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Two months later and no one wants to hear about my sadness and grief anymore

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Heartbroken Honey Bunny, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    I believe people just don’t know what to say or do in most cases but it is so very hurtful to those of us who are in such pain from our losses and need the support more than ever. I have a few people in my life with whom I can share my grief but it was not easy getting to this point. I find those who are the best at helping the bereaved are those who are going through it themselves. Sending you hugs.
     
  2. Txanne

    Txanne Member

    Thank you! Carrying hug back to you in return.
     
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  3. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Thank you much!!!
     
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  4. JVS

    JVS New Member

    I agree, that hurts so bad
     
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  5. I felt like my clock just stopped and I was watching everyone around me move on. My mom did not want to talk about my son on his birthday. That was really hard on me. I just try and understand her point of view the best I can and try not to have hard feelings. God knows I have enough feelings to sort through without over thinking everything else. My oldest daughter had a complete shutdown. I could not put photos up or say his name she does not want to hear anything about him. That really upset me as if he was never here at all. I still cannot say his name without her flying off the handle. I try to sort through the why she may feel this way and reason in my mind to ease my own. I hope this has helped somehow. You are not alone we can reach out to one another on here.
     
  6. JVS

    JVS New Member

    I hate that for you. I have gotten out tons of old photos and talk to the all the time. My only son lives in CAcand I have no other family here so that helps with the unrelenting loneliness somewhat
     
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  7. c marie

    c marie Active Member

    Hi, Jen. With these family members, there are two things that might have happened and maybe more. They may have been able to resolve their grieving in that amount of time and are able to move on and don't want to be reminded of the loss. A mother's grief is so much deeper and lasts so much longer. Even the organization, Compassionate Friends, told me that fathers usually learn to adjust to their grief at least 2-3 years before a mother can. The other thing that might be going on is what I found to be the only help to me, but this was after a long period of time elapsed after we lost Shawn. Whenever I would recognize a thought coming that was going to be upsetting, I would speak to myself saying, "No. You are not going to think about that" and command my thoughts to move on. There is no way I could have done this until quite a few years after the tragedy because in the beginning years Shawn was all I thought about constantly. So it had to occur much later. I don't know if either of these things are happening with your family members, but I just was hoping it might give you some insight into their actions.
    We all grieve very differently. It is hard to accept the fact that some people want to move on and away from the loss much earlier than we are able to do that.
    Jolting awake took place with me for awhile, I don't even know how long. But eventually I was able to sleep without jerking awake. I know what an awful feeling that is. I hated that. I hope it ends for you soon.
    I love you,
    Chris
     
  8. c marie

    c marie Active Member

    Dear Heartbroken, I am very sorry for your loss. Yes, it is extremely difficult to deal with grief and takes much hard work to get through it. I remember thinking so many times mostly in connection with medical people , "Can you mend a broken heart? My heart is broken. It needs to be fixed". I also realized for myself that only God could help me. He loves you more that anyone ever could and He loves the one you lost even more than you do.
    Grief is a process that takes time to work through. If we could die of a broken heart, I am almost sure I would have. I wanted to die, but I finally had to accept the fact that I was not going to die and I was going to have to somehow deal with this awful tragedy.
    I am 20 years down the road from the suicide of our 28-year-old son and much has changed from those early days of unbearable grief. I want to encourage you to keep hanging in there. Of course you miss him much because you loved him much. That is why you are grieving so hard.
    We love you and are here for you.
    Chris
     
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  9. Heartbroken Honey Bunny

    Heartbroken Honey Bunny Well-Known Member

    Thank you Chris. I greatly appreciate your compassion and kindness. Now that I’m almost 14 months past my loss, I am in a different place but still grieving. I receive signs constantly from my love and it is extremely comforting. My niece gave me Laura Lynne Jackson’s book ‘Signs’ for my birthday and it is quite remarkable. Sending love right back to you.
     
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  10. Hopeforkason

    Hopeforkason Member

     
  11. Hopeforkason

    Hopeforkason Member

    I don't understand how family can turn on you and cause so much hurt
     
  12. Hopeforkason

    Hopeforkason Member

     
  13. Hopeforkason

    Hopeforkason Member

    I'm so very sorry , I know that doesn't help your pain this got to me I know you're hurting I wish I could take it from you even for just a little while