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Love feels how it should when i first got married .when I got remarried to try and recover from being a widow and losing a son i always look back and cry but fight to move forward

  8. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with,It has been 1 year 2 month and I”am still crying every day .

    1. I understand weeping every day, I still do it, my wife died on Nov. 08, 1917.

      In my agony I wrote this for my dear wife and best friend, Georgette.

      I Weep When…
      Looking at your photos, notes and cards.
      Going to bed with only your pillow beside me for company.
      I no longer hear your gentle voice in the dark, telling me,
      “You are my best friend, and I love you honey.”
      Seeing the full moon, you loved looking at
      through the bedroom window while in bed.
      Waking up without you by my side.
      The morning sun shines, you loved the morning sun.
      When I am out walking, and don’t see you there beside me.
      Waiting for the bus without you by my side.
      Riding the bus as I glance over at your empty seat.
      I don’t see you across the table from me at the coffee shop.
      Sitting on the couch with your empty space beside me.
      Looking in the closet at your things , you will never wear again.
      I see your watch still keeping time, while you are in eternity.
      Seeing your shoes by the bed where you always kept them.
      Seeing your toothbrush and hand lotion still in the bathroom.
      Watching your favorite TV programs without you by my side.
      I can no longer make you an egg sandwich before bed.
      I don’t hear your voice calling , asking me to come on up to bed.
      Your absence keeps me a prisoner of God.
      I no longer hear you saying, ” honey don’t worry,
      every thing will be fine, God will help us.”

      I still weep many times a day. We were married for 52 years…..I just turned 72.

      1. John again…..my dear wife of 52 years passed on Nov, 08, 2017, not 1917…….sorry for the mix up in the date,
        I was weeping as I typed the message and tears were in my eyes. thank you for understanding the mix up.

      2. i was 60 when my wife died.i used to call at 9am every morning while i was at work.the morning i called her she told me she had a small headache.i said if she wanted me to come home she said no i should have. my son called me three hours later to tell me my wife passed out.she died three days later and till this day i think i should have went home.i am 72 now and i am alone and sad hoping for the day we are together again.remember you are not alone on this ride of grief you have a lot of company God help us.

        1. I understand your pain and ‘regret” for not going home. I sometimes still call home when and leave a short message for her when I am out, even, though she is not there, I leave a message for her on the answering machine…….just to hear her name mentioned when I listen to my messages when I get home.

          1. Hi Beverly, I feel similar to you. My husband died eleven months ago at age 77 with heart failure and it’s like world stopped being in color. I am 62 and my parents aare still living in their mid 80’s. If it weren’t for me trusting God each day, I don’t think I could have any hope. I appreciate all the writers expressing that they wished that they didn’t have to still exist. I really know this feeling. May God lift every one of us up to bear this and in fact thrive, in Jesus’s name.

        2. My husband and i were high school sweethearts. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 esophagus cancer on you 41 st. Wedding anniversary august 10th 2006. He ppassed away 13 months later. These last 12 1/2 years hahave been so very lonely. My daughter and my sisters girl’s were very supportive, but after a while life for them life goes back to their normal. As it should, they have their own families and lives to live. Its just so lonely. Just seeing family 2 to 3 times a year makes life very lonely.. i slways wish someone would call to check up on me to see how I’m doing. Been thinking if i died how long would it be before my body would be discovered. Sick thought iknow.

          1. I understand completely Jenny.My
            Husband of 39 years HS sweethearts died suddenly of kidney failure in his sleep peacefully a month after turning 60. I still work, I have to. I also have mobility issues and have the same fear you do. I have stairs to go down to the laundry room and I NEVER Go without my cellphone.Wont do me any good if I’m out cold, but it’s a bit of a comfort.knowing I can at least hit 911. This just seems to get harder to deal with, not easier. Blessings on you Jenny

        3. its been almost 8 months, i found out my wife was gone, it still feels like yesterday, Im lost, I miss my girl, peole do not seem to understand when you say She is my Everything, she wasn’t “just” my wife. we did everything together, 30 years gone in a single phone call, I still can not think, the pain is real, it is gut wrenching, I still find myself looking at my phone about the time she usually calls to head home, the nights are horrible, Im 58 and can not seem to get anything together still I would not want this pain for anyone.

          1. Greetings,
            I’ve seen several here talking about, dating, or asking about what’s next. I’ve been a widower since Early August 2018.
            A bit of advice, if I may.
            Don’t do anything drastic that you can’t reverse. Do not sell your home for at least a year. I’m at 2 years and still not ready to sell the house I do want to sell.
            Don’t let family or friends pressure you on ANYTHING. You’re allowed to say “I’m not ready” and NO! as much and as long you need. Do not be rushed.
            We all grieve differently and in our own time. Try to realize that your grief will most likely subside, but then roo, realize that some sadness may linger a while, or forever.
            For me, I realized that ~my wife was more than a star in my life. She was the whole sky. Personally, we mated for life. But that’s just me, now.
            It fealt like someone had taken a rusty knife to cut her away. Plus I realized that more than half of me is missing. There was me, her, and us, so 2/3 of her is gone. Now add to that, my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my counselor, my software engineer. my partner in crime.u
            Lastly, for now, seek out and call your local hospice and ask them about your journey through Grief. They are experts on the subject. Sign up for grief group meetings, that hopefully will reopen sometime soon.
            Hospice is available, even if your spouse did not use it. PLUS, they often have open monthly get togethers. I truly believe, if I hadn’t sought out hospice, I might easily be under the bed in a fetal position.

        4. My fiance of 6 yrs died on Oct 25, 2021 27 days ago. I spent my days just looking at pictures,video s of use she was my best friend my everything she got 2 vaccinations per her family behind my back that sped up her death from copd. I miss every little thing about her, I called her badger cause she was soo full of life and joke and always had her own uniques everything and would never ever break her will to of course smoke or her own specific ways she, cook, eat, sleep, care & love me. I miss holding her at night w arm around her and my other under her head holding her fingers laced in with mine. She was sooo funny such a little thing 5,8 100 lbs and pound for pound onry always messing w me it seemed just to be funny always making me laugh. She rub her arm hairs or mine to her nose like a baby does. When I was up and she laying down she d hold her arms all way out and open and close her fingers, I can still hear the two rings on her fingers clicking and she would say H O L D T ME . I find my self doing this to they sky alot, she was everything to me. Taking care of her like a nurse after all the hospital visits and stays over 6 months. God has shown me some miraculous things, I know she s in heaven, seen her kitchen 2 xs , she s ushering kids to heaven and has tons of flowers, seen her holding Jesus. I have pict of Jesus holding a man in my kitchen I said that needs to happen he took me over stormy rainy ocean and showed me of him holding me over ominous roaring ocean it was soo beyond vivid. Still hurts every day and nights are the worst. Definitely feel like half myself is gone. Trying do God s will but I wish I was dead. She was married briefly earlier in life so that always making me wonder if I have to share her in heaven. So much hurt, tears and yelled at God soo much over this time I still can barely talk and hurt. God is soo good it just hurts soo bad. I need stop being selfish and be grateful for best times of my life but still hurts is all.

      3. John, this could have been written by me, al.ost word by word. The pain is so real, for the loss of all the things that will never come again. I entered your comments in my journal, because it spoke as of from my heart. We were truly blessed to have known this fulfilling love. May the love of our Lord fill our hearts with the confirmation this is a temporary separation, until He calls us by name, and comes to take us to join our spouse in our room in His mansion. Prayers for a Merry Christmas.

        1. I understand your pain and ‘regret” for not going home. I sometimes still call home when and leave a short message for her when I am out, even, though she is not there, I leave a message for her on the answering machine…….just to hear her name mentioned when I listen to my messages when I get home.

        2. Thank you Sandra…….My Georgette was so very close to God and prayed allways, and now I think I am riding relying on her her prayers as I always have always throughout our marriage.I am still praying one prayer,”God be merciful to me a sinner.” The only prayer that I can muster these days……along with Georgette please pray for me.
          My prayer every morning and every night!

          1. The important part is you are praying! God knows what’s in your heart, so even when you don’t know what words you want to say God still hears you. You carry your wife with you in your heart too so she still is a part of your praying. I lost my husband of 30 and half years only 7 months ago. I still cry almost every day and pray to feel his hand run across the top of my head and hear him say how much he loves me. I can only trust God has a plan for me even though I can’t see what it is without my husband. I know I will see him again in an eternal kingdom.All the tears and pain and heartbreak will be gone and only pure joy will fill our new bodys to be together again forever in worshiping our Lord Jesus Christ.

      4. Hi John,
        I lost my husband 5/27/17. Your message is exactly everything I have happening. the remote still goes on his bedside stand and not mine. I put his pillow out every night. His shoes are still outside the door showing this is his house. His razor is on the bathroom counter, his mouthwash, lotion, toothbrush, clothing , etc etc etc is still in the same spot. I no longer can lay his vitamins out , even though I still have his bottle of vitamins. I use to cry when Id see lonely people eating in the restaurants alone. Now, I am one of them. He use to call out to me to come to bed. I make popcorn for one on our special show night , instead of two. The list is never ending and I am very sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult. You will be in my prayers.

        1. I so get it. My husband and my son died this year. I did remove everything, But I wonder…will I regret it?
          My deal is to switch up all routines. But, I am never quite sure what if anything I should do today. No matter how we choose to handle this we are left in an Alice and Wonderland world. What is next?

          1. I lost my eldest daughter at 47 years old six years ago, oesophageal cancer. My son died last year 46 years old in his sleep, my husband died on 23rd June 2020, just after we lost his furry friend. I feel numb inside and terrified of losing anyone else. I lost two brothers before they reached fifty and now my companion is my dog, who is getting old and is as confused as I am. I’m 72 years old and for the first time in my life, I’m living alone. I thank god for my dog. My daughter gifted both of them. I dread the day when I have to say goodbye to him. He is the reason I get up in the morning, he is my purpose. I have only two children and a brother left. They think I’m strong but I’m not. I’m dying inside.

        2. My husband of almost 30 years died on February 16th 2018. It was the hospitals fault. I miss so bad still. It never gets any easier. I lost my very best friend on this Earth. Life is empty now. Even my eyelids droop down now. I think from my deep sadness. When I look into a mirror it frightens me. My whole world has changed I am no longer the person I once was. I feel sad for this pathetic creature I’ve turned into. I miss my other half. I miss my husband. I’m just killing time until we’re together again. 😔

      5. My husband died last June. I fell in love with him when I was 14 and I am 62 now. We weren’t able to have children. I have lost my father, mother, brother, stepbrother, and stepfather to cancer and now my husband. The line that stood out to me most is the one about being a prisoner of God. I don’t want to live anymore. David was my entire life. I can’t believe in a good God but I cannot commit suicide. We who have lost a spouse will never ever have that spouse again as there are no marriages in heaven if there is such a place. I want my David back. He was all I had, my reason for living.

        1. I can relate, Lesley. My husband died on 8-11-15 after 17 years of marriage. I retired earlier this year and this has made the loss more acute. I have friends a d family and I am grateful for them, but it’s not enough. I wish I had the luxury of committing suicide, but I can’t because I am a Christian. I just hope I don’t live too much longer.

          1. I understand totally. My wife died if March of 2018. I still just want to die so I can be with her, 33 years together and the last year and a half have felt like eternity. She didn’t believe in suicide, otherwise that would be an option. I just want to be with her again

        2. Lesley, I too feel I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. It’s only been 4 weeks for me and my husband died suddenly, only 64 and very healthy. We were together 38 years. I just pray that I don’t live a long life. I don’t want to as Jon was my entire life and now I have nothing to look forward to. It just makes for a life without hope.

        3. My sweet husband Darren and I got married last November. We had the most beautiful wedding. A week after we come back from our honey moon he got sick and was diagnosed with stage colon cancer. He was 47 years old. The drs told me that he was going to be with me for 5 years the most. We did not make it to our year anniversary. I’m 52 years old. He pass August 29th. I cry everyday. I’m so depress. We were so much in love. I was a single mom for almost 20 years. I raise 2 beautiful daughters. My 23 got kill with her husband 5 years in a horrible car accident. I do believe in God. He have promised to all who believe in him that He is The way the truth and the life. I believe with my whole heart that I will see my sweet husband in heaven. God be with me and all people who have loss there wife or husbands. It is not easy. One day we will know. God is good. He who believes in Jesus as Lord and savior will have eternal life.

          1. God bless you Nelli. Hold tight to your faith. I had lost mine, but as time passes, it was and now will forever be my saving grace. It is Dec. 2, 2019. I lost my husband of 35 years on November 20th 2008. I am still sitting here crying this evening, aching, … too many feelings to describe. I remarried in 2013. I love my new husband, though I can not and never will get over losing my one and only first love. Is this wrong? No, it’s not. I was blessed to know that kind of love. So we’re you.

          2. Hi Nelli, my beloved Marie and were 47 when we met and 52 until this past March 2020 she passed sudden to due to her underlined medical whenever treated. I’m a believer as well (as well as she)…but this rooted me out.
            At this point Im only talking to him and the Holy Spirit in my agony horror. She had kids similar to you, I did not.

          3. nelly so sorry for your losses.thank you for sharing.i feel that god uses people for hope and use people to try to bring people to him.he is pure love.and the people we love so deeply are with him.and when our job is done for god. we will all be together again.god have mercy and grace on your soul.

      6. My husband died 9 months ago. I also weep several times everyday. The pain and sorrow are so intense.

      7. You have so completely described me and my thoughts. I am 74 and my spouse died Jan 2018. 6 mos. of lung cancer. It seemed everyone thought he was a burden, how Wrong they were!

      8. John, my husband died 11/7/17. We were married almost 49 years. We were best friends. We did everything together. I miss him so much still, but it is the loneliness that I feel all of the time even when I am with other people that is so hard. I miss that special bond. Friends and family are dear to me, but it is just not the same as when he was with me. I look at his photo and talk to him every day. I ask his opinion on things and seem to hear in my heart his replies. It is good to know that others are hurting too. May God bless you. I am 74

        1. Dear fellow widows/widowers,
          Another night I cannot sleep. I so feel everyone’s pain especially those that are just starting their difficult journey of dealing with the loss of their spouse. It’s been 10 months since I lost my husband and best friend of 41 years. We have no children and we were everything to each other. My husband suffered so much in his last month and he told me he did not want to leave me but he is ready to go and he prays God takes him quickly. He said you are strong hon you will be okay. I wept and told him I can’t live without him. I was helping him to bed when he suddenly collapsed and suffered a fatal heart attack. The ambulance came and when they told me he was gone my world shattered. It was hours before they took my husband away – I held him in my arms telling him over and over how much I love him. The funeral and the months that followed were a haze of pain. My husband was 79 when he passed and I am 66 now. The firsts of special occasions are so hard – our anniversary, Christmas and recently my birthday. Hearing our special songs on the radio that we would slowly dance to would make me weep with longing to feel his arms around me again – just one more time. Completing forms and getting emotional having to acknowledge I am a widow to strangers. I was able to survive the deaths of my parents whom I adored. But the pain of losing my husband was unbearable and I did not think I could go on without him. Ours was a love story – we were still deeply in love after 41 years. I realize now how blessed we were to have shared a lifetime of love and such a happy marriage. I have loving siblings and very close friends who have been wonderful in providing me with support. But none understand that my life will never be the same so I hide my pain. I have been living with relatives these past 10 months and soon I will be moving into my own home. It gives me something to focus on and look forward to. I need to be on my own so I can try to find some balance in my life and learn to live a life no longer being part of a couple. I can then talk freely to my husband and share my days with him which gives me comfort. I will of course continue to share precious times with my family and friends. I am stronger now, I am so grateful that God was merciful and took my husband quickly so that my beloved is no longer in pain and at peace. I know now I would rather live with my pain that to see my husband suffer so I have accepted that. The pain is not as sharp now, this last month I can finally sleep for 5 or 6 hours at a time and starting to get my appetite back after losing so much weight. But like most of you, I look forward to the day I am reunited with the love of my life. So today is a hard day and tomorrow I will carry on to live another day because my family and friends need me. Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings – it’s the first time I have done so. It will help me to sleep tonight that there are others who understand that we will never get over our loss. To my husband i say – I am doing my best to be strong my love but I miss you with all my heart. Good night all and God bless you and know that you are not alone.

