Loneliness: 5 “Don’ts” If You’re Lonely After Loss

Loneliness

The 5 Stages of Grief (as originally established by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) may be one of the most widely sited tools of grief- it’s also one of the more misunderstood and questioned. These days, experts in the field of grief and loss hesitate to offer anything that resembles a timeline for fear that it creates unrealistic expectations for how a griever “should” cope. And with good reason. Grief is too individual and too different from one person to the next. Yet, as the stages of grief suggest, there are commonalities found amongst grievers and if I were to add one final stage, I would add loneliness to the list.

Because even if “acceptance” is reached at some point, there is a lingering and long lasting side effect of loss…loneliness. It’s the “okay, what now?”. It’s the empty and bottomless ache. It’s the feeling when the sadness feels well-worn and exhausted, and the well of tears has run dry. It’s the point where the grief takes on a new form.

As a facilitator of bereavement groups I’ve been in the unique position of seeing people as they shape-shift through their grief. One time a month, for several months in a row, can be just enough to create an almost time-lapsed photography of loss…where it seems the the changes are occurring both quickly and slowly at the same time.

So many grievers come into their first meeting feeling lost, hopeless, sharing with those in the circle, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it through this”. And as the time goes by and they return each month they demonstrate to themselves and those around them that somehow (and often they don’t even know how) they’ve made it through.

Eventually for these grievers it seems a plateau is reached where one can expect that they are not going to get much worse or much better. What’s strange about this point in time, this plateau, is that there feels like there’s so few resources left to deal with it.

After a certain amount of time has passed since the loss of a loved one, what is there left to say that hasn’t been said? When there is “acceptance” and the reality of what can’t be changed sets in, what is there left to do with the loneliness that remains?

Perhaps it’s the very acute and tangible loneliness a person experiences coming home to the empty house they used to share with a spouse. Or maybe it’s the parent who lost a child, feeling forever lonely around other parents, and forever left out of the things they won’t get to share with their child who should still be here. It could be the griever who lost the parent, the one person who gave them unconditional love, who will never feel the fulfillment and wholeness the relationship with their parent gave them.

In helping the population of grievers we serve, my colleague and I have often tried to offer programs and education on a variety of topics related to grief. Coping at the holidays, how to deal with residual anger and guilt…and for some time we talked about how much the grievers we met needed the topic of loneliness to be addressed.

So we sat down one day, notebooks in hand, ready to create a presentation on loneliness when we realized – what would we say? What could we have to offer? And for the first time in both of our careers we had to admit, we had nothing. Because how do you “cure” loneliness? Can you bring a person into a conference room for a few hours and make it all better for when they go home to that empty house?

We didn’t have faith in ourselves or in our shared wisdom, and we found that even as grief professionals with almost 40 years of counseling between us, we too had been defeated by loneliness.

But here’s what I’ve learned since then – if you can’t figure out what you should do, or you can’t offer any guidance on what steps that could help or heal…maybe you need to figure out what not to do instead.

When I was younger, there would be times when I would complain to my Mom, “I’m bored”… to which she would reply, “why don’t you empty the dishwasher?”.

Well, obviously doing a chore was about the last thing I had in mind to cure my boredom. I may not have known what I wanted to do, but I sure as heck knew what I didn’t want to do. And in this same vein I think the attempts that people make to cure the loneliness they feel after loss can be just as ineffective.

So with that in mind, here are some ideas of what NOT to do if you are struggling with loneliness following a loss:

1. Don’t confuse companionship with completeness – Those who have lost a spouse may have been fortunate enough to experience the feeling of having found their “better half”. While a wonderful feeling in marriage, this creates a terrible void in loss. Searching for a new half or looking to plug in just about anyone that even remotely fits can be like trying to maneuver an 18 wheeler into a compact car parking space. It will never ever fit, no matter how hard you try. A relationship following loss can be a very healthy and positive step, as long as one recognizes that a new person can never replace or stand in for someone who is gone. Nor should this new person feel the responsibility to. Spending time with the right person (and by “right” I mean the right person for who you are now and what you need now) can be a wonderful thing. Know that you are different now that this loss has occurred. The person you attract, the person who will be the best fit for you at this stage in your life may be nothing like the person you lost. And remember, spending time with someone new doesn’t always have to be romantic. Don’t start a relationship with the end in mind. And don’t avoid a relationship for the fear of commitment it could imply. Instead, recognize that companionship can be simply finding someone with similar interests to go out to meals and activities with and that it never has to progress past that point if you don’t want it to.

