Grieving in the Second Year After a Loss


There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief.

This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in “shock” even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness.

I’ve said it many times: nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare us for the finality of death.

Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead.

And then year 2 happens.

The second Mother’s Day without a mom. The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. A second Christmas without a child. And the griever may find themselves thinking, “this isn’t any easier”.

Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. Perhaps because of expectation – expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didn’t. Or maybe it’s because the more time passes, the longer we’ve had to live without that person. The longer it’s been since we’ve seen them or heard their voice.

This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that it’s not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I don’t share this to scare those who are in their very early days.

But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when we’re not in the stages of grief. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? How disappointed are we when a long planned vacation-of-a-lifetime turns out to be not all what we would have hoped?

If ever there was a time when we need to be setting realistic expectations for ourselves, then certainly our time of grieving is one of them.

Throw away the timelines.

Don’t compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. The coworker who was back to work smiling only a few days after her Dad died? She was crying every day on the way to and from work. The family member who thinks that 18 months after your husband died you should be dating again? She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you.

Be patient with yourself. Be patient with those who don’t understand. Don’t expect today to be hard and tomorrow to be easy. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that it’s probably exactly where you need to be.

Stay open to the idea of hope and optimism – but don’t set a timeline for its arrival.

For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. Why? Because as time passes and people around us go back to their lives a griever can be left with nothing but grief. What’s a person to do with that, and where to go from here? 

This is where Grief Coaching can help. Many of the people I work with are several years past their loss and are struggling with confidence and decision making. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. 

For a special kind of grief support click here: GRIEF COACHING. FREE 15 minute consults available to www.griefincommon.com members.  

Sending you all light, hope and healing~



381 thoughts on “Grieving in the Second Year After a Loss”

    1. I’m only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. I wish someone would share some hope.. something to inspire me to keep going.

      1. Hi Holly, It’s been five and a half months for me since my husband died. I don’t have any words of advice…just know that I care that you’re having a hard time. I don’t know when either of us will find hope or joy again. We just put one foot in front of the other, don’t we? For now, that’s all we’re able to do. God Bless you in this unwanted journey.

        1. It’s been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning.
          I find myself taking too him when I get in bed
          He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. I’m trying to deal every day and some are better than others.

          1. Linda, I was with my husband less than ten years, I have found time together is not what counts, it is how deeply you loved. It reads like you loved very deeply and feel his loss keenly. I won’t say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, though I am, I would like to say I am happy for your gain, in having a love that deep in the first place and still holding it close.

          2. My situation a little different. I lost my mom that I took care of for almost 5 yrs and I saw her take her last breathe and its been two yrs now and people act like should be over losing her and when all the people that have been lost this year from covid 19 it’s just reminds of what and how I lost her. I feel life will never be the same at times it feels like I’m just lost. Wish that it would get easier but it’s not because life right now it is so hard.

          3. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. I hate that he left so unexpectedly and I never had a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him so much. And now I’m beginning year 2 without him but it doesn’t feel any less of a loss. I’ll always miss him. When he died, a part of me died with him. I go through the motions and let family & friends believe I’m coping ok. The reality is that I’m still and will probably always grieve for him.

        2. It’ll be two years next month since my my husband ofalmost 30 years died. I feel I am grieving harder now then the first year after he died. I miss him so much and still feel so lost without him. I still cry hard for him day, and beg him to come home to me. Whoever said it gets easier with time lied or they didn’t havetrue love or their soulmate like I did….. My heart is forever broken. 💔😭

        3. Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . Its hard but we humans keep going. Take care everyone . Been there done that wore his t shirt 💔🌺💞

        4. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. i thought i was getting a bit better getting on with things and losing the 3 stone i put on. but just lately especially coming up to xmas memories are coming too me all the time. i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. and im back there again crying wishing id made more of that last year. wishing id been around more. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an
          unexpected way. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. i think as time passes you really realise who that person was in your life how much they meant to you and how noone else can measure up. you feel the loss even greater i feel. longing to see them again.

          1. It’s been 15 months my mom’s been gone.its just horrible I know I had a breakdown tht day I seen her tk her last breath omg I hv flashbacks cry everyday I don’t remember some things I was lost n completely broken I’m so sorry u are going thru this too it’s the worse ever

      2. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. Be kind to yourself. Take baths , walks and learn to breath. Happiness will come but the saddness is always there….. but you learn to smile again. I lost my husband 2 years ago suddenly and left behind with 2 young children.
        I hope your find strength in coming months x

        1. Hi. I lost my uncle 11 months ago. He was another father/brother figure for me and we were inseparable. We were about 17 years apart. He was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and died less than a month after. It was completely unexpected as he was fairly young and never had health issues. I’m still trying to get over the shock of the diagnosis let alone his death. I struggle to find anyone who’s gone through something similar since it’s so rare. That makes me mad in itself that I can’t compare this loss to others for so many different aspects. I’ve been struggling but it’s been manageable. As I approach the year anniversary and holiday season, I feel that the grief is worse then ever. I have no passion for anything and I feel an immense guilt that won’t go away. I’ve been going to a grief counselor and it’s helped a lot but this feels like something I haven’t experienced yet. Has anyone else experienced a strong feeling of depression after months of grief? Is it temporary? Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories?

          1. Hi. My name is Dustin. My dad also died suddenly Oct 21 2019 He was in good health and cancer free . He was suddenly diagnosed and died after his first chemo. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. My family would like to bury his remains and I feel angry again . All in all he was fortunate t I be taken fast. He never wanted to have extended drawn sickness. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. I miss him dearly

            I am asking same question as you . Is this intense feeling bc 1 year

          2. Yes I can relate I lost my dear husband to cancer the same he thought he was a very heath man I was out of town when he just went in for his regular yearly dr apt and they wanted to do more test and he was home along when they told him that he had stage 4 cancer and passed away 2 months later after 52 hours a week of camo and radiation everyday i still really don’t understand how it could be just still trying to understand it hold thing most days I still think I’m dreaming so I just pray every night and all in the day please god help me threw this and the holidays I hate so I pray that god help me find joy in them again cause right now there is nothing just want them to come and go away fast

          3. It’s not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel!

          4. I’m coming up on 2 years in April. Since I lost my son. I feel horrible. Worse even if you can believe it. Isolated judged alone. I can not and will not just put my son aside like he wasn’t an amazing person. Like he meant nothing. Like his life was just a blink of an eye.19 year. I’m supposed to just forget. Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and I’m supposed to not talk about my son. Or how about my whole immediate family that’s destroyed. A bomb went off in our home and hearts. We are all torn apart. It’s horrific.

          5. Hi, I’ve only just come across this page after searching, “Is it normal to still feel so much grief, 18 months into a loss of a loved one”. I too lost a beloved Uncle in May 2020, not from Covid19, quite suddenly. He was 74, had some health conditions, though not that serious & was relatively able, fit & healthy. His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily.

            My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. My Uncle was my Father figure, he & my Mum were very close & he would talk about her regularly. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented)

            I had been planning to visit him, when his death happened, was telling myself to write more as he wasn’t online, he used to write lengthy notes on Christmas & birthday cards. So I felt guilty I hadn’t managed it, though this was complicated by Covid restrictions & my disability & health conditions.

            I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, don’t have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. I find it’s a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. Though there is one other Uncle, brother of my Mum’s, he lives in rural Ireland, only has a land line phone, has ongoing mental health conditions. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me.

            Alongside accessible housing issues, my own health & disability, money & other things, I have found depression & acute anxiety being an issue. I’ve always suffered from anxiety, though have been mentally strong & lived through bringing up a disabled child, without a lot of support. Perhaps I’m also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years?

            Take care all of you & we know we’re not alone experiencing this.

      3. I also am only 2 months in after the loss of my husband ..21 years of marriage and 5 children …the latter of which keep me going ..he lives in them

      4. I am 7 months in with the loss of my best friend, my wife. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. I can say, there is hope and it is centered around one step at a time. Forgetting them or desiring to do so is not an option. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. I hope for your best and for someone wiser than myself and more experienced than myself contribute to your (our) understanding.

        1. Eric,
          I can totally understand these feelings. It’s been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. I have days of no energy or ambition. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet

          1. O my, thankyou. I became a widow 25 months ago. Absolutely no warning. Found him on the floor at 5:45am. Nothing, nothing, nothing even remotely resembles sanity for me. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better… looking at my 3rd holiday season without him…
            It’s tough…

          2. 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. (She just wasn’t there no more. )the two dogs were winning for mamma. It was more than a human can handle but. I went thru it. It does ease after a while. I still fill the need to call her sometimes. Most importantly church

          3. It’s been 2and a half months since my fiance died suddenly day after Xmas 2020. Holidays were never that great for me as my ex husband of 17 yrs left day before Xmas. I truly wasn’t planning to fall in love like I did with Richard. I cry daily and wish I was the one who passed

          4. Robin I am with you… almost two years for me after 30 years of a wonderful marriage…. I still cry every day, sometimes three or more times but keep trying to think of all the good times we had instead of how much I miss him 🙁

      5. Stay busy. Try not to constantly think of your sadness. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. It was a very shocking and unexpected episode. My grief totally took over my life. I am a very strong person, but I longed for information and stories from other widows. I went online and read countless stories from others. I also listened to grief counselors online. I am now dating someone I’ve known for 40 yrs. I will say that it is a wonderful feeling, but also, I still miss my husband. I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. I just feel blessed that he loved me that much! Don’t put timelines on your grief! You need to feel the pain and work through it! Talk about him, laugh about him. Never feel that you cannot cry about your loss of him. My husband was only 51. Yet, everyone loved him. Hos short life was a blessing to those who knew him!

        1. Hi- I just read your story…it’s almost been 2 years since my husband died. He was 54. We have 4 daughters – 24,21 and twin 15 year olds. He was the best husband and father! He was sick for 6 months and then passed. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. My friends were there for us but- after a month or so, they go back to their own lives- and I totally get it!! I too have a friend that I’ve known for over 40 years. His wife passed away 20 years ago and he was left to raise 2 small boys. Well, he became my rock. After a few months we started dating- the girls love him- I love him. But I miss my husband so much- it’s so hard ach and every day to continue on. I cry everyday- he was my everything and I miss our family we created together ….I don’t think I’ll ever feel any better. ….

          1. Hi Heather
            I totally understand.
            My husband of 29 years died 21 months ago after a three year illness he was only 55.
            I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. But I miss my husband every day and feel I’m in an impossible situation. I have a 22 yr old daughter who lives with me and a 24 yr old son who lives with friends . I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life.

      6. Hiya Holly. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him

        1. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. I live with grief and depression everyday. Some days are better than others. He left behind a 5 year old boy. I struggle with everyday. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. Im in a dead end relationship and basically just exist. I work, i come home and I go to bed and get up and do it all over. I have given up everything I use to love to do. I try to act normal and sometimes its really hard. I am short tempered and any direct insult toward me sets me off. My son rolled a diesel tanker and it ejected him out and rolled on him and crushed him. Every time I see a truck like he drove it brings back my pain. I cant escape it.

          1. Karl – thank you for your comment. My 20 year old son passed away unexpectedly 12 months ago while with his young pup and friends at a river. Like you my life has changed completely – I feel I am a different person, Im not sure I know myself. I’m trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. I kept to dog and she has helped but is also a reminder of what Ive lost. Somehow it feels like its hurting more as time passes – few people really understand. You do. Bless you

          2. My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. Instead of it being sharp it’s full and aching. I’m pretty much numb. It’s hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. I understand what you are going through

      7. My husband died 2 years ago (his anniversary, April 20, 2019). The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. Then, I ended up getting sick from malnutrition. I had started running at 56 years old, when he got sick, to keep me sane. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. Now, it’s almost at the 2 year mark. I stay busy. I’m working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside. I am more aware of the many blessings I have & have learned to cherish every moment of my life.

        1. James, that’s so weird what you said about feathers…My husband, a brilliant artist, died very suddenly last February – a ruptured aorta – just like his Dad – and immediately in the garden wherever I was, were tiny, white feathers right near me. I just felt he was near. Thank you.

          1. This happen to me. A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. He was 70 years old. I love him so.

        2. Hello Diana,
          My sincerest condolences to you with the loss of your husband. , too, lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges to my health and mental wellness. I’m still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. We were married for 25 years, and I was just 56 when he died. I have noticed such an immense change in my body (so thin) and just overall mental behaviour (loner, no energy for anything or anyone). Any suggestions will be appreciated. God Bless and Congratulations on your educational pursuits. Very impressive.

      8. I have an idea. What your going thru. I lost my wife a year ago. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. 1989 this cancer came into our lives. And took over my wife’s life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. Very sad. Part of my life. Died. Also. It’s Avery emotional jernory to walk thru it’s ok to feel what you feel cry the empty feeling the lost the quite house her voice j don’t hear any more. Sleeping at night is very difacult. I know your husband is with you in spirt. Home with you or where ever u. Go. And his angles are looking over you. And waiting for u. You’ll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. Look at the. Shapes of the clouds. Look for feathers it’s a sign there near you. God bless you. Take care

        1. I lost my husband of 50 years 2amd a half years ago , he had lung cancer and died quite traumatically at home , we have grown up children who all have been grieving , I still have all his clothes and everything that I can’t seem to sort out , since he died I have found my fear of flying and being in the house alone at night has vanished, I wonder if this is part of grieving ? Don’t understand it ?

          1. Just reading this now but I too have lost my fear of flying..it seems insignificant in all that has happened. My husband died 8 mos ago

          2. Lost my beautiful soul mate two years and four months ago.Debilitating Brain tumours which had metastasised from Melanoma. Four months he fought from diagnosis to him passing. Operation, trial drugs immunotherapy, radiation…..and they came back worse every time till they couldnt do anything else. This week I saw my daughter for the first time since he passed and now Im a wreck all over again. Feel like Ive gone back to the early days of losing him. So numb. So sad. I too have completely lost my fear of the dark or being on my own. Interesting about the feathers too. I also have had the occasional feather float down into my hand but the big one for me is butterflies. Always butterflies. And usually in his favourite colours. He was my life. My soul. My everything. I still cant believe he is gone. We were supposed to grow old together. This year he would have retired. My heart hurts. I have a big empty space inside that just wont go away. And my eyes leak out of the blue….I walk past a mirror and dont recognise who I have become. I look so sad. So nothing.

        2. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. I left the house for about 15 minutes and came home and found him dead on the kitchen floor. He had choked on an Arby’s roast beef sandwich. He was 66. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. I think I just feel like I just don’t care anymore. My heart goes out to you.

          1. I have also lost my fear of flying since my husband died on November 14, 2018. We were married 23 years. I still think of him every day even though I am dating a wonderful man. I will always keep part of him with me. His last two years were integral to my healing as he told me many times not to get stuck and to go on living a full, wonderful life. I am integrating my old life with my new life. Not forgetting, blending them together.

        3. Thats beautiful. I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. I still can’t believe he’s gone.

      9. One day at a time! Feel your feelings, cry when you need to. Guided meditation is so co forging and helpful to me! I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. Crying is healing. They would want us to go on!! That’s for sure. I speak to him every day! He is always with me! I’m trying to be in acceptance and have great support around me. Gratitude is everything

        1. I lost my dh 1 year 10m ago too. 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my child’s own grief. Couple of months of disbelief and struggle. Grief counselling for me in next 3m which helped build confidence. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. I miss him every second of every day, i still can’t believe it. I talk about him to everyone way too much, even strangers, it is like I cannot believe it and saying it out loud confirms it. Iwant to stop talking about him as much, but can’t. Today I got a call from the bank saying they forgot to transfer a small amount of his to our daughter, i broke down again. I am lost. But i have hope it will get better.

          1. Patti, I once went to a counselor because I was like you constantly talking about the situation to anyone that would listen. He told me, “that’s how you cope with grief”, you need to talk about it over & over until finally you stop. Not everyone is like that just some of us. So I know that feeling. Trust me it was subside eventually and you’ll talk about it less frequently until you almost stop. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore.

        2. I am sitting here sobbing …..reading these missives! I lost my husband of 63 years
          July 2018. I took care of him during his last two years . It broke my heart to watch him suffer. I miss him more now than the first year he was gone. I keep trying to get back into “a life” but I cry often. I am a healthy. 84 year old and try to get back to things I used to enjoy but it isn’t working.
          Any advise?

          1. I lost my husband 2 years ago. I felt so lost. My most often comment was “I don’t know how to do this”. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. I’ve cried so much. A blessing one night though. He came to me in a dream. We held each other. It felt so good. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. It makes me cry to see us dance together, but it reminds me that he was once a living breathing person who loved me deeply. Yesterday i felt like a knife plunged into my heart 2 years ago and hasn’t come out yet. Waiting for that day. They say part of grieving is to talk about him to people but after 2 years of listening, my sister and cousin are kind of tired of hearing my memories. That hurts. Every journey is unique and we’ just get through our own way. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. Sorry this is so long. Thank you for listening.

          2. You just described ME. I was married 63 years and took care of my husband for his last 2 years. We had a great marriage and we were grateful for all the years we had. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. I am now 85 and pretty healthy other than an old body. Cant get interested in anything that I used to love! Not sure how to deal with this anymore.

          3. We had been married for 58 years. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. Like many of you this year has been worse than last year. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. I dread Christmas. If it weren’t for my kids o wouldn’t manado.

          4. I am the same. Lost my husband of 46 years Aug 2019.
            I have never recovered and the se ond christmas this year is,worse than last year. I have known no other life sin e I was 16′

      10. Hi Holly,

        It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. Grieving takes as long as it takes, don’t set expectations, just let happen. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him it’s with a smile.

      11. Keep going- it will get more tolerable. Peace and acceptance will come. It will be two years for me in December.

      12. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and I’m.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I don’t eat or sleep he was my soul mate …how does life go on

        1. I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad… he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didn’t really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad

      13. I wish I were there to give you a hug. One feels so empty. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. It makes absolutely no sense now. Time does not necessarily heal. I wish you the best on your journey.

