Kathahn,
I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your spouse. Words alone really can’t express the sorrow you are now facing, not just you, but your son as well.
Being faced with the final decision of his life had to be the most trying thing a person will ever endure. It must have been an awful time with so many ups and downs, and your hopes being up one moment only to be removed later. I know making that decision to a part of you is the most difficult thing you were faced with. It too required tremendous courage and heart on your part.
Also knowing that this happened at what was normally the one of the happiest times of year is also real depressing. I really feel for you having to face this loss.
Your grief you will now face can be overwhelming. Both you and your son and any other family members will have many days where sorrow can sometimes get the best of even the strongest among us all. This grief you now have will be a long road to healing. Please don’t ever be afraid to show your emotions, as keeping them bottled up is not healthy.
As my own wife of 42 years was slowing passing on, both my sons and me were with her each day in hospice. When the Nadine took her final breath, words are hard to come by, tears and a tightness in your chest is present.
On her last night one of the hospice nurses read a poem to all of us in her room. She then lit a candle and said she was ready to pass on. What can you say, how do you respond other than to be shattered with the realization your lover, your best friend, your son’s mother and so many other things was at her final moment. Silence was deafening, tears were plenty, and even when your spouse passed it is enormously hard to accept.
Sure suffering for our spouse might now be over, but the true test of a person’s spirit is what happens next. Take it slowly, give in to your emotions, talk as you need to, and those tears will come freely now. For my sons and me, we are coming up on five years since she passed on. Still some days are amazingly hard to get through.
Both me and my sons have searched for ways to deal (Cope) with this loss. My sons lose themselves in games online and friends and work, me, I listen to music and watch videos, happy videos to help me find my smile again.
Please just don’t give up, Don’t ever think you are facing this loss alone. Share your love for him with others, whomever you feel comfortable with. This unknown road you are now on is difficult, and time may pass so slowly on some days, especially at night when you are alone.
I hope you don’t mind but here is a song for us both I hope it helps some.
For now, take care of yourself, your son going forward. God Bless
david
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