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LGBTQ Grief & The Importance of Finding Support

LGBT grief & lossIt’s not unusual for grievers to feel disconnected from the world around them, but for LGBTQ grief and loss, a lack of resources can result in increased seclusion and isolation.

While the issues faced in grief can be different for everyone, what every griever needs is the feeling of validation, acceptance and support.

Fifteen years ago I was working at a community hospital at the Jersey Shore. There I facilitated support groups and presented on community health topics in a program designed specifically to meet the needs of seniors.

I had a great boss. She was enthusiastic about the services we were providing and always challenged me to find new ideas and new ways to help our community. One day as we discussed our upcoming schedule, we agreed that the program was missing something. We had bereavement groups and caregiver groups and disease-specific groups like Cancer and Parkinson’s and Scleroderma support, but still we wondered if there was a population that had slipped through the cracks.

I’d like to say it was a dramatic lightbulb moment, but ultimately I think we somehow just came to realize that there were absolutely no services in the area for LGBTQ seniors who had experienced a loss. Nothing! The closest service (and still one of the biggest and best out there) was SAGE in New York City. I spent some time talking with SAGE and getting to know their program better, and soon our own LGBTQ grief support group was born.

That first night, we had two people. And while this was at first sort of encouraging, I was a bit deflated to realize they had come together. So did it really even count as two? The second meeting, same two people, but they were a lovely couple who had become partners after the loss of their significant others years before, and they were confident and encouraging and told me that if we kept this group going…in time, people would come.

And they were right.

Slowly people found out about the group and made their way in. Mostly they were there to mourn the loss of a partner, though some came if they had a recent loss of a parent, sibling or friend.

One man (I’ll call him Alan) told the story about he and his late partner (who, for the sake of this story, we’ll call Dave). They struggled throughout their relationship to find equal rights for their insurance, money, and home, but the real challenge came when Dave became ill and Alan wasn’t allowed to visit Dave in the ICU because Alan wasn’t “family”. This was before legalized marriage or domestic partnership, so after Alan recovered they came up with a plan. Dave, who was several years older, would legally adopt Alan, so that Alan could finally be afforded all of the rights he deserved after almost 40 years of he and Dave being together.

Others who came to the group discussed the challenges in finding support from their families. Many didn’t have family support of their relationships and talked about how hard it is to find understanding after a loss if the significance of the relationship was never recognized or validated in the first place.

One of the women talked about going to a bereavement group for people who lost their spouse. While everyone there was supportive and welcoming, she still found it hard to relate as so many people talked about their children and grandchildren as the center of their support system. This woman and her partner had never had children.

One man said that by attending our group he was “coming out” in public for the first time. He never even took the bereavement days from his work because he was afraid to say why he needed them.

And another member told us about looking for bereavement support in her local LGBTQ chapter. There she faced no discrimination based on sexual orientation of course, but felt like a different type of outcast. She was “old” and this group was filled with youth and energy and excitement. They socialized and planned outings, like trips to the beach and to the city. And while some parts of this created a nice distraction, she felt there was no one there who she could discuss her grief or loss with.

The stories go on and on….

Two years later, when I left the group to move to Pennsylvania, there was as many as 20 to 30 people attending our LGBTQ grief group each month. I struggled with moving away from this warm and wonderful group – there was such camaraderie, such an ease and comfort, they supported each other and took care of each other like no group I had seen before.

Just before I left, one member of our LGBTQ grief group fell and broke her hip. She was hospitalized for days and was in pretty bad shape. The group sprang into action. Visiting her in the hospital, taking care of her dogs until she returned home, driving her home once it was time to be released, and making sure she had all the food and comfort she needed for the weeks following…

She told me that if the fall had happened before she started attending this group, she would have had no support and no one to take care of her. It had only been a few months since her partner had died and she truly believed our little LGBTQ grief support group had saved her life – in more ways than one.

This group taught me something. It taught me about the importance not only of support, but of finding the RIGHT support. Of connecting with others who understand who we are and where we’ve been, because in so many ways they will be the only ones who can help guide us to what comes next…

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Even all these years later, when people call looking for a referral, I am challenged to find local bereavement support for the LGBTQ grief community. In loving tribute to my New Jersey group who I never wanted to leave…Grief in Common has been created as a place where the LGBTQ community can find support following the loss of their loved one. To find others who can understand, or to share your story, please join us at www.griefincommon.com today. 