      14. Sweetie I understand completely. My heart is breaking. I do have some hope to give you. It helps me all morning and day. I’m only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. There is a scripture in the Bible says a time for everything. We are not supposed to understand. He’s doing it for a reason to help us. I’ve seen it dear. It’s only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. It was unexpected his passing we have been together since freshman year highschool have two LIVING boys 2 and 3 years old. Our 3 year old looks and acts EXACTLY like him. So much it’s crazy. I keep his ashes in a necklace that I would hurt someone over if ever tried to remove it from neck. I’ll die with it there. I love him with all of who I am.

      15. Hope is in you it’s just buried somewhere but believe me I’m only in the first month of my mom passing and boy let me tell you it’s a pain I never felt before and I just want to die I cry everyday all day there aren’t any words that can explain my pain. One day at a time I am so apologetic for your loss sweetheart

      16. Hi Holly
        I hope your finding your way… grief is personal and the hardest life lesson I’ve had to learn
        40 years with my husband and losing him has been so very hard.And yet I’ve discovered so much about myself. I’ve grown in ways I did not know I needed to.
        I hope you have found your way

      17. It’s just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. I still am filled with sadness and feelings of not being able to go on without him. He was the love of my life. Nothing. And I mean nothing makes me happy anymore. I’m half the person I was. He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure

      18. Holly, I lost my wife early last year. Many days feel worse than year one. Some not so bad. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each – 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath.

        Best wishes,

      19. Holly,
        It changes. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. I’m a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. You WILL be fine, if you let yourself be, give permission to yourself to be. I still cry daily but I’m told that’s not how it is for everyone. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I haven’t cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. All I can tell you is that in the weeks following his death I visited psychics, read about everything I could in an afterlife, looked forward signs….this is called denial. I’m not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. My journey is about making a meaningful life, and you can. That is really important to know. But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. I held him close by knowing that he is by my side. Do not look for proof of this, proof doesn’t matter, facts don’t matter…the only way your husband will be close by is through your own actions. We cannot expect them to ‘put on a show’. I looked for evidence of our continuing togetherness from outside sources. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. So…focus on you, dont try to cling to him…he is still there and will rest easier seeing that you’ve got this. Over time your focus will change, you’ll not lose him but you have to allow yourself to be distracted, the pain only eases when you do. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, so…you had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. For me, that reuniting may be when I’m shipped back to the USA to be buried alongside him. It may be when we meet in the hereafter. I’m not sure my beliefs on that score but I do know this….live does not die. That pain you feel, it is love but in another guise. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it. Make little rituals thR help you feel close. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. Do not look for it, you already have it. So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isn’t anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. That said; allow others in. Be free. Do not see life as getting in the way of your love for your husband, I’m sure he wouldn’t want that either. I don’t say it will not be hard going into the future and I will not say tone is a healer. But I will say that you’ll come to see the pain differently, it’ll mutate and one day you’ll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. It’s little victories like that will shepherd you into what WILL be a happy future. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life.

      20. I know I’m late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. The good lord is caring me through this nightmare. I still can’t believe he’s gone.

      21. Oh Holly
        I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly – after 35 years. Our hope is in Heaven. Someone asked if I was a widow. I said no, I’m still married. We just live in two different places right now. I look forward to seeing him again and I know he would want me to go on and prove that our live was SO GREAT that I continue on in his memory.

      22. Holly, I can’t breathe sometimes. It’s been 16 months since my husband of 51 years died. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. I really think it helps. I take diazepam about twice a month when I feel I’m about to go through an attack of anxiety. It works. He left a big crater for everyone who knew him.
        My throat always feels like I’ve swallowed a big gobstopper. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. I want him back but I can’t have him so I’m living in hope that we will be reunited one day. If you don’t mind I will include you in my prayers.

    2. Holly,
      I lose my husband two weeks ago. I find hard to go on with life. We been together for 46 years.
      I am now alone . I have sleepless night.

      1. Holly. You must first, get rest. Please, be sure and drink plenty of water and eat some. In these first weeks it is so easy to put your body under extreme stress. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. Perhaps- try some see a doctor about taking some thing mild to help you sleep but avoid dependence on sleep aids. It is really hard to get through this if you do not take care of your bodies needs- water, food and rest as well as some exercise. Seek family, friends or local grief help. Usually a local hospice or hospital can help you get in touch with those who can help you through this.

        1. This thread started an hour after and on the day my wife Shellie passed. It’s easier but than again it isn’t

      2. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I take one day at a time.
        Someone once said you never get over it
        you learn to live with it, this is so true. You feel
        as though you are living in a different world
        from everybody else. I hold onto all the
        memories we had together. I talk to him
        all the time.God bless you.

        1. I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. I saw your post. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. Now, I don’t cry as often. There is such sadness and emptiness. I can’t see how to live like this; no future. I take one step then the next then the next. I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. My family is great but they are grieving also. It doesn’t feel any better or easier. By God’s help we will get through this.

      3. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection.
        What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner.
        The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode .
        I took them for 2-3 weeks then went on a Mindfullness course and was able to stop the tabs easily. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed.
        Good luck.😍

      4. I feel your pain. After being married for 42 years. I miss him so much. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5

      5. I understand your raw feelings and intense pain. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. He passed unexpectedly while on our first trip since retiring. All our plans for the future were dashed that cold rainy night in a hotel room. I know I will never be the same but hope to try to feel better with time. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock.

    3. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. I was a “young” 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). His cancer was a rare and aggressive form and he was gone within 6 months of his diagnosis. We followed every possible treatment available, but to no avail…his caner won out and I was left alone to face the future, to pick up the pieces and to move on with my new life. And that you do, move on with your life. Everyone expects after 2 or so weeks your life is back to normal, little do they know that reality has not yet hit you. The meltdown has not yet come. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day….realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didn’t think I could have any tears left…but they just kept coming. My heart physically hurt so badly, that I prayed I would die…then and there. You pick up the pieces and go on, to create a new life for you. Never to forget the wonderful years that you shared. Never to forget what you had…never, never, never…! But you have to move on… for you, for your loss, to continue through life. I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. Be kind to yourself and know that with time, it will begin to heal. I pray for you and your recovery…!

      1. Thank you for your message. I too, was 54 and now in my second year of grief. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. Peace be with you!!

    4. I am so sad that we are all connected by loss.
      I am 16 months in and its is harder than the first…BUT……i have joined lots of things and really get out and about.
      I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness.
      These things help ME and every one is different but I would go completely mad if I didnt keep busy.
      I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his son……honest!!
      Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life.
      If you can please,get out there a start to live…..it a different life but it needs living.
      Good luch everyone.🌹🌷🥀🌸😍😍

        1. Yes, the 2nd year seems much worse. All I do is cry. He had cancer. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized – then sent to hospice – and then he was gone. Every night when I lay down I think ” if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.”

          1. Eileen, I can relate to how you feel. I was with my husband for 50 years. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. Second year I basically ran, walked alone on hikes, tried to get to know the new place. Always feeling so empty, so alone. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. Year 3 I thought it has to get easier, and in many ways it has. You move on , try to meet new people. That’s hard at 69 . I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, it’s ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. They are blessings. We all will walk this path our own way, it’s the most difficult challenge of ones life. Stay strong, watch the sunrise and the rainbows after the rain. Tomorrow is another day.

    5. I lost my husband Rick 10/2018. It was he and I for 37 years. He was 64. I sobbed daily for two months. I did see a counselor. Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. I try to stay busy but most of the time it’s just around our house. I say to myself to what end? I still work because I am 58. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. I keep asking myself to get up and do something but I don’t. I think I am depressed but don’t want drugs. I do know that he is at peace and at rest. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. I have family near and it helps. Its just about me now. How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves?

      1. Oh Casey, I feel just like you. I work to subsidize my SS. On those days I have to get up. Other days I just wonder why bother. Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00… why bother. Im sorry i don’t have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone.

    6. Hi to all. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. I am an unmarried single man of 46 years Mum lived with me. She died of COPD. My Dad died back in 2001. I can’t begin to describe how heartbroken I am and the second year is the toughest. I look around my town and I see so many changes and I hate it because everything reminds me of Mum – every shop that closes down that Mum used to visit leaves me heaving. And yes the expectation is there that you a get close on with things. But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. Let the grief happen but look after yourself too. Best regards Conor

    7. I’m so sorry for your loss…your grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. I wish I could say something that would make it better, but my faith tells me that the Lord has given you both a season in life, and that season has ended. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. I’d have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. It’s time to recuperate, settle and take stock of your relationships. When the season ends, I believe that the Lord will reveal the heart of another companion to you. The Lord is working on that companions heart as we speak, and that person is trying to prepare themselves for a crossroads convergence with your heart. They’re trying to get there as fast as they can. I believe this because of my faith. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone. Time will pass and your hurt and suffering will diminish, and you will learn to live with it and honor the memory of your spouse, while moving forward. I believe this is true. I believe this is what the Lord wants. Just remember, it’s not a risk to fall in love; it’s a risk not to, and my opinion is that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. May God bless you and comfort you on your journey. We will all meet again in the end.

    8. My husband passed away almost 2 years ago in February and i still don’t feel any different, now i have more good days than bad but im still in a lot of pain and crying and depressed because i am missing him.

    9. Hello everyone its sad what we all have been through but I’m glad for a group like this to share our pain since we all have lost someone we love.

  1. Year two can be very difficult, in some very unexpected ways. In that, certain things will trigger moments of grief that did not occur in year one. Many have said that year one is the ‘numb’ year, and maybe that’s right. However, in my experience, I did not want to live after I lost my wife..for most of the year. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. I got a small wave around what would have been our wedding anniversary, but they keep coming as Thanksgiving gets nearer, and they’re a little more frequent, and severe. Theses waves of grief don’t last all day, as they did last year, but they are intense when they do happen, yet short. This year, it seems as if my thoughts revolve around all the treatment my deceased wife got that didn’t help, treatments she could have received, and a yearning for ‘one more.’ One more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. In my mind, it feels like if I had that ‘one more’, then I would be satisfied. Maybe.

    1. I too am n my 2nd year of losing my spouse. My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. I find that rem9feling our home has opened a myriad of emotions that sent me reeling. I know it’s partly because we discussed these remodels b4 he passed & I find myself turning 2 ask his opinion & he’s not there. I broke down n a Lowes store, felt ridiculous, & left. I recently went out 2 eat w/some friends, shared some laughs, but found myself missing my best friend who I had shared so many laughs with over 30 yrs. It left me very melancholy.

      1. Just into the 2nd year since the passing of my husband. Everyday is a battle, i lost many months that is unaccountable for and emotionally not coping. We lived for each other and daily decisions are made with what he would have done. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort.

        1. Dear Charaine
          I know what you are going through. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I don’t do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things.

          Two years now, I cannot believe it, one moment smiling and kissing me and the next lying at my feet, gone, no return, New Years Eve, it is like a nightmare that never ends. A whole lifetime of wonderment , joy and happiness wiped out, all our tomorrows gone, all our yesterdays so painful to remember without him, it seems like so cannot cry any more, like a numbness has descended into my soul, no laughter no joy.
          Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them.
          The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone.
          I am so sooty for all the people who is suffering such pain, maybe they are just waiting on us .

          1. Patricia, your comments hit home. Even though my love struggled with Parkinsons Disease for more than 25 years. I did not understand that we had such a deeper connection than others may have. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. I have actual pain when the tears come and my grief is not abating. I miss him so much . I am not suicidal but if i knew my life would end soon, I would be ok with it . I wish you better days and be glad you experienced a great love. I am grateful.

          2. Plis…my husband passed away at the beginning of this year from brain tumor after being together for almost one mnth …now his gone and its the second mnth…its just hurts and a headache and making me cry all nite…i dnt know wat to do ..i need advice..

          3. I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married r5 yrs. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. One thing is I have to learn to live with is the new normal. I do what I have to do in the house the rest of the time I lay in my bed. At 71 I am sure it will be a hard until I leave this world. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you

          4. Yes, my husband just dropped dead at the gym nearly one year ago to the day. Where did that year go? I can’t get my head around the anniversary already being here when it all seemed to happen only yesterday.
            I sometimes want him to come into the room so badly that I almost believe he will, but then the futility of this hoping hits me and the excruciating desolation that I then feel has me screaming and screaming although no sound is coming out – it’s all internalized. And then I start crying uncontrollably. and still he doesn’t appear. I’ll NEVER see him again.

          5. yes Patricia you have said exactly what I feel. I am numb and hopeless since I lost my beloved soul mate and husband of 31 years. I can barely function and go on. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. I am beyond broken and I am into the second year and it is so much worse than the first for all the reasons mentioned by the write of this article and all the things you say are true

          6. Hi my friend . My spouse passed away a limitless more than year ago . He was so caring , so sweet man . I miss him deeply . I try to stay very busy . That helps . But I wish he will come back …

          7. Dear Patricia, Thankyou for sharing. At 66 tomorrow, birthday week for both of us. It’s been almost two years since I found him.
            So young, we promised to grow old together … 10 shortyears. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. … Just a few months away … we both believe in God and his Universe. … … I’m still waiting for the Universe show me the way. … Many loves lost as I mature. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. … We waited so long for each other.

        2. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. 22 years together. He was 45 when he passed I was 43. We were married for 13 years. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. I’m bipolar, which does not help. I have maintained same treatment for 1 year longer than we were together. However, I’ve lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. Then my husband., He was my best friend. I can barely cope. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. But was suppose to be ok. He spent 2 months in hospitals. I watched him wither away. But Istill had hope. However he ended up with 3 stage ulcers . Hospital’s wouldn’t admit. Told us he had stage 4 lung cancer. I left the day they told me my husband was dying g to get my two young adult children. On the way to get my daughter and son. I can’t finish these details. My husband died after autopsy report. After I took him off life support. Of a UTI infection. So in my head all I know is they were wrong. And I took him of life support. I can’t function with this .

          1. I totally understand, I also had to make this decision 2 years ago for my baby sister who I was caregiver of. I loved her so very much and nothing in life has hurt as bad as losing her and the feelings of guilt and believing I murdered her no matter what anyone says. And now guilt because of some things I am doing. Such as giving a lot of her things away, doing things I enjoy and now because I have decided to move to Washington, which I currently live in Ft Worth Texas. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons.

            So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace.

          2. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and I’m so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe he’s not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasn’t there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt .

          3. I had simething similar happening to me. He had to disconnected his machine after he fought 42 days in the ICU.
            He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain.
            The irony is he looked at me crying while I hold him and kiss his last breath.
            He was my everything.
            It’s been a year.
            And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far.
            I just want him back.
            I cannot go grocery shopping or I cry when I see his food.
            The pain is unbearable..
            I have lost all my strength without him.
            I just want to be with him.

      2. June 24th will be 2 yrs sine my husband died. After being with him for over half my life. I dont have no desire to date. And i can relate with you. It still hurts and i wish it didnt. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. My heart goes out to all of you.

    2. That’s exactly how I have felt! This is my second year and I am having the same thoughts. My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. But the grieving does not last all day but while it going on its intense. I’m sorry for your loss. I truly am because we as grievers know that loss is not the complete word. Take care of yourself.

      1. Thanks to all that spoke about their feelings of a great loss. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. Sounds crazy right.
        We were together for 3 years every day n night.
        In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he won’t see Christmas, I couldn’t breathe or talk I felt numb. Imagine how he felt.
        Dr was right December 10, 2016 he passed. One year I cried n cried. Now I’m in second year and miss him more n more. I’m in a slump don’t won’t go out or visit. How do I pick myself up.

        1. Just do what u are comfortable with and don’t use this time to begin new friendships/ activities unless you want to. I find that if I force myself, my anxiety goes way up.

          I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that I’m doing pretty well on the widowhood scale.

          Previously I had had several sessions with myofascial therapy and that REALLY helped me release the anger and sorrow.

          I also did acupuncture in the ears to help with the grief. That was a good process because it helped me to HOPE that my grief would abate. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have?

        2. Hi To All Those Widow and Widowers

          I lost my wife after 37 years of marriage. Passed from pancreatic cancer. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I’m in my 16 month. She was my heart, my everything. Thank God, we have 4 children and 10 grandchildren. Still, I never felt more alone. Just watching and being involved with the babies sometimes makes me very sad, since ” gran” isn’t with me. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. My only advice from a husband perspective is don’t be afraid to find someone to love again. Humans have the capacity to share themselves with another press. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. That only means your human and your heart needs to hug and kiss another , to connect. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone.

      2. Ann Marie it gets better slowly. Remember the good times and know he would want you to live on and be happy. Plant a tree a Leland cypress and watch your love grow and remember him in nature.

      3. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. Everyone tells me I should be better but I am not. I always wonder if this normal. Being alone is the worst. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. I pray I will soon be better.

      4. What you just said describes how I feel about my husband who passed on from this life in July of 2020. I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. I guess its normal.

    3. The stories I’ve read on this site are more in line with my experiences. My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and died 14 days later from a brain hemorrhage resulting from the chemo treatment. That was September 2013. I became numb, I spent the next 2 years struggling with the loss.
      In 2015 something started to affect my wife of 32 years. We struggled to get answers until she was diagnosed with an extremely rare brain disease. She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. She steadily lost the ability control her body, then the ability to speak. One day in a moment of clarity she told me how her mind was working, well kind of. Told me of the hallucinations and her mind was telling her I was cheating, so far from the truth. She lost her battle in May 2016. I was her care
      giver had to subdue all my feelings of pain. Now in year two I’m dealing with unresolved grief for my daughter and the emotions I pushed so far down are now bubbling to the surface.
      My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone.
      I’m remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better.
      I used to wake to a tear soaked pillow but that hasn’t happened in a while. I don’t weep all the time now but I can hit all at once, mostly at inappropriate times.
      I share everyone’s pain expressed here. While we may be by ourselves we are never truly alone, I feel your pain and now you know mine. -R

      1. I feel so sad reading your story.
        I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you

        1. It’s impossible for other people to understand if they haven’t experienced this loss. My husband died in Feb 18 after 3 years struggle with multiple system atrophy. I feel totally broken, and none of my friends understand, they just get in with their lives in a way I can never do again. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. But those grief waves keep on coming when you don’t expect them.