2. Don’t overdo being busy – Busy is good….to a point. I’ve witnessed how being busy can help after a loss. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve called to check on who say, “I’m doing okay, I’m keeping busy”, as if the two absolutely and always go together. Of course they don’t. Because I have also encountered the son who was working 16 hour days just to avoid having to think about his mom or to go back to the empty home where he had cared for her. Like everything, moderation is the key. Busy can be good. It can mean getting up and out and dressed. It can mean exercise and fresh air. It can mean a dose of healthy distraction. It can be a way to pass the time, which sometimes we all need. Just as long as it includes time for rest, time for reflection, and time to actually learn what it feels like to be home alone, and how to create a new routine and activity once there.

3. Acknowledge what’s been lost, but don’t live in a place of “what if”s, or “if only”s – Easier said than done, I know. This speaks to the loneliness I mentioned before. The yearning for the future that never happened. The attention we give to the empty spot where our loved one should be sitting. It’s natural and “normal” for our grief to take us to these places, but as the years pass we can begin to rebuild if we choose not to live in “what if”s. We will continue to feel lonely and separated from the rest of the world if we are always checking off the list of what “they” have and what we don’t. This is tough…I know it happens unconsciously and it’s not a case of asking a griever to deny the loss or feeling. Instead it’s the balance of feeling the pain arise, acknowledging it, but not allowing it to alienate us from those around us.

4. Don’t spend time with those who will bring you down – In loneliness there can be such an urgency and desperation to fill the empty time and spaces that we may find ourselves clinging to just about anyone. Too often, these can be people who aren’t good for us. The people who are also lonely. Maybe because of loss, but more often their loneliness comes from behavior that has extricated them from healthy relationships. People who drink too much, or help too little, who are negative or bitter, who seem only to want to bring others down with them. Unfortunately these people are out there, and a vulnerable griever can provide just the misery this type of company loves. Bottom line, being alone is better than being with the wrong people. At any point in life, but especially in grief, we should avoid spending time with those who don’t further our growth. Even in our lowest, darkest and loneliest of times we have choices. As you’re getting to know yourself better and who you are after loss, use this time to define better who you want to be now, and who deserves to be in your life.

5. Don’t be afraid to try something new – I think as we get older it becomes harder to do things outside of our comfort zone. And since grief seems to add at least a few decades to how most grievers feel, it can be especially difficult to have the energy to put ourselves out there after loss. So remember, this isn’t in the early days, weeks or months. It may not even be the first few years. But eventually if you find that grief becomes the cement shoes that keep you from moving forward, it may be time to try and break free. Start small. Think of something that will have a positive impact not only for you but for your community as well. Being motivated by the feeling of giving back can be what gets some grievers moving again after loss. Find a cause that you are interested in. Know that like-minded people will be found here and helping those less fortunate can be the best way to get out of our own head. And it doesn’t have to only be charity work. Maybe there’s a class you wanted to take or a club you’ve wanted to join. Know that it really doesn’t hurt to try, and the only thing you stand to lose is some of the loneliness you have been carrying for so long.

More than anything know this: you are not alone in your loneliness. In some way or another we are all searching for those who will understand us, who can help fill some of the void and emptiness we feel. But the true work of grief comes in filling that lonely space from the inside out.