92 thoughts on “LGBTQ Grief & The Importance of Finding Support”

  1. My wife died 2 weeks ago we didn’t even make it to our 1st anniversary I’m sso devistate i need help.

    1. Hello Carol I am so sorry for your loss I just saw your post today. I too have lost my partner of 10 years has been devastating! I feel your pain because I am going thru this myself and it is really tough and hard to move on.

      1. My partner died 7 months ago we were together for 10 half years, i miss her so much, im so lonely, lost and alone without her anymore, im on my own every day and night without her or anyone

    2. Omg this exact situation happened to me my wife passed on 6/6/20 and our first wedding anniversary was on 7/1/20, so I felt as if I had been shot through the heart twice

  2. I feel your pain I am 63 years old my partner she was 74 we were together 38 years cancer took her to heaven I miss her bad

  3. Hi Carol and Susan;

    I have nothing to do with this site but I was concerned if you found the connection you need. There is a facebook group for LGBT people who have lost a loved one. You can find it at Gay Widows and Widowers. Its been a help. I lost my husband a little over a year ago. This holiday its hitting me hard, I was too numb for it last year. Much love to you both.

    1. Hi Greg I’m reaching out also I lost my husband one year ago and are so heart broken my friends and family are great but unless they work in our shoes it is hard to really understand please call we can talk 631 949 4916

    2. Hi Brian, i recently lost my partner of 30 years and now find Im dreading the festive season. Any tips as to what to do I feel so lonely and unhappy.

    3. If u know of a group I can attend here in the SF area I would be thankful. Just lost my husband this past Nov. 2021. I’m having a really hard time coping. It was always him and I and the two kids we raised together. We were together for 25years. I’m at a lost and feeling crippled. I love my kids but the loss of my husband is overwhelming.

  4. I lost my husband 3 months ago. Thanks Giving was very difficult but Christmas was a little easier. I miss him so much. He was everything to me. I am so lonely all the time I just want to die. But my friends keep me going. Most of our friends are heterosexual so I’m not sure they comepletley understand what I am going through. I could use a good support group to work through my issues.

    1. Hi Greg, My name is also Greg. I lost my husband of 30 years on February 7, 2019 at 8:57a.m. He died of pneumonia and the flu. His lungs just couldn’t handle it or fight anymore. I know exactly what you are going through. I don’t have Manu friends, but the ones I do have, keep me going. If you want to talk, I’m here. 810-444-5999. I’m in Michigan.

      1. My name is Jim. I lost my partner, Greg, in March of this year. He fought through lung cancer, myelitis, pneumonia, and finally ARDS. He died after three cardiac arrests brought on by pulmonary fibrosis. Despite all that we assumed he would somehow pull through. I can’t believe how many tears I have shed. The grief seems endless. If you wish to connect, let me know.

    2. Hi my name is Richard. My husband died Jan 9 of this year. We were together for 26 years. Six of those years legally married. I miss him so much. We did everything together. He was my best friend, lover soul mate. I have every card he ever gave me.
      I seat and read them and cry. Everyone of them he has personally written something.
      It’s impossible for me to believe that he died. That he is not going to walk through our front door.

    3. I lost my husband last July.
      We were together for fourth two years. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost in a world that can’t possibly know what is going on in my mind. I don’t want to live without him but I have to until God calls my name. I would love to talk to someone who might understand.

      1. Hi Bob,
        I just lost my husband this past August. We were together 35 years and legally married 5 plus years. It’s like being in a constant nightmare.
        Anyone wanting to connect with others please e-Mail me. I would truly appreciate talking to others going through the same thing I am.

        1. Looking to connect with other gay men who are experiencing similar grief issues
          My partner passed on on Aug 31st – we had been together for 17 years
          He died of pancreatic cancer and I was his caregiver until the end –
          It’s so hard dealing with this – it’s like a roller coaster of emotions, lack of sleep, the unknown, guilt , frustration with family and feeling very lonely here in Ontario, Canada

      2. Hello Bob. I’m 37 and lost my partner of 15 years on August 27th of this year. I am also lost and in need of help. I am trying this as a form of grieving and need to connect with people who are going through what I am going through. Any words would be appreciated!