          1. I’m grateful to have found a place to share our stories and grieve together. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. He isn’t hero, my best friend, and the man I wish I could be more like. My wife and I divorced about a year after he passed. I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. I’m staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life without him. He was only 53 when he passed. God bless you all

      2. Hello Robert. I have just come across your letter and I am sorry for your lost as well. I lost my wife on December 2017 to cancer. I was her carer at home till she passed away and now I am broken hearted and don’t know what to do. Wish I was with my wife really. People say to me it’s early days but you should start going out and meeting folk, however, I don’t want to. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone.

        1. I feel the same. I want to be with my Harry. He passed on January 28, 2018. ENSRD. He was 84 & I am 65. I cry everyday. We lived together 47 years and were married for 43. I hurt in my heart so deep I can’t breathe. We talked about everything. We got so close over the years, I can’t bear being without him. I really don’t like others to judge. It’s my grief, not theirs. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.

          1. I’m so sorry I cried reading that ,,,my dads nane was Harry and my mom is still broken hearted two years later ,they were married 72 years ,,,I lost my husband to cancer two years ago I know how you feel ,,I’m convinced a piece of my heart is broke

          2. Denise my mom passed away 2nd Feb 2018 she was 81 I lived with my mom I’m 50 we talked about everything as well she was so easy to talk to I loved her so much losing mom has broke my heart I’m in the house alone now mom had lived there 48 years

          3. I feel the same. My husband passed away two years ago Sat. He died in his sleep. He was my life. After being married 53 years I just have no idea what to do without him. What am I suppose to do now?

            The “what it’s” are going to kill me. What did the doctors miss? What signs did I miss that I should have picked up on?
            What if he knew he was sick and just didn’t want me to know?
            I did not dwell on these thoughts the first year but now my mind won’t stop wondering!

        2. I agree with you and everything you are saying. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. We married at age 19. My wife and I where always together. She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. I lost my beloved wife April 4th of 2018. She would not let it beat her. The last two year was hell on her. With over 18 stays in the hospital and 29 procedures to keep her liver going. In March of this year, she said to me on are way to the hospital. Honey I don’t want to do this anymore. March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. She made it 7days. My world has been turned upside down. It’s been little over seven months. I pray everyday for the lord to take me. I try to be positive and move forward. I keep thinking why! I stay positive for my kids and grandkids. But the pain is almost over bearing. I miss her so bad. I go to the grave site daily. My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier.

          1. Calvin,
            I too lost the love of my life after 47yrs of marriage. Take each day at a time, pray and thank God for the time he gave you with her. My husband lived only 6mos after drs found CNS lymphoma in his brain. The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. He died in hospice and seeing him in a comma 9 days, and finally passing on still plays in my mind. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. I sold our acreage in Iowa and moved to Oklahoma to be close to them. This past year has brought many changes, however, am taking one day at a time. I thank God daily for having given me 47yrs with such a great man. Good luck!

          2. Your story is so touching. Thank you for sharing. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. It’s hard to understand why after 53 years, God would see fit to take one half of a union and leave the other half behind with such suffering. I continue to struggle with that every single day. I too no longer have a purpose, no longer care about life or myself. I feel useless and empty. I wish Good would hear my prayers and take me away.

      3. I lost my bf jan-21-14. After four years later I am now dealing with unresolved grief as well. The first year was the hardest woke up crying and fell asleep crying. 2nd year I didn’t know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. The third year I thought everything was fine. I hid from my emotions, thought I was in love again. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. The truth that I was hurt and have been hurt for a while. I’m currently in the process of dealing with all the emotions that come from grief. Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didn’t know how to cope with his loss. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. I was only 19 when he passed away. I am now 23 and I can assure you that the pain never goes away. Sometimes I think I’m to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because I’m not only living for me. I’m living for him as well. Much love everyone.

        1. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. We were married 47 years. He never smoked but had to have a lung transplant. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. He had 3 brain surgeries to help with inflammation and to kill the infection out. I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. He passed fifteen days after our 47th Anniversary. I do have support from family and friends but still feel so all alone. I really just hate living now. The sadness is overwhelming. We did everything together.

        2. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. We had no idea-didnt see the signs and Drs did not find things or look in right places. Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? Take me its over no matter how I try-I no longer have zest for life at 64-she was 62. No matter what and how I try nothing really matters. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. I am lost and have no confidence anymore. I do daily things to get by but just want to go to sleep and hope I dont wake up. Why is God so cruel? I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! That is the way to go- not go on day after day in torture and remorse suffering a lonely death of your own soul. I too want it to end. I am fine with it- I would welcome it- My time and work here is now done. To survive is just being alive- I am not living. I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. Sadly you and I are far from alone.

          1. I feel your pain my husband died 6 months ago i want to give up but some how you learn to live again i pray alot i miss him he will always be in my heart i try to keep my mind on diffrent things i watch funny move ies go to the park the only thing is trying to sleep at night i can’t give up he would have want me to live i know in my heart i will see him again am only 50 i still have a chance to be happy again i pray for you that god will take some of the hurt away and help you and gave you the peace you need to get through this this two shall pass

      4. I definitely understand more then words can express.
        Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. I was ok for awhile but all the sudden its hitting me like a brick wall. I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. But mostly hurt and emptyness. Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. Then she was born. She died at the age of six from a 1 in a million chance disorder called fires. No warning no leading up to illness. She fought for her life for thirty days. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. It was a rough year. 6 more people passed including my father. It’s so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. I would do anything to hear the words mommy. I wish the pain would just be more kind

        1. Oh precious fellow travellers.
          I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. Still no cause has been found. “The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake.” ~ C.R. Urban. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. He had been dead over 10 hours so what we found was brutal, excruciating. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. I’ve lost both my parents and many significant others but my child is the absolute worst. It’s so unnatural and wrong. Love and understanding yo all of us.

          1. I will keep you in my prayers. I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches.

      5. My mom passed away July 2017, 6 months later my boyfriend passed in January 2018. I’m beyond lost. I hate my life and wish to die daily. It’s too hard to live without them. My days run together, it’s the absolute worst heartache I’ve ever experienced. 💔

        1. I feel just as you do why leave me here my mother was my best friend my ladybug my diva I wake up everyday in so much pain it physically hurts I’m scared of everything I’m all alone it hurts like shit I can’t even begin to explain

      6. Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. I lost my mother (and I was her caregiver) in early 2017 (basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day). And exactly one year later, her mother passed away due to heart failure. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. I pray the memories of her life will last forever. I hope that your grief process will ease very soon for you.

      1. I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. I have have no words to describe the pain, anybody that is reading this, is reading for a reason, because sadly we are all grieving. My heart goes out to you all.

        1. I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52.

    4. I feel your pain .. I cry everyday for my friend .. we were kindred spirits .. there’s a song called ‘One more day ‘ by Diamond Rio .. pretty much sums up how I’m feeling .. good luck to you x

    5. Loretta—just. read your post and it could a mirror of my life! I am just into my second year and the intensity of grieving seems to have increased.

    6. In year 2, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “one more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together.” And you’re right, “In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more…”.

      I’m comforted to know that others feel the same. Thanks for this.

    7. It’s been two years as of June 2 that I lost my husband, soulmate and best friend. We only had 11 years together but they where the best years I’ve ever had. I’m now 64 and he’d be 61 but we we’re like he would be 61 but it was like kids meeting for the first time. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see

    8. I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. Sadly, at my request my Don went down and got the shingle shot and three weeks later his feet were tingling, he was weak and could barely walk. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. He was in and out of the hospital for months and then a small mass was found on his lung. He had cancer. I am beyond guilty because I was the one to ask him to get the shot and it was because of me that he had been so weakened by that rare disease. I will forever hate myself. Don fought so hard with what strength that he had but cancer took him from me. He died in my arms. I am having a horrible time with not having him and I do not know if I will ever be free of my horrible grief. I so feel everyone’s painandI am so sorry

      1. Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasn’t well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx

        1. Pam and Holly- Yes exactly – we simply and sadly exist. My wife and I too figured mid-80s at least. I just retired early at 64 – we bought a retirement home to be near daughter and grandchild. After 37 years of marriage-we finally found our dream home and had no financial issues for first time in our lives. It was now our turn to enjoy life-she 62-me 64. So much ahead-so many great plans. All destroyed by diagnosis of lung spread to brain cancer just 2 days before our 2nd daughters wedding. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? I never get a reply. I worry this may go on too long. My God what if I do get into those 80s? Now without her? WHY? I dont want it and I envy those who die soon after their loved spouse passes. How so fortunate they are not to go on. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts.

      2. Pamela.
        I know how you feel since I knew my husband 58 years and we were married just short of 56 years–an eternity and he passed away Jan 2019. My children and 3 grandchildren miss him terribly and I try not to cry in front of them. We had plans to move to a Sr. Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- you’re not alone.

      3. I am so sorry for your loss but shingles can be so painful and you were trying to spare him this pain. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and can’t adjust. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. We had such a good relationship as I’m sure yours was. How can we possibly ever recover.

    9. It has been two and half years for me and it is not getting better some days I think it is getting worse. I wish it would get better and I could smile again, just a simple smile once in awhile

    10. Oh Casey, I feel just like you. I work to subsidize my SS. On those days I have to get up. Other days I just wonder why bother. Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00… why bother. Im sorry i don’t have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone.

  2. I am about 17 months out. I wish I had that ‘one more’ everyday. It is different now, but not easier. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning.

    1. I feel the same way about Clay. He has been gone for 15 months. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. The reality of knowing that isn’t going to happen is so heartbreaking. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I don’t think this grief will ever get better.

      1. I feel your pain every moment of every day. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. I’m at month 16 and grieving seems to be taking over my life. Especially the what if’s and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. Such strength. I feel I have no strength and he would want me to be strong. I try to keep moving forward but sometimes feel stuck. I was always even keeled but now experience such unusual highs and lows. Even negativity so unlike me! I guess I just have to accept this as part of grieving process and try to keep moving forward. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life.

        1. Donna, I’m same as you .
          I feel for all of you so much.
          I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet
          My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when I’m warm by nature. I can’t have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx

  3. I’m now starting the 2nd year after the sudden loss of the love of my life. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. One day we are shopping, and the next day I’m dealing with his death. I did the grief therapy, grief counseling, etc., that I was to do during the 1st year. People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. It’s still there. I think there is an “acceptance” that your loved one will not be back, but the hurt does not stop. I’ve come to realize that it never will. I have trips planned, do volunteer work, try to be active in my church, but I realize the hole in my heart will never heal. I’ve been bombarded by e-harmony and match.com. I could care less. I’ve had the best and no one can take his place. It’s an ongoing struggle every day. One day at a time.

    1. I’m in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and it’s been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! This ache in my heart is unbearable I just want to wake up and feel normal not this horrendous heart ache! The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard

    2. I know exactly what u mean there’s that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place I’ll never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone I’m still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I don’t believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps

      1. TERRI..It is 13 months and 20 days since my soul mate died..yesterday in work I felt truly happy for the first time since he died..it is 10pm today and the whole day has bee one of the worst..I have two dogs so I hide away ..put my head down on my arms and cry so they cant hear me….I work full time so am OK in work but I am so lonely without him..my children are interstate..along with my bestie of 50 years….I have no close friends outside of work..I make an effort to go out and socialize but am surrounded by couples..so come home as I miss him even more..if it werent for my two dogs I wouldnt be here…I dont know how much longer I can live live this…I have told no ome else how close I am to ending my own life..this lasses but right now the urge is overwhelming me..thanks for reading..if you do……I am writing to you as you have the most recent post…..

        1. Ann.. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed.
          I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. My kids live in a different state and don’t even keep in contact with me. Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. They have kept me going.
          I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago.
          I do not socialize, even at church. I just come home and enjoy the dogs and just survive the day.
          Now that I am starting the second year, I am finding it is much harder to be that strong person that everyone thinks I am. I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately.
          The holidays are going to be a struggle this year I am finding out. I miss my best friend so much and really feel I can’t talk with anyone about what I feel going into this 2nd year.

          1. I know how you feel. I don’t have any desire to socialize and I also have my dogs and the one that my husband lived so much just lies on the couch and looks out the door like he is expecting to see him come home. It’s been twenty months and it breaks my heart. I will be praying for both of us. God Bless

          2. I understand where you’re coming from Sharon. I also lost my husband to pulmonary fibrosis although he also developed two tumours on his lung. He battled his fibrosis for around eleven years, never giving up and walking the dog faithfully every day until this horrible illness got a final grip on him. What hurts me the most is that I wasn’t with him when he died. I find this second year a lot worse than the first. I have been crying for him now for two days solid, praying every night that he will come for me. Unfortunately I don’t have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that I’m fine as I wear ‘that face’ which says I’m getting on with things ok. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that can’t be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. I pray that these feelings will pass soon as I am so fed up crying. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. I think I will only be content whenever he comes for me but I’m even now having doubts about where he is and is there really ‘life after death’

          3. It’s been 2yrs &2 months since my husband suddenly pasted away. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. The first year was so very painful that I couldn’t even bare having the dog around that he loved so much, that I gave him away. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldn’t change the outcome

          4. Sounds like me. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one. I kept two puppies and suddenly have 4 dogs that I enjoy, more than church more than people. Most shy away from me because?? I don’t know exactly. Most I am more alone in Han ever except for me little gang of adorable dogs.

          5. Im just so heavy hearted hearing everyones stories. I lost my husband of 34 yrs to a brain tumor 7 weeks after diagnosis. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. Love to all i feel your pain.

          6. I’m so sorry for every ones lost,,I’m to. Lost. ,sad, I cry for my wife married 33years happy together did every thing together ,, small cel lung cancer. In readdmetion 10 yrs from 1989 ,,2018. I took care of her. And worked she was sick of hospitals. She said if I’m going to die. I’d rather be home. I have lost a GREAT. Freind I have no interest in life. Never happy. Don’t do holidays any more to sad nothing will ever be the same I talk to her always we use to go to vacation to ocean city Maryland that’s where she wants her ashes spread that will be a tough day I’m stuck in this sad lonly stall. I miss my wife I came home from work 2018 found my wife on the bedroom floor. Valetines. Night. That’s when my life changed. I still wear my wedding ring I’m never going to take it off she is my love and only no datting for me there no one out there who will replace her. So. Now I have to keep moving forward with out my other half

        2. Ann! I understand your grief. I too have felt the way you feel. I lost my sister over 2 years ago and as you can see, I’m up at 12 AM on a workday looking for some words of encouragement. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. :-(. I can tell you the only thing that keeps me going day to day is not wanting my children or loved ones left behind to feel how I feel right now. Your children would feel the pain you feel if something happened to you! I know it’s difficult. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. I read a lot about near death experiences and it has helped a little bit. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. There are still things in life you must accomplish. I too try to get back to normal but I realize this is my new normal. I’m not as outgoing as I used to be but I find things that I enjoy and that’s what I do. I have found that not everyone can understand and that’s ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief.

        3. I’m sorry. My husband was murdered and four months later my beloved dog died. I feel just like you have expressed. Don’t know how to be happy. It’s been A year and I cry every day and can’t enjoy anything. Thanks for your wirds

        4. Ann
          I know your pain I loss our Stepdaughter in January 1992 and My Mr. Lee in July 2016. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. I have a t-shirt on his pillow from his memorial that I have been sleeping with for over a year and I really don’t care what anybody thinks it helps me. I just want to say this to you and I know you won’t like but I know you know I’m right! Killing yourself is not going to bring your husband back nor is it going to help the ones you leave behind, we all have to travel this route that is a fact. All I’m asking is live for the love of your husband his memory lives on in you and your children, I don’t really think your husband would want you to do this to your children. Please believe me I feel your pain but my husband and I have a legacy and I am responsible to carry is on until it’s my time and I plan to do exactly that. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. God bless

        5. This breaks my heart to read. My dad died 20 months ago. I found him passed away from a heart attack on my 27th birthday. I still feel completely ruined. But more so I feel awful for my mom. I moved back in with her and now I’m scared to leave her alone. I know she feels depressed. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. I wish that I could help.

          It makes me cry to think that you feel so badly that you don’t want to live anymore. If I could take your hurt away I would. They always say it will get better. I haven’t decided if that’s true or not yet. Hang in there.

        6. I hope you have survived you thoughts of taking you life. Please do not do that. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. He recovered well, but took his life in January 2018. I am in Year #2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in..But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain. Hang in there for you and family. I hope we both gain some life of normalcy..

          1. Please don’t do that. My husband became an alcoholic 8 months before he took his life. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. He did this June 2017 so all 1st have passed but now is the hardest part for me. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July. Cry daily cannot stop crying. Worst thing I’ve ever gone through. Very hard for us left behind.

        7. Hi Sharon
          I have just been reading through this site and found your response to mine…like you..I don’t want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furries…I know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again…..hope you have settled into your job….work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann

    3. I feel exactly the way you do. It’s been 1 year since the love of my life died of a heart attack. Finding him was torture. I’ve thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that I’m normal. Crying every day is my normal now. I’ve always been in control of my life & now I’m not. I pray that there is a heaven & I will see him again. I’ve had cancer & this is far more painful on a daily basis.

      1. Linda and Ann…don’t you wish people like ourselves could do things with each other when we are going through a difficult time? I don’t really tell anyone how I feel and about my pain because no one really wants to hear it anymore. Only people who’ve dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U.S. where the nightmares and fear continues with daily presidential tweets…a distraction I wish I didn’t have…but a distraction from grief none the less. 🙁

        1. wow. how nice it would be to have friends who are dealing with similar grief. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. but when I am alone I just lie on the couch, cry, and feel sorry for myself. i have so little motivation to work. presidential tweets can be entertaining or they can spin me downward as i don’t have my hubby to discuss this craziness with. the second year, i’m finding, is lonely.

          1. Ericka, I relate. I lost my husband 20 months ago. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. He was truly my best friend. I try to be strong for everyone but cry myself to sleep most nights – not sure what I’m supposed to do next. I keep myself so busy it’s a little crazy. I don’t think I’ve really dealt with this. Year one: don’t even remember. Now year two is truly confusing. I have a lot of support but………. I guess my advice: allow yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel and have a really good friend willing to let it all happen however you need. Pray.

