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Two months later and no one wants to hear about my sadness and grief anymore

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Heartbroken Honey Bunny, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

    I am so sorry for everyone on here who shared their feelings and how you deal with the death of a loved one. I am grieving everyday and nobody seems to understand. It's been 6 months now since my partner of 53 years passed away and I can'
     
  2. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

     
  3. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

    When I read how it happened with you it got me back to thinking how my partner went to hospital for a bad cut on his leg just above the foot and after 4 days in hospital he was going to be discharged the next day but I got a call at night that he had suffered a pepsis which infected his blood. He died that night while I was holding his hand and telling him I loved him. He was unconscious but I hope he felt me touching him and telling him I loved him. I can't accept his passing since that day 6 months ago. I am so sorry for all you who lost a loved one and are grieving. I understand your pain and feel devastated like you. Bless you all.
     
  4. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

     
  5. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone, so sorry I have not jumped in sooner.

    This sorrow that we all now carry is life keeps our hearts with sorrow, tears in our eyes and our days and even nights so lonely with many thoughts. I know we each have to walk this broken road in our life, but we don’t have to do it alone. Each of us can reach out, start our own thread if you wish and talk till the sun goes down.

    It took me a long time to come to be able to bear the loss of my wife. My emotions were all over the place, so many feelings were bottled up inside me, my heart ached, and frankly I felt I was losing the battle with myself. I know others might not want to hear our cries anymore. Still some may wish we could get over it. But…

    Those of us who have lost are a part of gathering of lost souls searching for relief, for validation, for listeners, for helpers, for anyone who might help. For me I had been on this search for 4 years to help myself - the time length is not as important as to why. There was no true place I had yet to find where I could honestly open up to others who I felt they too were ones who had been touched by loss.

    When you meet such people you can see their pain, you can feel their pain, and understand it so well as they speak, because it is you and so many others who also are so profoundly affected.

    We have all collectively cried an ocean of precious tears, and we still will even after we have found a way to accept what has happened. When I say ACCEPT that does not mean getting over it, what it means is being able to face the loss, and look fear in the eye and overcome it.

    I found for me, not necessarily for everyone, music helped so much. I remember all the music my wife would keep in the car, all the concerts in life we attended together and all the plays we also watched together - one such event - Ford Theatre, Wash. D.C - ‘Bell, Book & Candle’ starring Barnard Hughes (same last name ;>) ) It was those moments that were special together. Walking on a tour through the White House and Congress and the Senate.

    We went on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. Years ago, and had such a wonderful time, and loved the margaritas, huge glasses. We almost missed the ships leaving port time, but it was funny running for the ship from the taxi.

    We went everywhere under the Sun we could in Maryland, Pennsylvania and Virginia, Hershey Park, all the museums in D.C, , Kings Dominion, Busch Gardens and on and on it went. In fact it was not odd for me to have a dozen rolls of undeveloped pictures still in my camera case. Military events with parades, NSA day at Kings Dominion. Water Works in Baltimore, events with our children's favorite stars.

    Florida, yes, 10 years there, Sea World, 3 trips to Universal, 6 trips to Disney World, Halloween Horror Nights, Thanksgiving Specials, Christmas and News Years time in the latter two parks. We were always on the go, like Key West, noticing all the large numbers of cats everywhere. So we also saved those days in pictures that I look back upon now.

    So wherever we went we took so many pictures, especially our two and half years in Okinawa together. There was literally never a dull moment.

    While alone in South Korea a group of both sexes from our company were driven to a sports arena in Seoul. We sat in the audience of Americans and South Koreas while the movie was filmed for the Ray Boom-Boom Mancini fight with a South Korean boxer named Duk Koo Kim, who died in that fight. It was haunting. One of our soldiers played the American boxer.

    So yes there are so many memories we have shared. I can now look back upon them at my leisure and bring back the past and think of the times with my again.

    I have found that by opening up about loss and how we each are affected it does help to ease the pain we hold. The more I talked the easier it became. Of course it won’t bring back our loved ones to us, but it will help us to remember and shed those tears for them. I can’t say enough for sharing your stories, your wonderful times, it helps over time all of us.

    Today I am ok. I sadly miss my wife Nadine and always will. But it will be tears of joy when I think of her now and I won’t let my fear ever get the best of me for her again. Take care everyone. Please never give in to despair. Peace be with you all.

    -david

    This is a haunting song from Lord of the Rings


     
  6. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    OP here. My love has been gone for 7 months now and nothing has changed. My mom actually asked me the other day if I’m still missing him. I was like ‘what?!’ The day he died, my heart was smashed into a million pieces. I don’t think I will ever stop missing him. My mom said it was God’s plan. Well you know what? I don’t like his plan. It’s not fair. My love helped me get out of my abusive marriage. No one will ever love me like he did. I miss him every second of every day. I wish he was here. Thank you for listening.
     
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, it’s hard when people in our lives don’t understand our pain, don’t realize how horrible it feels losing our soul mate. I don’t think they want to hurt us, but they don’t know what to say either. They simply don’t understand because they have t experienced it.
    I’ve had very hurtful things said to me too, it’s hard to get past the cruel thing people say. I had a cousin ask how I was doing, I answered I’m managing, I’m living day to day. She answer was, still? That was at 6 months. So most people I just said ok, but I understand that being your Mom doesn’t understand that feels extra hurtful.
    I wish he was there with you too, as I wish my husband was with me. Wouldn’t that be great? Wake up from this nightmare and have our loved ones back.
    I hate to admit it but sometimes I want to say, one day you’ll see how this feels. But I don’t say it.
    We’re here to listen, no judging we’re all on the same page. Vent as much as you need.
    Eventually they’ll be better days ahead.
     