      3. Hello
        I am also going through this period of grieving
        My husband of 40 years passed this past July. It has been a daily struggle for me trying to adjust There are days when i feel I am over the “hump” then it all comes back and I regress back. His family has been supportive but my nights are now lonely with no one to converse with or have dinner with
        I wish I could turn back the clock to happier times but I know this can’t happen
        I would like to find a gay support group locally who I could share my feelings
        Thanks for reading my post

  5. I lost my 29 yr. old gay son, Jeremy on 12-21-18. As his mother I loved my child so much, he was my BFF. He had no partner. We had each other and I just cannot believe he is gone. He died of an accidental fentanyl overdose. I just don’t feel comfortable in grief support groups for addicts. I feel that if I say he is gay I will just get judgements. Does anybody know of any group on FB or anywhere that could help this very sad momma. Thank you, Jennifer. Jeremy’s mom forever 29 12-21-18

    1. Hi sal my name is nick I know exactly what you are feeling I lost my husband of 48 years we met when we were in our teens I’m vert lonely and it hurts so bad my husband died June 4 2019 of a heart attack if you would like to talk I would love to also maybe we can help each other 631 949 4916

    2. Jennifer, I’m sorry for your loss. My partner was an alcoholic, but had the biggest heart ever. He passed away August 27th I hope you are staying strong and if you have any coping skills that could benefit me please let me know!

  6. I lost the love of my life two months ago. We were together for 44 beautiful years. I feel like part of me died with him. We had just moved here from Cape Cod Ma. I don’t know anyone and this loneliness is killing me. I live in North Port Fl. and it seems there is nothing and no one to talk to around here. Everything is in Sarasota. Does any of you experiencing the same as I and live close to me or even a phone number to call. Thanks Sal

    1. Hello Sal…my name is Rich. My Partner of 25 years passed on October 23rd, 2019. Two months now. I keep thinking he is coming back.
      I hope you were able to hook up with someone to get through some of the awful grief.
      God Bless.💔

      1. Rich. I lost my partner of 25 years unexpectedly on october11, 2019. I too think and hope he will come back. I think how could something this bad be real. Still hoping it is a dream that I will wake up from and he will be here. The loneliness for him is something no one can do anything about. I miss him on every level..doing things with friends or family is not the same when I really only want to do things with him. No one can really make me feel better and I do not think many understand that. I responded to you as our time tables are similar. Let us look for hope. Joe

        1. My husband of 29 years has been sick for 2 years. I already feel just like you Joe. You actually say all the things I know will happen when he is gone. He is my whole life. Our dog loves him so much. I just want to die with him when the time comes.

        2. It’s been a living nite mare for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I lost my husband of 25yrs and I can’t just erase him out of my mind. He’s too alive in my head that acceptance at this moment only makes it worse

  7. I lost the love of my life 2 weeks ago. She was my everything. We were together 15 years this Aug and would have celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary (legal to marry in my state) this September and I am beyond devoted. I look for her in everything I do and just want our live back. Every day is a struggle.

  8. I feel everyone’s pain. I lost my partner on 5/5/2019 and woke up one morning and he stated could not breathe and tried to stand up and could not and called 911 and gave life saving things and he did not respond and then 911 came and worked on him for 2 hours and nothing. We were together for the past 25 years. I am lost and do not know how to handle my feelings. devoeplace@gmail.com or 623-522-7177 if can suggest how to cope with this loss…………….please.

    1. Dear Gordon, I am truly sorry. When my partner passed away the first few months I survived by telling myself he’s away on a work related trip and would return home in a few months ( I actually made myself believe this but reality hit and I had to face the loss ) I started journaling. Writing letters to him what’s going on how I’m feeling how I miss him etc. … I talk to him when I drove my car, .. our relationship shifted dramatically. I had to learn to love him another way. So when I’m looking at a beautiful sunset or a soft glowing full moon I close my eyes and he’s there experiencing this earthly wonder. I believe when someone you love passes away they are closer to you then then when you were both earthly alive

      1. Yes Howard, I believe this totally and completely. I firmly believe they’re still with us, just in a different form. The love remains.

  9. I recently lost a partner and my mother in 2015 and sincerely devastated . My partner loved me abd all was well I thought then I learned he had been in five mental hospitals abd on six psych meds and then he got off the meds and mixed with booze and left me when I had s work related accident and became disabled . I need a support group

  10. My wife passed July 3 2018
    I still cry miss her everyday but I need to talk to my lgbtq community because they understand without judgement
    I live near New Orleans but I don’t think we have a local group

  11. I recently lost my husband, spouse, life partner and Best Friend of 23 years on 1030/2019. I miss him everyday and cry so much as he was taken away from me so quickly. We live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have 2 Staffordshire Bull Terriers and my oldest is also missing him as he worked 24/7 out of our home.
    I’m hoping to find support and comfort groups in my area.