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It is the lonely group of grievers who have reached their plateau that may need the most help. While www.griefincommon.com was created to serve an entire population of grievers, it is this “what now?” and “what’s next?” group who may benefit long term. Because these are the people who may be ready to make the connections and to find the right people to spend time with. I have seen truly beautiful friendships develop in the circle of grief support and I hope you too can find that here..
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50 thoughts on “Loneliness: 5 “Don’ts” If You’re Lonely After Loss”

  1. I find that I have severe PTSD related to loss… I lost my Dad’s Strength to a Hear attack when I was 13 and his life to lung cancer at 19… My Father in Law at 26 and my Husband at 30… 17 yrs later the man I was raising our son n my daughters with betrayed me with a series of affairs, then I had a Traumatic Brain injury, he left me and I lost his father and my mother to deat. I also lost a number of the boys n men I loved growing up to death… 5 Who were really close to me and I hurt to know I will never see their loving smile on this earth again… and another 6 or 7 aqaintences along with 2nd Dads… I Find Loss Can Trigger these Intense Emotions dug down like Grand Canyon in my psych.., And a Hard Place to crawl out of!!! Oh yes and less than one year ago a married ranches drove his truck off a cliff after pledging his Forever Love for me?????. All that I can do is to Pray Pray Pray… 4 Courage Strength n Wisdom… and oh yes… Lotd Hod in Heaven Love???♥️♥️

  2. I am so relieved to have read the 5 DONT and to realise that the path I am now travelling is ‘normal’..I have spent today in tears and wishing my hubby was here..the worst day in weeks…it is 18 months which is so unreal..time has just vanished into a black pit….hjs birthday is 14 March..perhaps this is the reason.I feel much better having read this site…I have no family where I live..I work full time and have many work colleagues…outside of work weekends are my lonely days..I am blessed to have my two best four legged friends…….

    1. My heart goes out to you . I can’t imagine your pain . pain . Loneliness is so profound after a loss . My Mom passed away in January and my daughter just moved across the country . I’m so incredibly lonely .. life feels so empty .
      I am thinking of you and sending hugs . I understand

      1. I lost my husband 5 months ago. I watched him suffer so much the lady year. I was his caregiver for 3.5 years so I was pretty much house bound then. Now I am totally alone I sit and cry most days don’t want to go out. I do attend a grievance class once a week. I pray that that the Lord will take me I see no reason for living.

          1. I took care of my husband for 15 years. It has been a year since he has passed. I miss him so much!! I have great support of family & friends but still so lonely sometimes!!!

          2. You are so right .I have my dogs &horses that keep me going my husband died3 years ago …loneliness just creeps in …

        1. I feel your pain. I lost my husband 8 days ago to cancer. We were married 28years. We have grown kids. They have their own lives. I really feel like I just don’t want to live anymore.

          1. Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. I believe most people can relate to not wanting to live a life that doesn’t have their loved one in it, and it’s not uncommon to lose hope in loss. Still, there is a very fine line of when that’s “normal” and when it’s something more…If at any point you feel you truly can’t go on and need more help, please don’t hesitate – reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. While I hope our site can be a great help to grievers, the lifeline is ready and on call 24/7 via text and phone to help if you are in crisis: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
            Please remember: it won’t always feel as bad as it does now. Just as good times don’t last forever, neither does the pain. Please find support with friends, family, in your community and with us online. You simply can’t have too much support and we are here to help! I wish you hope and healing in the days ahead~ http://www.griefincommon.com

    2. You are so right .I have my dogs &horses that keep me going my husband died3 years ago …loneliness just creeps in …

  3. same here ann. my husband died decembr last year..at this very moment im still grieving..from time to time i cried a lot sob myself to death..i felt like i couldnt handle this..he was with almost all the time..wherever i go, whatever i do he was there..but all of a sudden he’s gone. i thought life is so unfair..i got so angry, i felt so much guilt.i blamed myself everytime. if only i go with him that day he will never had that accident that took his life right there and then.im still in so much pain and loneliness..as a punishment i just want to embrace this til my last day..

  4. My kind and gentle husband died in my arms only seventeen days ago. I have no wish to leave the house, to answer the phone or to speak to people. I am empty inside and just wish I could have taken my last breath at the same time he did. I hate this life I am forced to lead now and miss him every minute of each day from waking to bed time.

    1. Please don’t feel that way. I There is a world full of people and you are needed to help others in some way you may not understand. We all make a difference.

    2. pam, i can only say i feel exactly like you.i know i will never be happy again. it’s now been 13 days of hell.
      people say i’m alive. i’m not,inly eat sleep and go to the bathroom. i so wish it were me that had passed. my best friend and companion.