      9. Such a beautiful tribute…my soulmate passed away April 29,2018. He passed out after dialysis three days before and was admitted to the hospital. I visited him each day and we were both feeling optimistic. Now they would find out why he had started feeling so poorly. His tests had come back negative and when I spoke to him that morning he sounded so happy. The doctor was releasing him to come home. 30 minutes later I was getting ready to go to the hospital when I got a call saying he had taken a sudden turn for the worse. I rushed to the hospital. Less than an hour later the doctor informed us he was gone. Even the doctor was baffled and ordered an autopsy. I just can’t move forward. The joy I had is gone. He and I were in the sixth grade together. We were together as a couple for 50 years and married over 47 years. From 20 and 22years old he was my everything. I’m 72 years old and I have cried every day he’s been gone. I say I’m fine when friends ask because I know they just don’t get it. It does help to know that there are others like yourself who can relate to the sadness I feel.

      10. god bless you .that made me cry .but it was so beautiful thank you for sharing .may god have mercy and grace on your soul.you are truly blessed with the love you have.and i truly feel feel she is there with you. god bless you.

      11. john so sorry for your pain.it made me cry.your story is so beautiful .your love so deep you are truly blessed. she is with you everyday.i feel god uses our stories to show his love. he is pure love and is inside all of us. we are all here to do a job for him. and with out pain .alot of people might not want him and that is what where here for.to show his love so we will all be together for eternity. god bless you

      12. This is what I feel , my husband died Feb 2021 Tomorrow would be 53 years of a wonderful marriage. I just can’t stop crying today.

        1. Today is two weeks since my beloved husband passed away 50 yrs of also wonderfull marriage, but seems that nobody understands my grieving, I identify with your feelings.

    2. for some people they get married right away thinking that will make them happy again or just to be no alone.for some people it make work but no one can ever replace the love me and my wife had.

      1. I do the same June . I also panicked when I saw the first Christmas ads because after that is January – 1 yr . I dread this . I still cry at least once a day and I am ready to go anytime . I am 56 . He died right before his birthday ( I am 18 months older) and we have never been this far apart in age . It’s weird I know but still . His death was sudden and only 53 .

        1. I can relate in some way to every story I’m reading today. I hurt for myself as well as I hurt for everyone here who has a story to tell. This is the first time since my Eddies’ death that I am publicly speaking about our life we shared. My empty soul will never run over with Love and Laughter. I will never be whole again. I lost my Love 2019, April13. Sudden massive heart attack. Just 49 years young he was. And that’s how he will always be remembered. He was a month shy of his 50th birthday. We were three months short of our 30 year wedding anniversary. And in an instant I lost him. To never talk,laugh,and Love with him ever ever again is a life sentence I’m enduring until the day I die and can be set free. But here is the thing that puts the smile back in my heart. This Man loved me, and loved me well, until the very day he died. This wonderful Man left me with SO MUCH love in my heart for him. and right this moment I am BURSTING with the joy of life we shared!! Friends, even in death we are some of the luckiest ones of all. Because of our dearly departed, we all experienced a love so great, that we had to share it with all you strangers, who, like myself stumbled upon all theese memories of life and Love! Even as they are gone, NEVER will they be forgotten AND we are better because of them. And I thank My Husband for every beautiful moment we were allowed to share. It’s the memories of our beautiful story that will keep me alive and willing to be alive. These tears on my face are also from the joy of knowing my Mr. Ed. Some,if not most, will not even have one moment of the 30 years of happiness I got to share with this Man! Thank You, my Luv. I will keep on smiling through my tears. Truly, all of us, are the blessed ones….that knew True Love….I wish you all…Peace and Light…

          1. LaDawna,
            Thank you for posting your thoughts on the site. It truly has provided me support for understanding where the ‘happiness’ is found when suffering from the loss of a spouse.

            Thank you so very much!

      2. I understand. My husband and I met in the 6th grade. We were together 50 years and married over 47 years. Being together that long we shared good times and bad but we always had each other. Even when he was diagnosed with kidney disease and had to go on dialysis we still managed to travel and enjoy life. He had such a wonderful personality. He has been gone over 2 1/2 years and I have shed tears every one of those days. Someone said time heals all wounds. That is a lie. What keeps me going is my faith. I still have his cap and jacket along with his dialysis bag in the same spot he always placed them. Personal items he had on his nightstand are still there. His 2008 Chrysler is still in the garage. They give me comfort. God bless you all.

    3. I just lost my wife of 62 years. I will never get over it. I cannot imagine remarrying or even going out with another woman. I would feel I was betraying her love. We were tightly bonded together. I am 80 yrs. I still feel that I am married to my wife. I cannot deal with it any other way.

      1. My husband passed away one year ago and it still hurts real bad. Married for 60 years. So I understand Nikos. Hang in there like the rest of us. God is good.

      2. Nikos, I feel the same way. We had been married for fifty five, not always marvelous years when my husband died five months ago. We were always, however, one. We completed each other, and I don’t think I can ever be whole again. My dogs and Alexa, while helpful, cannot fill the void.

    4. Rick my husband passed away almost 4 years ago and I’m still crying for him. We were married for 47 yrs. I miss him so much nothing in my life is the same.

    5. My second husband12 years my junior passed away Nov 12 2017. We were married in 1990. Age was never a problem for him but it bothered me as years went by. We did everything together we traveled, we hunted together, everything. When I partially retired he was to me supportive I was so in love with him nothing he did or wanted he got it. In feb 2017 I learned he’d been having an affair with a woman. I was beyond hurt I was devastated because my first husband cheated and Steven swore he would never put me through that ever. He did not want me to leave our home and he wouldn’t leave, he said the affair was over and wanted to fix our marriage. When he passed away from heart attack in my arms I felt such despair. Two weeks later his women friend posted her feelings of love on messenger stating she couldn’t wait until January when he would leave me. Now I’ve lost my husband mu good feelings about our marriage. And worse I still love and miss him. I tried grief counseling on line I live far out in country in the home we built. I’m trying to let go of the anger and hurt and just mourn the loss of my husband. I can’t trust so I just stay to myself attending all gatherings alone. I feel old at 71 unattractive hurt beyond normal grief. I often stand near where I spread his ashes and cry, scream curse and swear if I could slap him I would over and over. What do I do with all of this. I’m functioning well carring for our pets and home but so angry with him.

  9. He pasted 1991 I had the children, house cat and dog to care for I worked and was busy. Now with pension and it is hard all over. All the above said is true I feel like the sore thumb sticking out and must find things to do for single people as I do not fit in with couples.

  10. I lost my husband on August 14, 2017……he and I were both disabled, so we have spent the last 9 years being together 24/7……. and to go from together every minute of every day to zero is hard to get used to. Everything that is mentioned in this is 100% how I have been and continue to feel. I cry every day …… he was my soulmate for sure….thankfully we did a lot of different things during our time together (only 15 years) and I have a lot of awesome memories to help……spend your time collecting moments not things!

    1. I am so glad I came across this blog. Sometimes I feel so desperate without Richard. He passed away August 15, 2017. He was everything to me. Life has lost its joy. I feel like I just go through the motions day after day. Well meaning friends advise me to join a singles meet up group or similar activities but it doesn’t interest me at all. I miss Richard not a man. I am so jealous when I see couples having dinner or out for a walk. Especially older couples. Why were they allowed to grow old together and my Richard had to become sick with heart disease. I am 62. I wish I was 92.

      1. Hi Beverly, I feel similar to you. My husband died eleven months ago at age 77 with heart failure and it’s like world stopped being in color. I am 62 and my parents aare still living in their mid 80’s. If it weren’t for me trusting God each day, I don’t think I could have any hope. I appreciate all the writers expressing that they wished that they didn’t have to still exist. I really know this feeling. May God lift every one of us up to bear this and in fact thrive, in Jesus’s name.

    2. I lost Jack June 16, 2020 to Covid-19. He was in a nursing home. He had been bed bound for 3 years and I could no longer take care of him at home. He was also a 20 year service veteran having fought in the Vietnam war. I tell my children that I am ok, but I’m really not okay. I am so alone. The children don’t visit because of Covid. I wasn’t with him when he died, I wasn’t with him when he was buried. Ours wasn’t the happily ever after marriage, and I now realize that what we did have means so much to me. He worried that he wouldn’t be here to take care of me. He is here, though. He is in every fiber of my life. He always will be. He still takes care of me.
      When Jack died the daily death tally was 124,000 souls. There are now almost 200,000 deaths. I hear people disrespecting the military service people. It hurts all the more. Discord and hate fill the airwaves. I am thankful that Jack can’t hear these remarks. He was a great soldier.
      He was in a lot of pain when he died. If there is life after… I hope he is fishing, hooking the big ones and releasing them so they can thrill another fisherman.

  11. You lose your husband, but worst of all the people you thought were your bestfriends leave you also! I am grateful for what I had and I know we will be together again one day!!

  12. It will be 5 years in Feb that my husband is gone -feels like yesterday – he’s constantly in my thoughts and my heart still breaks a little more each day as I miss him more

    1. I’m the same way. It’s been almost 4 years since husband died suddenly after 42 years. We did most everything together, even work. We were raising our now 12 year old. Now Its just her & me. Don’t really fit in anywhere, couples or singles . Very few minutes is he out of my thoughts . People , even family, who used to come visit , don’t . Have moved to make a new life, new friends. Some things are better but still so hard sometimes.

    2. I am sorry to bring you crushing news. We who have lost a spouse will never have them as a spouse ever again as there are no marriages in heaven if there is such a place. Our soulmates will never touch us again or be their special loved one. I cry on buses or trans, on the street. We are programmed to become one with someone and then have them ripped away from us. If that isn’t the most evil cruelty ever I swear I don’t know what is. David was my entire reason for living and now he is dead I swear I wish I was dead. But we have to stay as long as the good (I am being sarcastic) God wants us to suffer or else what else will He do to us?

      1. Lesley, I am so sorry for your loss, I know what you atr going through I lost my husband it will be 3 years on June 12th, 2019, he had congested heart failure and diabetes, I still cry for him sometimes but it is not God’s fault it is Satan’s fault if you want to blame someone blame Satan he caused all this when he betrayed Adam and Eve, that is where it all started. One day we will see our Spouses we will see all our loved ones we have lost one day, it will be a joyous day for sure something to look forward too. May God comfort and strengthen you. Your Friend, Lisa C

        1. Elizabeth,
          You shared Congestive Heart Failure on you loved one passing. May I ask if these were the symptoms, for my beloved Gf very much Wife passed this past March 2020:

          Shortness of breath, sudden irregular heart beat, she called it ‘pompultations?”, slow to walk due breathing pressure, then cough up blood?

          She never allowed me to take control of her true medical and this 7th hospital admission too her. Thank You.

      2. Thankfully, I do believe their is a restoration of relationships after death. Not a physical one, of course, but the one where the Lord who allowed us to share the physical joy of each other lets us experience a transposition to a spiritual one.He knw how great our love was. I am four years plus without my sweetheart. I can feel changes. Not in emotion, but in intensity.I very often worry that I offend the Lord because of my desire to be with my love. Love is not destroyed , love is eternal.

  13. this is such a hellacious and lonely path we are now forced to navigate. i have often wished it had been me who died instead of him. i am grateful for having my fantastic guy by my side for 30 years but still reeling from his sudden loss in august 2016. i would love to win the lottery and build a sanctuary/retreat for us = widows & widowers to be together to talk and help each other transition into this new single life.

    1. Please read Abel Keogh’ books. I recommend Room For Two, first.
      I’ve been in a relationship with a widower for almost a year. Lots of challenges, though.
      Learning curves and boundaries.

  14. My late wife was a housewife and me a sole breadwinner.It’s so funny that I feelI was still wanting To do more for her and My child.I miss her a lot.I don’t See any purpose of working any longer.I want to accomplish things for someone,not myself.

    1. Trust me, its not easy and no one understands until they go through it. To me it feels like half of me left with him…its such a painful adjustment. I am really sorry you had to go through such a rollercoaster of emotions. With me my kids are my driving force but its not the same as my husbands presence.

  15. This article is so true. You feel completely alone. Everyone looks at you different. When I do go out it is like I am on auto pilot. I feel blessed for the time I had with Tim but now I am floundering. He told me if I was always there for his children and grandchildren, they will be there for me. Recently, I realized they are there for Christmas and birthdays only. It hurts when reality sets in. So where do I go from here.

    1. I have one daughter and one grandson. I see them maybe 2 a month. If it were not for my sister I would not be here the loneliness is the worse what do you do to fill the void of your husband of 45 yrs?

    2. Pam my husband died 9 months ago yesterday, I am alone I am without half of myself. People say some dumb things they mean well they just don’t understand. I just quit answering and say I hope you never feel this way. I don’t want to be sad and I don’t want to be alone, but for now I am I don’t think I will ever get over it but I am going to get through it, because that is what he would want. I love my memories and my pictures sometimes I want to call him and tell him something and I cry, I cry over pictures & memories, we all have to do it our way, with Jesus guiding me through his Word I will make it and have the hope of seeing him again.

  16. Lost my husband 12/21/17 after 50 yrs together. Now I’m about to lose our 46 yr old daughter who has been ill for years so not a total surprise – just not what I need — another loss– so soon. She moved to hospice (just like her dad) yesterday so now the final waiting is taking place again.

    1. So sorry for the loss of your husband, my wife for 52 years passed away on Nov. 08, 2017, and now our 55 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, and though her symptoms are not severe at the moment, her near future is very uncertain, and she has two son’s in their early twenties, and now they are wondering about their own fate, as the disease is in the DNA.
      My wife Georgette was a woman of faith, who trusted in God, and that is what I am clinging to at the moment……faith in God, whatever and whoever that entity may be….that the universe is unfolding as it should. Naive thinking perhaps….but that is all I have to cling to.

      Sincerely….John

    2. I never understood pain until now I just lost my husband a few weeks ago. My heart aches for you, many blessings for healing

  17. On November 22nd of this year, Jimmy, my husband and best friend, went home to Jesus. While I celebrate in knowing where he is, I feel like a half shell of a person. The woman I was is no longer. This article describes so much of what I’ve experienced; but with much anguish. I’m just lost……

  18. My husband died on Jan 20. We were married 48 years. I am so lost. I don’t belong to anybody. We always knew within five minutes where the other was. I was in the shopping mall one day recently, and I realized nobody knew where I was. My next thought was ‘and nobody cares.’ I have wonderful children and grandchildren, but half of me is gone.

    1. I feel the same way everyday I lost mine one year and a half and I am so lost inside I have nobody now just my little dogs if it wasn’t for them keeping me busy I couldn’t stand it we shop together we done everything together now it’s just me play in the park I know how you feel God bless

    2. That completely describes how I feel. It’s only been a month and we never had children. I’ve never felt such agony. No one can fill that horrible void. Together 45 years also. All I had. How do you do it??

