Unknown

I am horrible with titles but here I go. I lost my husband 2yrs ago. I am fine most of the day with work and our 5 kids. I am so lost when I just want someone to talk to. It was just me and my husband for 20 yrs. We were best friends. We didn't have any other friends. I lay here next to my kid and a smell drifts in the window. It smells like camel wide cigarettes and fire. It smells like him. I want so bad to have him here just to talk to. I tried to talk to people online but most are fake. They have agendas. Real people are dangerous in a small town. Friends and family just can't be there for me like I need them. I am so tired of being judged and watched. I have trust issues too. I miss a random breakfast sandwich at midnight or 3am. My coffee made for me. He just knew what I wanted before I did. He was a night owl. Which was endearing and would drive me crazy. I can't live in the past but the now isn't fun. I miss being taken care of. He was my hero. I miss fun and laughter. I am tired of being unknown and alone. I am tired of being uneverything.

 

I feel your pain, my friend. There's no replacement or salve that can help us miss our beloveds. Edward was the smartest person I ever met. We could talk about anything and everything, no judgment. Some days I feel like I've been left behind to deal with 'normal' stupid people and family members. I feel so alone. I still talk to Edward every day and try to have quiet mindful time when possible. My heart is still dedicated, and I know that love can pierce the veil between Heaven and Earth. I think I miss singing together every day more than anything

Stay strong Sapphiresteel77,

Michael