    4. Oh Jennifer I read your words and it’s like me talking, I feel with you. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Being s mum of our two little girls takes up everything I have to give, the major part to this aching missing, remembering. It’s been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see what’s coming, when this pain will stop, it’s so exhausting.

    5. My spouse died suddenly also. I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. Now, I’m in year two and I feel like I’ve awoke from a coma. Things are familiar, but not clear, not altogether solid. Sometimes I feel so angry and out of control. It’s familiar, but different. I lost the only person who ever understood me and this is what that feels like. I know exactly what you mean.

    6. My husband died 16 months ago. We were the very best of friends and partners in life, did everything together. We started a church 8 years ago with a small group of people and our lives were filled with helping others and spending time with our kids & grandkids. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard… yet I am left feeling empty. Everything seems meaningless. I can’t find joy. I have moments of happiness with my grandkids, but when they go home and I’m alone, I just want to disappear. Life is filled with pain and I can’t find the balance without my husband. Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable.

      1. On December 1, 2016 my papa (grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. He was my everything. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, I’m drowning. I feel guilty for not knowing he has passed for 2 days while I was away at college and I’d do anything to see him again.

  4. I am in the second year, 20 months ago I lost my husband,my sole mate after 31years&8 months of doing everything together,always by each other’s side,this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face! It seams harder now than the first year.I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions.I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no (one can understand that),this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better?

    1. Allie: your situation is so like mine. My husband of 54 yrs. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. I too keep wondering if it will get any better. I lost my parents, & two sisters and the pain could not compare with this. He & I were always together & even had the same thoughts many times surprising ourselves when we spoke of them. This second year is as hard as the first. The emotions ambush when I least expect it. I try to filter the thoughts in my mind so as not to feel the pain. I pray that time will heal.

    2. I also have been through hell.Losing brother niece nephew going through breast cancer and my husband of lung cancer.This is now the third year and reality is now is hitting me,but I have to care for my mother ,and to ensure that my children and grandchildren who loved their grandfather so much to give them some stability.

    3. I am at 29 months of losing my bff. I am so lost – still. I have our two dogs (my puppies that keep me going). Thanking God for the time I had with my husband – we were together 36 years – but it seems harder now. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. I had to sell my house – I could not afford it – so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. I keep telling myself it is my fault that I have no “after work” friends and I need to make attempts at meeting people BUT feels like I can’t move. I wish I could believe it is going to be ok – but I don’t feel that way. He was my life and it feels over.

  5. Christmas is upon us. The second Christmas. I am hosting the in-laws. I don’t know at the moment what the day will provide. Twenty people. Lots of noise. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. All the best to all of you. I am interested in hearing how it went for y’all.

  6. Allie, it has to get better. I look back and I see I am better, but not altogether well. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. I am taking that as progress through the storm. It is still painful, sorrowful, and lonely. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I don’t really care) and other people have too. Feel it and carry it as far as you can.

  7. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. It starts like a small fire being ignited in the pit of my stomach that begins to swell and push upward. I feel as though I can’t breathe, like it smothering me. My heart seems too heavy to carry inside this body. My head seems out of sorts most days and I just don’t know how to pull ahead. I pray, I go to church and lay in my husband’s arms but still no relief. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever

  8. Losing a Brother I hear very little about. Sibling loss! It is not a accounted for grief. . As if you couldn’t have loved him or her as less than a mother or father or a wife. Not so. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. And then it did happen. He was forty four the first heart attack. With By pass surgery. We got to have him with us another fourteen years or so. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. He never opened his eyes. I Sang to him while he was there passing. The grief is unbearable today as last week, last month, last year. I feel isolated. I cry when no one is home. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. My older brother my only sibling. He looked after me when I was young and we had such conflict too. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. Mom now 80 and I looked after him. He was told he had six month and he lived shy two days of six months. I beg for him to come home every day. Death is so final. I miss him so much.

    1. cindy your right when i lost my 7 year old son his brother who was 2 years older (my oldest son) totally changed as my sons death was unexpected its been 19 years since he died and his brother never got over it and was diagnosed with personality disorder 4 year ago they said it was brought on by the traumatic loss of his brother,for me the 19th year is just the same as the first year and 2nd and 3rd etc,i was told it would get easier but everyones different i guess because my heart is still breaking and tears still flowing

  9. It’s definitely tough every year and I’m on year 4. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then I’ll have a day that’s just a throwback to the original date.

    1. I’m on year four already and dealing with grieve again. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. Ever since my love passed away I’ve had to deal with a lot of pain…. I just miss him so much. You know ever since he passed away. I’ve felt lonely and sometimes I don’t know how to cope with the loss and pain. People always tell me to move on and I’ve tried but it hasn’t been the same. Idk what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless and I’m just tired of feeling like this.

  10. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. There’s little relief and not having my husband of 41 yrs here with me is suffocating. I feel I’m constantly stumbling through life on the edge of what’s real and what’s not. After 1.5 years, I have yet to accept the finality of his death and keep expecting him to come back. I thank the Lord for giving me life but living is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. I often feel isolated and on the edge of all that’s real. I feel like I’m struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. I see little progress in me from when he first passed. No matter how my day is going, I’m constantly knocked off guard with just one person, me, doing things that we used to do and not two. I keep thinking if I try and do things like he used to, he will be happy when he comes back and then I remember. Its as if I’m forced to relieve him not ever coming back all the time… exhausting, painful and heart wretching.

    1. Jackie, you put into words all i have been unable to say.
      I am do sorry, please know you are not alone!

    2. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part.
      I would add that while I have totally accepted the finality of my husband’s death I have yet to decide or define my own life now.
      I am very active in my church have lovely friends and family but they are busy caring for their own lives.
      My deep faith in God has sustained me and believe me this is a work in progress.
      When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience.
      I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry.
      Year 2.5 has made me more vulnerable to thoughtless remarks. My new challenge going forward.

    3. Jackie, you spoke the words of my heart. I lost the love of my life 11 months ago. (His name was Jackie) I have not had one good day. Some are just better than others. But they are all difficult to get through without him. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him.

    4. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called 911, started CPR after 20 min. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. They only thing was he was not responding to any stimuli, he just so happened to have a little brain damage in the best place possible, but after a week, we decided to let him go, the neurologist gave us no possible hope and his numbers were not getting better. I pushed my way through year one, just knowing that if I could make it through that then all would be better. Year two, is called the wake up year. I am at peace with him being gone, I just miss him like none other. He was my soul mate, we did evrything together except our jobs. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. Not sure what God has in mind for me yet, so I just wait and wait. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there. I thought I was going crazy, until I came to this post. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss.

  11. I lost my forever unexpectedly 19 month ago, after 32 years of marriage. I am just pretending I’m ok, so my family does not worry about me, as I know I got to be strong for them. I still think about him every day and cry every night. I just so miss him by my side and our endless hours of talks. I know I’ll survive, but my life never is going to be the same.

  12. I lost my wife to cancer 22 months ago. I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. That I was doing the things one does to deal with grief.
    But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping.
    I went online to read up on it.

    Guess what? I’m human and nothing is odd about what I am going through.
    Reading others’ comments soothes me some and I thank you all.

    1. I understand perfectly. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. We had 36 wonderful yeayears. I can’t even remember the first few months. I thought they were going lock me up.

    2. Thank you for your thoughts. I lost my soulmate 23 months ago and am surprised at the intensity of my sorrow. I cry everyday on and off. The first year the crying was more intense now it’s deeper in a way. My boyfriend of many years died of congestive heart failure and I cry because of his suffering. Endless hospitals endless sick days endless weakness. It’s even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. Strong for me I think. I miss him so much and want to be close to him again. I show up for life but just get my body there. My mind is crying. I am glad I found this site Than you for reading this and I do understand your pain

  13. I’m in 18 months of losing my mother/best friend to sudden loss. People told me after the first year it would get better. It has not. We did everything together. I feel so empty and lost without her. Nothing feels right anymore. The pain is awful.

    1. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. We were very close. His death has opened wounds of the loss of my parents. No shoulders left 2 lean on. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions.

    2. Wendy, i lost my mother/best friend 16 months ago and feel the same, nothing will ever be the same again and we are all just a little spot in time. i struggle to find the meaning in life and wonder what the point is in trying to care about anything… I feel as if nothing i do is ever going to matter to anyone and that nothing will ever be the ok again.
      This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness.
      Most people think i am handling everything well and going on with my life but behind what people see is a much differant person than what is on the outside.. there are a few people closest to me that i know see behind the curtains of my soul.

      1. Tracy. I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died. People don’t understand the loss. They don’t want to hear about it anymore. So I stay home crying and don’t know where my life is going. I just want to isolate myself so people won’t try to tell me to feel better when I can’t. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. Thank you

      2. Kathy..I am so sorry your husbands life ended so needlessly….I would like to think your hubby’s buddy is resting with him….my Katie ..my beautiful hound died 7 months after my hubby died and I KNOW she went to be with him..my 17 year old cat died one month before my hubby….so I do imagine them all together…..keep strong…thinking of you..hugs

    3. Wendy – I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. I’ve missed her terribly for two years. She was my momma & my best friend. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. it’s really not any easier especially here at the holidays. We have to keep going & move forward & grieve whenever we feel like it. Best to you.

  14. I lost mom 14 months ago. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. I feel so alone and lost. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I don’t regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. Can’t find any purpose for my life. How do I move on.

  15. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. Like Wendy D. and LB, my mom was my best friend and my constant companion (I cared for during a progressive illness that lasted several years). Some days, I think I’m going to be “ok” (not the same kind of “OK!” that maybe I would have been before all this happened, but an “ok” relative to my new life), and other days I’m in a deep, dark, scary place that I don’t think I can survive. Screaming, crying, cursing God, cursing everybody and everything. How could you do this to me? What did I do wrong? How could you leave me alone? Why are you tormenting me like this?! Unfortunately, I’m taking anti-anxiety meds on occasion to quell the freak-outs (which I don’t like doing and had NEVER done before), but I seem to need them right now. I must have made my mom thousands of cups of tea over the years…how I wish I could sit with her and have one more.

  16. It will be three years in three months that I lost my husband. I was 32 and I feel like I went to sleep and woke up to find that I’m about to be 35. I understand now that he is gone but the yearning has been unbearable lately. It’s as though this process is starting all over again after what I thought was some serious progress. It did get easier and the positivity was flowing for about 3 solid weeks but then the awareness that I am alone hit even harder.
    He was my other half and I know this. I’m in a stage where I’m desperatly trying to remember everything about the time we had together.

    1. I’m so sorry J. I know that feeling of panic that you might forget something and lose it forever. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. I hope we both find peace somehow, someday.

      1. Wow. Hundreds of acorns…resonates with me. I lost my sister 19 months ago and I find myself thinking ok…quick remember as much as you can so you don’t forget…it’s the acorns. 🙂

    2. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago.
      The pain comes in waves. This helped me a lot. I wish you peace.

      He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend

      From the depths of old internet comments comes another incredible gem of a story. One user wrote the following heartfelt plea online:

      “My friend just died. I don’t know what to do.”

      The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. The reply by this self-titled “old guy” might just change the way you approach life and death.

      I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not.

      I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents…

      I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

      Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

      As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

      In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

      Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

      Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too.

      If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

    3. I lost my bf 4 years ago and I thought I was doing well. Just trying to move forward in life but the pain came back again and it hurts so much. I don’t know what to think. I feel like I’m back at stage 1. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him.

  17. I thought that by this time (14 months) it would hurt less. I feel guilty that it doesn’t; as if I am hanging on to the grief. The few times I try to talk to friends they are uncomfortable and I can tell they want me to “move on.” I don’t want to move on away from him. I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much.

    I have a thousand other feelings: guilt about all the “I should haves”, missing the tender times, missing the humor only we shared, gratitude for the wonderful man he was, etc.

    I read “The Year of Magical Thinking” and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. I hate her for that sentence.

  18. It’s just over twelve months since my beautiful wife died of cancer.It was only three months from diagnosis to passing in that time my mother was also coming to the of her battle with cancer.So i lost the two most important people in my life in the same month words cannot describe hurt I felt. I had thirty years of marriage she was everything to me all I had known since eighteen.I had counselling through myself back into work and seemed to be coping acknowledging every milestone with great sadness. The twelve month anniversary of my wife’s passing came and I thought I would cope but I totally lost it. I returned to those dark days and the grief now is unbearable l need her to comfort me it’s l like l finally realised that she is gone. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better.

  19. I lost my mum 13 months ago. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . Trying anything and everything. All the time still being a mum myself to 2 young children who were close to her . then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. So happy . Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. I took time off work teaching to nurse her at home to the end. This was without doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever done. What followed her death was aweful . The first 6 months I lost my faith and was very angry , then veering to ‘it’s all pontless’. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. Not up and down but flat and down.
    I HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE for my kids. I can’t believe I’ll never see her again or discuss personal issues, deep and meaningful comvos or lighthearted banter…Just get through the day..It has helped reading your experiences. Thank you

  20. My dad passed away Mar2016. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. I miss him more than last year..the memories, both happy and sad, ate more vivid than ever. My siblings grieve with me, maybe they handle their emotions better. I sometimes wonder why I can’t let go. Maybe I am afraid that I would one day forget the sound of my dad’s voice, his smiles and stories.

  21. Today is the one year mark of my father’s passing and i can honestly say im no closer today than a year ago to finding any relief from the heartache i have felt since he left us. My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). My baby girl passed away 6 months later. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. Its almost like drowning

    1. Don’t blame yourself please. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. I was 18 when we got together. He was my first love. We were together for a year. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. Well when we were together for about a year I decided to leave him because we argue a lot, jealousy and thoughts of cheating. Well a couple months after he was killed. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. Never would I have thought that things were going to happen the way they did. I blame myself a lot because I tell myself what if what if. Specially because many times he said to me if I didn’t get back with him he didn’t want to be here anymore. Life is so unfair. Now I’m at Year 4. And it still hurts. But you know what just like people say there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. I try to keep positive and remember that the love I have for him is stronger than anything in this world. The advice I can give you is stay strong. Things will get better and you are not alone. A lot of us are going through the same exact thing you are going through. What has kept me going through this time is remembering that he would want me to be strong and keep going for him. I owe him everything and I decided that I’ll be living a life dedicated to love in memory of him. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. Much love. Please stay strong.

  22. Amber whatever you do.dont blame yourself no one knows how they would respond in a traumatic situation. I lost my father 18th month ago sudden stoke he was with me I thought he was suffering from a low and I was treating him for that as he was type 1 diabetic. I felt Helpless blamed myself. My mother passed 9 months after daddy after years of suffering from Alzheimer’s. I still grieving my life totally revoved around them especially when mum got sick. I feel I no purpose and all alone. All my siblings have their own families and I’m just alone and only wish is to just see them both well again in each other arms to give them a big hug x

  23. I too have just entered the 2nd year after losing my beloved husband of almost 30 years. He passed suddenly 7-18-16, and I still can’t believe he is gone. It was supposed to be just an ordinary weekend, and the day before he was feeling great, and the next evening I am driving him to ED. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. It seem he’s moving farther & farther away – I wish I could say I was moving closer to the time I will see him again, but his absence is absolutely crushing, and all I can see is that he is not here anymore – my beloved guy. We did not have any children – it’s just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. I watch other couples even older than us, and wonder WHY? Why did he have to be taken away from me? We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. But – I get no answers – God doesn’t tell me why – just to trust Him…

  24. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as
    though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. We were
    married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a
    very strong family and friend network I feel so alone.
    I don’t like telling anyone how I feel because I think they
    would be thinking I should be over my grief by now.
    I feel very teary of late and missing him so.
    I just feel this big void in my life and I just I will be never
    happy again.
    Most of the time I cover my feelings up so people don’t know how I really feel.
    I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other.
    Hopefully as more time passes it will get easier.

    1. Dear Kim; I know exactly how you feel, and what you’re going through… I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, the anniversary of his passing is coming up next week :,( as time passes by it has not become easier for me, I still have terrible meltdowns, and I too hide my pain from my grown-up children, friends, family and co-workers, I don’t want them to worry about me or feel sorry for me…. It is very hard to look at all these people in the face and lie with a smile on your face, telling them that you’re okay….. I crie often even in my sleep, I don’t think it will ever stop been this way for me…. I just want to let you know that, you’re not the only one that feels this way, and that you’re not alone.

  25. This week I will be starting the second year after my husband’s death. He died suddenly in war. I miss him every day. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. I’ve had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. My brain is no longer frantic to “fix it”, as it was during the entirety of the first year. I would fix it if I could but I now know deep down that I can’t. My health has been severely affected with a flare up of an autoimmune disease which ironically and surprisingly has helped teach me to live more in the moment and not have too much anxiety about the future. What is more suffering compared to what I have lost? I have less control in things than I thought I did. It is almost relieving to have a physical representation of what is occurring on the inside. The medications are harsh but necessary. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. They got to return to their life. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. Life is not stagnant. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. It can be so isolating. My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. I can’t turn back and I can’t just drop the boulder. I have to keep tip toeing forward. Over time I get stronger and the boulder doesn’t always feel so impossible. But the slightest wind comes up or I lose focus and the boulder threatens to plummet me downward. It’s miraculous I’m still up on that tight rope. Thank you Jesus for steadying my arms. You are with me. This pain is not forever. But I’m thankful I have had someone in my life that has meant so much that I’m devasted not to be with him right now. I hope everyone gets to love and be loved that much. The pain is worth it and no one is spared. It isn’t any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. What to do now with the time I’m given and the people before me? I’ll keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. Just to let them know that they aren’t up here alone.

    1. Thank you Rachel. It’s somehow soothing to see some of my blurry thoughts in writing. I can’t write it but feel it and I feel it with you.

  26. 14 months ago we were enjoying lunch together at home as we had for years. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. When I came out, I went looking for him. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. As a result, he drowned.

    We loved nothing more than simply being together. Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the grief-slog of these past 14 months. I had always been an optimistic, happy person. As much as I hate to admit it (because it wasn’t in my nature to even think this way), more often than not I think to myself: “What’s the point?”