      1. I lost my husband on April 29, 2018. He said he was going to take a shower to sooth a bulging disk he was being treated for. He died in the shower 45 seconds later. We would have been married 50 years in November, 2018. We had known each other since we were 12! Practically all our lives! How do I go on from here! I see him everywhere and then nowhere! How do I live this life alone!!! It is so hard!! I miss every aspect of our lives together!!! Everyone says time, but time seems a long way off!!!!

      2. I have one daughter and one grandson. I see them maybe 2 a month. If it were not for my sister I would not be here the loneliness is the worse what do you do to fill the void of your husband of 45 yrs?

    3. My husband of 43 years died in February 2018. Janet.. I said this same thing to so many people. My husband, even though he always knew where I was, if I was gone more than an hour would call and say” where are you”?? It’s hard knowing that nobody knows where you are any more and nobody cares.. my heart is so broken!

    4. I feel nobody cares too, but I do care about how you feel. I just want you to know. When the people that don’t care have to go through it themselves, they will suffer the same.

  19. Thank you for writing this. My husband passed away suddenly without warning in 2012. Every word you say is true. I live alone with my dogs and cats, and most people around me do not have any understanding of how this loss affected me. It isn’t their fault, I was the same once too. Thank you.

  20. I was driving home today after a a busy day of meeting, movie, then shopping. My 14 yr old son was home but as much as he loves me he didn’t really care when I came home. My husband, who died Dec 2017, would have certainly cared. Before he passed away I always new while I was out and about that he always looked forward to when I came home. Even if we didn’t have anything planned. I think today was the first time I realized why I don’t look fwd to going home sometimes. This realization has me quite emotional tonight.

  21. April 14th/2018 at 7:30pm my husband took his last breath while I was holding his hand. 25years it would of been on my up coming Birthday of us being together. More than half our lives. It feels like forever since I last talked with him, told him I loved him and laughed together. The pain comes in waves once it hits anytime and any place will I cry for him. He was my true love and always will be. Now I know life doesn’t stop after losing your better half. You still have to keep going even though at times it’s such a struggle. With a heartache that you can’t explain.

    1. Angie…..so sorry for your loss…..it is not hurt,
      It is agony!

      I wrote this for my dear wife Georgette after she passed away on Nov. 08 2017.
      I always disliked the expression “passed away’. She died and was taken from me.

      Dear Georgette Honey,

      Thinking of the last time ever, that I saw your face, and kissed your brow. As your heart beat it’s last, I was holding your wrist, my heart was breaking, as held you close, just one more time again, to feel your warmth, your love as I sobbed my goodbye into your ear, “I love you honey, you are my best friend.”

      My world came to an end at that moment,
      I knew that nothing would ever be the same again.The stars will no longer shine as brightly,
      The nights will be longer and darker,
      The sun will no longer be a comfort after a storm.

      I will be loving you forever honey no matter where you are……your broken husband John…

      1. How are you doing now? Iost my husband suddenly 6 weeks ago. I am heartbroken. I was with him for 37 years. Does that get any easier?

      2. My husband passed away October 17, 2016. After 25 years of marriage I still feel as though I am living with half a heart (as painful as being ripped in half). My soul is living in two world’s. My feet are on Earth but my soul longs for heaven. I put on a smile in public as you learn to do as pto do because people are usually well-meaning but don’t understand my pain. Or they say well-meaning but trite platitudes in their attempt to make you feel bettetrI miss my husband’s presence. I miss being someone’s soulmate and having someone to share a home with…to share life with. Life is lived one day at a time because that is all I can handle right now. Thank you all for letting me share my feelings and for being open about your loss. God bless you all

        1. I know exactly how you feel . My husband of 34 years passed away 6 months ago. There are no words to discribe the momumental loss. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that one day we will be united in heaven.
          They say that time heals all wounds I just find that hard to believe. Just take one day at a time. Take care.

  22. I have tried to do things and see people since my husband died in July of 2017.
    Lately, I realize there is no point in trying.
    I’m so tired and just want it to end.

    1. Please don’t give up,the pain will never leave you ,but it does get a little easier with time.l know that’s a cleashay,but it’s also very true.l could not have loved my husband more or him me we were married 23years I was just 48 when he passed away,my life changed forever that day,and l will never know happiness like it again,but he would not want me to take my own life,that would be one guilt l could not face.

  23. It has been almost 3 years since Jim died. I’ve had numerous deaths (uncles, grandmother, aunts, friends, my dog and my dad), since Jim died. Each death is now compared to and made more painful due to the death of my husband because he is the one I’d turn to on dark days. Going out with friends is a complete chore and I do so because it “looks like I have it all together,” when in reality, I hate it and can’t wait to get home so I don’t have to fake being happy. I know death is part of life. But it is the crappy part. Dating? Every male my age (54) seems to be looking for a 30 year old. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m still standing so I’ll hang onto that. Good luck to all…

  24. My husband died April 12, 2018, i am sitting hear reading this and crying, my heart is broken. We were married 45 years. Nights are the hardest. I just want to reach out and touch him and to be held in his arms. I am at such a lost.

    1. I agree with you, Susan. Mornings and nights are the hardest. I feel lost without him and I question my decisions. I hope for less pain with each day because I know that the pain will never go away.

      1. The loss of confidence that my wife and I had grown and perfected for 37 years together is now GONE. We always bounced things off each other- what I could not handle -she did-for me! I too question almost everything I now do. The nights are tough but the worst is looking over at the other side of my bed in the morning seeing and hearing nothing. Sometimes I have such disappointment when I wake up -yet another day without her.

      2. Its been One Year since he went into the kitchen and died. We were together for 52 yrs. I have a buyer for the RV….I sure could use the money. But I just cannot sell it. Why? Anyone else feel like this? Everything in our house (which is a mess) is not touched or moved. Its a time capsule of that day in May. I just can’t deal with moving his things, selling our cars, or his tools. I am paralyzed. Now we have this Pandemic so I am all alone. I am in the grip of Fear and his Loss. Help me understand how I am feeling.

  25. My wife died in Sep 2017. Its about a year now but it seems like only yesterday. The agony is still unbearable. Whatever has been said is absolutely true. Only the person who experienced it understands. May God bless us all and help us to cope with the loss.

  26. My husband passed away on July 22, 2018. He was 53 years old and was my best friend. We loved to take walks together, he made me laugh with his quirky humor, he loved watching movies and playing tennis. I realize God has a plan but I don’t understand it.

    1. I feel the same way. My wonderful husband passed 6 weeks ago and he was my best friend and the love of my life. We had been together for 37 years since just before my 21st birthday. I feel so alone and so lost just sitting here in this huge house all by myself. I need someone to help me because I don’t know how to do this all by myself.

      1. I had 37 years too and same here now in a house that was once a home. It was fine for US but alone its now suddenly way too big! The hardest part is being alone- you dont feel well and now its just you. You feel a pain somewhere and its no more “ahh honey that doesnt feel right”. No more- “just go the the Dr.I will go with you”! No more US and the silence is defeaning- Fighting the battle of life alone now after 37 years with your soulmate and battle-mate- you no longer feel strong-confident. The phone rings ? You cringe. The walk to the mailbox is filled with anxiety and worry. You rush through shopping-to get home- Why? You get home and you are all alone? But you go out and? You are alone. The neighborhood is all married couples-young and old. You fit in fine before. Now you stand out like a sore thumb as you drive in and out of the garage. Mostly hoping nobody notices- but they dont even seem to be looking at you anymore. In 5 months- I got no calls from my wifes family..None. My days are spent-hoping to get to the night and some sleep aided by Zquil! I worked almost 40 years to retire- I do not want to have to count on a job again at age 64. I did my time damn it! Yet now on 1 income I fret over the bills and online banking-worried-scared. Together we had this all BEAT- alone as one- I am totally defeated! I know how you feel as I am trying every day to get by with little to no confidence and just worry and concern. This is NOT living!

        1. 7 years for me after being married 36 years. My husband passed away from bladder cancer within 6 months. You will never be the same but you will move on. You are a survivor and you will learn independence. Over the years you will gain confidence that you can accomplish anything life throws your way. You will be strong, confident and beautiful. No matter what pain you endure there is always room for sharing love that you give to others. Think about what you can do for others while you still have time on this earth. Your soulmate is gone as well as mine but you still have love in your heart. Share this love with others as long as you breathe. That is what keeps your heart beating. So sorry for your loss. Don’t waste the life God gave you. Love one another.

      2. WoW, well written, after 34 years with my husband, I feel exactly the same. You describe my feelings so well. I am so sorry even two people have to experience this.

    2. That’s what everyone says. My husband died in October 2018. Yes, I believe in God’s plan and there is always something good in it. But as much as I am a believer, I don’t see what good there is in this plan . Now I only know pain, feel insecure and helpless emotionally. The article described it well. I did not only lose my partner, but my best friend, my provider, my lover and my better half in the real sense. I miss sharing the smallest things day to day with him.

  27. My wife of 32 years went home to our lord on August 3, 2018. She took my life with her.
    We did everything together. She was my other half of everything in life. I know where she is, she is pain free sitting at the right hand of our father. Now i am living with pain and agony of losing a wonderful wife. People tell me its going to take time, they don’t get it, I am lost!!!

    1. The pain and agony of those like us that “go on” can never be understood by others. They dont understand- we dont want a “new normal”. They dont know what its like to see yourself a shell of who you were and now someone you dont like. They dont realize “I have no interest in playing “the game” of life all over again when we had that game won after so many years of our marriage! No they do NOT get it- WE ARE LOST FOREVER.

      1. It has only been two weeks since I lost my husband of 66 suddenly from a heart attack we worked very hard to make a good life and we’re on our way for a five week RV trip. We had no children he was my life he was my interest he was my hobby he was my passion we liked to do things together. I also would like to take some pills and go to sleep forever. I don’t know if there is a heaven but I do know I do not want to be here without him.

    2. I lost my husband of 32 years on Nov 3, 2018. i died too that day. What I mean is I died inside. Where am I? Where did I go, why do we have to go through this? Why does everyone around me think I can ever be the same. I am sorry, but time does not or will not heal all wounds and who made this up anyway? He is still there in my mind and heart and that will never change. He is there and is my guardian angel. I believe god had a plan for him, but I was not consulted. To lose a spouse is to live in complete misery. I am sorry for your loss!!

    3. I can relate to all .I just lost my husband to cancer 2 months ago. married 21 yrs. he was the best husband, extremely sweet and kind. ex military with 28 yrs in he spoiled me rotten and he was the only man i ever trusted i cry everyday for him several times per day and wonder what will my empty life be like in the future. loneliness is hard.I read your stories and pray for all of you. loss of a spouse is so painful

  28. I lost my wife 12 years ago and it feels like yesterday.there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel sad and lonely.i don’t want to feel the pain again I am 72 but look 50 I am very healthy and fit buy I want to get something so I can join my wife again.but I keep myself in good shape I don’t know why because I am tired and want out of this world.my son is getting married and soon will leave home and I will really feel sad and lonely.

  29. Some of us truly can not survive long without our other half, our soulmates. Don’t know why there just can’t be a socially sanctioned red pill to take so we can leave. Being single when you don’t want to be is hell with your eyes open when all you want to be is with your beloved. Very tired of society always pushing down our throats “oh the new normal….”. To heck with that !

    1. I agree- I would gladly take that pill after 5 months without the love of my life. After 37 years I am now empty-a shell of myself- a person I do not like- The married guy was a pretty good- fun loving-confident guy- BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE! With her gone that guy no longer exists. I envy those who are fortunate to also have a broken heart as I do but they pass on days or a few months after. I fear having to go on and on. I want to be with her.

    2. I have been reading all these comments and felt filled with compassion for the terrible reality of our shared grief experiences. I was married for only 8 years and at 32 u was a widow raising our 3 year old son alone. Life just LOOMS before me and I find myself feeling enviously the widowers and widows in their 70s 80s and upward as they are at least likely a little closer than me to ending their miserable sentence on this earth. The red pill, if it existed, is not even an option for me as my young son needs me to not only carry on with it, but to carry on well so he can have at least something of a decent childhood in spite of my grief. I am sorry for all the suffering expressed here. It certainly seems like the design of humans to bond as closely as we do only to leave this earth individually is a flawed one. I am imagining all of us holding hands together, sharing in the alikeness and lovingly supporting each other in the differences of our personal grief experiences.

      1. thank you for sharing, may god have grace and mercy and seed you lots of angles on earth. god will always send angels with i truly believe they are you and me and everyone that give love god bless you and your child

  30. God has a plan for my life,I know He does.I wake up everyday and give thanks for the time,the life,the love I once had.I pray that I can stay strong to fulfill His plan.Grief is real.I will never be that person again,but pray I can be someone better.I’m so lonely I dont even know myself anymore.Last summer I lost my home,my job,my beloved husband & our dog of 14 years.But I will press on , I’m just waiting for it to not hurt so bad.

    1. Hi Janet! I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. My husband passed away on April 21, 2018. We were married for 44 years too. Next month, November 17th would have been our 45th Anniversary. This is such a difficult journey for all of us here…..❤️💔😥

  31. I am so sorry for all who have gone through the pain and the loss of their spouse, My husband passed on November 28, 2014. It will be 4 years next month. I especially don! t enjoy the weekends, mornings, nights, and holidays. I feel so alone. As we all feel he was my other half. His death was sudden I was in a state of shock, I too feel like many of you, I feel lost and I feel that no one really cares. People just go on, those that said they would be there for you. We were married 44 years.

  32. I can certainly relate to all your sad stories. My husband got his wings Dec.9,2013. We were together 44 yrs. I think of him constantly & miss him so very much. He was
    my everything. I moved from our home in CA a year
    after his death because of no relatives there. We don’t have children but I have many relatives here in MI that I try to socialize with. Your whole life changes though….but the beautiful memories will never change. My faith keeps
    me positive and know I will see my sweetheart again.
    Wishing only the best for all of you friends.

  33. I just lost my wife of 21 years this month October 2nd 2018. She was my everything. My whole life was built around her. I’m only 50 years old but I really have no interest in going on. The only thing that gives me solace is that I think I have developed a heart condition and the thought of it taking me away from all of this.

  34. I lost my wonderful angel August 9th to stage 4 lung/brain cancer. It was a total shock we never saw coming. It was only 2 months from diagnosis and she and our 37 years of marriage and our 44 years of HS sweetheart love ALL GONE! My world- my life-my soul torn from me. Yes this article hits most of the points. But like many here I dont care any longer-yes 4 children grown and 2 grandchildren but SHE was MY life- it is not the same without her and I know they all feel same as well. It should have been me. I would be fine with that as now all I do is curse the mornings when I get up. She was only 62 and I 64 and I am done. I cant start over again – I invested ALL I had in her and I have nothing left to invest. If God would listen he could take me! What God does this? This is a plan? What type of cruel plan takes a woman who loved God so much away? All along she was saying “God says this will be fine- I will live to be 101- God said so”! God apparently never heard the “terminal no cure diagnosis”. First given a few months-then weeks. I hate this new world I must live in! I dread mornings and fast forward to get to sleep with help of zquil! I wake up disappointed that I have. When will this end? It cant come soon enough. I see many share the same thoughts and I surely understand your reasons. I too grieve the poss of my past-present and future- so what the hell is really left? Take me too.

  35. My heart is so heavy. I was hoping to carry on without my husband, it’s been 4 months since he past away and I’m still in pain. I just want to feel alive.

  36. I lost my husband in March 2012! The 1st 6 months were unbearable! My brother, told me to get on with it! I wanted too, but I took one step forward and them fall two steps back. The financial part will hit you like a brick! From 2 income, to one changes you forever! And yes, couples stop asking you out, but if you go, you feel as 3 person, no longer a pair!
    But there is hope if you give this to God! Lay it at His feet and He will aid you!
    Without Faith in God, I would be in depression! So, if you lost your Faith, it will be much harder for your loss!
    You can have hope, your heart has a lot of love to share!