  12. I lost my husband of 18 years on January 1, 2020, the better half of me is gone now. What I am feeling, is beyond words.

    1. I lost my partner of 44yrs may 13 last yr.im lost i cant imagine going on.i dont have really anyone to talk to i live in the country..i took care of him for 2 yrs it was just us for 2 full yrs…now hes gone.

  13. I lost my partner of 25 years in october. There was no warning just sudden natural causes. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I miss him so very much. Terribly lost and lonesome for him in cincinnati.

    1. I lost my wife of 38 years two weeks ago. Although gay marriage is not recognized in our country, in my heart she is my wife. I always thought we would have many more years together. She died suddenly of pneumonia. I do not have many friends. No one knows our true relationship because we never told our families. How do you handle grief like this? My heart breaks every time I think of her and yet I cannot show it.

  14. Lost the love of my life after 35 years. 5yrs aago, still grieving. Feel like I’m going crazy, need alike friends to talk to. Need to get over this

    1. Marlene, I lost my legal spouse and love of my life less than two months ago after 45 years together. I, too, am in dire need of support and people who can both sympathize and empathize to talk with. Please feel free to contact me.

    2. Hello Marlene.
      I lost my love 5 years ago also. On July 9th 50 years old. We were together 8 years. It still hurts like yesterday. Please don’t look at it as needing to get over it. I am with you and an ear to listen anytime.

  15. I lost my wife of 38 years two weeks ago. Although gay marriage is not recognized in our country, in my heart she is my wife. I always thought we would have many more years together. She died suddenly of pneumonia. I do not have many friends. No one knows our true relationship because we never told our families. How do you handle grief like this? My heart breaks every time I think of her and yet I cannot show it.

    1. I understand how you feel. I lost my best friend 3.5 years ago. we met in high school and were together for 18 years. We could never be open about our love. She was married for 10 years and has a son. In spite of this our love was strong and genuine (we did not need a physical relationship…even hold hands or a hug was special to me) now that i have lost her i dont know who i am and what i want from life.
      So many regrets…
      The worst part is that i cannot talk to anyone about this here. no one will be able to understand my loss. For them she was just my “best friend” but for me the love of my life.

      I am 38 and I don’t have friends (she was my person. never felt the need for anyone else) and each time i even think of going out there to make new ones i just dont have the motivation for it. Feel very lonely at times but still cannot bring myself to do anything about it.

    2. May, I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my precious friend just 6 months ago. And I’m in so much pain right now! Our relationship was unique, and we had to keep everything a secret. But honestly, she was the love of my life for 30 years & I’m devastated! I know that feeling of a broken heart every time you think of her, yet you have to try to keep those feeling hidden. If you would like to talk, please reach out to me.

  16. I loss my partner of 44 yrs just 8 months ago.i have no one to talk to .i have no family i am so lonely. I just want him back..he was my everything. I feel like i cant go on.

  17. I lost my best friend 3.5 years ago. we met in high school and were together for 18 years. We could never be open about our love. She was married for 10 years and has a son. In spite of this our love was strong and genuine (we did not need a physical relationship…even hold hands or a hug was special to me) now that i have lost her i dont know who i am and what i want from life.
    So many regrets…
    The worst part is that i cannot talk to anyone about this here. no one will be able to understand my loss. For them she was just my “best friend” but for me the love of my life.

    I am 38 and I don’t have friends (she was my person. never felt the need for anyone else) and each time i even think of going out there to make new ones i just dont have the motivation for it. Feel very lonely at times but still cannot bring myself to do anything about it.

    1. Hello Pavika, I can completely relate to what you said. I loss my precious friend just 6 months ago. And I’m in so much pain right now! Our relationship was unique, like yours was. We had to keep everything a secret. But honestly, she was the love of my life for 30 years & I’m devastated! And not really having anyone to talk to about it makes it even harder. If you need someone to talk to, I would be happy to listen, because believe me, I really understand how you are feeling.