    3. My sweet and gentle 58 yr. old husband died at our home with me and our son there with him. It was almost 8 months ago, but it feels like yesterday. No time passing seems to matter. I have to push myself to go to work and try for our son and daughter. Your comments were well said in expressing how this feels. I pray all the time and I know God is with me. I know this most likely isn’t helping you in any way, except to know that you aren’t alone. Pam, I will pray for peace in your heart and strength to continue.

      1. Jodee i lost my husband lat year 9/29/18.
        Everything was great on friday 22 was my daughters 16
        Birthday and my husband rented a party bus.
        We had so much fun. The week went forward and got back to back to work my daughter in school everything eas normal. Thursday we woke up got ready to work he talk to me on the cell but was so busy wr kept
        Calling each other. That night he gone home at 10:30 told
        Me he would eat and take shower. I went to sleep at 3am i hhear him i woke up and ask if he was ok . He yes he was jujust hot i got him water and he fainted i screamed
        My daughter called 911 the rest was a blur
        We told him to open his eyes we said we him.
        He open his eyes wide and then took that last
        Deep breath I’ve never seen and died right in front of my
        daughter and i. I miss him so…. Much its been a year and i find it harder then the first year and the first
        Was a nightmare. No one understands my loneliness
        38 year we were married. He was my best
        Friend my lover and a great father to our children
        My pain is unbearable. But i go on alone in this pain. I’m
        broken and i know it. Trying to find a group in astoria queens ny but membership are 44 dollars. Can’t afford
        Im head of house hold but for my god im standing
        But it’s so hard . i will never be the same again.
        I pray i scream but to the rest i must put on
        a mask and say im ok because they could never handle the truth. Prayers to all.

    4. I lost my husband after 54yrs of marriage and 2yrs of dating. 56yrs gone in a matter of minutes. Sudden heart attack. Never dreamed that would happen. That was 5 months ago. I have to force myself to get out of bed. Sometimes I don’t get up. It never leaves my mind. I wish it I want to be with him.

  5. My husband died in my arms after fighting cancer for 5 years. I still worked he could take care of his self. The cancer and all it’s side affect tore him down strokes heart attack’s seizures blood clots. It started in his jaw they took it out and made him look great. 5 years later it went to his lungs and bones he was in so much pain. I got to spend the last 2 weeks of his life in our bed together he was hurting so bad. He died in my arms his last word were I can’t breath. I just kept telling him over and over. I love you I love you until he was gone 34 years and my lover is just gone.

    1. I lost my love of 30 years to lung cancer may 9,2018
      I spent the last 3 months keeping very busy working around the house. I stopped 3 days ago. I feel very alone. I hope I can learn and grow through this terrible heart wrenching pain. I have to get to the other side. It’s just a very scary and painful place to be, aloneness after loss.

  6. In two weeks it will be both a year since my wife passed and her bday. I’m so lost without her. I’m 33. How am I supposed to do this for another 30 years? Everyone thinks I should be getting better by now but I’m as lonely and lost as the day she died.

    1. Don’t let people make you feel bad, there is no right or wrong way to mourn & there is no time limitation on how long you can mourn someone that meant the world to you.

  7. My husband Jerry passed away on May 17 early in the morning. He had stage 4 colon cancer.

    I am an emotional wreck with a few glimpses of rational thinking that are helping me do the things I need to do like go to work, take care of my 2 dogs, yard work, taking care of finances, etc. I am exhausted, too, having to take on everything by myself. I find myself thinking, if this is all there is for me, then I don’t want this life at all. I am alone and don’t have any children or grandchildren to give me happiness. I miss Jerry so much!

    1. Joy,I’m so sorry for your loss I too lost my husband Jerry on May 17th 2018 cardiac arrest out of no where.Im broken beyond loneliness…..We were inseparable married for 38 yrs….