    1. I have lost my faith in God right now- I have plans of trying to get back. But while nobody has told me after 5 months to “get over it” I can feel it from my own daughters.I know nobody when I talk wants to hear it but they hear the truth -“nope not doing so well”. I refuse to happy face it.Yes the financial part of going to 1 is scary- I had just retired and she was going to as well- Now its ALL on me. I am 64-worked almost 40 years and had no intention of going back and being miserable. I refuse to work till I die. I did better in life to deserve that. Yes all else in the world is couples and living in a neighborhood of all couples- yeah now it hurts. THIS SUCKS!

  37. Hi everyone,
    I can totally empathise with you all, my husband, soulmate and best friend died seven years ago when he was 47, we met when I was 15 and were together for 30 years. I have cried millions of tears, the price I have paid for the love we shared for each other. Some of us have had something that some people never experience in a lifetime, an unconditional, everlasting love, we are privileged to feel such pain but it is so difficult to feel lucky when we are hurting so much. I feel the deep loneliness you all talk about and I know the ache in my heart will never go away, it’s like an open wound that will never heal. Grief is a heavy weight to carry around, it feels lighter sometimes but it’s always lurking deep within me, waiting to surface, it takes a lot of effort, energy and stamina to keep it under control while life carries on. I know I will love him with all my heart and miss him every day for the rest of my life, It’s not just a saying that half of me has died, it’s a reality, I know I am half the person I was, the other half of me has gone. I have lots loving family but I’m alone, in a room full of people I’m alone. I feel like a spare part and as you said, there’s no one waiting for me to arrive home, I still feel lost as if I’m just keeping everything going and managing until he comes back but knowing he never will….never ever and that is so hard to live with. I like to think I will meet him again one day and he will be proud of me for doing my best and carrying on for our family but when he died the hardest thing was knowing I could have to live another forty years or more without him. My husband was a truly wonderful husband, son, father, grandfather and friend. I can’t describe how much I love him, my heart is heavy with grief but so full of love, that will never die. I am so sorry for you all, I truly feel your pain. I am sending love to you all. I read a saying which said ‘ the more you give away, the richer you become’ this is so true, not financially but your time, love, care, anything you can do to help someone else will make you richer and stronger, it’s the only thing that has helped me. My son said ” Mam, Dad gave you enough love to last you a lifetime” he was right.

  38. My dear husband died unexpectedly on December 3, 2018. He died of pulmonary emboli, with no history of blood clots. My brain knows he is not coming home, but my heart does not get it. 31 years of having a best friend I would always try to get home to as quickly as possible has me conditioned to getting home so I can see him. The pain I feel is something I have never felt even though my husband and I have lost other loved ones and have two children with many chronic diseases. I feel my husband trying to reach me through music. Do others feel their loved ones trying to reassure them? My condolences to all on this site who have lost their beloved.

  39. I lost my husband November 25, 2018. I really don’t know how I feel. Some days are better than others, but I agree that I feel like I lost a big part of myself. I find myself wanting to talk to him and wait for him to come down the hall and smile. I know it isn’t going to happen, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking that. I know he is out of pain and at peace, but it still hurts a lot. We were one week short of our 30th anniversary.

    1. Thank you all for sharing your deep pain and thoughts with others. I lost my husband 1 yr., 3 months and 24 days ago on October 3, 2017. The pain and devastation I feel is too much some days. I want to see him again more than anything and I truly do not want to go on. His death was sudden and very unexpected. He had just turned 50 years old. People who have not experienced this say the most ignorant things. I have lost my tolerance for people.

      1. Hello everyone, I just lost my husband last week on May 1st, he has been sick for a long time, he was in a lot of pain, he tried so to hang on for me, waiting for me to retire, I miss him, it would have been 34 years this coming October. I’ve been sleeping on the couch because it feels safe, I just can go in our bedroom,

  40. I see this coming our way… For, right now it is still “our”, and not my. I see all the injured souls, of which we are two more, for he is hurting in advance of leaving.

    While he is still here, I have a head about me to say, protect all lifeforms we have brought into our pack… him, I, our dogs. We have experienced much horrid loss together, and held onto one another. There will be no holding onto after the door slams.

    Part of me just wants to shrivel up. The other part of me wants to keep it together both before and after this door slams in our faces.

    I want to force that door back open, so the dogs still feel joyful at life (I will be left to be the soul source for two large and one rather intelligent dog), and so that I am a fighter still, able to suck joy back into my life as well.

    There do not seem to be any such support groups or circles for that. That support should possibly be put in place now. Where are those circles. I am not dating. I am seeking mutual support for me and for him. And sadly, then the us whom are left behind. I am 60. He is 73. We have lost two dogs in the past 4 years, which dire consequences to a dog that has the intelligence to grieve and now he will grieve again.

    I am sure others went through this stress and hell, and it either overcomes you with a silence that is defining, or you overcome it to a certain degree. Mind you, you never overcome it completely. I have lost at least 10 family members and know that better than anyone that it never leaves you.

    Somehow I must make this final hurrah, be infused with support, both while he is here to see that his dogs and wife will have that after the door slams.

    We appeared healthy, we were thankful for our health and then along comes this freaking prostate cancer.

    I view this as Nightmare, Chapter 1, which we have entered. Thanks for anything positive you may send our way, Dog Lovers in Maryland.

  41. I lost my beloved 4 years ago tomorrow. We were married for 31 years. It seems like yesterday I lost him the pain never goes away. I pray every night when I drive home from work that when I open the door I will see my love. I know it will never be. I will work as long as I can because it helps me to keep my sanity from losing my best friend, my love, my everything. We have two children and 5 grandchildren and they do help. But I need him, he was the love of my life. I pray every night before I go to sleep and Thank God for bringing me my wonderful husband to me. I truly feel so blessed to have been his wife. I miss him more than words can say. I was the same after I lost him to brain cancer all I wanted to do was go with him. It is a very lonely life, you get up and you try to go on and then you work, then come home and it is a routine. You go out to eat alone and you go to a movie alone when all you want to do is sit and cry and you do that everyday. It is so true you are only half a person. I feel so sad I just need him back so much. My love for him has to get me through and one day I will see him again. God bless this journey for all of us is very difficult and heart wrenching. I have lost loved ones before but his death has been so so so so so difficult for me. Prayers for us all.

  42. RE: Death of spouse; Married 54 yrs. Met ages 19 and 21 yr.Medical long-term went undiagnosed.
    Have donated husband’s clothes, 3/4; Have given
    children articles of personal storage; kept office of computer, cookbooks and many books of economics, politics and Math. Organized all family pictures and left his room and office as is. Missing conversations and daily routine for him. Have set activity routine but always return before dark. Try to get back in his computer party friends, and relatives, but all is closing out after funeral. Visit grave site 3 times a week and talk to him at the grave. Have crying spells while driving and in stores. Have joined new activity with an elderly church group, but cannot forget all of the short drives we use to do together./jpd

  43. I am very glad I came across this forum! My dear wife Cheryl passed away from congestive heart failure on October 10 last fall. We had just passed our 30th anniversary. It helps so much to read the comments and stories of those who have also suffered the loss of their beloved spouse. So many of my days are just a sea of tears and memories, and your comments make me realize that this is a very human, very loving condition. I pray that God will comfort all of us who are grieving. Christ rose from the dead, He conquered that final enemy, and He said that all who believe in Him will also rise from the dead some glorious future day. This belief gives me the strength to live, day by day. May God bless and lead all of us here on this forum to trust in that amazing promise!

  44. Hi Chris, I also lost my husband 7 years ago. He was found dead on the bathroom floor while I was in Hospital. I wasn’t the one who found him, I wasn’t with him, I couldn’t sit with him till the ambulance came. I am still angry I wasn’t with him.
    I am a different person, will never be the same again. It is so difficult being around couples or even if not couples they have somebody to go home to. My family just don’t get how I feel. I am really struggling, I have been a widow now since I was 60. I never thought this is how my life would be.

  45. hi
    i lost my love 17th of november 2018. she was/is my world. there are nights i lay in bed so tierd i drift in and out of sleep, I start to rub her back behind me , because she always sat with her feet dangleing over the edge playing magong . she would laugh and say what you doing. when i turn to look , shes not there. i miss her .

  46. My husband passed away on August 31, 2018 after a massive stroke. He was 72. We had been married 17 years in June. He was my soul mate, best friend, and partner in crime. I am managing to get by but it isn’t the same without him to talk to, or hug, or play a joke on. People who haven’t lost their soulmate don’t understand what it is like. I think he visits me tho, because every once in a while I get a whiff of a cigarette being lit. Then it just goes away. I miss him.

    All the plans we had for what we were going to do when I retired (I’m 10 years his junior) are gone and I have nothing to look forward to.
    I feel lost, detached and invisible.

  47. The one thing that makes me feel the most alone in all of this is the fact that i’m only 20 years old. We had been together for several years and got married 2-9-18 and he was in a car accident that killed him on 8-8-18 a day shy of our 6 month wedding anniversary. I miss him everyday and i’m pretty sure the words “Please come home” slips out of my mouth at least once a day with tears in my eyes. We didn’t have children like most couples when he passed, we had just lost 3 babies over the last year before his death and so I don’t have even the smallest part of him to hold on to. I love you Kolby Miller you will forever be my everything.

    1. David and I were married for forty years. I fell in love with him when I was 14 and we married when I was 21. I lost him last year. We weren’t able to have children. He was my entire life. I swear I don’t want to live without him. I lost my dad to cancer when he was 42, my brother, stepbrother, stepfather all to the same evil disease. All you can do is be thankful that you haven’t brought another human being into this world to suffer. Would you want children to suffer? I need my husband but he is gone and he will never be mine again. I send love and condolences to all of you reading this.

  48. I lost my wife of 46 years suddenly two months ago. I feel numb, I am looking at life through an empty heart.

    1. You go on. I lost my wife 8 months ago and I just go on. I am not the same and never will be. Her family basically ran out after funeral mass breakfast and have never been heard from again. I had retired now I am all alone. The game of life we played so well and perfected together for 38 years is over. I have no desire to get back in the game at 65! I look forward to the nights and getting to bed- if I can sleep- If not I grab some Zquil. I take my meds- see my Dr. see my grief counselor. I shop and pay bills and cringe because our income is now just my income and makes it tougher-scarier. Nut my friend I wake up- ask why? And I go on. I dont like it but there are no other options. I cry alot- kiss her ashes good noght and good morning- Refuse to put her in our niche till I go and we go together. Silly but I cant let her be alone! So shes in our bedroom till finally they shove me in our companion urn and then we are finally together forever. I find it so unfair to be the one left behind- to go first means to not grieve the rest of your life. Its torture-unfair- I try as best I can and I go on. You will too. Does not mean you ever accept it. But to answer what do you do now? You go on. Yes sorry to say. I do feel your pain! I to am living it- Good Luck in your life journey.

    1. Charles – What you do is live your life to the fullest, for her. Believe that she is watching you, and she wants you to be happy! Live for her and live for you. Use the love she poured into you and multiply it by helping others. Volunteer at a food pantry, help with Boy Scouts, do something good and tell them it’s because of your fantastic wife – cause it is! Life is but a fleeting moment and you will be back with all whom you lost. Use the love you have been given and give Death a kick in the ass by paying it forward to those who need the help now….in this life…while you can. I’m trying to take my own advice after losing my wonderful wife two months ago.

      1. My intellectual side tells me I need to move on, make the most of life, its how my spouse would want it. It does no good to stay in that hold of grief…. Yet I can’t live what I tell myself. I keep falling back into that hole despite my constant reminders to myself that I must move forward. Thirty-one years together, he was the center of my word, my other half. I feel so incomplete and empty. Life is going on around me and I see it, but it’s as though I’m at a distance, separated by this grief I can’t shake. Yet I tell no one for fear as coming off as week. People will say I should be moving forward, not dwelling. If I’m busy, I can sometimes forget for a while. But nights are the worse. The quiet house and empty bed always get me. Miss my yeebon

  49. I lost my spouse years ago.before the internet and Facebook Most of my friends remained happily coupled and did what these people describe people doing to them. ( pretty much ignoring them after a week or so) Oh the horror of “singlehood”. I was xcluded and as we must, moved on. Now my newly widowed friends turn to me since I’m an outsider and until they re couple, need that support. It’s painful for everyone

  50. The article was interesting and touched on some good points. There is just one and only true facts – nobody knows what the loss has done to you. My wife and I met when she was 17. We married 5 years later. We had 4 daughters (the loves of our lives). We sent them to college, we gave them weddings and they gave us 9 beautiful children. The problem – it just isn’t the same. I have moved away from my children and grandchildren because they are such a reminder of my wife. I will see an accident on the road and say I will “have to tell Fran about that” or I will see something in the paper or hear it on the news and will think “I wonder if Fran knows about this.” Fran will be gone 8 year this November and I still think of everything and terms of her. And yes, I still sleep on “my” side of the bed. It hurts.

  51. I lost my younger sister 7/9/2017 on her 63 rd birthday. My only sibling who was not only my sister,she was my friend, sounding board and the last living part of our mother. Jan 17,2019 I lost my husband of 51 yrs, but together for 53. I cannot function. I really can’t I want to end it. But will I be able to reconnect with them

    1. How sad and painful is the fact that as with you-when I lost my wife of 38 years-Our story was lost and gone forever. We used to always remember it-talk about it-brag about it. Almost every day the story lived and was recollected. Now its silenced forever. How sad to think your story has ended. But when your spouse goes it does. It lives on in our silence in our minds and thoughts. But with nobody to exchange with the way we used to. To laugh and cry at times that warranted it. To see older couples now- I resent what they have. We were in our early 60s- there are so many fortunate past that and it absolutely tears me apart. We were to have 20 so more years- we worked hard for it-we deserved it- we were robbed. End of story.

  52. This blog is so very comforting. My husband passed 61/2 years ago. He was 56. We were married 36 years. When he died, our story died with it. While I am able to realize how truly blessed my life was and still is, I struggle to feel true joy. The sad part is I want so much to be joyful, and be joyful with others, but it seems to take so much energy. The love and support that we provided to each other made us so strong and capable of doing so much together.We shared a deep faith and celebrated this with others. I miss the confidence, and fun we had. I miss our ongoing conversations about both big and small things. I always will.

  53. It seems that we all feel and think the same, missing our other halves leaving us lonely ,single again, seeing couples together, seeing much older couples still together. It seems that everybody has somebody with them but you dont.
    Its early days for me l just hope that my life will get better, perhaps meet someone who will be my friend would be a help,
    lts good that we have a means to communicate like this and it helps to know that you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts others are feeling the same as you. .

    1. Joseph… i just came across your post… you said it’s early days for you…..how is your day today? i lost my boyfriend December, 2018… i came to this site just to be comforted by other widow/widowers… do you have friends you can talk to…..? i do… but none of them are widows… and they just don’t know what i’m going through

  54. I lost my husband two weeks ago suddenly in a fatal car accident. My world has been completely tossed upside down. He was only 26. I’m 24 and we have a 3 year old… I enjoyed the article. It articulated a lot I havent been able to figure out how to say. Just so heartbroken.