    I don’t mean I’m suicidal, but I feel like a rudderless ship being blown aimlessly about on an endless ocean. If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. But for now, that seems unlikely because when I dare to look out, all I see is the hazy, drab-blue sameness an endless ocean.

    For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. As painful and intense as the mourning was, it was when I felt closest to him and the best way I could find to say, “I love you.” And so, when grief came knocking I answered.

    Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. Often I would repeat “No, No, No…” to the point where it began to be so compulsive that it worried me. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. Only after EMDR therapy was I able to move past its hold on me.

    As many of you have attested, over time, episodes of intense grief begin to happen less often yet they still wallop the same punch when they come. And amid the “lessening,” there are still periods where you feel as though it’s the 2nd month all over again. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. Strange as this may sound, I am now finding life even more difficult. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything.

    I know I’m supposed to live one day at a time, etc, etc., to get through this, but quite frankly I am sick of doing that. I also know that I don’t really have a choice. All this frustrates me on top of everything else. I am trying to live in hope that things will get better. I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. Truth is, he would be angry if I didn’t try, and try hard. If I were writing a book for mourners, that’s how I’d likely end it: “Your dearly departed would want nothing less for you!” So far, however, figuring out how to even begin thinking like that just seems way too hard and complicated. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this griever’s-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.)

    Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. I laughed hard at that. Not at you, but with you. I’m sure that everyone on here can relate to that moment. Just last night I was in the grocery store and they had a “Buy one/get one” sale on an item that we both loved. Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together.

    My heart goes out to you all!

  27. Thank you all for sharing your stories of grief. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. I am functioning okay–taking care of my responsibilities. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. I struggle to find ways to fill the time and have struggled to find friends who get it. Most are still married and although sympathetic really have no clue. I have joined some new groups mostly for the socialization but it does not fill the void. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou

  28. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). We lived with this prognosis over our heads for 8years…whilst I watched it take my lovely able bodied husband to a man who could do nothing for himself. The 1st year of grief …my heart physically ached that I thought it would break. This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday. We both had been married before and had children. Now no one mentions my husband…only me … I want to say his name and share our memories….but other people’s lives carry on…….and I am left with mine blown apart. I try to do things volunteering etc….but I feel numb to everything.

    1. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. It has to get better it can’t stay this hard always:-(.

    2. I lost my dear Husband 10 months ago on Dec 19 2018 and then my lovely beautiful son passed away 8 weeks later.I am struggling still so badly.I am trying so hard to get on with my life but its not getting any better yet.I cry every day and so depressed and lonely.I just keep hoping and praying it will get better.We had been together 60 yrs and married 55,its so hard and miss him so much.My son had Cancer but fought it for 4 yrs,but it beat him in the end.I keep thinking ile feel better but as yet it doesnt.Ime just hoping and praying I will get to feel better

  29. Just coming up for the first anniversary in mid November, I am feeling wretched and exhausted. I am doing new and different things to try and have a “life”, i enjoy these pursuits for a while, but everything seems so pointless when i return to our empty home, and the indescribable loneliness. I have good friends and a lovely daughter, but she is in a bad place with it all too. So I don’t open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesn’t help me at all. It is definitely worse now than at the beginning, I was numb for a long time, but now i am exposed and raw, and I can cry for England. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences.

  30. Hello, I lost my husband May 2015 suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done. Year 2 started and reality set in and the pain and heartache is unbearable. I know now that he is not coming back I will not be able to hug him again or have our nightly conversations before bed. I am really hoping as time goes by it gets better. Many days it’s a struggle to just get out of bed. I wish you all peace.

  31. Hi everyone!
    We’re in the club that no one wants to join. I lost my husband of 43 years on June 2016, on our son’s 24th birthday. He lived with leukaemia for 7 years and it was being managed and seemed to be doing well. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade. In other words, there was nothing they could do. In fact, a week after diagnosis (and at that time we didn’t know the prognosis) the tumour haemorrhaged and 2 weeks after diagnosis, he died. We were and still are devastated. I have 4 grown-up children and 3 grandchildren and we are close but as others have said, there is a vast hole where he belongs. I still cry most days and miss him more than words can say. I keep busy and that helps but I only have to look at his photo and that starts me off! He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. He looked after us all and I want him back so I can look after him! I know that’s not possible and I told myself early on that my life had changed forever and I am still trying to get used to the new ‘normal’ That doesn’t stop the pain, though! Even now, I can’t believe he’s not here! We’ve held 2 Motown and Northern Soul Charity Nights in his memory to raise money for Brain Tumour Research and Bloodwise (blood cancer charity. It helps by turning a negative into a positive but it also stirs up emotions afterwards. There are no winners, are there? We have to carry on, remember them (I still find it difficult to use memories as a crutch, as they’re a reminder that he’s not here!) and hope that tomorrow will be kinder to us! Sending love and hugs to you all put there. We have to keep going and keep strong! xx

  32. I lost my husband of 44 years 14 months. Sudden death is what they called it, his kind and gentle heart just stopped beating. He thought he had a muscle spasm under his shoulder blade, I ask him are you sure your chest doesn’t hurt, your arm. No he said and as he sat on the chair with his head on my chest and me rubbing his back he looked up at me and said well maybe it is my heart and took his last breath. I started CPR and called 911 I thought they never get there, but I think now I knew he was gone, I was begging him not to leave me. I told him I didn’t think I could go on without him. I had been married to him since I was 16 years old. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. I miss him everyday and yes I am like the rest of everyone above the second year does seem worse. Maybe it is because we all thought if we made it to the first anniversary how could the pain not ease up. But it doesn’t oh yes maybe the tears don’t flow as much. But they still flow and the empty lonely feeling is so much worse. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really can’t understand this lose. I think the only thing worse would be the lose of a child that is the club I never want to be a part of. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isn’t just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out don’t understand. I hope that all of us find a peace and it may not be till we cross to the other side and find the loves of our lives waiting there on us.

  33. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my ‘best friend’ my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work….suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again….how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open….right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am ’empty inside with no future to look forward to….even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubby……I do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I am…a person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life…….not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months ago…dont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can ‘tell’ anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feeling…and no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not ‘depressed’ there ks no medication for ‘heartbreak’…

    1. You really put into words my exact feelings. At least in reading others words I feel that we’re not alone. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  34. I lost my mother, almost two years ago. The day before my birthday. I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad.
    Everyone feels like I’m negative, and depressing, and really I just want to see my mum. My fathers started dating someone who slanders her and her opinion of me, and even though I know she’s wrong and never met her it hurts so badly. I feel like I’m going insane. There’s no point to anything and I’m not the mum I used to be. I have no fuse left, everything makes me mad and I’m forever yelling at everyone and sometimes I even throw things. I was never like this. I had cranky moments like everyone but now I’m on a roller coaster I can’t get off. I don’t want medication. I don’t want my dad back. I just want five minutes with my mum. I don’t know whether to clarify dad’s gf is wrong or just to hold her. She was my best and only friend. I feel like I’m never going to have a good day again.

  35. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. In February he will have been gone for two years, and while I have accepted the fact that he is gone, I feel so hollowed out. I still find myself breaking down behind closed doors, and hate going through the motions of life pretending like everything is fine. Life has lost it’s luster. He was my closest friend and confidant. I could come to him with anything, and he was always there for me. Trying to picture myself living another 30 to 40 years without him feels impossible. God bless you all.

  36. -I am also 16 months on from losing the love of my life,knew her when we were 12 years old,but never got together until we were 31 years old ,god i miss her terribly she was my rock,I can actually say that time does heal a little bit,but as someone says to hold to kiss to hug one last time,we know also that wouldnt be enough dont we,i long to see her again hopefully i will,I think time does heal but i do not want to forget my wife , who knows what the future holds,but will never be the same,sory for my ramblings just found this site and every comment hits home god bless people xx

  37. My husband of 45 years died 13 months ago. I’m not sure if I feel better or worse, reading these stories! But oh, the silence, the noisy silence….some might think it a relief after the long worry and caring and initially I think there was some small relief, but now I know he has really gone and I cannot escape the tormenting thoughts. We had an age gap of 14 years and he was like a father to me. As I saw him as a father, I now, looking back, think I was rather selfish and am full of remorse. I have forgotten all his faults which irritated me and as others say, would love to put my arms around him, welcome him home, massage his feet etc. I never knew I could cry so much and as someone says above, I don’t want my anti depressants, it’s a different mind frame. I have been travelling a lot, which helps, have lovely, helpful children and friends, so many blessings, but this is like being punished and in many ways I feel I deserve it, I would like a cat or dog, something living around the house, but I go away so much. Sleep offers solace, music can be painful, but books are my refuge. “May his memory be a blessing”

  38. My wife passed on 03/13/15. 4 days after my 55th birthday after 25 years of marriage, 2 years and 8 months ago. Recovery is slow for me. I dated soon after her death as someone that i would not have pursued asked me out. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. since than i have been alone and find that i need to find out who i am without her. almost 3 years later and i am still wondering. I have done some traveling and there have been some good times but the memories always come back. Anyway it felt good to post this here

  39. First, i must say i am so sorry for all the losses of those posted here. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. I am just hoping, somehow it will help to get it out. I lost my husband of 46 years , on our anniversary, just wam, bam out of the blue in summer of 2016. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. The first year was filled with a kind of silliness, overall weirdness…i guess from shock..i was busy with the estate stuff and running around getting the legal things done i had to do. i even patted myself on the back when i got thru that first year. well lo and behold, who knew the second year would be a living nightmare. i am finding it more difficult with each passing day . i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life— as they should. i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. i can stare at the bookwork i need to do and its as far as i get. not only was he the love of my life he was my best friend— he is the one i would have turned to to ask ‘ok, what do i do now’…..i dont know where i fit in the world now. ….it was always he and i. As far as these holidays coming up, i dont know how to get thru these,,,i feel time flying by as far as missing out, and yet its also dragging when it comes to healing. i have faith it will get easier somehow….but in that each of our circumstances are different, i just felt the need to “ feel sori for myself” a minute. Tho we were not blessed with children, i have a loving family, church, and friends. This year, however, i really noticed how each are busy with their own lives now…tho i am sure would come if i called, theres nothing they can do. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. We stay in touch quite well.I just want my life back, but it was my husband that made me whole. He used to say i was the wind beneath his wings— oh, he had that so wrong, as i am stuck on the ground with not even a breeze under my wings…I do know how blessed i was to have had the 46 years with the love of my life. i guess thats it for my self pity party. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses.

  40. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I came on here hoping for good news for year two. What should be our 17th wedding anniversary is in two days. I will spend it alone. The love of my life died almost 10 months ago, and I hardly remember a day. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. I function. I do not want to do any of these things. I despise being a single parent. I was a person with very strong faith, but this life changing event has caused me to question all I’ve ever believed. So many comments I’ve read hit so close to home. It helps me to know that although I feel alone, I am not alone in my emotions. I want to stop feeling sad…I am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. But that sadness seems like my last connection, and I don’t want to lose that. I am 39, I could live a long time yet. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! As for dealing with the every day pain, I will share a story from my life that gets me through it: I have a very low pain threshold. Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). Anyway, I had strep throat one winter. My husband was a Paramedic, and worked in the emergency department at a hospital. He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. He kept reminding me I needed to keep drinking fluids. My throat hurt so bad, I could hardly talk. I told him, “I can’t drink, because I can’t even swallow!” His response was, “of course you can swallow, it just hurts.”
    I think of that all the time, when I feel like I can’t go on. Of course I can, it just hurts.

  41. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I can’t say “I know how you feel” for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said ‘Well you can’t just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? It would be rather strange if you did” and I think that is so true. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed,
    I don’t really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness,

  42. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I can’t say “I know how you feel” for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said ‘Well you can’t just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? It would be rather strange if you did” and I think that is so true. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed,
    I don’t really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful I will feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness,

  43. I lost my brother five years ago at the age of 43. He was like a Dad to me since my own wasn’t he stepped up and took very good care of me. When he died the entire family was crushed especially our Mama. There are no words to describe the pain! Then Mama died 14 months ago pancreatic cancer. She lived with me & my husband after my brother passed & I had to watch her suffer & die. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. He was so close to me just like a little brother. I grieve everyday for all three of them. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. I guess I will always feel this way.

  44. I lost my only child june3rd 2017 she was 22 from heroin I found her I do not want to live she was my only reason for living she was my life. I will never be a grandmother she worked at pet smart. All the talk about heroin overdoses and pet smart commercials is too much. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. I am 55 I just can’t go on therapy does not help I pray to God to take me and let someone else live. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. Please nothing matters anymore. This will never get better or easier I can’t go outside. I do not belong in this world anymore

    1. I lost my only child Rob on Thanksgiving 2016 to a heroin overdose. I don’t have to write anymore. You said it for me.

  45. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. I shed MANY tears. But, by the end of the year, I felt like I survived. I made it through. I was unaware that I had been in “Survival Mode”. The next year was so hard. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it.

  46. i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again

  47. To Everyone, I feel your pain. I lost my husband, my best friend in 2016. I can’t remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it. I thought the second year would be easier. But this Thanksgiving and Christmas is much harder without him. I miss him so much and find myself crying lots….I want him back and I know that its impossible. We were together and married for almost 42 years. I seem to be crying much more during the holidays. I thought I was moving forward but the holidays have definitely set me back. I have grown children but they have their lives and are busy with their kids activities. I find myself not wanting to be around them because they get frustrated that I can not move forward. They tell me they are mourning too but are moving forward. I just can not move forward as fast as they can.

    Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. I am learning from many of you on how to survive.

  48. Anne, and others, so sorry for your losses as well. I have had it with the insensitivity of some “friends” – one in particular… This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. I am tired all the time, can’t get rid of this upper respiratory infection, and have gained back most of the
    weight I lost prior to his death. I am just miserable, with no future in sight. This ‘friend’ just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed ‘you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now it’s all come back’. Well – grieving does affect your metabolism, and hormones, and you are tired all the time, and often overeat. She never loved anyone like I did my husband, and cannot fathom why I am still grieving – after all ‘he was a very sick man’ and he just couldn’t have lasted longer. So I guess according to her, I should be done with it. with friends like that, who needs enemies. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. They sure can kick you when you’re down. I do not just sit home, I try to be active my church, and also am going for grief counseling, and get together with others. Bit – it is difficult – if not impossible journey to take by yourself, after suddenly losing someone you have loved & been with for over 30 years. I don’t have any children or grandchildren either, just my 4 dogs.

  49. Thank you to everyone who has posted. Grief and death is so hard and it is nice to have a community of supporters.
    My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. I was her caregiver for her last six months. (My sister and my dad helped, too.) I had no idea how intense caregiving was until I went through it. It was an honor to be there for her and care for her, but those memories of the last six months are so strong. Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. It was such an intense time – I was caring for her at nights and weekends and working full time during the day. Even though we had hospice care, there was so much confusion about what was happening to her and if she was getting the right treatment; there was so much decision-making which is fatiguing; the living room where she slept for the last three months became cluttered with medical supplies and bottles of pills. I’m happy that I was able to be there to take care of her (I can’t imagine losing someone suddenly, for example – I was fortunate to have the chance to care for my mom and show her love when she was most vulnerable), but the intensity of it all made it a life-changing experience. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself “What happened? ”
    I am grateful to read all of these posts because I don’t think I’m over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. In an odd way, I don’t want to be done because I feel like if I stop thinking about her then that means I have stopped loving her (which I know isn’t true, but that’s how it feels).
    It helps a great deal to know that grieving beyond one year is normal.

  50. This is my first time reading all the posts. I lost my husband 15 months ago. On the anniversary of his funeral, I lost it. I took a lot of pills with the intent to never wake up. The pain was so great. I miss him so very much. The numbness is gone and reality is now setting in. It’s worse now that I’m no longer numb.

    Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think it’s time to move on. There is no way to just move on. The loss will always be in my shattered heart. I walk around with a smile and hide my pain from family and coworkers.

    All My family lives out of town. After I woke up from my overdose, I went through intense counseling. The one thing I asked my counselor was “why, why would I do that? It’s not in my character, it’s not who I am”. He said “any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt”. I don’t agree with suicide and ending ones life, I at least understand why I did what I did. The lord said it was not my time. With what I took, it should have been my time. The lord has a better plan for me.

    My loss is just as great as it was the day he passed. I love him and miss him so very much. Not only am I different from lossing my best friend, I am also different after taking all those pills. Life is not always what we want it to be and it is hard to comprehend and put into words just how you feel. When I say I miss my husband; the words I miss him, mean so much more than what those 3 words are portraying. I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world.

    I do have friends and church family that will not allow me to stay inside for very long. I am so grateful for them. They are my life line; especially since I live in town without my daughter and grandchildren, or for that matter without my parents, brothers sisters and extended family.

    My faith keeps me standing, keeps me from losing it again. I live each day knowing it’s going to be according to the lords plan. Not my own plan.

    My prayers go out for all the ones who have lost a loved one.

    My friend says we are misfits. We don’t fit into our regular lives anymore. I am just that “a misfit”. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again.

    I hope my jumbled messy comments can help any who think about self harm. It’s not worth the pain and the change to your self and those around you. But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. It may seem hard but try to change the flight response to fight. Fight for your life. That’s is where those of us who have lost are doing each and everyday. Fighting for our lives, our very existence. Fighting for Surviving life minute by minute.

    It’s the hardest thing to go through. Lean on the lord. He is the best person to talk to. He listens. Doesn’t judge and helps hold us up.

  51. I lost my son 19 months ago and I don’t believe I will ever get on with my life. He was the most funny outgoing person in my life and I miss everything about him. I lost my mother Nov. 2013, my father march 2015, my stepmother feb 2016, my mother in law march 2016, my son may 2016 and his father july 2016 This is one year I will never get over. we lost most of our family. We were short 5 people for holiday dinner in one year. People tell me i have to move on. I don’t want to hear it so I don’t go out anymore. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. It does help to know that I’m not some crazy women who doesn’t know how to move on. This is normal feelings. People are cruel regarding mourning time. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. I can talk to them. but it ends in a big cry fest. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal.

  52. We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. Perfect grades and many friends. We are devastated.

    We have another child to care for, but It is so hard to simply function at even a basic level now. Nothing seems to bring us any comfort or happiness. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us.

