Grief Lessons: 10 Things You Never Wanted to Learn

Grief is the person we never wanted to meet. The class we didn’t sign up for. The club we never wanted to join. The journey we never wanted to take.


And while grief can be one of life’s most impactful teachers, most grievers would say they are experiencing and learning things they hoped they would never have to know:

  1. How to help those around you feel more comfortable with your grief.
  2. How to handle the tasks and household duties once handled by the deceased.
  3. When to clean out your loved one’s belongings (and how different your timeline may be from others when it comes to this task).
  4. How to stick to a daily routine, even though it feels totally foreign as it no longer includes the person who died.
  5. How to go to work, the grocery store, car mechanic, dry cleaners, pharmacy, hardware store, while the world continues to turn, even though it seems like there’s no sense to any of it.
  6. How to maintain connections and relationships to friends and family, even if you feel  misunderstood, isolated and alone.
  7. How to function each day while getting almost no sleep each night.
  8. How to plan your day, organize life and activities and remember everything (birthdays, where you put your purse, or parked the car) all while feeling scattered, fuzzy-headed and out of sorts.
  9. How to prepare for a future that has changed in every way since your loved one has died.

There is a 10th and final lesson at the end of this class…but it can only be found if you look hard enough:

How to hope.

Hope for a future where things make sense again. Hope for a time when there won’t be such acute and painful grief following you wherever you go. Hope for a return to the rest of society – to that place of plans and to the comfort of trivial concerns.

But possibly the hardest lesson of all is that hope can only be found if we take an active role in our grieving. Like most teachers, grief expects a lot from us. There is work to be done here. Connections to be made. Insights to be had. Self-exploration, self-discovery, along with some pretty intense honesty about who we are, what we need, and how best to get it.

You don’t have to do this all on your own.

You can do the work with us…and we can help.


If you’re looking for the support of those in our grieving community, sign up today to participate in our forums and connect with those who have had a similar loss:

Need more individual support? I provide individual Grief Coaching services for those who are looking for encouragement, validation, compassion and direction as they try to rebuild and figure out what comes next. To learn more, follow the link: Grief in Common GRIEF COACHING.

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