  55. I have just finished reading almost all of the comments on this wonderful site and I can identify with most of them. I was crying a good bit of the time while reading, but then something hit me. I am about to turn 80. My Tom died May 18, 2018 just 10 days after our 60th anniversary. I was blessed to have 60 wonderful, happy years with my guy – many more years than so many I have just read about. I do cry every day. Anything can set it off – a picture, a thought of him, taking a pkg. of meat out of the freezer that’s dated while he was still alive and has our 2 servings inside. But after having a good cry, I try to count the blessings that we had together and the blessings that I have today – and there are so many. Tom and I both believed in God and I know that he is waiting for me in Heaven. I am eager to go. After 2 years of tough caregiving, (he had Alzheimer’s as well as CIDP, a disease that left him unable to walk), I was blessed to be at his side when he passed away at home. His breathing was labored and all of a sudden he opened his eyes wider than I had ever seen them before, and he looked up at the ceiling. Then he closed his eyes and took his last breath. I wonder what he saw but I am hoping that he saw angels coming to take him home. It gives me comfort as the first anniversary of his death approaches. I do grieve and miss him so very much, but I also feel gratitude for the many years we had together and for the 5 children the Lord blessed us with, as well as for a church that gives me the opportunity to serve and to bless others. I pray God’s blessing on each and every one of you today who grieve.

    1. Carole, your words show that you are a wise woman and looking outward is best for everyone here. May I tell you my short story?
      I know it was just a dream, but…..

      I had a dream last Thursday 1 April 2021, the kind where it is indistinguishable from reality. In it Rhonda {about age 50 with long yellow ponytail and flashing true-blue eyes} and I had just returned from our day and it was late so we just went to bed and she cuddled up to me from behind and laid her arm over my body. Later the spot where her arm was, was too warm, so I awoke and needed to move the covers to be more comfortable. {then I realized that it was a dream because the room was the wrong size, and that Rhonda was dead.} I didn’t want to disturb the dream, but I had to move the covers, so I did. Then Rhonda said the most wonderful thing. She said “Where else would I be, but next to you!”…and I went back to sleep within the dream.

      Now Rhonda’s sisters said it was a visit from Rhonda and I’d like to think it was so, but it was only a dream, a beautiful dream, but a dream none the less!

  56. I lost my husband 14 months ago suddenly, unexpected age 57. Then my sister lost hers 7 months later age 53. I am still in a bubble, walking with half a body. I told myself and God this a.m., I am content but not happy. I wished I could have had option B or C. (B. he lived 5-10 years longer and C. We grew old together in our 70’s-80’s.)

  57. I feel horrible lost now live in a empty house that used to be our home miss my wife so badly she passed away from aggressive lung cancer suddenly two days after she came home from hospital on July 30th 2018 got up at 4amnoticed her breathing was raspy tried waking her to see if she wanted a glass of water when she did not respond I call 911 they took her to emergency room where she awoke I was holding her hand she looked into my eyes and then gone I never slept right since and wont sleep in the bedroom anymore just in the recliner I always look to see if she’s with me in the store or when I get home from work or anyplace no one there to ask how my day was or hug kiss or talk to I havent had any visitors in 8 months straight somtimes wonder if I should just move away but both of us made the house the way it is together it’s hard i wish i could be with her again 😪💔

  58. I feel all of the above comments. my husband has been gone 5 years and 3 months. all of the pain and sorrow, tears and sadness have been felt. and always will be there – we were together for 30 years.
    cancer and diabetes took him too soon.

    I heard another widow refer to this time without your spouse as the ‘new normal’. and I have to adjust my sails to be in this new space. but I will.
    I still see my husband in parts of our life together. he is here even though he is not
    here. comments come back to me about things he said. lovely. he lives on.
    I know he is in heaven now, taking care of all his loved ones. and I miss him dearly, love him forever, and i know that someday I will be with him again.
    for now I have to take care of the kids and grandkids and keep my spirits up.
    a lot of exercise, love from the family and the dogs, love of god, belief in angels and to keep moving forward are my aims.
    the two hardest words in the English language – Have Faith.
    Take care –

  59. All the people who said we’re here for you, let us know what we can do for you, we’re going to be here for the long haul, etc etc etc….they are gone, went back to their lives. I can’t blame them. They didn’t come home to find their 51 year old wife of 24 years dead on the bathroom floor. They get to be sad, but they get to move on. Is it me, am I hard to be around now?

    1. I am sorry for your loss! People have not said to me that they would be here for me. So yes, they go on about life. May God help you, me, and each of these hurting people who were dedicated to loving their spouse with all their heart!

    2. Jeff,
      I felt just the same when noone called or stopped by for weeks on end. Then i called my sister-in-law and her husband and they said “That is just like us”. Most people do not have friends drop by each day/week and sometimes it is months between visits. That is LIFE, it sometimes seems unfair, and it is, but people just get tied-up with their own little neighborhood things!

  60. My husband died from a sarcoma cancer five years ago. He was my soulmate, best friend, the best husband, the best father and made me feel so special. We were married 36 years. I never lived alone until now and hate it. I have two beautiful grown children. My relatives and friends have abandoned me and all I have is my little dog. I wished we would have both died together and I would not have this lost feeling if hopelessness and loneliness. I wake up with a sense of dread as everything is on me-house, finances, etc. I really miss working as a team together and miss him forever. Time does not heal.

    1. I lost my husband to brain cancer on Nov 3rd 2018. I watched him die slowly over 8 months all while wishing I could take his place. I never left his side. Now, I am left with an empty heart. It is amazing how everyone seems to not care. His parents abandoned him during his illness and went on their fancy vacations. Now they tell me how they wish they had more time with him. How dare they? I cant comprehend how anyone could not be
      there for their own child. I saw how this hurt him, when he would ask when they were coming to see him. and I get angry at there sight. They tell me they care about how I am doing, but I do not believe them. I pray to try and forgive. I have a dog now that a rescued and she rescued me too. It helps the loneliness. I am lost and forgotten in this hell I live in. Someone lied, time does not heal all wounds! I am grateful of the time we spent together and this website of people who care!

  61. I lost my husband two years ago. It was like being hit with a mallet I was confused for months. I couldn’t plan anything, although I had acted as manager of my husband as he was a singer/actor. Psychiatrists tell me it is unhealthy to still be in love with a dead man. I felt guilty for a while but nothing put him out of my mind. We had been married 34 years so he was always ‘in my mind’ in our plans on our travels. You have to be completely ignorant not to realise that this affects someone profoundly and for ever. I manage reasonably well even though couples we knew dropped me. At my age I had lost all of my lifelong friends and those friends of a lifetime ‘our best friends’ have also died. We had no children but did a lot of community work together in retirement.
    I am feeling worse now as I looked after ‘his’ cat and kept myself together for her. She missed him. We were both animal lovers and had rescue cats and dogs. She was the last. She died two days before the 2nd anniversary of his death. I recently brought myself to go through documents he had filed away after his mother’s death. He had saved all the letters I had sent him and reading them again broke my heart.
    I feel lucky, so lucky, to have been his wife. The pain of loss is unbearable at times still.
    The late Queen Mother said in her diary. “Grief is the price you have to pay for loving and being loved”. I wish I had something consoling to say to you all. I agree with Patricia – time does not heal.I still use the words ‘us’ and ‘our’ in my conversation. That’s how its always been and I can’t change now.

    1. Yes Jen, you put it into perfect words.
      Neither Rhe or I were looking for love, the 2nd. time around for each of us. We formed a friendly relationship that quickly blossomed into a perfect joining of the souls.
      I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t go on crying every day, knowing I not complete without her.
      I’m afraid for the first time in my life, of what my future holds without my precious love.

    2. Gabrielle, I am sorry for your loss. When Rhonda dies this is how I felt

      A sparrow
      When Rhonda died, I felt lost and uncertain. Everything was upside-down and inverted. The sun rose in the West and set in the East.

      I awoke the first night with a stark vision of clarity. There is nothing of value, no awards, no miracles, no accomplishments there is only Heaven or Hell. All of the color, taste and flavor had momentarily been drained out of the World. Everything was Black & White. I didn’t know what to do. I’m not called to be a preacher and am not equipped for that calling, so I will try to “do good works among men so that your neighbors may glorify your father, which is in Heaven”.

      I felt like a tiny bird with a broken wing, that just yesterday was able with ease, to frolic with the eagles amongst the mighty winds high above the clouds, and now, even the grass is too high and tough to get through, and the safety of the tree branches is far beyond my grasp. A broken-winged sparrow, helpless and frail in a very dark evil place where no one is coming (like the calvary over yonder hill to take you to a place of safety and rest), and the hungery predators already know you are out there and are eagerly on the prowl, looking, looking, looking!

  62. I lost my spouse of 31 years 7 months ago. I don’t know who I am anymore, the joy is gone. I operate on autopilot. Like many, I have wanted to be done with my life too. I dislike when I hear that I can create a new me. Friends, children, and relatives are not filling my void. I cry for my loss and what I miss daily. After reading all of our similar stories, I couldn’t help but notice that no one likes being alone. It was our special connection with our spouses who made us feel alive, happy, connected, loved. We loved “coupleing”. Our grief is so intense because we loved intensely. I felt as though my spouse’s spirit was with me continually during the first 6 months after he passed. I talked to him out loud constantly. I received many “signs” from him. However, I am no longer feeling his presence. This month has really been difficult because of this. Now I truly feel alone. It is so difficult to let go which is what I feel my spouse is wanting me to do. I was becoming too dependent on him in spirit. Does anyone else feel this way?

    1. Jen,
      Please do not, I mean do not let go of your spouse. My spouse gave me two HUGE gifts before she died. The first was when she said “I Do” to a very silly silly man and accepted him as her husband. The other were her last words, she said “I love you!”
      I didn’t deserve those words and never will, but she truly knew everything about me warts and all when she whispered them, and I cling to them like a lifeline!

  63. I lost my partner of 18 years on 03/25/2019 3:39 am. She had pancreatitis for the last 16 years. In December of 2018 she suffered a stroke. On Christmas day she became unresponsive in the early morning. 3 months to the day she had another stroke and this time she could not pull through. Tomorrow would have been 18 years. Now, no more celebrations, no more anniversaries. Flowers still, but to a crypt, in a miserable place,, we call cemeteries. I lost something inside me. I don’t know what, but I lost something. I can feel it. A hole. They tell me if I am ok. I ask why. They say you seem gone, lost, not here. I react and smile but then I can feel the smile fade and they can too. We have a 16-year-old child. Mom and child were not close. I feel anger now. Sometimes rage. I don’t think of happy memories. We had ups and downs but she was my true everything. I would have given anything for her sole happiness. Now I sit alone in the darkness of my thoughts and being and see no love from her. But yet, I would give it all for her. My one true love. I am lost and empty. I keep going for our child nothing else seems to matter. At the end friends and family came and went and I stood by her side with love, respect, and a sense that she made my heart beat.

  64. My husband died in Dec.’17 and I still can’t believe it. Although he was 86 yrs. old, he was in relatively good shape until he had pneumonia. While he was in the hospital, he developed an infection called “C-diff” from all the antibiotics he was given. All this time I expected him to be home soon but I was in denial the whole time, even at the end. The only thing that keeps me going is that he would have ended up in a nursing home if I hadn’t been able to take care of him. I agree with all the above comments that no matter how good your family is, the pain lasts forever. We were married for 55 yrs., he was eight yrs. older than I.
    I wish everyone above who have told their sad stories PEACE, at some future point in their lives.

  65. I lost my beloved only 58 years old… He’s still my husband to me. It was unexpected and I hurt. And yes I feel people have no use for a mid age widow like me..The pain is devastating and while not suicidal I feel left out like I should be with him…I speak of him often present tense. I can’t stand when one calls him “dead”when I know his spirit is very alive. My beautiful baby Jae

  66. Still not over it after almost 3 years but the entire support group as no clue. Companionship is not to be understated. Sure, there is a tryst now and then but it pales in comparison.

  67. I want to say your comments are helping me be more understanding as I have watched my mother struggle with my dad’s passing in Feb. 2015. She lost a lot of weight because of depression and lack of appetite. Five years later she still cries, I’m sure more than she admits, and consistently tells stories, good and bad, of their marriage. All normal, as I know of a 40 yr. marriage. As the child, it’s odd to see your strong parent face the devastation that rips them apart. Because we don’t want to know that something so terrible exists, something that your parent can’t handle. So, I realize my “smoothing over” talks are a way of saying “if you can’t find a way out of this nightmare, and you’re the strongest person on Earth to me, I’m doomed.” I imagine what I would do in the same situation, with my current relationship, and it’s more realistic, but I know worlds away from my mom’s pain. Again, your comments are honest, painful, and beautiful. I wish everything that brings all of you peace. Please know that you have helped this daughter.

  68. I lost my husband October 20, 2018. We were together since I was 15. The lost of my husband has been hard. I feel like all of you that I am only half a person. I was lucky to be with him for 49 years. Now I am lost and so lonely. I cry every day and it is getting harder for me. I was his caregiver. I believe that he is in heaven and not sick anymore. That is what keeps me going. I do agree with one person that my house is not a home anymore. I just do the steps to survive. Not healthy but that is my life. Thank you to all that wrote in the blog,. I did find some peace as I read all of your stories. I will pray for you all to find your way.

    1. i lost my husband a year ago this month. I’m still blaming myself for feeling as though I didn’t do enough to help him and perhaps he wouldn’t have died. I was so tired of caregiving while not tired of him! I’m angry with him because he wouldn’t try to help himself….he ate whatever he wanted even though a diabetic. I resented all the problems that I had to handle due to his neglect of himself. Still yet, I loved him with everything within me. I’m not old by any means (64) and feel like 40….most people are shocked that my husband has already died! Well not as shocked as I am! I went into a restaurant tonight alone….and I’ll never do that again. Every table was couple after couple…and most my age group. I thought I would have a panic attack before the girl brought my ticket. I have friends but honestly I don’t much enjoy going out with a group of women. my whole life has changed and I feel that I am to blame. I cry a lot. My kids are a big support but they also have their own lives to live and I don’t want to be a burden to them. When I was so weary with caregiving I remember thinking that death would probably be better for him….😢 he was struggling so much that just getting him in the shower left him gasping for breath. I had to shave him, dress his diabetic wounds, get his clothes on him, etc. I no longer felt valued and I cried a lot. Now, I would give anything to be back in that place just to have him here for my own selfish reasons…comfort, companionship, his wisdom….I just feel like I let him die and Didnt fight for him. I’m sure God hates me as well.

      1. susie god does not hate you, he does not evan hate people that do awful things, being a caretaker is very difficult even though you love that person so deeply, never put your self down the devil wants you to think bad things about yourself god and your husband knows how beautiful you aredon’t ever forget that god bless

      2. Susie a lot you posted rings true with me. My husband died 2 months ago– he collapsed, I wasn’t with him at the time. In fact we were divorced for reasons I don’t want to go into but we were still together. I was his caregiver. He lived in an apartment 1 mile from me. We were married 25 years divorced 5. We have a son. I did everything for him. He was 69 when he died almost 70.. I’m 58. I loved him so much; he was my best friend. We had good and bad times. I’m devastated. I cry constantly. No one will love me like he did. I’m alone as well. I want to die just to be with him. I seriously lost my faith when he died. I agonized if he was ok or in Heaven or purgatory or anywhere. It almost killed me. I listen to his voice-mail constantly. I still text him.

  69. I lost my husband 25 months ago its so hard. There is a younger guy interested inme and I am so scared but I feelImost try.

  70. I feel the same way all you people feel I lost my husband of 29 years to esophguseal cancer he was 50. He left me with two wonderful kid age 15 and 12. A 200 acre crop farm. A broken heart days go by and its hasn’t gotten better only worse my husband family has completely disowned us as well. I was his caregiver for a few short months olny to be told by his family that he would still be here if I had taken better care of him. I also belive time does heal a broken heart . He passed away may 25 2019. The kids and i miss him every day.