  8. I lost Virginia after she had 3 major strokes, many TIA over 18 years of time. The fourth and final one took her. That was 18 months ago. I find help in the Lord but loneliness is still here I cry almost every day sometimes all day. I have tried a number of things nothing is stopping the lonely heart feeling. I find the words above of help. But the pain is still here in the heart. Tears come out of nowhere and anything can trigger it. The Lord is helping me but I’m not healed all the way yet.

  9. I lost Virginia after she had 3 major strokes, many TIA over 18 years of time. The fourth and final one took her. That was 18 months ago. I find help in the Lord but loneliness is still here I cry almost every day sometimes all day. I have tried a number of things nothing is stopping the lonely heart feeling. I find the words above of help. But the pain is still here in the heart. Tears come out of nowhere and anything can trigger it. The Lord is helping me but I’m not healed all the way yet.

  10. My fiancé committed suicide on May 22, 2018. The grief and loneliness is unbearable. We were to be wed on October 17, 2018 and then travel to Italy for our honeymoon. He touched so many peoples lives and to watch him with his patients was awe striking. He held his pain to himself and carried the weight of the world. I will never be the same and I’m terrified to lose again. I’m trying to celebrate his life and the amazing person he is. I know his two kids as well as my 4 are trying to understand but how can anyone of understand. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!

  11. I found this article soothing somehow I’m not sure why. I lost my fiancée on the 9-8-16 only 4 months after having our 3rd child & it was unexpected, He was my soulmate, my better half, my everything. I still miss him everyday & have so many regrets.
    Loneliness is starting to creep in & I never planned to move on even though he wanted me to but I’m missing the simple things of being in a realationship, I feel really lost.

  12. It helps to read about other people loss I feel bad for them but I feel like at least I’m not alone I lost my husband to cancer nine months ago he was only 53 years old we had three daughters one of which we lost in a car accident eight years ago in 2010 she was only 20 I have two other daughters and three granddaughters love being with my husband for 33 years but I miss him so much I just miss having someone there to feel safe and secure I always had that safe and secure feeling and now that he’s gone I don’t have anymore and I feel like half my family is gone I’ve gained weight since my husband was sick for five years and now I don’t feel attractive enough to even start a relationship with anyone else but I do want the closeness that I had before I will never find anyone like him but just having some affection someone holds would be great !!!

  13. I lost my husband in May of this year to cancer, a few days before our youngest daughters birthday, a few weeks before our anniversary and now my eldest daughters 18th birthday. I feel so alone sitting in at nights, my in laws are amazing and my eldest sister is amazing also. I get upset when my own mother tells me I’ll get over it, that’s all she ever says and it makes me so angry. Infinite e during the day but the evenings are so hard when it used to be just the 2 of us.

  14. I lost my husband of 40 years 2 weeks ago. He became ill and within 2 weeks he passed away. I still cannot believe this has happened. I find myself lonely because he had a great sense of humor, we laughed a lot.

  15. Thanks so much for sharing such clear, thought-provoking, and insightful words. In a vain attempt to mitigate the profound feelings of loss, depression, immobilization, and hopelessness after my wonderful Mom’s unexpected passing last November, I stumbled upon your article.

    While I’m not finding too many constructive ways to cope with the tragedy, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not violating any — alright most — of the “do not want to do” strategies.

    Nevertheless, it feels like an upward battle to continue to navigate life as I truly lost the only source of unconditional love in my life.

    But upon self-reflection, I have to admit to myself that I’m living with the ‘What if’s,” “if only’s,” and the other depressing mantra, “it’s not fair.”

    And while I can forge a closer relationship with my aunt, my mom’s sister, I’m now inclined not to do so. Her concern and love for me pales in comparison to what Mom offered. It’s like accepting a morsel of kindness when I’m starving for Mom’s brand of unconditional love.

    In any event, I appreciate the wisdom you shared, and I only hope that I can eventually implement ALL your suggestions.

  16. I’m sinking in despair, hv no motivation or direction; no incentive to go on in my new existence which is totally empty now. My husband of 47yrs died of glioblastoma w me, Easter wknd; I was hs only caregiver and no other family – I avoid needed tasks, they make me think of my reality, so I watch other ppls lives in movies etc to escape. I can’t believe this is “the rest of my life”. I don’t hv the resources to run away or buy things I don’t need fr escape so my forever w fit into a small tight box.