  53. Emma, nobody can know what it feels like until they go through it themselves. There is no comfort or happiness for awhile and then the first time you find your self laugh at something you feel guilty. The sadness and loneliness gets better but I personally don’t think I will ever get back to where I was before my sons death. They call that your new normal. My other children are adults but they thought they lost their mom along with their brother because I was not there emotionally. Try not to do that to your other child. Fake it for that child’s sake.Cry when your alone. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too.

  54. I lost my wife almost 5 years ago.
    Breast cancer took her from me and my three little babies (now 13 and 9 y/o).
    We were together for 22 years.
    It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose.
    Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research.
    The first year after her passing was very painful, yet it was what some people called the numbing year.
    Year two was when reality “somehow” knocked on the door; it was terrible.
    I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong.
    Year four has gone by and I cry so many times during the day that I feel like it will never end.
    The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part.
    From year 2 until now, it’s not the memories anymore…; it’s the loneliness…, the silence…, the emptiness…
    What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days…
    By doing that, I cheated myself a little… but it wouldn’t last much.
    I’m alone for everything…, no friends…, no family…, just me and my little babies.
    Many people have said to me (and they still do)…, “you have your kids and she is in them”…
    Though true, it doesn’t help.
    I’m still trying to somehow soothe their pain…, their need and it’s getting harder by the day.
    Though I never lied to them about all of this, they’ve never seen me down.
    But now I’m starting to feel tired. I feel ache all over my body. I pray every single day and ask God to help me…, not for me but for them.
    People say that when a door closes, God gives us a window.
    I’m still waiting for that window…

  55. Glad to find this article, I was married 55 plus years to a wonderful man. He had a rare form of cancer for
    17 years, but only suffered the last 2 years as life drained away from him. The first few months of the second have been harder for me than any of the FIRSTS of the first year, Miss him everyday

  56. My mom passed last May of 2017 and it will barely be a year this May and I don’t know why but I am having a hard time, harder then when she first passed. I can’t explain why but I find my self at work looking out the window, seeing the rain and my heart hurts as if it just happened. I have lost my dad and two brothers and for some reason right now I feel more pain then I have in a long time 🙁

  57. I lost my younger sister to sepsis January this year. She had brain hematoma initially, she got sepsis after a month being in a coma. 5th Nov 2017 was the most horrible night when we were called to the hospital and she was just lying there unconscious. We were told of the poor prognosis but we soldiered on and thought she would somehow wake up and get better. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. 2 and half months without seeing her smile and hearing her voice pains me a lot and now the thought of not growing up with her kills me 1 minute at a time. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sister’s funeral. It is very hard, being the eldest, the expectations and the norm of just dealing with parents grief is heart breaking. I have panic attacks. I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. Its bittersweet reading all the comments thinking Im only on my 2nd month and some took forever to move on. I keep her teddy in my passenger seat, her picture on my dashboard. Im dying inside. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences.

  58. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyone’s post – we’re not alone. I wish peace for all our hearts. I thank you so much for sharing. Peace be with you!

  59. My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. There is always an emptyness in my heart. I just miss him so much words cannot describe. Michael was a gifted guitar player. We use to play and sing together all the time. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play it’s like a piece of me dies inside. Watching all my friends with their husbands makes me so sad. I feel so cheated. My heart is breaking. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again.

  60. We all know that with life there is death. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. I am so sorry that we are all here. But it does help to know that I am not alone and unfortunately, there are others struggling as much as I am. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have – like pouring salt into an open wound. The little things that you wished you would have done more often, the I love you’s you didn’t say enough, even the I’m sorry, just being able to hold them again, to have them come home. I’m at 15 months 8 days and I’ve become a day counter, as if there’s some magic milestone I need to reach. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. If God gives us a window, I too am waiting….

    1. Yes Tania. I keep asking myself inside and out ‘how can this be’. Looking for an answer. As you say if God gives us a window, along with you- I am waiting. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix.

  61. I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. I feel guilty that I am still mourning the loss after two years of my brother`s passing. The reason I say this is that he was 80 years old had a good life and I am not on my own as I have a wonderful husband and yet the tears still flow. There was just my brother and I and he was a great guy, down to earth, great sense of humour, a very kind man and I loved him very much and miss him a lot and yet as mentioned I am not on my own. He was also my husband`s best friend but he seems to be coping better than I. I do not like to talk about my grief very much to other members of the family as I feel they will think I should be moving forward. My husband listens and understands and yet I continue to be sad. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be.

    1. @@i lost my daughter May 2, 2018. I’m so incredibly sad all day, everyday. I’ve been through Mother’s Day, her birthday, funeral, favorite holiday 4th of July, and a her wedding anniversary, which would have been 11 years. I can’t imagine going through thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year without her sweet smile. If the second year is worst than the first I do t know if I’ll survive.

  62. I lost my son in June 2017. I am finding this second year incredibly hard to deal with. I don’t know why the first year I felt it was all a dream and my son wasn’t really gone. Now, though, it is hitting me that he is never coming back. I cannot deal with that thought. I am so overcome with sadness. I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. I miss him so much.

  63. Dad has passed 18 mths now. He and mum lived in Ireland and me and my two brothers visited them regularly. I was daddy’s girl always was. When dad started to become frailer we asked them to move back to England so we could help take care of dad if he became more frail. But they didn’t get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. Obviously the first year is hard – everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking I’ll see him soon. But now 18 mths on it’s too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. it has suddenly hit home I will never get on that plane to see him, I’ll never be able to bring him home and look after him like he looked out for me. I’m so angry about that now, I could have took better care of him here with us. How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. Everyone he met loved him, he never raised his voice and was so caring. I took for granted that everyone’s dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesn’t even come close, he doesn’t come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. She was 2 when he went and she is robbed of her loving gramps. I am not the same person I was. I’m more insular now and dad wouldn’t want that I know but I’ve slways been a bit one bitten twice shy. I’ve hardened, refusing to be let hurt again. Which I fear for my partner as he is so lovely and loves me dearly but I can’t let him in too much. What if lose him too?

  64. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary.
    It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. The silence of my house is unbearable. I wonder if it will ever get better.

    1. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. I am an adult ‘orphan’ now. Having lost my Mother when I was young @ 29. Nursed and cared for him at home right to the very end. Feeling lost and lonely, my upbringing makes me believe religiously, however I do have doubts, mainly feeling as if I was robbed (which I think is me being selfish). He was my best friend as well as my Father. Both of my parents died on Valentine’s Day – only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier – this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. I shall not know in this lifetime. I wish the pain would subside more on some days than others. Reality for me says it will never completely subside. Love and thoughts to everyone who have spoken of the pain, we sadly have to suffer.

  65. Lost my wife of 35 years on 01/16/17 from early onset dementia. Caregiver for close to 8 years. I’m completely broken. Trying to figure out how I’ll ever move on and know I have to.

  66. My husband died on June 4th 2016 .He was fine ,ran 8 miles a day. He was watching Sport Center I told him I was taking a quick shower and then I’d join him. Our 21 year old twin daughters just got back from a movie and ran in to get me. He was sitting straight up holding his soda and gone.The “widow Maker”., 58 years old we were together as freshman/sophmore since 1977 he was my soul mate confident best friend and lover. I find that even my closest friends don’t want to hear how I’m really feeling anymore. I’ve been told several times that “I should be over it by now”

  67. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. On that day I broke down in tears. She passed after 8 months. I have not had a single day without tears since she was diagnosed.Yes, just over 18 months. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off.

  68. Thank you for sharing, It’s been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. Since the Love of my life of 41 years..went to Heaven. July 9,2016, As a Result Colon cancer.We were married for 31. I met him when I was 11 and he was 13. He came into my life defending me from a bully. I am 54 now. He was my hero,💕Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above. Each day.. I try to take steeps forward. I have good, great days, then.. ___days.I thank Gid fot the precious memories.. But.. Wew!!!My best friends leaving.. really Knocked the Wind out of me. I keep trying becasuse I know he would want to ,my grown kids need me and my two little grand children need me. Please keep me in prayer as I figure out what my nect steps are.

    1. I can relate to everything you all are saying
      and I know now I am not going crazy.
      I lost my wife 14 months ago, we
      were married 34 years.
      Glenna had a massive stroke right after
      brain tumor surgery.
      She went to hospice, but at least I was
      able to spend every minute with her.
      Your right the first year you are numb.
      The second year I think in some ways
      is worse the waves of gut wrenching
      grief come anytime.
      We have two adult children and want
      to be strong for them, but some days
      I just can’t.
      I am so lonely, but not for another, but
      what I had with Glenna.
      I do have my faith and helps sustain me
      and of course my rat terrier Polly.
      This has to get better and I know in
      tiny ways is has, just very hard to move
      foward with the huge hole in my

  69. its been around 17 months since I lost my husband, we were married for 34 Years, he was almost 62 when he died suddenly in his sleep of heart failure. my life has not been the same since I lost him, that’s what I am lost without him and i feel everyone thinks i should have made more progess than i have. I’m very depressed and have terrible anxiety which makes my grieving even worse, I’ve read through everyone’s posts and i can see i am not alone but in my world I am. I don’t know many widows that are my age, I’m 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesn’t help, I’m not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope.

  70. It’s been two years next month since my husband died we were together 52 years we knew each other 56 years. He was my first love my only love. He was losing weight so we went to the doctor on Friday they did a CAT scan the doctor came back in with the results said he was full of cancer and all of his organs all of his main organs . There’s nothing that the doctor could do for him he live nine days I think the when the doctor told her what was wrong it killed him knowing he was so bad and nothing that could be done. It’s been very hard the first year it was like living in a blur I manage but it was hard. Now I’m on my second year this is August 2018. He died September 2016. To fast forward I have met a wonderful person. I know there’s no perfect people in this world and I understand that. But he makes me so happy he loves me he so generous so kind he’s just everything I want. But I have three grown Kids. They absolutely do not like him I’ve just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. I’m 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we can’t hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. They are 53 years old 50 years old and 47. I got on to all three of them cinema text message . Just stay out of my life I’m going to do what I want to do I am in love I am happy he loves me just leave me alone and let me have a life. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But my kids have pretty much disowned me wrote me off at showed no respect for me at all and I believe that our relationship together that’s my kids is damage forever until I die. They say I have chose him over them so they’re pretty much through with me what I need help don’t know which way to turn. Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. But life sure is hard at times and not having my kids to support me and love me and just be there for me it’s hard but I am a survivor always have been and I always will be.

  71. I lost my amazing husband to colon cancer 2 years ago. We only had 4 weeks from his diagnosis to his death, so it was all terribly fast. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. The first year was like being shipwrecked – and all I could do was hang on to the wreckage and try to stay afloat as the storm raged around me. The second year was different – clearer, with more good days. But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. When you loose a spouse the sad fact is nobody else on the planet has lost them like you have. There is nobody you can really share the loss with, because the only other person with an equal stake in your life has gone – along with all your plans and dreams. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. Nothing in life has prepared me for this and I’ve been forever altered by it. The pain is physical – even as I start into year 3 without him. There’s a spot right around where my heart is that just aches and aches and aches. It NEVER stops hurting. Sometimes, when I’m having a bad day, that pain makes it hard to breathe. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. But I think this is probably normal, and it’s certainly normal for me. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. The pain won’t shrink, so I have to grow. I’m at the stage now where I’ve accepted this, and I’m finding all sorts of ways to help myself – exercise, meditation, good food, hobbies, time with friends, whatever helps. And I don’t apologise for these indulgences – they are my medicine, my vitamins, my support. To those who are grieving too, I’m sorry for your loss. And especially to those who’ve lost a spouse, I’m so sorry you are in this rotten club with me – the one nobody wants to join. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. Take one day at a time, keep your own pace, and take care of yourself the way your spouse would if only they were here – that’s a great way to honour them.

    1. Nicely written by Emma J Andrews.
      I would like to contact to Emma J Andrews.
      I am living in France and English is my second langue.
      I lost my French wife nearly the same condition.
      I feel like my pain relatively same and I would like to contact Emma J Andrews.
      To have some exchange to feel better or to go forward.
      Could you kindly help me to contact Emma J Andrews Please?
      All me best regards.
      Uthayanan SETHUPATHY

    2. I lost my beautiful wife to colorectal cancer on Valentine’s Day 2020. Diagnosed on 3 Feb and gone 14 Feb. She too was everything to me. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. The message she left for me was, to take it day by day. I still shed a tear for her and look forward to the day I see her again in heaven. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too.

  72. i should have died not him he was extremely known birdwatcher with so much energy went all over the world I let him go I said be happy do what you want to be happy had more energy than I did walked dogs twice a daytil he died all organs died thar weekend toxic shock pneumonia was in all organs toxic shock syndrome pneumonia was throughout all his body got cancer from 1996 toxic water from crestwood ill water by mayor to make money let water combine with waste from the dry cleaners there had cancer 17 years of cancer

  73. I have not hit 2 years yet. but it is quickly approaching. I long everyday for my husband. I try to live life as if I am ok, but I am not. Everything reminds me of him and I find myself distancing myself from people and things that were familiar to us both. I yearn so badly just to be with him. Moving forward just doesn’t seem possible. Dating isn’t an option because in my heart I am still married. How do I start to heal? it feels like there is no end.

  74. i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . He had lung cancer but had been ill for years and I cared for him all that time . He got very angry but we never stopped loving each other . I managed him somehow . Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . There seems no point although I try to pray. I am English but have a wonderful friend in Alabama also a widow . We try to support each other. I also have an on/off boyfriend who is a narcissist I am sure. Nothing like my kind caring husband. Slightly better than being alone perhaps but when he is away the loneliness is shattering. I am 76 and my health seems OK but mentally I am a wreck. I go out with my friends and volunteer but as soon as I get home I go right down. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. Losing my mother was horrendous . The medical services made that a nightmare but at least I had his support then. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life.

  75. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. She fought with ovarian cancer since 2011. I was her care giver, but now going on the second year, I still have so many regrets . I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. We were married for 45 years and I buried her ashes on our anniversary 23 Sept 2017. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. I think of her every day and night. And, cry most of the time. I don’t think I will ever get better.

  76. I’m so glad I found this post. I’m just beginning my second year after losing my husband of 50 years. I can relate to nearly everyone’s pain, grief and hopelessness. Strange to say but after reading all the comments I feel validated. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Your loss date was quite close to mine. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. She passed suddenly from a heart attack. She was 96. She was still in very good condition for her age. That;s
      why 5 months later, I’m still stunned and grieving!

      Actually like a lot of other people here, I find the passage of time is making the loss worse! You see as more time passes, the enormity of the loss is more amplified. The “missing her” is getting worse. I know I don’t want to live like this for any length of time anymore. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! I’m 67 now. I have no one else in this world. Mom was it.

      I grieve with you Lynn. I totally understand. I won’t give you any of the tired and pathetic pieces of common advice. We are all different and you will find your path somehow through this grief.

  77. Thank you all who have shared their stories here. It doesn’t help relieve the pain, but it does help to know I am not going crazy; that there are others who are grieving so intensely. My husband has been gone for 5 1/2 months now and there are days I am almost immobile with the grief; I didn’t even know it was possible to cry this hard or that it could actually cause physical pain to grieve. Now feeling that most of life does not fit me any longer: not my clothes, my town, my friends, my house…everything seems empty on the bad days. Many days I cling stubbornly to the memories of him and even to the grief as I do not want to let anymore of him go. Now and then there are good moments that let me see how lucky I was to have him in my life. Again, thank you and bless you all.

  78. I am into year #2 . We were married 60 years. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. I do not know what long enough means. Like everyone else who has had a loss the pain seems to go on and on. Yes there are periods of NO pain but never a time without remembering as one goes about life’s daily activities . My husband had alzheimer’s disease for 8 years and the past 3 years of that time were very hard, as his memory slipped away more and more. He did always know who I was and also his daughters even at the end. Time so far has not lessened the loss even though I am involved in many activities outside the home, he is always there.

  79. The first year was numb. The first year was painful. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. The first year was being tired and on high alert – I was now dad and mom and single. Trying the best I could to just be. The second year was just as difficult – but, for different reasons. The second year was guilt with each step I took to move on. The second year was painful that my wife of 28 years was not experiencing trips I was taking or vacations with our daughters. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). I still love them all for the years we spent together and for what they meant to my wife. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them – just like, I really didn’t fit into their life – I wasn’t their sister, their aunt, or they’re best friend. The second year is just as hard as the first – but, for so many different reasons. We’ll see how the third year is…

  80. It will be two years this month. I miss her just as much as I did two years ago. My best friend, and my doctor, said I should be over her death by now. How can they possibly think that way? We were lovers and partners for 32 years. And every day I think about her. I’m not suicidal, but I really don’t care if I go on living, or not. Am I wrong?

  81. I’m in month 25. For a long time, fear of dropping the ball was governing my life. I was hyper vigilant about every little thing; trying to hold on tight and control everything to keep from going under. It’s been crazy. For me food was an interesting ordeal. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didn’t remind me of him. I lived on chicken nuggets and pop tarts for the first year. I haven’t eaten a real meal since it happened. I don’t do holidays with my kids or anyone: I can’t. I celebrate my grandkids birthdays, but still can’t do Christmas or Thanksgiving. I’ve also quit watching TV, which I think has been somewhat helpful. I go to the cemetery once a month, but it still doesn’t seem like he’s there. I don’t dream or have visions that bring me peace. I hate that people talk about it as a “loss” like divorce or getting laid off. I hope they never have to know what it’s like to have a melt down over changing a light bulb or finding ants in the kitchen. I’ve had periods of peace, but when I’m alone sometimes, it hits me hard.

  82. My life died October 26 2016
    Every day is a struggle doing better with Councellor,but I miss him sooooo much
    Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard

  83. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. We had met and dated only three months before we were married. I knew she was the love of my life, and she felt the same. Susan passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Since then, I have no clue or direction with what to do with my life. We were only married a year and a half. We had bought a house, we’re remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. We had so many dreams I wouldn’t know where to start sharing them. I go out to the cemetery every day, sometimes for hours at a time. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. She was my best friend and soulmate. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. If I could have taken all her pain for her, I would’ve. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. It is sad to say 45, but I have no greater desire to be laying in the plot next to her so that I can be close to her for eternity. God left me here for a reason, I just don’t know what for. I suppose I will keep going on but no one will ever have my heart ever again like my wife did.