  71. I have read every one of the messages posted on this blog. I cried many times as I read through them. I feel and understand the pain, agony, torment, sorrow frustration and loneliness with which all of you are struggling. Only those who have suffered this torture can truly appreciate the pain that is express in these thoughts. I lost Louise on August 27, 2017 after her heroic eleven-year battle with breast cancer (I HATE cancer). We were married for forty-nine years and nine months. I had planned on having a huge party to celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary. Instead, my daughter and I hosted a celebration of Louise’s life. I miss her very much. A friend of a friend, also a widow, invited me to join the “Widowed People’s Association of California (WPAC). My joining that association was a life-changing decision! WPAC is a group of self-trained widows and widowers helping other widows and widowers reorganize their lives in a healthy way. My life changed dramatically after Louise’s death and it will never be the same as it was. But my life continues, in spite of the difficulties. Every Sunday afternoon at “Sunday Support”, I work with the people who are most-newly widowed and have found there way to our organization. My life now has a new purpose and meaning. Please check out WPAC on the internet and contact them. Look for a similar group in your area. If an association like this doesn’t exist in you community, start one. It will be one of the best things that you can do for your community, other widowed people living near you and yourself.. It will give your life a new meaning like it did mine. Good luck to all of you! (I’m crying, again)

  72. August 8/ 2019 / I lost my wife of 35 years. We had her ashes buried on her birthday
    Sept 21/2019. i try to move forward everyday and try to take care of myself first. The pain always feels like a slow torture that never ends.
    As much as I try the loss feels unbearable and the future bleak. Through exercise and eating well I’m trying to move forward, but the loneliness of not having her her is the hardest part. She was the love of my life.

  73. I lost my darling George in July/2019. George was 90 and I am 85. It was a second marriage after we both lost our spouses to cancer. At the time we hoped for ten years and we got fifteen. He was my everything. He said he missed me when he fell asleep.All I want is to be beside him for eternity.
    I spend each day alone. The phone never rings and no one comes to my door. I guess that’s because I am old.
    George
    One last kiss upon your brow so smooth and white.
    Upon your lips once pink and bright
    Now pale in death’s cruel delight.
    One cold embrace where once
    The beat of your heart
    Raced just for me
    With warmth and purest ecstasy.
    Your hands, what can I say,
    They did so much each hour each day,
    To make my world what it once was
    Of joy,work, play and love.
    Now here you are, one last embrace,
    One last look upon your face,
    One last kiss and oh,
    What I shall miss.
    One last kiss, how can that be?
    I do not believe that you are gone,
    For I am you and you are me,
    Two lovers bound for eternity.
    Your Audrey

    1. Dear Audrey,

      It pains me when I read that your phone never rang, after George passed on. Hope you would receive this message that I am sending you love, concerns, and comfort as if they are from George your beloved. Please know that he is with you always and love never dies.

      I too am in grieving of my beloved soulmate, husband of over twenty five years, so I feel your deep sorrow…. But I believe they are still here, with us everyday until we see each other again.
      Please take care of yourself. I wish you all the blessings and peace.

      https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCveuJR3knHlJuLjz_XkC3vQ/videos
      Peter Fenwick – evidence of consciousness after death

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XktW_YR0uNk
      Dr Raymond Moody NDEs Shared Death Experiences5

      Lulu

      1. Thank you Lulu. for reaching out to me in my time of grief, especially when you are experiencing the same. I get comfort by keeping George’s things close to me. I love to see his shaving kit, housecoat and slippers. Ours was a second marriage after we lost our spouses to cancer. We met on line. A friend placed an ad for me and George answered. However, he was in Calgary and I lived in Ontario. His ad mistakenly appeared on mine. We talked for hours- I believe we fell in love over the telephone- after six months I flew to Alberta to meet him, the love of my life. Six months later we married to the joy of our families. George was 77 and I was 70. We hoped for 10 years and was blessed with 15. My mother told me that as her only girl she hoped I would marry a man who not only loved me but, cherished me, I did.
        Song of Love
        Sing to me a song of love before I fall asleep,
        Let me feel the flutter of your lashes on my cheek.
        Hold me in the same old way with loving tenderness
        Let me know the magic of the passion in your kiss.
        Sing to me a song of love and set my spirit free,
        While stars make love to the moon above
        And you make love to me.
        Sing to me a song of love lay your dear head next to mine,
        We’ll drift away to by gone days
        And love to the end of time.

        My sincere thanks.
        Audrey

  74. I lost my husband Steve expectedly 3 years ago. I still cannot believe he’s gone! I find myself just going through the motions of life. He was the funniest guy i ever had known. I haven’t laughed since he has passede’s passed. it’s amazing to me how many people think should be healed by now! That life is for the living and I need to move on. After being with somebody 35 years things you’re supposed to just be miraculously different for me after just three years? Mother night I seem to miss him more and more everyday and I do. I haven’t even been able to clean out his closet. my friends are there for me it’s just not the same. My heart goes out to everyone and this board you really have to be in the situation to truly understand the meaning of loss.

  75. I lost my husband Steve unexpectedly 3 years ago. I still cannot believe he’s gone! I find myself just going through the motions of life. He was the funniest guy i ever had known. I haven’t laughed since he has papassed. it’s amazing to me how many people think should be healed by now! That life is for the living and I need to move on. After being with somebody 35 years things you’re supposed to just be miraculously different for me after just three years? ther night I seem to miss him more and more everyday and I do. I haven’t even been able to clean out his closet. my friends are there for me it’s just not the same. My heart goes out to everyone and this board you really have to be in the situation to truly understand the meaning of loss.

  76. I found this site by chance, because my grief is still so overwhelming for me. I work, I cook, I clean, I, I, I..
    I miss the we. I miss my wife more than I can express. I pray, I listen to her last voice mail several times a day, and since she passed away this past August, there isn’t 1 single day that has passed since the day she left, that I haven’t wept.
    Being alone isn’t my issue, being without my sweet angel is.

  77. I lost my husband March 19th, 2017, with the holidays coming up I am feeling so alone and sad especially this time of year when everyone is so happy and joyous. We were together 39 years and life without him is unbearable, Stella says it amazing how people think you should be healed by now but I am no where near healed. Reading all these messages confirms that I am not alone. No one understands this pain unless they have gone through it, they really don’t friends and family. I pray every day for God to help me with my grief.

  78. I lost my wife of 30 plus years in January I fill so empty, alone I try to stay busy, Physically I am wearing myself out.

  79. My wife died unexpectedly just shy of our 40th wedding anniversary. MJ had Multiple Sclerosis, but was determined to live as normal a life as possible. She didn’t want anyone to know that she had MS. She woke me up that morning complaining of the worst headache of her life. I got her a hot washcloth to put on her forehead. She said thank you. Those were the last words she ever said to me. She sank into a coma and died 4 days later from a massive hemorrhage in her brain. I was holding her hand as she took her last breath.

    She was my best friend, my confidant, my everything. We were always together. She could walk short distances, and would hold on to my arm as we walked so she wouldn’t fall. When she died I couldn’t believe it at first. Once I accepted that she was gone, I realized that the man I once had vanished; I was wandering around, lost, confused, and utterly lonely. I miss telling her little things that I saw – like when a chipmunk came up and got a drink of water out of the dog’s bowl. I didn’t have anyone to tell.

    She used to ask me how I was doing, and she used to hug me for no reason. I used to massage her legs at night to relieve the pain so that she could sleep through the night.

    She had just turned 65; we had recently learned that our daughter was expecting our first grandchild. Now she will never meet her grandson.

    I basically feel that my life has been completed – I have no desire, or energy, to start all over again as a “new person”. The huge loss is with me wherever I go. I miss my darling wife. I want to be with her, wherever she is.

    Christmas is approaching, and it was MJ’s favorite time of year – she loved the little rituals and traditions that we developed over the years. I can’t stand to enter the Holidays. But, I have to play Dad for my children, even though they are grown and independent and don’t really need my help with anything. I am sticking around only to see my grandson, who is expected in March.

    1. My wife and I also did everything together. Unfortunately she was only 45 and we were married for 19 years. So even though I don’t know exactly how you feel I can relate. I too was holding her hand while she took her last breath. It was and is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t pretend to have any great answers, from experience I know there aren’t any. I have a granddaughter that my wife got to meet but at the time we were not sure she belonged to our son, but I believe that she knew. I don’t know what I’m doing, I just know I’m lonely and miss her terribly. I hope you stuck around after your grandson was born. He needs a grandfather just as much as you need him.

      1. It been so great and I really want to say thanks to those people out there who were kind enough to share genuine testimonies about how they actually got all their problems solved one time. It was awesome the day I came across a testimony shared by a wonderful lady about getting several help from a spell doctor by name, Dr. Ozigidon the name sounded familiar because I have read and watched videos online about this great spell doctor on how he has helped people with fertility spells, bringing back broken relationships after many years of lost love, restoring divorced homes to normal and many more. First, I never believed that spell can do all this easily and permanently but after reading a testimony similar to what I was facing at that moment I was convinced and I contacted Dr Ozigidon via his email drozigidonhenz.spell.net@gmail. com I got his reply finally and he promised to grant my heart desire and he told me all that was needed for the spell casting and I gladly provided it. Just within 2days my husband called his lawyer and canceled the divorce case and called me to say he was coming back home. I was so happy and thankful to Dr. Ozigidon powerful spell also to those that came online to testify about him. Don’t let your problems bring you down because most problems are not ordinary as they seems to be. His email: drozigidonhenz.spell.net@gmail. com

    2. Donald,
      Your post had me in floods as it is so similar to my situation, except you are just over a year in and my pain has just started. I posted a reply to Jody Johnson today …..as have only just found this site…. everything you said matches my feelings…so sad for you and hope you have found some peace at last as I hope I may find some for my self…..I am emotionally exhausted and life holds nothing for me anymore. Dead sounds about right!!

    3. Hi, Donald
      I truly know how you feel. My wife had MS since 1984. Had serious issues walking then took a Hemorrhagic stroke in 2015. She worked so hard to recover and I was a hard task master. She had two further TIA’s and then another Hemorrhagic stroke late on Boxing Day 2020. She was admitted to hospital and was recovering well until she contracted Covid….3 weeks later she was DEAD. I have lost my best friend, my lover, my entire world. I spend much time in tears and really see no point in carrying on. I will never find another Ann, she was my entire life!!!!
      I really do know how you feel, I am there now.

  80. My wife Tomi Lou went home to be with the Lord November 12 2018 we have been married for 45 years the memories of being together will continued forever for the rest of my life the earlier days after her death were the hardest times I have ever faced in my life, Today those waves of emotions has subsided as I’m comforted by believing that she’s not suffering and in eternity with Jesus in accordance with His promise and one day we will see each other again.

  81. My wife died 2 years ago, we or each other’s whole life, joined at the hips most of the time the 20 years we had together she was my best friend. Neither one of us had any family or children. I even started going to church after she died three days a week, even being around five or six hundred people on Sunday I still never felt so alone.. I have recently stopped going to church people don’t seem to understand. I try to keep myself busy but most of the time I just stay home, the best part of me is gone now. I just take one day at a time and keep hoping for the best.

  82. I have been reading all the replies to this article. The article rings true. The replies are very sad. I am not a Christian, but am very spiritual. I have incurred loses of parents and friends, but also spouses. My first husband, we were together 29-1/2 years, and we went our own ways for reasons I won’t get into. We kept in touch. But for 5 years after we split, I was with him from 15-42, well, he’s all I had ever known. I was lost, lost a huge chunk of my life, I had nothing to talk about except those years, I had to build new experiences to talk to people about and deep deep pangs of loneliness were my constant companion. I stayed home (except for going to work). I’d always had dogs, and when ‘our’ dog died a year later after we split, I got another dog. It was great to love and hug something, hang around with, go for walks and just a great companion. But it took 5 years for me to feel whole and myself again. It is true, you not only lose the person, but a part of yourself. I went out, I spent time around people, but I was empty inside, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. So what I had to do, was go about finding myself again, who I was without my husband? and I became whole again, and I was happy. The thing that made it worse during the 5 year period was trying to meet someone else. That is the worst thing one can do. You have to find you, love you, and be happy and content again. I learned a lot in those 5 years about myself and life in general. We are of course left behind by couples. We don’t fit anymore. Just let those friends go, make new friends by pursuing your interests, or finding new interests, yoga, painting, music, so many joyful pursuits. Sharing interests is very rewarding to spirit. Write a play, write poetry or short stories or a screenplay of your life with your wife or husband. Journal your feelings everyday. I met someone just past that 5 year mark, and I made a mistake. I could see a lot of things wrong, but I was so happy to be sharing my life again, I looked the other way. So, secondly, don’t get into another relationship unless it’s pretty seamless, and TAKE YOUR TIME. No rush. That lasted 3-1/2 years, and we don’t keep in touch. I am embarrassed that I made such a horrible mistake. Then another 5 years passed and I met a super nice person while out with friends. We were attracted but didn’t go out on a date until a year later. We genuinely fell in love. About this time my first husband died of cancer. Oh my heavens I was so sad for quite some time, remember almost 3 decades together. Very hard. Now, in the 10th year of my marriage, my husband is dying of cancer, diagnosed with terminal late stage cancer. So another loss is coming for me, this time I am deeply in love. My life will never be the same. This time, I will pull on the experience of the two times I was on my own for 5 years each time. I hope this experience will hasten the healing and return to me being whole again, loving myself and being happy again. Then I think about my mother, who was with my father for over 50 years. When my father died, she was sad, she moped about, despondent. She did that for about a year. Then she decided to move from the place they’d lived in for 46 years. She moved to an apartment in a high rise and made jokes about being closer to heaven. She remained single, rejected any offers when she was asked out (and she was in her 70’s), she walked everyday with a friend, swam in the pool, played golf, took trips with girlfriends that she gathered on the way (most younger than her). What she told me, about all this, and moving on, was this: Life is for the living, those who pass, it was their time, and my time will come to, and life is too precious to waste. She told me never waste a day, because when your days are done, you will realize you made a mistake. I’m not saying that you do not have to go through a process. But to the lady who said she misses her husband so much, their wedding anniversary would be a good day to die? I would rethink that if I was you, because if you did die on Wed you would regret saying that and not trying to find new and different ways to respect the gift of another day in this thing we call life. Now I realize that year, my mother was staying up too late watching TV, sleeping in, in the morning, snacking on too much black liquorice, I think she was hammering out her new life, she already knew what she had to do. The first 6 months was a lot of paperwork and business to take care of. Once that was done, it was 6 months of liquorice and taking steps for change. The ones who leave, have had their intended time in this life, and no-one knows when your time will end. Also, when my grandmother died, I mourned something terrible, my mother told me I was being self indulgent and selfish, why? well I wanted my grandmother back, even though her time here was met and it was her time. She told me your grandmother is fine, she is at peace, her troubles are all over. It is up to you to honour your life and your time left here, and live your life the best way you can. I know loss, I know the feelings you are talking about here, and it is coming again very soon. Each day I see my husband die a little more. It is hard to watch. When he goes (and that’s if I don’t go first, remember no-one knows), I will give myself 6 months, take care of paper work, think about if I’m happy in our home or if it would be better to move, all sorts of things to think about, after that, I will be considered to be in ‘complicated’ grief and grief counselling will be in order. Giving up 6 months of precious life is enough for anyone to give up. If you are lost and need to give and love ? go and work at a homeless shelter, cook and feed those people who have nothing, so you can go home each night and realize how rich your life really is. Give of yourself in times of sadness and loss. Because, and again, my mother always said, look around and you will see many people in a much worse position than you. I believe even in times of grief and loss this is very true. Having experienced loss, I’ve realized something, life is short, life is precious, respect it, it will be gone (when it is your time) sooner than you think. You think you want to die, but truly ? I don’t think you do. Remember the little things, the smell of fresh coffee, that first sip, the turning of the front page of the newspaper, reading how insane our world is, walking outside and a gentle breeze touching your face, a beautiful pink flower that jumps out at you, crazy traffic and loud horns honking, hanging out in the Library and people watching, getting to know the counter people at your favourite casual restaurant, visiting the local humane society and taking a sad, lonely, traumatized dog for walk so it can get out of its cage, getting on a bus and staying on while it goes around the route 3 times and watching all the people getting on and off, and them talking about their lives. Oh yes, there is much to live for until your time comes.