  17. my name is melinda i lost my husband june 11 2018.Talk about being lonely.He was my best friend.He died from a massive heartattack. I do keep busy night is so sad. You wonder where every one went .Thats why i loved him so much.We took care off each other.We would off been married dec 23 25 years.I REALLY TRY TO KEEP GOING. But i miss him.I know he is never comeing back. Thats what makes me so sad

  18. Last December I lost my sister. Now I am so lost and lonely. She was 18 years older than me and loved me unconditionally. She was my best friend, my mother, my life. I’m not an easy person to live with but she accepted all my faults and loved me thru them. I only had her and my boyfriend of 26 yrs who I live with. He decided during my sisters 1 yr battle with lung cancer that it was the best time to take up with a new girlfriend! I was too busy flying to Florida every few months for sis so I pushed it aside. Now she is gone and I share (barely) a home with him. He is never here anymore and since I have no children or family I am so distraught I can barely get through a day at times. I miss her so much it hurts so bad. Him I’m angry and hurt but if I say anything he will leave and then I will be totally alone. I am at a standstill. I can’t clean, my diet is horrible. It seems life stopped when she left me. She was the only one that would drop anything for me. I wasn’t so nice. I complained too much, didn’t give her enough time or attention. Now I’m beating myself up inside. The guilt, sadness, anger overwhelms me at times and I don’t know what to do. Is it ever going to stop hurting so much? It’s Friday night, he’s at his girlfriends and I have been bawling my eyes out for the past hour. I hate living like this. I don’t even have any friends. How sad is that. I just needed to talk to someone. It’s 2am. It sucks to be alone. Thank you for listening to me. It’s calmed me down just a bit.

  19. I lost my wife of 24 year 9 weeks ago today….I found her in the tub dead…..she had a heart attack. The day she died I was taking he to have a blood test and at a traffic light she looked at me and “Im going to die today and im so worried what will happen to you……10 hours later she was dead.
    Im disabled no kids no family all dead….just 3 cats. Im trying to sell the house and get into a over 55 community …
    Im in such bad shape I wish every day i was with Delia . Im 61 ad she was 69. Im lost and envy delia wish i dead.

  20. I lost my wonderful husband May 11, 2015 to leukemia and I am just getting worse with anxiety, depression and panic. We did everything together. I don’t even want to live. I am so lost and lonely without him. We were married 39 years. I tried medications and therapy but nothing helps. I pray to God to help me.

  21. I lost my husband on February 5, 2017. We had been married for 45 years and he was my soul mate and best friend. I miss him terribly every day and I too wish I could be with him now. I have 5 sisters who all have great husbands and I am so very much alone. God does not want me to envy, but it is really hard not to want what each of them now have that I don’t. Getting thru one day at a time is even rough. Loneliness is terrible to say the least.
    My heart and prayers goes to each and everyone who has ever lost a loved one.

  22. My husband went to the hospital with a fever and left in a body bag the god damn hospital killed him they domed him from the start never trust anybody I used to care now I just hate everyone especially people who claim to care me and my husband put trust in these people and they let us down doctors and nurses kill every day and nobody thinks twice about it they can kill it’s just gross buddy my husband was just 40 and had 3 children he only wanted to get better and now he’s buried on the hill and all there is pain his six year old son didn’t get to see his dad cause of hospital Policies it’s just plain evil how hospitals can take lives and still bill you for it buddy had so much love to give he was a kind person very humble me and buddy have nothing every last penny went to him being buried how does this happen why can’t hospitals care more

  23. I lost my wife of 54 years 20 days ago to pancreatic cancer. Her life was mostly filled with pain for the last 18 months. I am thankful to God for the time we had together but now my life seems meaningless. I wish He had taken us together.