  84. Hi everyone. I lost my grandfather who I was very close with. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. Him and I were very close. He has been gone a little over a year and I still think (and cry) about him roughly 3 times a week. I am struggling with the grieving process and know it will only be worse when my parents pass. My heart goes out to all of those who have left comments in this thread. Although it feels like it, just know you are not alone. ♥️

  85. I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. We had 19 beautiful years together and 3 children the youngest being 10. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. I’m numb with grief I can’t get to church or the cemetery I’m constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. I try so hard to be strong for my children and grandchildren the pain is unbearable. I work full time sometimes 14 hours a day and I’m exhausted.

  86. Today is the second Thanksgiving without my husband, who I lost 18 months. He took his own life. I found him within seconds. The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be “over it”. You might even expect that of yourself. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! I think that people mean well. My faith has sustained me and has grown beyond what thought it could be. Please know that I will keep all of you in my prayers and hopes for your own grief process. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. Many blessings for all of you.

  87. what are you supposed to do when every major holiday is colored by the loss of a loved one or dearly loved pet? Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. Now someone has died on every major holiday. All they bring is grief. How does one handle it?

    1. Linda, your comments really moved me because I totally agree with you. I get it! You are being really honest about your loss. Don’t listen to anyone who says you are depressed and need therapy! You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! For me it was totally useless and a waste of time! You are facing reality head due to your grief. I truly admire your honesty.
      I know you will make the right decision what to do about your future.

  88. I lost my husband on 4/8/2017, and my wworld fell apart. I am shattered, don’t want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. We were together for 48 years, did everything together, and lived for each other. He was my first, and one and only love. I cry everyday and into the night, have no interest or desire to engage with other people, and I miss him so
    Desperately, that it sometimes hurt to breathe. I’ll never date or love anyone else, and when I do interact with others, I pretend to be happy, and paint on a smile and fake cheer, because that’s what they expect; yet all the while, i’m Dying inside. I am not outgoing and heave no interest in “making new community” or “establishing a new normal.” My life with my beloved was just fine, and I thanked God constantly, for the gift of my soulmate. I don’t know how long i’ll Live on without him, trapped in this hell, but i’ll Be so relieved when this life is finished, and I see him again. I’ve lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. The light has gone out of the world, and it’ll never shine again. May God help us all.

  89. Lost my son,my only child and best friend,13 months ago,38 years old,fell down his basement stairs,hit hit his head and died four days later.The pain gets worse every day.I can’t even say more.

  90. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. We where married for 29 years. We had 3 lovely children together. Who I am very proud to have and love them all dearly. At the time before my husband died my wee doggie was expecting puppies. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. Who had before been in and out of hospital’s. I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. I was absolutely devastated. My children where absolutely beside themselves. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. My dog had her puppies on on Xmas day my husband was put to rest two days before Xmas. So I had my children to worry about also now the puppies and my husband’s family member. My oldest daughter invited use all and her boyfriend to have Xmas dinner at hers. Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. It was the hardest Xmas every. For everyone concerned. Well in February 2017 the puppies went to their new homes. I’ve never cried so much it was like a present from my husband with them been born on Xmas day and saying bye to them was so so hard. But I realised life has to carry on. I realised also I can now go back to work. Which really helped. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. I was caring for my husband no more and now the puppies had all gone. I needed to move on. I was only 49. I wasn’t old also I no I wasn’t no spring chicken. But I realised life is to short. He was gone and there was nothing he could do about it or me. I wasn’t look for a new realationship I was coping . I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. Which is understandable. But my children are young 27 25 and 12. But I meet someone in March 2017 three months after my husband passed away. Now I was worried am I on the rebound am I needing to be with anyone . So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . Do I really like this person. Do I won’t to be in a realationship again. Why am I doing this. Comparing him to my late husband. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. Well then so so much has been such a consequence that it’s like my late husband made use meet. Wants me to be happy to live my life and get on with it. Kids will find their lifes and live it. So that’s what am doing. I do hope this helps someone or anyone who is going through a really hard time. It’s not easy. I have pictures of my late husband around the house I still miss him and so so loved him. He was my life he was the father of my beautiful children. And I think of him everyday . Wedding anniversary his birthday. My birthday. Xmas . Fathers day. I also feel the pain my children feel on his birthday and fathers day. Am trying to make Xmas a happy time. But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasn’t got a boyfriend dosnt won’t to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. If anyone can help me with this . I would be very grateful.

  91. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. It will soon be my 2nd Christmas without him and IT HURTS!!! I like many of you put on the false gleeful façade, but I am screaming inside. I have been an extra-ordinary minister of the Eucharist for 30 years and now have signed on to be a sacristan, a greeter, and deliver communion to our parish shut-ins. This keeps me very busy, but after so much love and total togetherness in everything with my dear sweet love, it does not ease the pain… One night in November 2016, I went to the bedroom to cry, he heard me and to the best of his ability he called out and said “Don’t Do That!” I struggled to gain my composure so I could return to his bedside,(in living room). I cannot remove all that I know he was going through from my mind. This makes me hurt even more… I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. May God bless you all and help you to overcome your grief…..

  92. The loss of a special animal companion can leave devastating heartache and most people will suffer in silence out of fear of not being taken seriously just because the loss was not a human loss. There are many people today in situations where their pets mean everything to them just like any human being could. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante. This is quite normal as animals have qualities our fellow humans do not seem to indicate.Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton roads/

  93. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24….its still hard to cope. I have my cats but they are getting old too.
    I wish everyday i was dead ….I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died….he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. Im not that lucky … have no living relatives ….just my my cats…..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors…..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window.
    Im disabled so i walk with a cane…and in constant pain from that. If there is a God please let me die.

    1. Greg, Your note is now so, long ago place here. I hope you are well, and have found solid ground on which to stand. I have great sadness and empathy when I read your note. I will type a little should you come back here. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. I hope you have found it and are working your way through all of this that we are all battling.

      Death can be attractive…the end of the torment of loss, but I implore you to think of what you may still offer others and perhaps even find peace and joy in while living.

      When, I feel as you (and I do feel that way), I think of what my beautiful wife and friend would do or say. She would know it was no tribute to her love that I cease to even love myself and the precious moments of life I still have.

  94. It’s 2 years since I lost my husband n best friend. It’s the holiday season now. I used to look forward to this time of year but I’m not there yet. We were married 33 wonderful years and I cherish the time we had. Operative word being “had”. I’m tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. I could punch her in the mouth when she says that. And i am a non violent wwoman! But until these well meaning people develop a great deal of empathy, they just dont get it!! I miss him as much today as I ever gave. Peace be with you all. I didn’t aadd anything vital to this topic but I came across it and just thought to vent a little.

  95. This is my second year without my husband of 15 years. He passed away on July 27 2018. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. He battled the beast for 21 months and never complained. In July 2016, we decided to move to Wichita so he could closer to his family. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. I was able to bury him next to his father. A year had passed. I decided that Wichita was not for me. So I decided to move back home to St. Louis. I loved his family but they were always telling me how to grieve and to be happy. Really! I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. But I keep hitting brick walls. Now we are in the holiday season. I just don’t want to do anything. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. I’m not sure if people are afraid to ask me over to their house or what. I’m coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his passing, I can for sure that it has not go
    tten easier. I can’t even go to church and I feel so bad because its Christmas. Any suggestions

  96. My husband died at home just over one year ago. He was my rock. He was always there for me in sickness and in health. So when he got sick I was always there for him. But I guess it wasn’t enough to keep him by my side. I miss him terribly and find it hard not to be talking to him or holding him. I still cry for him. I don’t think I could find anyone that could be like him. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough.

  97. Our son, Kevin, died on January 28, 2017. I have been so sad lately; crying like it happened yesterday, asking, “WHY” again, unable to breathe…and then I realized I was still experiencing the year of ‘firsts’.. this was the first year of ‘no firsts’…..

  98. My husband died 1 year ago. He was 47. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996, right before we got married. Living with cancer was all we had ever known.
    All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. At the end her got a second cancer;Melanoma. Doctors said it was rare and implied we were “lucky” that he lived as long as he did. I don’t think we were “lucky”
    My sister died 3 years ago at age 47. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years.
    I don’t think I know how to live a normal life and can’t really relate to other people .
    I’m trying. My daughter is 15. She has seen so much suffering. My husband fought so hard for us. I will continue the fight.

  99. It’s 16 month my wife left me alone in this world, my pain is getting worst day by day! Every moment I remember her, not a single day after she left I did not cry…my family/friends say you must move on. I feel so helpless and guilty to have lost her. 1 February is our 11 marriage anniversary, can believe last year I was alone and this year too…year. Always believe she would come back..I don’t tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move on…don’t know what to do and how to live,

    1. Darak, You are still here so, you are in a sense moving on. I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. Those, who simply tell you to move on have either not lost someone of such great meaning or perhaps, are incapable of such a relationship or are repressing their own losses. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. Ignore them but do not hold it in. Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. One step at a time, small victories of peace- that is we will make it and live. Find a way to make the break to a little high ground here and there away from the depth of the loss and eventually, that ground will come to you a little more often. Someone here on this site suggested stepping out and focusing on others in need of help…I think that could be wise. I have come to realize for myself that I ultimately need to move rid myself of too many artifacts of our life. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. Read as much as you can and talk an listen as much as you can and find the way through this. My best wishes and I hope you and I find that path.

  100. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a loss…I hear and feel your pain and suffering. I empathize with you. I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. This is the most difficult life battle I know I will ever have to endure. I have read your posts and want to share a couple discoveries that may help take the edge off your suffering and pain. No this won’t return the lost love in your life or change your story. But, I want to share some discoveries I found that may bring a glimmer of hope and moment of peace in your journey with grief and suffering. I am so blessed to have found these resources and may they also provide some comfort to you. The first is a book by the author Megan Devine, “ It’s OK That You’re Not OK”. Also available in CD read by the author. Megan truly gets it. Thank you Megan, you helped save my life. The second is “Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy”, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. I am currently in my second week of the 13 week course and am finding it to be very beneficial. You can find all the information you need about this course at their website http://www.griefshare.org. The course is Christian based but applicable regardless of your belief and faith. I’m now looking forward to my next few months. My third recommendation is a book titled “Overcomer” by Dr. David Jeremiah. I lightly recommend this only as I am just starting to read it myself. Was told it would help. Blessings to you all and I pray that your suffering is eased a little each day and replaced with memories and blessings of joy. Follow griever.

  101. I lost both my boys 2 years ago mike 38 april 20,2016 and chris 39 september 20, 2016, I cant get over the pain my heart is hurting so much.I just want tobe with them I am having flashbacks like it happened yesterday..shock and reality has set in. I have to be strong for their children they left behind..they need me and i need them

  102. This article is the best I’ve read ever on this subject! My mother passed away October 2018. As time moves further into the future, I find my grief is actually getting worse! It’s the awful realization that she is really gone and will never return and be a part of my life again.

    There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. I have no one to ground me to this life. No wife or kids. I will be 67 later this year. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. So I’ve decided to join her. Seriously! I fully intend to carry this out sometime within 18-24 months. If I can last that long. I’ve been around long enough and I don’t really give a damn anymore about this earthly existence. I’m very tired of it all. It’s way too much of a hassle! I’m actually looking forward to doing this and seeing hopefully my mom and other loved ones on the other side! But I have many things I need to do first before then. I’ll know when the time is right. .

    So thank you for all the sharing here. It’s been a terrific read! Perhaps I’ll return in the near future. I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. I’ll say my farewell now to you all .

  103. my daughter whom i was very closed t passed away 18 months ago i miss her so we were like sisters i have lost any feelings i cannot cry y i want to but the tears will not come i used to be a lot of fun but now i just dwell on what has happened to lose daughter when she is part of u is the worse feeling i have tried to keep busy but nothing helps wish i could cry

  104. I never post anything because it feels truly pointless to share something nobody ultimately cares about. I lost my dad 14 months ago, and today I feel as though I had just lost him this morning. Technology is cruel, live pictures and videos make you see people in the past that once were eating dinner, and are now ashes on an urn. The pain is unbearable. The inability to function is real. Hope for the future feels like nothing more than pretty words for fairy tales. I feel as though I’m nothing. I’m angry at everyone, especially myself. It’s not like I was a trusting person before; now it’s even less so the case. I’m carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. I don’t feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. The grief is invisible to everyone around me, and I’m too proud to let anyone in. This will never end, will it?

  105. It’s been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. I was numb the first year, but Know It’s really hard. It’s becoming real and it sucks. I miss him so much. I believe the first year I was numb. He was diagnosed with Through Cancer 1 week and died 5 weeks later. Sometimes I find myself asking “Did this really Happen”? For me going on this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the lose. Year number 1 I was numb.

  106. It’s been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. I was numb the first year, but now It’s really hard. It’s becoming real and it sucks. I miss him so much. I believe the first year I was numb. He was diagnosed with Through Cancer 1 week and died 5 weeks later. Sometimes I find myself asking “Did this really Happen”? For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss. Year number 1 I was numb.

  107. Its been 2 years 4 months and 18 days since I lost my husband unexpectedly He was only 59 and super fit. I can say there are days that are a bit better than others. What really helps is to volunteer helping others and stay busy. Its the alone time that wrecks me. The second year is hard , I don’t know if its harder but definitely the break downs still happen Acceptance sits in. The finality of it all. What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. Looking forward to days with joy again. Praying for peace.

  108. I’m just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether it’s short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. There is no words that will make sense of our loss. Even though sometimes we accept that this is life but life seems unfair at times. I am up and down. I am grateful for the great love and happiness we shared. It was a privilege to have caught a cracking beautiful lady’s eye. Then Ovarian Cancer stage 3 came knocking on our door to become part of our life for the following two and a half years then took my love away. Although we got to say our good bye’s. It’s heart breaking… One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. I had him cremated. I buried Milo with his mammy (a little memorial box that lay at my wife hands) went together on their journey. I still have Sophie, another king charles. She is keeping me going. I am heart broken but as a lot of you have mentioned, it is just a different life of getting used to breathing and coping on my own.. I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. We loved, lived and laughed lots.. God bless you all.

  109. Hi everyone. I’m truly sorry for every one of your losses. My husband passed 2.5 years ago leaving myself and my 6 young children devastated. I remember the 1st year being a blur. I woke up every morning, fed my children, got them to school, then returned home and curled up in bed. The 2nd year was worse. I now am stronger. My faith and knowing I will be reunited with him one day keeps me strong. I miss him every second of the day, that will never change. Please stay strong and know that you’re not alone.

  110. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . l started walking with a group of people who have lost there partners over the last few years and its helped all of us to talk about our partners ,we go out to movies and shows as a group of 22 men and women in our 60 to 80’s.All say the second year is the hardest,whats good about our a couple have hooked up and going strong by just being with someone .

  111. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. Blurry. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didn’t. Want. My two. Boys seeing so sad. Nearly a Yr on that pain never goes away. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. Memories or to go into a coffee shop. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. Routine has changed so much and thats hard for me because I felt lonley. I can’t go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. The one thing I found was when my mum passed I felt lonely even though there were people around me. I still feel that and I’ve found my self seeking for that feeling that only a mother can give. Death is such a natural part of life but its so cruel what iteaves behind. Time helps but it’s not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic

  112. Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyone’s stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever….I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. It’s a reality that still blows my mind….hes not here but he should be, I’m incomplete and trying to find the new me. I love you Max forever you’ll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren…..you’re missing their weddings and special celebrations……to all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going 🙏

  113. I’m going into my 2nd year of the loss of my son August 5, w2017.. he was murdered at the age of 23. My life has forever been changed I have good days and mostly sad
    Days and feel so alone at times afraid to speak of my grief people telling me I should be fine. I will never be fine that was my baby. I have another son my oldest he is 27 and he is my rock right now. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel.

  114. I am conflicted as I proceed. In this second year, I am torn between selling our home and moving (where I do not know). I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. Can I move on and remain? Somehow, I feel I must leave in order to build a new life while at the same time I am afraid to leave the remnants of our life shared. We bought this old farm house many years ago and we worked hard to make it the home we wanted. Now. it stands incomplete like our time together feels. So many things bring tears and despair…even just going to the garage to get a tool reminds me of the dreams connected to those tools. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure.

  115. Two and a half years since my heart left. God has healed me quite a bit…I have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. We would have had 28 years together next month. Her smile and laugh and crazy hair. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old.
    She was 45. I don’t have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. Life has normalized and the kids are smiling and laughing again which is a gift. Dunno if I will ever heal completely and not sure if qould want to if I could. I love who she helped me become and that is a sweet reminder of her. She was simply the best person I ever knew.

  116. Im almost at 18 months after my wife of almost 24 years died….nothing has got better….i still have my three cats….thats it.I have no living relatives or children im almost 63 disabled and struggle daily just to survive now.
    If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. Im in very very poor health maybe my wish will come true and i can join my wife again. Anything would be better than this.

  117. My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. We were together for 47 years he was my best friend. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk.
    He was retired and they always stood at the window and waved me off in the morning.
    And had the door open when I came home at night. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didn’t believe it for a minute. He was strong he overcame so much I expected him to overcome this. I was told the first year was the hardest As I come up to the end of the year I find myself getting more irrational daily. I get angry very easily, I cry at the drop of a hat, I can’t sleep and I just miss him so much. I haven’t been able to do things that I normally did since the day he left. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just can’t see easier insight.

  118. Hi, I,m in the second year of my husbands death. In some ways it,s worse than the first year. I have many photos of us of times gone by, and it,s good to see him in happier times, but now I long so much to hear his voice, It hurts to want to hear him again. I just feel it,s getting worse. I feel I can,t cope.