  83. It has only been6 weeks since my wife breathed her last breath on earth, and I’m just tired. I want to just sleep..
    I’m tired of lawyers, and well wishing family and friends, I’m tired of crying all the time. I’m scared for my 17 year old son who was right there with us and watched helplessly as she stopped breathing, he has only cried twice. I am just scared and tired.
    Did I say tired?

    1. gregory i real don’t know what to say i am sorry your in so much pains i know the feeling and i am tired all the time, but threw the grace of god , he sends angels around us all the time it could be the mailman or anyone that just says hello and give you a smile, it does not seem like much but it get u threw the day, and u try hard to smile back one moment at a time.god send lots Gregory of angel amen

  84. hi my name tom the og. this to nelli.re:nov 10 2019.
    Nelli, I found my better half may 12 1962.fell in love in two weeks. she 15yrs 9mo. me18yrs 9mo. we got pregnant dec 1 1962. married march 17 1963. became parants sept 1963.. we married 53yrs 4mo.. she died sept 12 2015, I was beside her side. iam just like you all, heart broke, empty, most days very sad. hurt and times cry. the only think I want is to be with her in heaven.. I have asked GOD, I don’t want to marry her I want to continue our marriage through eternity from may 1962 to end eternity. you see iam retired police over 100 dead ive seen. my wife and I together 53 yrs 4 mo. and she gone 4yrs 5mo and 2 weeks. this re” God. Nelli I have seen the works of God. he is real an he does care. we all hurt and it sucks to say the least. everyone is saying the same thing. we will be with our love ones when its time.. an know we cant do our selfs in.. big no no. I pray all of you find relief cause I have not. but this is true. my wife has come down and seen me 6 times. this is no joke. I pray for all of us to kept the love we have forever.. GOD does live… love to all Tom the og. old guy

  85. my husband died January 18,2015. i grt so lonely that i cry myself to sleep at night. I tried dating but it wasnt like having my John back. he was an auctioneer so when i see an auction sign it brings back memories. i also eish for God to take ne out of here. just help me in this lonley world

  86. I wrote this about 6 days after my wife died. She was one of a kind and I miss her terribly. 19 years was not long enough. It was supposed to be much longer. I was told by a friend that we were lucky because we found our soulmates and she was right. However I would like just 1 more day, 1 more I love you Beautiful, 1 more big Beautiful smile, 1 more kiss, 1 more touch of her hand, 1 more time she calls me honey or babe or dork. She called me that alot, but I always told her ” yes but I’m your dork” too which she would laugh and roll her eyes at me. I know I have to move forward without her, but that is going to take time to get used to because we did EVERYTHING together and I Loved it! So I’m going to miss you Beautiful. There is a hole in my heart that will never completely heal, but it will heal some. I have always told her 2 things. 1. They have never invented the words to tell her how much I love her. 2. There isn’t much Ed without Billie. Sharing this probably doesn’t mean much to some of you but it helps me to share my thoughts about her with other people.

  87. My husband filed for divorced because of his mistress and told me has know feelings for me anymore. It was tragic for months without my husband. My mom did her best to see us back it couldn’t work. I actually want him back he was the only man i have loved all through my life we started when we where both young. i never give up because i always believe what is mine will always be mine, i visited a site solution to a relationship problem, where i found someone talking about manuka help her marriage, It very clear to me he can also put a stop with the nonsense going on in my marriage, i pick up the contact i met on the site to see if he could help me as well. but today with the stress of the covid-19 going on am a testimony to priest manuka who restored peace back to my life. what shocked me most was My husband who hasn’t come visit in few months came home to talk about how sorry he was, He never left since that day I can never be more grateful. The buddhist Old religion priest is a very holy and powerful man, I have never seen anything like this.It is a good remedy to resolve marital problems. anyone can also be a testimony to manuka temple his contact.. lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com

    1. Tasha, you are either ignorant or blatantly insensitive to the pain and suffering here of all the widowed people here. Please get your advertisement out of here, and find more suitable venue. Divorce is not the same as widowhood. Leave us alone, and have some respect for yourself and others.
      Lulu

  88. So sorry for your lose, My husband Vince
    died Oct 31,2019. I have had to trust God, for all things, we were married 39 years, its hurts
    but life will get better, you learn! One day at
    a time, Trusting God, and the word of God.
    And my husband waits for me in heaven,
    So this is the way life is, I know he is safe and
    very happy, no more suffering! Just great Joy!

  89. My Husband had a Hemarogic stroke 5 yrs ago we’e been married 53 years. He has vascular Demintia – it’s been a roller coaster – paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Just me and him. We where and are very close but he isn’t the same man, even so I love him so much and I see the man I married and loved extremely all these years. I’m with him every day, doing all I can for him. It’s like watching him pass away year after year in slow motion, wanting him to get well and a miracle. I’m wearing out but I still know if he passes away I will be devastated. No one even knows how to be close to me or even try to know how I’m feeling. He is my handicap right now. When he had his stroke, we both had his stroke. Both our lives where changed dramatically forever! I’m a woman of faith and I know the Lord is all that keeps me breathing.

    1. Hang in there Jody. It will get better. Have faith in God and he will be there for you! I lost my husband one year ago to dementia and many other health issues. Married for sixty years. It was not easy as he too was not the same person that I once new. I loved him dearly and now realize that he is not in pain any longer. Missing him always…

    2. Hello dear
      How are you today? I am Dr Alan Mawson, i was going through your message cut my attention, and i decided to connect to know you better. Can you reply me at alanmawsonmsg@gmail.com ? I have important message for you.
      regards
      Dr Alan Mawson

    3. Your post was identical to the way our life panned out. My wife took a Hemorrhagic stroke in 2015, she spent 7 weeks in Hospital and was discharged with right sided paralysis. We worked very hard and she recovered so well, could stand with help but not walk.
      She had a TIA in Oct 2016 which set her back a little but we worked at it and everything was great until we were ‘locked down’.
      She needed much interaction with other people and it stopped overnight and within 3 months she was worse than when she was originally discharged. I tried everything and took her out in the car as often as I could but could not take her into shops and that is what she desperately needed…interaction with the checkout and anyone else who was kind enough to acknowledge her ..just so many did it.
      She took another TIA at the end of September 2020, it seemed to me I had watched her die 3 times and I was so cross I shouted at her ‘It’s not your time yet’ and she came around, no serious effects and refused to go to Hospital, recovery was just so good.
      Then on Boxing Day (26th December) we decided to make Sausage Rolls and Mince pies when she took another stroke, I watched her face drop and she started to babble incoherently. I put her back to bed and called an Ambulance, it took 7 hours to get to us, She was admitted on the 27th Dec 2020, she had recovered 100%, I kissed her, she hugged me as she was wheeled away and it was the last time I ever saw her. She was tested for Covid on admission…clear…
      She was due to be discharged on the 1st Feb but tested positive for Covid on the 30th Jan. She died on the 11th Feb 2021 at 10.33pm and I buried her on 26th Feb.I was stopped from seeing her at the end due to Covid, I will never forgive the hospital for infecting her as I kept her Covid free for 10 months…words fail me.

      I am worse than lost, my compass is broken and I will never get another. I do try to be brave but the tears just keep coming at the smallest memory, we were so tight a couple as we did everything together, everything was ‘Ours’, love, business, fun, children and I do mean everything and now I am so alone and worse still ‘locked down’ with my Darling all around me.

      I have no idea what to do let alone how….I would willingly give all my tomorrows for one single minute with her just so she knows I never deserted her.

  90. If you want your ex lover back contact this love spell caster he can help you cast a love spell to bring back your lover Greatmutaba@ yahoo .com

  91. For everyone feeling a gaping wound in your heart, please take the time to look up Emanuel Swedenborg. We continue on with our true soulmates in heaven as one. Keep the faith. God is so AWESOME! Eternity with my husband is ALL I LOOK FORWARD TOO!!! I continue to count my blessings and know I have a purpose here which allows me to get through every waking day. Remember, we are spiritual beings having a human experience not humans having a spiritual experience. God unionized our souls and no man can break that bond. We are still married, just temporarily separated. My husband had a OBE and told his father to tell us he is going some place for just a little while. It’s JUST a little while my brothers and sisters! Our short lives are just a blink compared to eternity so PLEASE keep the faith and live your life in the image of christ to the fullest until your time is called because its not a matter of if, its when. You will be reunited with your soulmate!

  92. My first time meeting with a Psychic medium and I have to say, it’s really worth it. It had been 6months since my husband left me without saying anything.All thanks to Dr Adoda I was able to connect with my husband again with his powerful reunion love spell and now he loves me more than he used to. Eternally grateful with The Great Dr Adoda! I highly recommend, His contact details ( http://dradodalovetemple.com )

  93. I lost my husband, Everette on July 11, 2020 to colon cancer. He was the love of my life. I feel so lost and alone now. I cry all the time. I miss him so much. I joined a grief share group but so far it’s not helping me. Nothing seems to help. It feels like this is a never ending nightmare. The sadness is all around me when I’m home. I’m not eating or sleeping right.

  94. I was hurt and heart-broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my husband . so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore. So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too. So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the spell caster whom he visited. ogagakunta@gmail.com. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact ogagakunta, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: ogagakunta@gmail.com

  95. I understand. You are young you have the whole world open to you. You can be anything that you choose if you apply yourself and try hard to work toward that goal. But being a Vampire is not what it seems like. It’s a life full of good, and amazing things. We are as human as you are, I turn to a vampire any time i want to. i become a vampire because of how people treat me, this world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. at the snack of my finger things are made happened. i turn to human being also at any time i want to. and am one of the most dreaded woman in my country. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire kingdom by given me their contact. if you want to become a powerful vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email worldofvampir @ hotmail . com

  96. this spell caster Priest manuka has helped me a lot. if you need help then go to [lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com] he can help out. I broke up with my boyfriend and tried many ways to resolve the issue for 6 months before meeting priest manuka and he was able to get him back to me even though he already had another girlfriend, priest manuka spells broke them up and got him back for me

  97. Thank God for using prophet munak to save my home with peace within 7 days of his spiritual intervention that change her mind about the divorce. I will forever recommend him to anyone who needs help because he has proven his power to me. Here is also his contact to reach him holyprophet8@gmail. com

  98. Lost my fiance on 09/12. On her birthday.. today seems like it was yesterday and the hurt never stops hurting. Its unbearable.

  99. My husband and I had been together 26 years and married for 12 years. He passed away 11 weeks ago tonight at 10.30pm. My life stopped too at that time. My husband was already retired and I had retired 4 weeks before so that we could spend some quality time together, enjoying being with one another. We were each others world, as long as we had each other we were happy. Before he died he also changed dramatically, especially in the last week. He didn’t have dementia (my mum does so I understand how hard it is) but he was delusional and unable to do the most basic things for himself. It broke my heart to see my proud man become a shell of himself. I love him so much, the thought of life without him is unbearable but I carry on for the other members of my family. My heart goes out to you, my husband died within a week of being fully diagnosed, don’t know if it was a blessing or not but at least I don’t have to watch him suffer, as you do. Please know that my prayers are with you.

  100. Hi everyone my wife transitioned into Heaven on 10/04/20 I was at her bedside when this happened she was 42 years old and this is the hardest thing I ever had to go through in my life. She was all of my family members in one complete person, a friend, lover,business partner and the mother of our 5 children 1 in Heaven with her as I type. I do not wish this pain on anyone its rough and deep. I wish that everyone in the world could experience the love I had for 20 years, even if it is for a year,a month, a week, a day, 1 minute or even 10 seconds. It’s, because I love her is the reason why I hurt and miss her so much… If not for Jesus covering my pain with His Love I’d be lost. No offense against my family/friends, but this pain can only be covered by He who has created my heart and knows my pain and that’s God. I don’t just understand this level of pain, but I care about yours as well….Whatever you do, trust in God knowing that He is with you and me and they are in a better place. My wife visits me in my sleep I pray that you all will experience this blessing it comforts me a gift given to me from God…. Pray for me please and I’ll do the same for all of you too….

  101. I lost my partner in April 2020 .. he was taken by ambulance as he was having chest pains .. because of Covid 19 I was not allowed to go with him to hospital. By the Grace of God he had a stent put in and called me immediately after and spoke constantly for the next 2 days. I was to bring him home on the 3rd day, but he passed away suddenly in the early hours of the third day. I still think i’m suffering from shock. He was 62 yrs old and the absolute love of my life for 15 years. The feelings you have all shared above help me to realize I’m not insane and these seem to be shared by so so many. Thank you all for sharing and giving me a few moments of peace. God bless you all. I continue to lean on the Lord and ask for the strength to go on.

  102. Hello everyone here
    Do you need black magic spell ? Do you want to fix your marriage or relationship or you want to get back with your ex after breakup or you want to put a stop to that Divorce? Do you want revenge on your enemies or you want a death spell cast on someone who has wronged you in the past ? If yes then let me recommend a tested and trusted voodoo man called Dr noble who has helped me to destroy my enemy (Donald) that almost ruined my life just because I got married to his ex girlfriend which was no fault of mine. I contacted Dr Noble for his powerful death spell and in 48 hours Donald died in an accident ,it was the greatest news to me that day finally my enemy is out of the way thank you Noble. Here is Dr Noble’s contact via noblespellhome outlook. com or add him on WhatsApp for quicker communication via 2349059610643 . Thank you. Kind regards

  103. my change came as a miracle when i met priest kala online who help me reconcile my broken marriage and told me he is capable of any life situations. etc thanks for your help Mr kala here is his contact lovetmemple(0001(@)gmail.(com) and whatsapp +234961570504

  104. if I thought that I would be joined together again with my bride in eternity, I could do ten years here on earth without her. we all know that whatever eternity gives us in the Lord, it will be greater than what we had with our spouse. but that doesn’t help much here. the idea that what we had will never again exist is a sadness that cannot be known unless it is lived. it would be so comforting to know that I would one day dwell in heaven with her along with the wonder of dwelling in His presence. to know her and be one with her in the sinless perfection that exists only in Him, seems to be too wonderful not to exist. I know I will be fine in heaven…but I am still here. there is no “I” in the words husband or wife but it seems that everything at this time is “I”. and I hate it.