  18. It has been six years since the love of my life, and partner Ron passed away due to cancer. We were together 35 years. He was a very talented artist, loving thoughtful and generous with his time helping art students. We had a lot of friends and a wonderful life . H. It has been said “ Time heals all wounds “ this may be true. Everyone’s grief is unique. I don’t think there is such a thing as recovery time, when you really love someone you will carry them with you wherever you journey. I still experience sleepless nights, those feelings of loneliness , Missing those Magic kisses and hugs. Strange thing is all those friends we had seemed to disappear, I am now struggling to create new friends… my second year without Ron was the worst, the first year was like dress rehearsal very painful, raw. C. Change Can come about gradually and life is just different

  19. I lost my legal spouse of 45 years ago in March and am pretty much dysfunctional. I have absolutely no support system; family and friends are pretty much non-existent and I feel completely isolated and alone. I am frankly doubting my ability to get through this. If there is anyone who would like to talk, please let me know.,

    1. I too loss my precious love in March. She’s been gone for 6 months now & it feels as though it was yesterday! And yes, I know exactly what you mean about not having much of a support system. That makes it even harder. I would be happy to talk to you. Please reach out to me if you would like to talk. I’m sure it would help us both.

  20. Recently lost my partner of 23 yrs and husband of 5. I am able to attend a group virtually.

    1. Charles, I am so very sorry from your loss. I loss the love of my life 6 months ago & I am desperately trying to find a virtual group to attend. Would you be able to share the group info with me?

  21. Hello, everyone my name is Mary I definitely can relate to all of you. I just lost my wife of 27 years. she had cancer. She past on March 21rst of 2020 I miss her so much she was my life my best friend & we would talk about anything I feel like there is this huge hole in my heart.

    1. Hello Mary, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I too loss my dear friend/love of my life, in March. And even though it’s been 6 months, my heart still hurts so badly. I definitely have that HUGE hole in my heart too! If you would like to talk, please reach out.

    2. I lost my wife of 24 years Dec 19… so thankful i was able to have a shiva as it was pre- covid . She too was my best friend and who id everything with.. as so eone else mentioned at first it felt like ahe was traveling for work but as the months kept moving forward it no longer fees
      Like that.. theres was also a bit if relief as we had six years of her waning… we were Bridgett and Chaya to everyone including our grandson.. i still feel like i am Bridgett and Chaya living in our home surrounded by her memories..?this time if covid isolation has added a Twist on my grief.

  22. Lost my love 5 years ago to pancreatic cancer. July 9th 2015 8:07am. We spent 8 years together physically and will love for eternity. I miss her everyday. The loneliness is extremely tough.

  23. I just lost my husband after 17 years on march 15th
    2020.
    I have to make a just just to wake up everyday….
    He was amazing writer and wrote some things you might see.
    My playwrite and my other half. My “doo-doo”.
    Stypid things we would say.
    That is “doo-doo”
    “No your doo-doo, no you are!”
    The time’s and places never go away.

    1. Hello Kevin and all here. I lost my husband back in March also and losing a spouse is indeed a different kind of grief. That unless you go through it, its hard to comprehend how rough it can be. You somehow get through the days and nights however, you feel like you’re living on another planet. The whole world looks different to you. Just grocery shopping feels robotic. I only do it because the fridge is almost empty. I must say even though I’m not religious, I’m very spiritual and I feel his presence near me and guiding me. For example, things I worried about afterwards just seemed to fall into place,and I didn’t know how. I have also had very vivid and comforting dreams of him on occasion too. As well,I’ve had odd things happen in the house also. Many people poo poo these things, but I don’t. I think its their way of comforting you. Not everything is a “coincidence! ” There are many mysteries besides this that simply can’t be explained away. Has anyone else experienced things like this? Remember..Love NEVER dies! Ever! It is much more powerful than death. Your link and bond with your loved one is still there,and always will be. We’ll all get through this,as they don’t want us to be sad or unhappy, I am certain of this. Love, light, and healing to everybody here.

    2. Kevin, I am so very sorry for your loss! I too lost the love of my life in March. I’m devastated! And you are so right, all those special sayings, special times & places never ever go away!