  8. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much! I am sorry for your loss, as well. I just look at his picture and can’t believe that he’s gone
     
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you! There are days I feel like how am I still here, it feels shocking. I feel like I have no purpose any more. We ran a business together for 40 years, we were as one. Now I’ve closed our business I have no schedule no purpose. Life after such a loss is just so hard. And we need support but people don’t understand how horrible this feels.
    I agree about pictures, I look at his smiling face and feel how can he be gone. He’s my everything. But he’s not here.
    I am on second year and I felt things might get better and somethings are. But somethings feel worse. It’s been too long, I keep feeling like it’s time for you to come home.
    There has to be better days ahead, just take one day at a time.
     
  10. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    I too feel like I have no purpose. No one will ever love me like he did. Thank God I have my son. Not from him, but my son gives me something to get up for each day. I have no one who really understands so I appreciate people like yourself who do. I talk to my love every day and I do get signs from him but I want him back. I’m so sad.
     
  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m glad you have your son. Our children make life worth living. At least worth getting up each day. My daughter lives close to me and she’s been great support, she misses her dad terribly and we spend quite a lot of time together. My son lives in Florida but he’s been good support too. Harder from a distance but we talk often.
    I’m so glad you mentioned getting signs from your husband. That’s great, I get signs regularly too. It’s not enough but I’ll take it.
    It’s frustrating that no one gets what this feels like. To me it seems like a no brainer. We’ve lost our soul mates, our everything, the person we’ve spent a lifetime with. Of coarse we’re suffering and in pain. You can’t turn that love off like a switch. That’s why this site and the people here helps so much.
    This is so hard!
     
    LindaH likes this.
  12. Jonathan57

    Jonathan57 Guest

    Your not alone heart broken, I lost my Fiance to Covid 19 on March 14....Best thing you can do is talk about it wherever people will listen.This place is a good start, reach out to your church if you have one? Friends aren't always the answer on this one, only people that really want to talk about grieving are people grieving. It's helped me in the last few days to vent here and going outside. Hope this helps, just take it one day at a time and it alright to cry.
     
  13. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words. Loss leaves such a gaping wound. Only those, who have had their hearts ripped out, can truly understand.
     
  14. Dave B.

    Dave B. Member

    Sorry for your loss, HB, and I know how you feel. I lost my brother almost two years ago, and I felt radioactive. People meant well, but they didn’t know what to say or do. I’m sure I exhausted some who wanted me to “be better already” or was a bummer to others who didn’t want to be brought down my my sadness. But guess what? That’s their problem, not ours.

    We need to express our grief and be able to honor our loved ones by talking about them. Our feelings are valid. It’s totally natural and healthy for us to need long-term support. Therapy has helped me in that regard. I know my therapist is there to listen and help for as long as I need. And she helps me find healthy ways to express my grief to my loved ones, so I feel seen and heard by them, too.

    Groups like this are good, too. There is nothing quite like talking to others who know what you’re going through. We’re here for you.

    Best wishes,
    Dave
     
  15. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Thank you Dave. I am sorry for your loss. I know I need to see a therapist but my whole story is so complicated and I lack the emotional strength right now to start from the beginning. I really appreciate your kind words. It helps very much!
     
  16. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Exactly Nine months ago you came to me and I didn’t know what was wrong. But you came to me, and I was the last person to be with you while you were conscious. I know I wasn’t supposed to save you but I miss you more than I can say. Every...single...day. You were the love of my life, my childhood sweetheart and I so wanted to have the future together we both deserved. I love you with all my heart
    upload_2020-6-5_20-34-48.png upload_2020-6-5_20-34-48.jpeg
     
  17. tgotyall

    tgotyall Member

    l know one thing I can say to you without hesitation and everyone else who unfortunately is on this website I feel your pain and know your sorrow and heartbreak.I lost also the love of my life,my beautiful bride passed from cancer just over 4 months ago and every day is a battle.She was 59 and a warrior and like you so many plans and that just makes it so so tough.l hope for you and myself though it's so hard to believe you will be whole again but never the same.Wow what you put on your post "You spent the rest of your life with me" little did we know.Be good to yourself and what I tell all be strong and very courageous don't give up.There is a song by Jenn Johnson "Your gonna be o.k"is so fitting for all who are going through this.
     
  18. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much and I’m equally sorry for your loss. Thank you for listening and understanding. I’m struggling. Every day. All day. I’m so heartbroken.
     
  19. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Eight long miserable months today since I lost my wonderful husband. I feel more depressed and lonely as ever. It’s bad enough that I am depressed about losing my husband but then the virus came and that’s depressing cuz u can’t do anything to occupy your mind and now with all the riots it makes things enough more depressing and scary. Sometimes u just want to put the cover over your head and sleep till this nightmare is over but then u can’t sleep. Ugh
     
  20. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Cora,
    Eight long months, I know the feeling. I’m so sorry. Our lives just feel so different, so wrong. The loneliness is so difficult. I agree about the social distancing making our progress so much more difficult and the riots, so scary.
    We want our life partners to talk about these things with and be with us in this crazy world we’re living in right now.
    Sending you hugs!
    Robin
     
    Cora1961 likes this.