  105. Here is a love spell caster that can bring back your ex lover, all thanks to Dr Jacob who brought back my ex husband with his love spell, my husband left me for 4 years for another lady but Dr Jacob help me cast a love spell that brought him back to me , thank you : Jacobman41@ outlook .com

  106. the grief we all are going thru is our real living upside down world i miss my wife so much and feel alone everywhere i go i try to distract my self with work and stay busy but i know in back of my mind that im not whole anymore because my wife is my made my life complete i pray and even thou praying brings some comfort the pain and loneliness still there i guess time will not take it away but i know this is life and is been going on like this for thousands of years nevertheless i dont want to kiss a picture i dont want to hug her clothes and o dont want tp cover myslef with her robe i miss all the real life moments my wife amelia and i had memories are the way to show still love is alive in our hearts i will over miss her forever she will be my eternal love her last words to me were i love you and itold her i love her too

  107. MY HUSBAND PASSED ON NOV 6 2020 THE SHOCK AND HURT FEELING VERY LOSS N ANGRY. WE WERE MARRIED 47 YRS FROM THE AGE OF 17. ITS HARD TO THINK WHERE N WHAT IM SUPPOSE TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. HE WAS MY EVERYTHING N WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER. ITS HARD TO DO THINGS SOME DAYS CAUSE I FEEL SO EMPTY INSIDE. AS I GO INTO A NEW YR NOT SURE WHERE LIFE WILL TAKE ME. THANKS FOR LISTENING. FEELING VERY LOSS N BROKEN

  108. When i contacted kubala i was not having an idea of what to expect but after proper explanation and i followed the instruction that He gave me and my marriage was reveal back and restored, i guess whoever that is in need for relationship/marriage help should contact Dr kubala at any time through this detail: (dr.kubala@outlook. com)

  109. The love of my life passed away of a sudden heart attack 3 weeks ago. He left for work in the morning and I will never see him again. I will never be able to touch him, hug him, talk to him, and just be with him. I am really sad because we were having a rough patch and I was protecting my heart from him so I wasn’t giving him all of the loving I wanted to. Now, I cannot. I am so sad that I did not resolve our rough patch before he passed as we loved each other soooo much. I thought I had forever with him to work through the patch. He was my forever partner and I loved him with every fiber of my being. I just never thought we would not grow old together. Loosing him so suddenly, we didnt have the chance to say goodbye. I also wish I could go to Heaven with him. The pain in my chest is soooo incredibly heavy and he really was my other half. I feel so incomplete. He was so gentle, so kind, so loving, so soft and tender, so thoughtful. He was my rock. I have 2 kids in college and they are doing amazing. Loosing your spouse can only be understand by others who have lost their spouse. Kenny was my lover, my best friend, my partner, my everything. I don’t know how I can go on.

  110. My, husband Graham died tragically one month ago.
    I feel so broken and without words. I feel like half of me died on that day as well. Words don’t seem to exist to explain my love for him and equally the pain I now feel.

  111. I lost my darling wife/partner/my everything on 11th Feb 2020 after 39years. I now have no compass, I just drift from day to day trying to keep busy and complete the pile of bureaucratic trash that lands on my doorstep every day.

    I read the many posts that encompass my feelings just so perfectly, from the pain of loss to ‘what do I do now’? I know it will lessen but never go away and constant reminders do nothing to help at all.

    I would gladly give all my remaining time for just one minute with her, to hold her tightly, tell her how much I love her and then just slip away together, that would be a fitting end to the story.

  112. My wife of 49 years died last July 27th of 2020. She had a sudden heart attack while showering. When I heard the sudden crash, I ran into the bathroom and found her face down on the floor. There’s nothing more traumatic than seeing your love one’s face and knowing she’s gone….suddenly! I believe I’ve experienced every phase of grieving during these last eight months. It’s not that it’s getting better rather you become somewhat numb to it. Some days are good and some not so good. Loneliness is so hard to live with; seems like it’s very hard to even breath and get through the day. Therapy and medications have helped; but mostly prayer and faith in My Lord Jesus has helped tremendously!

  113. My husband and I have been together for 8yrs and married for 5yrs. We experienced A midlife crises last year for a period of 6months. He was angry, depressed, he hated me, left home, told his family I had an affair, created his own stories and then tried hooking up with his ex girlfriend. Through all this I made sure to keep things amicable because we have children. I knew it was not ordinary by getting back to his EX, His family turn against me because of what he told them I wanted the marriage to work but everything seems to be impossible. I was really worried and needed help to save my marriage. I was searching for tips on how I can save my marriage from divorce. I came across a comment which says priest manuka help her out. I contacted him to save my home and restore peace back to my marriage through his email [lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com] After 3days of manuka reunion spiritual prayers I swear with my life my mother in-law came to the house and ask me to forgive her and her Son for the pain they must have cost me. Today we are living in peace as one family. Once again thanks to priest manuka I really appreciate for what you has done.

  114. My husband passed April 7 2016, we were married one after we met we were married for 29 years. We were watching tv and my husband said he had a headache and then he was gone. It took me about three years to want to watch tv again and I don’t watch it long. It’s been five years since the aneurism took him from me and it’s not getting any easier then that day in April 7 2016. I miss you so much Phillip, when I read this it took me two days to read. The tears were making it hard for me to read. I felt that this pretty much sums it up.

  115. I am very happy today and grateful to priest manuka for having reunited with my ex husband. All hope of finding my husband was lost because my husband left me for his mistress for over a year before I contacted. priest manuka who used his powerful reunion love spell to bring him back to me within 7 days. after contacting him on via email. [lovesolutiontemple1@gmail. com] Am back here to say thank you to him for the restoration and peace he brought back to my home. I will forever grateful to him.

    1. Ray, your post resonated with me as I also was my wife’s caretaker until the very end, and it was a living hell to see her decline from pancreatic cancer. As much as I miss her, I thank the Lord for the best 25 years of my life. The only thing that keeps me going is the dream that we will be together again one day. Well meaning people tell me that I’ll get over it it time, but for now, the pain is indescribable. God bless all of you who have had to lose a loved one. May our love not be the end but the beginning.

  116. I lost my wife after 45 years of marriage. She was my best friend, my better half, my all. I think of her every day, but life is difficult without her. I was her caregiver until her last breath, and it was not easy to watch her die. May she be with the Lord in Heaven.

  117. Hello, I bring you good news. Do you need black magic spells to get rid of your husband’s mistress ? Do you want to fix your marriage or relationship or you want to get back with your ex after the breakup or you want to put a stop to that Divorce? Do you want revenge on your enemies or do you want a death spell cast on someone who has wronged you in the past ? If yes then let me recommend a tested and trusted voodoo man called  Dr noble who has helped me to destroy my enemy (Donald) that almost ruined my life just because I got promoted before him at our place of work. I contacted Dr Noble for his powerful death spell and in 48 hours Donald died in an accident. It was the greatest news to me that day. Finally my enemy is out of the way thank you Noble.  Here is Dr Noble’s website  noblesolutiontemple. com 

  118. I lost my true love 1 month ago and now l don’t feel as alone now after listening to all of your love stories.l feel the same way as all of y’all here in the same boat with no direction. I’m a 69 year old great grandfather and I can sleep now knowing that I’m not alone here without friends like you Good hearted people.God bless you one and all!

  119. i lost my wife on jan 10th 2021 we were married for 50 years she was in bed most of the time on jan 10th we sat on the side of her bed we talked and laugh talked about when we first met and i wanted a cup of coffee and she said she wanted one it took 15 min to make it when i gor back to her room she was gone i can’t stop crying i just don’t know what to do i want her back so damm bad i’am so sorry for all you who have lost a wife or husband god bless

  120. I lost my husband on June 29, 2020 of a heart attack. He was in the hospital in icu when he passed. He would have been 78 in December2020. I have taken care of him and held down 3 jobs at a time every since he was 42 years old. He had massive heart attack at 42 that took all but 30 percent of his heart. Then cancer often that. We had just had our 53 anniversary on June 4. We had 3 wonderful sons and if it wasn’t for my Sons, Daughter-in-laws and 6 Grandchildren I could not make it. I am now to old to do anything but pray God will take me to be with my one and only love. In the last year I have lost 8 family member’s including my beautiful Mother. I have found nothing that stops the hurting of loosing your spouse.

  121. I appreciate the role that prophet munak played in enabling me get my wife back after she has filed for divorce. the reunion love spell is amazing that restored peace back in my marriage with positive results from the holy temple. contact holyprophet8@gmail. com

  122. fter leaving me for his mistress all thanks to priest Adu who helped me with his powerful reunion love spell I never regretted working with solution temple no more infidelity and pains the broken heart has been totally restored. visit him [https:// solution-temple.webnode. com]

  123. My wife passed away nine months ago. The reaction to her death was very much different to my first wife, who died in a car crash. In 1994, I was lucky to be able to take care of myself, much less with three children still at home. We made it through this and my four children have done well over the years. I have had a few flashbacks this week. She was a superb pianist and had recorded some piano music for our pastor to use. The music was first used for her father’s funeral who was buried six months to the day of my wife’s death. The music has been used for a number of different funerals and bring back fond memory for me. My current wife passed away from COVID. She was a beautiful and friendly lady, loved by all. At least this time I am more self sufficient and have only a dog and cat. For the past several years, she had spent too much time in bed, which saw her body deteriorated. She had told me, other family members and friends that she was “ready to go.” We thought it was idle talk, but it wasn’t. She had some major issues in her earlier life and some having to doing with the death of her mother, father and a son, who died well over 25 years. She didn’t handle any of them well. The nursing staff knew she wouldn’t get any better. Since I had tested positive, she couldn’t give me anything. They requested that I come in and be with her four hours on a Friday, then nine hours the next day. I think they were just waiting for me to let her go. When they removed the oxygen mask, her vitals dropped rapidly. She was gone within a few minutes. At least, I was there beside her bed when she passed. I knew about the red flags of dealing with grief, since I had experienced all of them previously. I guess having known what was ahead this time I tried to deal with them before they arose. I am 74 and can’t really wait for the rest of my life. I am very positive as to my actions and will stay that way until I leave this body.

  124. I too feel the agony of the loss. My wife of 32 years died suddenly on 12/17/20. We spent our time together and kept few friends. I simply made my wife my one & all. I no longer see any need for living and there is nothing I want to do but die. My wife was very close to her grandchildren so she should have lived,not I. I see no further reason to live & pray the Lord will take me soon.

  125. these comments are so very true. my wife of 43 years died january 1,2021 after a very short period from cancer. at least she died peacefully in a hospics style situation at home. I seriously thought of suicide
    at that time but thought that the 3 kids and 5 grandkids would suffer too much. earlier this year I lost the ability to walk after falling several times a day. but i am ok now and walk a dog about a mile a day. I really miss my wife so much. I loved and love her dearly.

  126. My wife of 26 years just died yesterday after an excruciatingly painful 3 months of intense and constant pain. Hospice relieved her pain and she went to sleep. I know it is only 24 hours but I cannot see how I am going to survive this….

  127. I lost my lovely Ann in February 2021, after nearly forty years together. The last six years (almost) were spent looking after her following a brain hemorrage. She did so well and regained so much of what she had lost, we worked so hard together to get her ‘up and running’.
    She took another stroke on Boxing Day 2020 when we were making mince pies. It took the ambulance seven hours…that’s right SEVEN hours…to arrive and she was admitted on th 28th Dec 2020,
    She was due to be discharged on the 1st February 2021 except the Hospital manged to infect her with Covid on the 28th January 2021. This was the one place she should have been better than safe, my thoughts are unprintable, use your imagination. I lost her on the 11th February. I have dealt with every single issue on my own, although we had two sons…their input has been worse than minimal.

    Now I live in our house with my Ann around me all day, I see no one, talk with few and cry every day for her memory because I miss her so very much, worse there are only two months in a year that were not ‘special’ for us.
    Any help would be appreciated, I think God has gone deaf for me at least.

  128. my grief and sorrow reach out to so many that have lost the one person that can never be replaced. I lost my husbasnd of 53 years, almost an entire life time April ,2021. what bothers me most, is I had to tell him that he is going to die. I’m the one who had to decide to let him go. He was afraid to die, he didn’t want to die in the hospital, so I arranged to bring him home, he was glad to be home, he felt more calm , he lingered for 2.5 days. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. each day it’s as if I am waiting for him to come home, even though I know he won’t. I pray for all of you to get through your pain, and for God to help me with mine.

  129. I lost my wife October 15, 2021. I had COVID so I could not be with her in hospice when she died. We were together for 34 years and I was robbed of her final moments on this earth. I look to see her again in heaven, but that does make up for the agonizing loneliness here. I was her caregiver, best-friend, chef, etc. She was my everything. Some days I cannot even get out of my chair to do any chores. We were deprived of children through miscarriage, but this has been the hardest loss. Reading all your stories helps me to see that I am not alone in my grief.

  130. She moved and wouldn’t talk to me. No matter what I did or said, she wouldn’t respond to me at all. After trying for two months, I started to look for a magic spell or a witch to help me. I had heard of it from my relatives that spells were real and that they worked. So I looked on the internet. Somehow I ended up on Dr. Isi website http://ancientspiritualtemple.com and I read & watched the testimonials and felt a hope again. I wrote to Dr. Isi via this website http://ancientspiritualtemple.com and was told to order for a spell based on what I so much desired. I did actually made the order from his website and was amazed. I was never too sure about whether or not psychics and all this stuff was real. But after experiencing Dr. Isi work, I had no doubt that it definitely was real. About days after, I ordered my first Spell to be cast by Dr. Isi of http://ancientspiritualtemple.com . About 1week after the spell was sealed by me, my ex started calling me and talking to me on a daily basis. We ended up back together after two weeks of constant talking.

  131. I spent 40 years looking for “The One”. I finally came to a place where i felt I deserved love and, I found her. We had only one year together. We were moving in together and talking marriage when an aneurysm put her in a coma. two weeks later I held her hand as they took her off life support. That was a month ago. I don’t know why or how i’m supposed to live without her. My soul aches to a degree I never knew was possible. I miss her every day.

  132. It’s December 24th almost a full year of my husband’s passing. He died on, December 31st during heart surgery. We had been together for 31 years and I miss him so much especially now! I have felt more sadness this year than I have ever felt and I’m ready for the joy in my soul to come back. I miss my late husband and I know he is out of pain…he had so much the last years of his life. I am truly great-full he went in his sleep. I know I’m in for a hurricane of tears this New Years Eve… and most likely Christmas as well since last year was our last Christmas. May God bless all our broken hearts and I pray that in the coming year we will all feel more joy in our souls.

  133. My wife died 2 years ago I was blessed enough to hold her hand for seventeen hours until she passed; and all our children were there the whole time. I had known her for 62 yeats when she passed, 54 together and now 2 years apart. Like many of you she was my world, the only girl I had ever asked out on a date 3 times in an hour and a half, every other I only had to ask once and I dated a lot. From our first date we were together every day almost our entire marriage, the biggest time seperation was when I joined the Navy again and went to flight school, I had already spent 6 yeats as a sailor. I was blessed and failed the eye test, past in January and failed in May. Some of you say you do not want this pain for anyone, I have told my grandchildren I want them to go thru the same pain, that way I know they will have had a blessed and happy live and they will then join their departed spouse in a great family reunion when they pass, I don’t know what else they could want,

  134. WoW there is a lot of heartbreak on this site..it could get depressing more so for me..the wounds are only 2 months. old cry every day. “Grief never ends ..it changes..that is the price of Love” and I see it every day God bless and help you all

    JOE

  135. I lost my wife on the 20th of October from Parkinson’s after 32 years. It’s going on 3 months. I never knew could suffer so much pain and grief and keep living. I’m almost 70 we had no children we lived our lives for each other.I would never be able to replace Pat or even try. I hate my life I have none.

  136. Lost the love of my 1 week ago…..am devastated , walking dead…..church and friends all say it will pass….I am NOW a 5th wheel…..

  137. Prayers to all. My husband passed on 11/10/21. He was sick for several years with diabetes and heart issues. He was only 56. He left me with my 2 kids under 18 yrs old. I have wave of emotions that come and go. We were together for 21 yrs, though we did not have a perfect relationship, but then who does. I miss him so much. He was my most intimate partner, the only father to the only children I have or will ever have. I push myself every day to keep going for my 2 kids. I know he is always with us because I feel him and he always send us signs. I pray for all of you who are going thru the same situation.

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