    3. My name is Eddie and my husband Jorge of 22 years passed away suddenly 02/12/19. Just typing that date is devastating to me. I have bad moments and good moments but the Holidays always escalate my emotions. My dearest and closest friends, my support group, are all straight. Always hoped I could meet other gay men and women going through this awful thing called grief. May the new year bring us more Peace… xo

  24. Hello to all my partners in mourning. I just lost my AMAZING WIFE on June 6, 2020 to the horrible monster Small Cell Ling Cancer. She and had were together for such a short time, I believe that’s what makes this so INCREDIBLY HARD. The Lord gave me only 2 years and 11 months with this wonderful creature. We were together 2 yrs and married for 11 months (we were scheduled to celebrate our first anniversary on 7/1/20 when the father called her home. We were diagnosed in November of 2019, so I spent the last 6 months running us back and forth to dr’s appointments for Chemo and radiation treatments, however, I still cherish those long car rides more than I dreaded them, while all the time not believing that I would need those memories , to get me through this period of grief. I’m SO LONELY and MISS HER TERRIBLY, but I still feel her presence in every part of our home. I need a support group near me that I can walk in sit down and know that I’m not alone. I have the complete support of family and friends, but just don’t feel like they REALLY GET IT. Thank you all for any insight you can provide me in helping me to cope. I find myself emotionally eating, binging on marathons and not leaving my home I REALLY WANT TO GET THROUGH THIS WITH AS LESS SCARING THAN I ALREADY HAVE. HELP I’M DROWNING.

  25. I am a gay man living in a rural area of Indiana. My husband died of pancreatic cancer in May 2020. It’s been three months since he died. Few friends and fewer gay friends. I have some outlets but with Covid I am not getting out. The loneliness has been terrible. I am completely lost. The word “future” seems so obscure and even impossible. Like others who have posted, he was my life. He was my community. I think dying with him would have been much better than what I have now. I think of dying but no suicidal thoughts at this point. Life seems so empty and senseless. I miss him so much and the life, laughter, love, excitement to be together and to walk into the future together…all is gone. No groups in this area and I don’t even know how to get on facebook to reach the support that might be there. Maybe I need to try that.

  26. I lost my husband Kevin of 30 years on May 11, 2020. He was my everything. He was a gifted gardener and a private person, although we made many friends in our small town. We live, or I live, in Provincetown and I have a bereavement counselor, but even after nearly 5 months I’m devastated. So lonely and missing my baby and trying to find a way to earn a living by myself. He had MSA, a horrible neurological disorder. Sometimes I wish I was dead. I don’t want to do life without him, his laughter, hugs and unconditional love.

  27. My “ex” and the young lady she left me for still lived with me. I live in transitional housing after experiencing homelessness. Anyway, I still really loved her and gave both of them my blessing. Both were beautiful transwomen. On Friday Oct. 9 2020, they were found dead in one of their bedrooms. It was either from a purposeful or accident overdose. I was shattered. These have been very difficult days. My ex was 31 and the other only 30. Im glad I found this post. I can’t find any LGBTQ or exclusively trans grieving. This needs to be fixed.

  28. Additionally, I read everyone’s stories and my heart breaks for you all. I feel like an international zoom group would be amazing. Although I was only with S. for a short time, I had never felt so much love for a partner. She was my person, and I was hers. Like I said in my other post she was trans and had a lot of mental health issues and the other S. was and did, too. I feel some relief when I think that they didn’t have to go alone and that they are no longer suffering. Both of these women will always be in my heart. I told both, often, that they are very loved. I hope they really knew that.

  29. At the end of May I lost the love of my life Wendy. We had been through everything in life together and, for 36 years! I knew everything about her and she – I. She was my best friend, confidant, lover, and frankly my entire world.

    She was a nurse as is true for me. Unfortunately, in her early 40’s she was diagnosed with MS and then nasopharyngeal Cancer, then Vascular Dementia and after a long time she passed.

    I had no clue that this was going to occur even though she was totally reliant upon me. I simply couldn’t see what was happening and was shocked when she couldn’t breath and I had to do CPR on her. To no avail she died and this as something that despite being a nurse I never saw coming. I was six years younger than her and, I was more worried about planning that she be taken care of in the event of my death/disability.

    She was my entire life and it is soooooo extremely difficult to have lost her. Every aspect of my humanity was based upon her. She deserved that and I vowed that I would do it…

    A month ago I had to update my OS for my phone. They inserted some new thing for photos so I hit whatever button was there.

    Immediately, pictures of her were displayed and I had to hold my breath… The pictures that I saw didn’t look like “ my Wendy” the one I saw I’ll and disabled but, otherwise fine… When I gazed upon those pictures – I died a thousand times..,

    Why – because I never saw her as she was and didn’t realize how very ill she really was… She’d tell me how she felt old and, I always responded “ are you kidding, you look a thousand times better than me”. She’d smile and say noooo!