  119. My husband who was so much part of me died in late March this year. I have been talking to many women about this. But I still have so many questions.
    Why am I still here? I was doing what I thought was fairly good considering he wasn’t here, Then I began to wonder why am I still here? I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for.
    Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me .
    I am done. Nothing left for me. I am ready to lie in bed until I am gone.
    I wont do away with myself, but hope someday soon, it will be over. I just can’t think of even one good reason why I am here.
    I keep praying to be taken God, It’s ok, I will not be mad, I will be happy that I can finally not be so very unhappy.

    Am I going nuts, or do others feel this way at times also. Do I see a doctor, join an old unhappy womens group, I just want to be through being lonely and miserable. Am I alone feeling like this? Just what can I do?

  120. My husband has been gone since April 2018. I miss him so terribly. I would have died for him. I have had a fight with depression most of my life. Now I have hit rock bottom. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. I can’t function. I want to be with him. I don’t feel like I can face a future without him. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. Don’t worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. I just want to be gone too.

  121. I also think it is the type of loss. If the death were sudden to an otherwise healthy person, would be more traumatizing than an expected loss, such as a long, drawn-out chronic illness like Alzheimer’s disease: One actually starts grieving as function deteriorates. The mom I used to know whom I went out to malls, consignment shops, coffee shops, was long, long gone for about a decade. She died gradually. She stopped walking 3 months ago as her brain deteriorated–kept alive with a PEG feeding tube. She did great for months until something unexpected killed her: Liver failure due to tumors. Less than a week went by–traumatized despite all of this, but coping. That is due to family saying their final goodbyes, and now I’m planning “what next” with my life. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. I mean she depended on me 100% for feeding, hygiene, toileting. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. Now I know no matter what happens to me, at least mom is forever safe and even transcended death. We ALL die. One day it will be my turn. That is strangely comforting to remember that.

  122. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. 2019 has been a year of firsts without them and I’m not ready for Christmas this year or the 1st anniversary of my sisters death.

  123. Approaching the second year of losing my 47 yo husband to Cancer. The 3rd year of losing my 47yo sister to Cancer as well. I’m now 47. Strange to think I am now living longer them.
    The last few years have been a blur of trauma and sadness. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. She was only 14 when her Dad died. She deserves a life filled with hope and happy times. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together… Some relationships didn’t make it. I don’t have a lot of emotional stamina to fake it anymore. Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. They only know me and my daughter, so when we get together we don’t seem like we’re missing someone. Though I always feel that way.
    I don’t think I’ll ever be “ok” again. I do experience love and happiness. I’m grateful for the love and time I had with them and I try to look forward to the future for my daughter, All of my parents (mine and my husbands) are aging and sick. I’m the only left to help them. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. I’m a single mom and work fulltime. So much loss for them too. Love to everyone out there. Praying for us all.

  124. Hi, it’s going to be 2 years in March 2020. I Lost my husband. Finding it hard to move one still. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. Haven’t worked since. Tried to find jobs, went on interviews but no call back. People say you need to find love again. So I started dating. But when they get close I bail out. I miss the closeness of my husband. I don’t think I can love again. And I can’t move on. Sometimes I feel it’s the house we lived in that’s keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. To many memories in this house that I feel hold me back. I just can’t see me with anyone else. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. 😔

  125. January 31st 2020 will be the 1st year of my honeys death. He battled stage 4 lung cancer (also never smoked) for 7 1/2 years. They gave him 6 months to a year to live but my honey fought so hard and stayed with us till 2019. We saw his body deteriorate the last 4 months and he held out for as long as he could for us. I met my husband at 16 years old married at 18, we were married 41 1/2 years. We loved each other like no other.
    Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. I was so blessed to have him.
    I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. I didn’t get to tell him while looking into his eyes that I loved him so much and him the same with me I wish I could hear him say to me just one more time how much he loved me so. My honey didn’t speak much very quiet but he spoke through music, so many dedications to me that now I hear every word of those dedications wow!!! He didnt need to say a word his eyes and actions were everything.
    I went back to work on March 25th not long after his passing because I kinda freaked out when there was no money coming in yet so back to work I went. I cry all the time, my co-workers don’t even ask anymore because they know. Now this week is his anniversary and I’m a real crazy mess. I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. They say it will get easier, man I hope it does.
    I miss you so much babe. One day we will be together again. Amor Eterno
    My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts.

  126. My husband passed away a year ago unexpectedly. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said he’ll be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. Two hours later my daughter was wondering why Dad didn’t reply all of her texts, she tried calling him many times but no answer, 45 minutes later a cop knocked on our door and told me he was in the ER, I didn’t think much of it, my oldest daughter ran to the ER where he was ( we live a few feet away from the hospital) while I am taking care of my then 7 years old son. I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees.
    I finally went to the ER and ask what had happened, I was told that they were trying to helped him and the nurse asked me if there was anything happening or saw something on him the day before, I said nothing but our daily routine, then the ambulance came but left after a few minutes and I was told the ambulance was clean, I asked her what do you mean by clean? the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, it’s empty. I still didn’t think much of it, my thought was, the helicopter didn’t come, so, he should be fine, he probably slipped on the ice real hard, no big deal as long as he was okay, we can handle this. They then called us to get in the room where he was, he was there lying on the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses, he was hooked on tubes a lot of tubes with the machine that was pumping real hard, my oldest daughter that was with me was screaming, we love you so much dad, you can do this etc. I hold his hand,calling his name tried to woke him up, then a nurse came to me and asked if I needed to call a priest, I was so shocked! I was told there’s no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. I was totally blank, don’t know what to think nor what I feel, totally felt nothing. I don’t understand why! I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he won’t be able to come home with us but there’s nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just don’t get it. I was in total shocked! Then my son came to mind, he was having fun with his dad before he left for a walked, now he’ll wake up without him. I went home with a really heavy chest, I can’t wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). the worst thing I did, was telling a 7 years old his dad won’t be coming home, I heard the loudest screamed in my life, the screamed saying get my dad back ,I want him home. Our world was turned upside down and inside out. I don’t like to eat, but water for months. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said I’m home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. Husband and I were inseparable we did things together from doing laundry, taking walks etc. the kids are so closed to him also, I am so broken. I do things everyday by myself now and it’s very painful, part of me is gone and will never get it back. He died on a heart attacked at 49.

  127. I can connect with these people who are finding the
    death of their loved ones so unbearable. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. I agree with those who say the second year and beyond are even worse. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. I guess we are never really prepared for the death of a loved one. I feel badly about all the people who are still grieving as much as I am.

  128. This is good to know. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. I don’t mean always, but more often than I expect to. Maybe because I was his caretaker, maybe because I was more close to him than my mother (a little). I don’t know. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know I’d be alright if he left. I felt silly doing it, but she probably had a point. He died within days of me telling him.

  129. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago. For the first month I couldn’t have a conversation or finish a sentence. Survivors guilt hit me like a ton of bricks and I begged God to let me trade places with them. After 6 months had passed I decided to go to the scene of the accident. Even though it had been months since it happened, I could see where the earth had been turned over for proably 50 yards. I could see the tree that was snapped in half. I found pieces of the car – the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to save them. And I felt thankful that they went together and that they had each other. They didn’t die alone. I finally was able to pick myself up off the floor one day not ong after that and I decided to take my life back. I am still here. I still have to live. I went back to work and I found some new hobbies and established my “new normal”. As hard as it still is – I know I will see them again someday. I feel them close. They are always with me. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. We’ll all be reunited with our loved ones one day. So lets make the best of the life we have.

  130. My husband’s emotional return
    Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! My husband stopped to fill out the divorce papers after I contacted him to help me stop the divorce with my husband and now things are much better now.

  131. I loved My wife 12/15/2018 just a week before Christmas Just a week before that she got to see most of her family at her grandmothers funeral.
    We were married since September 2004 and Re married (I should say Valentine’s Day 2012) She would have been 39 May 15th Now two Birthdays have past and two Mothers day. Her not being here
    seems to be hitting me harder this year. When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it won’t get better. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. We fought about it all the time and would say nasty things to each other among the lies etc. that came with her struggle. I feel guilty a lot because how I acted towards her through it, it just seemed like no end in site. But now I sit here missing her so much
    and Loving her even more wishing that God would bring her back so we can fix this. She was trying she (rehabs counseling etc.) We know we loved each other so much but this terrible addiction to everything away including her now. I woke up in Bed a Saturday Morning on the 15th of December 2018 and she passed in her sleep. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. I was in the a state of shock and was just sick for weeks. My youngest son had to see how she looked and one of my stepsons had to help move her to the floor as 911 talked me through CPR. Then dealing with all the aftermath of it all it’s like i went into a different mental mode. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. I always go to sleep hoping God we let me see her in a vision or dream. That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. 1 time she was just glowing and smiling but did not talk. One of the other time not so pleasant with her saying “what are you going to do now” I just know that no matter what happened in our lives good or bad is that I Love her and miss her so much and i now realize how much she Loved myself and her children after finding letters that she has written over the years telling us how much she Loved us and how much she wanted to get better and how much she wanted her family back. I stayed angry with her and sometime my step children because they covered for her. But now I know how bad her struggle was and wish that I would have seen it as that and had more compassion and understanding instead of worrying about how it affected me i should have seen how it was affecting her. None of this will bring her back. Nothing i do or say can change what happened. I went to grief counseling along with my youngest Son who was 13 at the time and
    it helped and still does. But it can’t make the feelings and emotions go away all together. I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Don’t feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. It is hard for my Ex to deal with me sometimes because of how much she see’s how much i Love my wife and wishing she was her, and how special days makes my grief pick up. I feel that it’s not fair to her or myself. The fact remains I just don’t know what to do most of the time. I just survive praying to God that one day we will be united. I know most of what I am feeling is normal
    But it don’t change how i feel or why. Even though some of our stories vary the seem to be the same. Grief is Grief. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks it’s called, “Something You Get Though” by Willie Nelson look it up. A verse in the song does ” It’s not something you get over, it’s something you get through” anyhow sorry for the long story sometimes it helps. My prayers be with you all.

  132. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. The first year I cried constantly, I would talk about him every moment I could and would talk to him when I drove anywhere, pretending he was sat in the passenger side of my car listening to me. I’ve felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldn’t have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Recently my guilt has shifted. I feel so guilty that I’m not crying everyday now. I don’t want him to think our lives are all moving on and I don’t miss him. Sometimes I try to think about losing him so I can cry but the tears don’t come and it’s eating me up inside. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just don’t feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just don’t understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore.

  133. It’s been two years and two months since my beautiful wife passed. She was just 51 years old and bravely battled cancer for six years. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. The last year and a half was the hardest as she began to lose the fight. She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. Even in the final week she thought of the future. This tiny fragile angel was the strongest person I have ever known.
    I have been dating someone for six months now. She too is an amazing person and as much as I know we shouldn’t make comparisons, she has the same qualities I found in my wife. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife.
    I continue to struggle everyday with my loss. I thought that after two years it wouldn’t be so hard. It is not as bad as the first year but i still have more sad days than happy. I’m sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. We get together once or twice a week and have made no plans for a future together. I hope that I can continue to heal for both our sakes. I am afraid that if I don’t learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and I know my wife can’t come back.

  134. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. He sent me an email before he died. “love you”. he asked me in a parting note not to forget him, or my other brother who died in 2018 or my parents who went before. I dove into
    creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. I am trying to give something beautiful from him. But going into this second year without him, I can only hope he is at peace, and I will have done something to continue and value him that will go beyond me when its time for me to go.

  135. My wife passed away just over 2 yrs ago. From the day we met until the day she died was 7 days less than a year. She died of complications from a routine surgery, and from the time I took her to the ER until she died it was only 2 weeks. It was after the first week that I began to fear she wouldn’t make it. I was a nurse for 17 yrs, and I could see the signs. A week later I told them to let her go, and they removed life support. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. It didn’t hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didn’t get to take her home.

    I have her ashes in the kitchen, where she loved to be. In the first year after her death, I felt her presence twice, and heard her voice in a dream. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I can’t hear or feel her. I talk about her all the time, to anyone I’m talking to, and I’m slowly working on a book about our year together.

    Most days are normal; I’m dating a wonderful man who also understands grief, because he lost his twin to murder 10 yrs ago, and I’ve seen it hit him hard on his brother’s wedding anniversary. So these last few days when it hit me hard, he has been understanding and supportive, and knows why I’m suddenly sleeping 9-10 hrs/night and hardly able to do anything during the day.

    There is hope; the sun does shine again. But you will grieve the rest of your life. It’s like a scar that sometimes bleeds. The body is never the same again, but healing does happen. It’s just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work.

  136. Icantgo through another holiday without my family. I lost my husband if thirty years of
    Marriage 16 mo ago. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. 6 moth later I lost my father in law and and then lost my mother on my birthday. My life really feels over.

    1. Dear Tracy, I know it is hard, but I have a wonderful story to share. January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. Over the next few months I was in the hospital myself six times (not COVID related, though.) I missed Mike so much and felt guilty for his death as I had felt I should have been more responsive to Mike’s medical condition. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. So, I have been praying that God tell Mike that I am sorry and that I love him and miss him soooo much! Last night, I had the most powerful dream! Mike agreed to go on another one of my “adventures.” At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said “he was ok with what I was now doing” (I won’t go into details about that), “but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money.” So, I knew he was not mad at me – only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. I have been tearing up all day – but not in a sad way. I realize that he still loves me and is looking out for me. It was such a comforting dream and I was so glad to hear from him:)

    2. It does and I’m searching for answers on how to ever repair my broken heart💔
      Saying I’m sorry for your loss doesn’t cut it but being thru situations I’m sorry you’re lost because I know I am.
      Big hugs. Robin💜

  137. Believe me what has help me here recently is reading all of these post, people have told about losing their loved ones.
    I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike.
    He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. To say I miss him, can’t never give me the
    words feeling the loss that’s in my heart. It’s been two years coming up and the loss has gotten worst. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days
    together. Working and struggling just to make the next meal.
    These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. Mike was my power house. He was just a well God given person put together. He Loved life and taught me and my children to embrace it. He was so above “pettiness” and saw things though a better side of life. Never had a negative
    thought in his body. He was everyone friend including enemies. He embraced his few enemies He was my hero and I still miss him terribly. I will always feel his love.

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  139. It’s been 2 years since my mom died. It feels like a couple weeks ago she was just here. I can’t shake images of her out of my head. It feels like I’ve lost a part of my life.

  140. Hi my name is Robin and I’m having a difficult time 1.5 year post the loss of 1 of 2 of my sisters “my big sissys”as I called them Lisa passed 9 years ago as she fought 2 weeks in a coma,where I stayed by her side singing to her reading and talking to her as lupus slowly shut down all of her organs.I know she heard me because a single tear rolled down her face while there was still some brain activity but she wasn’t coming back and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful loving and kind 47 year old sister who was 9 years older than me.It hit me hard I had no grandparent death to prepare me as I had none my parents were both orphans at the ages of 9.My world changed in October of 2012 in an instant although it didn’t hit me right away as I was working 12 hour days as a single mother trying to put my life back together after 23 years of an abusive marriage which failed and we ended up divorcing that December of 2012.I wasn’t alone thru that i had Kimberly my other big sissy who was 11 years older than me.We we’re there for each other to lean on and cry with..comfort. Then in October of 2019 I got a call at work again to come to the hospital and that Kimberly suddenly died of a heart massive heart attack at 54.I couldn’t believe it was real and sure enough here I was again, this time I had no way of telling her “see you again someday” because my brain told me that saying goodbye to Lisa weren’t the right words. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldn’t face seeing the non living face of another sister. At least we always made sure to tell each or other “I love you” before we parted on the phone or in person.And although there was a bit of a gap between us they were there for every stage of my life as a baby they helped my mom with me not because they had to no they wanted to,as a child they were my hero’s then as time went on the feeling was mutual and a bond grew
    so tight that only death could break it.And it did. They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood.
    I’ll never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. But without them especially losing Kimberly so suddenly I went into flight mode making funeral arrangements this time solo. I was compelled to write this because I have no where or no one to talk to about this emptiness that I fear that nothing will ever fill this emptiness because I have lost the past present and future.
    Anyone else lost 2 sisters or siblings at young ages who can at least relate on why at almost 2 years post second loss I am experiencing deep depression and complete apathy sure I fake it and smile when one is cued because I don’t know how to anymore. Thanks for hearing me.
    Love, Robin

  141. I lost my “HEART” Dog Cody on May 22nd, he died unexpectedly. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. I was so grief stricken as we had done everything possible to make a good life for him, he was our SON “SUN”. On May 28th I came home from work and found my husband had passed in his easy chair. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. It has been 7 months and I feel so lost, lonely and scared. I was with my husband for 45 years of my life.
    I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. I try to get through each day but it is so extremely difficult as you all know. I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. I can’t make sense of this. Everyone says things happen for a reason but I can’t find a good reason, there is no good reason. So everyday I get up and miss them both terribly. I lost my
    Dad in January so I have no family. My friends have gone on with their own lives. I think everyone thinks I should have moved on and gotten over it. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! NOT EVER!!!!! I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I don’t come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, it’s incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. Especially when retirement is in the near future. A time we could have reconnected and had some fun after working all these years for that goal.

  142. amen to all. this is life what we deal with as best we can. it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. not ever! that is life. i pray for all my friends that are suffering to die soon they are lucky to tell loved ones so long. i pray ever for them i have not died yet but will. im old hahahaha
    i am thankful for ever day . so be it . amen No words to make it better I would if i could. RKD

  143. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. I’m trying to figure out why it’s hitting me again all of the sudden after so many months of thinking I was fine. I just feel like she was cheated out of so much by dying young and just six months after my daughter was born. I’ve read so many sad comments, but also so many lovely ones. Good luck to all of you.

  144. I lost my wife of 40 years five months ago today. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. I can talk about her normally without crying and the quiet and loneliness is deafening. I find that walking every day helps immensely. I don’t want to go anywhere but have to. It was hard at first to do anything but now going grocery shopping is getting easier once I am in the car. I feel disconnected most of the time but I am getting glimpses of myself outside of grief or with making friends with my grief and my life.
    I had no idea grief would be like this and encourage all couples and families to discuss dying and be prepared as much as you can be for death to be a part of your life.
    I found “The Five Wishes” online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying.
    Take Care and Thank You

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