  24. I lost my wife to colon cancer on August 7th. I feel so sad. I was her care giver right till the end. I don’t sleep much and still take care of my 12 year old daughter. We did everything together. Our marriage was a blessing. I struggle with how this could have happened. She was only 51. I want all of you to know how much it helps to know I’m not alone. Thanks for reading

  25. My husband died April 8 2018 after being sick from a massive stroke 6 months prior. I took care of him for 4 months up until he passed at home. That was hard work. Then I had to sell my house right away and I did. That was hard also.
    Now I’m in a 55 plus RV park. I am trying to drive I get anxiety. So I dont really go anywhere.
    The loneliness is the hardest thing for me. We worked together did everything together for years. I miss him on movie night. I miss cooking for 2, now I dont know what to eat. My son is close and I have a granddaughter that’s the light of my life but hes to busy to come by and I cant get there yet.
    I reward myself for driving to the store but in the wrong way spending money on lottery tickets.
    This is horriable I need blood work done and cant get myself there because I don’t want to know anymore bad news. I often feel like I dont want to be here anymore but I’m to chicken to do anything about it.
    I take it one day at a time.

  26. It’s been 3 months since my husband passed. He was 36yrs old. It’s just me & my 6 year old son now. My whole life has been turned upside down. I am lost for words. I can’t even put all my emotions in this message. Thank you to everyone who has poured out the hearts & shared their pain. It’s good to know that we do not stand alone in this brokenness. May God bless you all & give you all peace of mind…. and a smile here & there. ❤

  27. Lost my wife to cancer 7 and a half years ago. She was 58 when cancer was found and died at age 60. We were married 13 years. Knew each other many years prior .she was perfect for me. Did not fight or argue.they say marriage lot of work,not with her.coffee in morning, cocktails at night then dinner we fixed together. There are times yet when loneliness is almost unbearable,still cry sometimes when I see a couple holding hands or something on t.v..read somewhere the loneliness of the most lonely better than being with some one not compatible with. It helps to know I am not.alone with how I feel. After almost eight years I want to say my faith has helped,friends and family has helped.last thing wife said to me was do not close curtains and start drinking or I will haunt your sorry ass
    That has motivated me. Being almost eight years let me say ,hang in there , there will be bad days and there will be good days.enjoy the good days and endure the bad ones. Bit will never be easy but you can do it

  28. I lost my husband of 54 yrs over a year ago. We did everything together. The majority of our friends still have their mates so I miss being able to go out. The evenings are especially lonely, having dinner alone and not having anyone to laugh with. I don’ even cook anymore and don’t even want to do anything around the house, what’s the point. No one is here.

  29. I lost my partner of 7 years suddenly in June 2018 leaving me and our now 18 month old twin bboys devastated. I feel I am just existing for my boys and don’t see any other purpose in life. Each day that is over I am one more day closer to being with my soul mate who I wish I had taken my last breath with. Life is so lonely as I have no family or friends only my 2 boys who are my life. Although I know I’m not alone i will always be lonely because half of me is now in heaven. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is the most painful experience in life….the pain may get easier but it will never go away.

  30. I lost my wife due to a kidney disease on August 3, 2018. We were married for 32 years. She was my other half in life, I know she is free of all pain and suffering she has endured with this disease sitting at the right hand of our Lord. Now i have to live with this disease of losing the Love of my life. It is not the same here on earth with out her, we did everything together. People tell me its going to take time to heal and move forward, but she went home and she took me with her!!

  31. Loneliness is the hardest. I lost my love just 11 weeks ago, I have no one to share the pain with, people are busy, some of my ernstwhile closest friends walked away at the terminal diagnosis 12months ago. The person you shared your problems with, the ups and downs, life’s small things, and the big, the one to hug you and hold you and hold your heart tight in theirs….is the one who has gone. No one can ease that loneliness or pain. It’s learning to grow round the pain, like an oyster grows around a seed stone, and after many years hopefully, may grow a pearl, maybe.

    1. Susan,
      I’m sorry for your loss and the pain you are suffering. I understand how often a griever will say that they don’t want to live without their loved one here. And I understand that sometimes it feels like the only way to express
      the depth of the pain and suffering someone can feel after loss.
      Still I wanted to be sure to address your comment and make sure you know of help that can be available.
      If you are in crisis, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Line. They have 24/7 support including talk, chat & text.
      https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
      I have included the link above.
      Please take care of yourself~

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