    Fact be, I mean’t every word that I said. I didn’t see how very ill she was!!!!! It just boggled my mind because I am a nurse. Wow…

    I have no real friends and no family. Her family and friends cut ties a long time ago. I had a therapist to bounce things off of but, she suffered a heart attack – seemingly recovered so we began to speak again. Now, I hate to think what has happened as she has missed our last 3 sessions and, with no explanation!

    Figured that I would try to get some support via the internet. I am sorry for all of your pain and sorrow!! I so, understand the pain, lonliness, etc. that preys deeply upon ones heart and soul..,

  30. Hello — Donald from Portland, OR here. Lost my ever-resilient spouse of 32 years on May 30, 2020.I had no idea of what the depth of my sadness would be. Have lots of straight support in our community, but have come to the realization that gay empathy needs to be part of my tribe. marxmarshall2@comcast.net

  31. I lost my wife 6 months ago yesterday (Dec
    2, 2020. I am having a difficult time working through the grief, pain, loss & heartache. We were together for 21 years, married for 7 years.

  32. I lost the love of my life Umair 2 weeks ago from Covid, we were together for 9 years and I’m left so heartbroken I miss him so much Iv never experienced anything like this before, what do I do ?!? I’m lost and I miss his smile so much

  33. Lost my partner of 37 years to cancer April 2020.
    ALL of your stories have brought me comfort tonight (12/24th) because I needed to read about TRUE LOVE.
    Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

  34. My name is Eddie and my husband Jorge of 22 years passed away suddenly 02/12/19. Just typing that date is devastating to me. I have bad moments and good moments but the Holidays always escalate my emotions. My dearest and closest friends, my support group, are all straight. Always hoped I could meet other gay men and women going through this awful thing called grief. May the new year bring us more Peace… xo

  35. I have lost my soulmate and my lifetwin 12/14/20. She was diagnosed with covid, but then they found she had AML leukemia. In wo short weeks, my life is changed. Nothing seems to bring any happiness. I miss her terribly, and yet I would not have wanted her to suffer with that fatal disease.
    In the beginning, everyone is here for you.. Now I try to find my NEW normal.. Its hard.. I am empty, and I miss her with all of me.
    All the comments I have seen before, seem to tell me you all know what pain there is when you lose your love. Thank you for sharing… One day at a time,God Bless

  36. I have lost my soulmate and my lifetwin 12/14/20. She was diagnosed with covid, but then they found she had AML leukemia. In wo short weeks, my life is changed. Nothing seems to bring any happiness. I miss her terribly, and yet I would not have wanted her to suffer with that fatal disease. 35 perfect years
    In the beginning, everyone is here for you.. Now I try to find my NEW normal.. Its hard.. I am empty, and I miss her with all of me.
    All the comments I have seen before, seem to tell me you all know what pain there is when you lose your love. Thank you for sharing… One day at a time,God Bless

  37. Lost my companion of 33 years due to complications of surgery. He died Dec 29th and I will never be the same. My family did not come to the funeral. I have zero support and I am in the house alone. I cry everyday and it gets so bad I have to cover my mouth due to my screaming. I don’t know how much more I can take.

  38. I lost my partner of 26 years. I was 52 so half of me died with him. My number is 209 598 8947 if u need to share ur pain.

  39. Is this on line support group currently active?
    It’s mid April 2021!
    Is it based out of Boise, Id?
    My Husband of 14 1/2 yrs. Died of a CARDIAC ARREST mid March about 3 was. Ago!
    We were in Portland,OR for my daughter’s Gender Reveal Party , baby #2,later that evening is when it happened!
    Still in a state of Shock and denial!
    If any one see’s this and want to reach out to me, Plz do contact me Please!!!

  40. I can relate to how you all feel. My wife passed away of ovarian cancer. 11 years together. Its has been very difficult to get through the days. She was my everything. I’ve been hiking to keep my mind busy just for a little while.

  41. I hope I can write through the tears. I lost my partner of 35 years just 3 weeks ago. He was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in August of last year. The same that took John McCain’s and Bo Biden’s lives. He died at home in my arms. They say l’m the strong one – I don’t feel that way. I wish there was someone to talk to. No groups here because of Covid restrictions. Anyone in the same boat, contact me. No judgment
    Thanks for understanding.

  42. I just lost my wife one month ago yesterday. I miss her so much. I’m still in absolute shock. It was a sudden loss. We are 45 years old. I cannot bear the word “widow” at this age. I don’t think anyone really want to hear it at any age. It’s hard. I want her back.

  43. I was With My partner for 30 years I live in Uk Cheshire ..He died 22nd december 2020 just before christmas in my bedroom watching his fav movie and talking about our plans for christmas day … when he stopped talking i thought he hadnt heard me as he was deaf one of many things he suddenly developed …i scrambled over dialed 999 the ambulance was there in minutes they managed to restart his heart …suffice to say he lived another 24 hrs then died again in hospital … whilst I tried to cope alone , fell on ice and got concussion so it made it hard to think , I managed eventually to organize everything raise the money to bury him , then my cockatiel max hung herself whilst i was sorting the funeral , so she was buried with him too lost all I ever Loved … Ive sat in my home since then alone …owing to lockdown no counselling no visitors my company a smart speaker … Ive looked in manchester and liverpool to try and find support as I now have no one …prior to that my dad died and not wanting a gay son left it all to my lesbian cousin .. then my fav aunty died …so its been one death after another … having said that my heart goes out to you all I never knew what pain and Loss , LOnliness and feelings words cant describe awere and are … It will soon be my birthday …no cards off him will come , then christmas etc then his birthday in january Im DREADING it all in fact crying as I type fighting the tears back and trying not to be weak … but unfortunately grief wont let me be …Paul bought me tickets to see Diana Ross for my birthday its been postponed twice corvid again I was so looking forward to that with him … as I have heart probs im 63 this year .. I have no job .. so getting a headstone for him will be a problem ..only plus side is I can be buried with him when my times up … But Im trying to Smile its too hard to do and if I go shopping I smile joke like nothings wrong for others benefit …few talk to me though ive noticed friends we once shared have gone avoid me like the plague I just want it to end … But I feel for all of you best wishes Nige

  44. I lost my ex-wife 2 weeks ago. I never got over her or the fact that she wanted to get a divorce and leave the marriage. This was nine years ago. My heart has been broke since then and I was supposed to move on with my life and try to cope with not having her in my life as for my partner anymore. But now that she has left me completely I feel lost, alone, no one understands why I feel so devastated and tormented mentally because of this. I stay out of the house and around others because when I’m alone it’s really bad. Ineed help

  45. My wife died on June 11, 2021 after a long 2 year battle with cancer. Looking for a support group in Kansas City

  46. Hi,

    I recently lost my partner of 35 years/husband of 5years last month August 2021.
    This is the worst feeling anyone can possibly ever feel. I miss him SO much. Every morning I wake up and he is not here and I break down. Every night before I go to bed I break down, and a few times in between the morning and bedtime I break down. People who have gone through this keep saying to take it one minute, hour, day at a time. But all I want to do is die and be with him.
    I don’t feel a purpose to be alive anymore. I don’t have a want to be alive anymore. Unimaginable heart breaking pain and sorrow. I don’t see a future without him here by my side like we’ve always been.
    I hope someone will reach out to me for talks.

    Thank you,
    Raymond

  47. Hello,

    My name is Adrian. I recently lost my husband of 13 years. He passed away in August due to his drug addiction. Not only was it a drug overdose but it was found in a very traumatic state. Since then I have been struggling with grief. I love my husband dearly and miss him so much. Everyday it seems to be harder and harder to come to the realization he is gone. I have had dealt with many deaths in my life. This is the hardest since my Husband was my soulmate. We have a 4 year old son and I am trying really hard to be strong for him. Now that the holidays are coming up I find myself even more emotional.

  48. I recently lost my wife of 7 years. I feel so lost so empty I want to just break down but I can’t we have two young children that I have be strong for. I have keep going so they will keep going.

  49. I lost my husband of 27 years on October 4th. I am recovering from cancer so up until now I havent had time to grieve. Now with christmas coming, the grief comes in waves, often uunexpectadly. Im tired of being sad and constantly feeling like im going to cry….

  50. lost my husband of 27 years on October 4th. I am recovering from cancer so up until now I havent had time to grieve. Now with christmas coming, the grief comes in waves, often uunexpectadly. Im tired of being sad and constantly feeling like im going to cry….I want to be able to laugh again

  51. Hi,

    I just lost my partner of 35 years. I cannot begin to tell you how deactivated I am. She was my rock. I went through many heartbreaks in my life, but this by far is the worst thing that ever happened to me.

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