The love of my life - why?

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Jenny1309, Jun 17, 2018.

  1. Jenny1309

    Jenny1309 New Member

    Hello.
    I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my anchor and the man who was suppose to be called "Dad" from my/our children. But all of that is certainly not happening, because he died on April 18th 2018, at the age of 33, caused by an accident with his tractor. He fell off and died within seconds, nobody could have saved him.
    He was the sweetest, funniest and greatest person I know. Our love is so strong, not even death can apart us. But fact is, that he is not here sitting/sleeping/breathing next to me and that hurts. The pain is worse than I could have ever imagined pain to be like. My life ain't the same anymore. Nothings seems to be the same anymore. How could that even be possible?

    My world is just upside-down, I try to get trough everyday - to survive day by day. But is is hard. It is hard to face the fact that the world is moving forward, with or without him.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Jenny I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are so many grievers who can relate to feeling that their world has changed, and how can the rest of the world not have changed with it? To see life continuing as it did before for so many others just feels so at odds with everything you are feeling and experiencing. When we lose someone, and especially when it happens suddenly, it seems that the Earth has shifted beneath our feet. That our foundation and everything we thought we could count on has been lost. I hope you find that coming here and connecting with others who have also had a sudden loss may help in some ways. There is hope and there is healing, and I know that's hard to believe right now. But I hope you can find some good support and comfort here. I wish you strength in the days ahead...Please take care~
     
  3. Fred

    Fred New Member

    Hi Jenny. I just joined Grief in Common so I'm trying to figure out how it works. Nonetheless, I just lost my partner of 25 years two weeks ago, today, on July 11. I am crushed and empty. Her loss has left a gaping hole in my heart. I'm a bit older than you but grief knows no age limits. I hope to find some solace and comfort here and I know you want that, too. The emptiness I feel is staggering. If anything you have tried helps you make it through the night, please share it with me. I'm pretty broken right now. Thanks and I hope things have gotten a little better for you since June.
     
  4. Tanya492

    Tanya492 New Member

    My husband, also 33 passed away last Monday the 23rd. He died after surgical complicatuons from what should have been a routine procedure. I identify with most of what you said. I feel as if the world should have paused but instead continues to move. We have a 19 month old son and I feel so much sadness around losing our future and dreams we had. My chest literally hurts and I keep thinking I will wake up from this nightmare and he will be here to comfort me.
     
  5. Fred

    Fred New Member

    Hi Tanya. I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I can absolutely relate to you. I continue to cry, sometimes feel like I can't breathe, have trouble sleeping, and still wait for my partner to call me on the phone to see how I'm doing. I miss her so much, and my pain is so deep. I continue to feel empty and lost. I'm trying to be proactive about my grief by searching for a grief support group. You might find some groups on the Web. I also started meeting with a grief support counselor once a week who is a licensed clinical social worker. Reaching out to friends and family and letting them know what I need (their love, support, and presence) is critical to my journey from grief to joy, some day. Also, prayer and asking for God's help and guidance has given me comfort, too. Give it a try. Make sure you tell your friends and family exactly what you need to help you cope with your deep loss and despair. I wish you well.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  6. Tanya492

    Tanya492 New Member

    Thanks Fred, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I am also seeing a counselor. I have a good support system but feel frustrated that no one really understands this. I have young friends, with young families because we were young. They all haven spouses they go home too and I feel envious. Which is a nice break from the soul crushing sadness.
     
  7. Heidi Brady

    Heidi Brady New Member


    .I to lost the love of my life due to a 90 a mile go cart
     
  8. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the sudden loss of the love of your life. You are absolutely correct in saying that it will never be the same. The only thing we can do is try to deal with it. I hope coming to this site will help in that regard.
     
  9. Jeff123

    Jeff123 Member

    I am sorry,I know how you feel!!
     
  10. Misty Rose

    Misty Rose New Member

    Jenny, I lost my husband of 30 years 9 months ago. I said good bye to him as he left for work and within 2 hours I was standing over his body at the hospital. He had, what was called "sudden cardiac arrest" driving to work. Few live through that and by the time someone stopped to help him and get the paramedics called, he had been gone too long to revive. Sudden loss is a terrible thing. The first six months I felt like throwing up all the time and it was as if a weight was on my chest. Now after a complete melt down a few months ago, I am doing better. I say better, not good. But the weight on my chest is gone and I don't feel like throwing up constantly. I believe that you never get over a loss like this but, you do get through it and it is "better" on the other side. I have found that allowing myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling is better that pushing it aside. Although, half the time I'm not even sure what it is I'm feeling. Everyone's grief is different but, I think I know something of what you are going through. And it is terrible. I am sorry for you and everyone else who is going through the same thing. And I am sorry for myself too. My life will never be the same and I'm not crazy about how it is now. But, I will get through this and so will you. You are stronger than you think you are, someone told me that once.
     
  11. ChrisL

    ChrisL Member

    Hi Jenny, I know exactly how you feel. Although my wife had significant health issues, I didn't expect to say goodnight at midnight and wake up 6 hours later to finding her not breathing. We were together 28 years. She was only 45. She was my best friend, my rock. She was my purpose in life. She has been gone only 3 weeks now. I still feel like I'm in a bad dream sometimes. Now I'm trying to live to be there for my daughter and to honor Lisa's memory. I have to be a better human being because of her!
     
  12. lisa curley

    lisa curley New Member

    Jenny,
    I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my bf of 8 years almost a year ago in a motorcycle accident we were in. I don't know how I am still alive, but here I am. I have permanent nerve and leg damage, so I have my daily reminder. I cry over his loss almost daily and the closer the anniversary gets the worse my anxiety gets. I love him and miss him every day! I truly feel your pain
     
  13. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    I have been through several losses, including first partner, mom, dad and sister. But sudden loss is the worst. My partner of 18 years and I had just gotten home fron a restaurant. on June 30 when he complained he could not catch his breath and asked for his aspirin. Two minutes I asked if he felt better but he did not. By the time I got ahold of the 911 operator he was brain dead. Sudden cardiac arrest and the kind that cannot be shocked. I am still in a world of shock. Nothing makes sense. I wake up and want to say good morning then realize he is not there.

    One of the previous responders said to just react the way you need to. No one can know how they are going to react hour to hour. It is like being on a bad roller coaster ride. One minute you're ok, the next you are crying, the next you are sad, etc. That is you processing grief. You have to let it go on its own schedulw. Therapy is helpful, time is helpful, trying to stay active and your brain engaged is helpful. So, too, are naps or just crawling into bed.

    Try to ignore the world. It will never understand.
     
    Holleegirl likes this.
  14. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    My bf died suddenly July 27, 2018. He had called me at 2pm, but I was in traffic on my way home from work, so I text him to tell him I would call him when I arrived home. I called at 4pm and was told he was in the hospital and suffered a gastrointestinal hemmorage due to an anurysm, he was dead. The regret of not answering his call is killing me. Our future is gone. How do I forgive myself for not picking up his call. How do I look to a future without him
     
  15. Hi guys im new here. I lost my boyfriend in a car accident. He came to my work at 5 and when he left i never knew it would be the last time I'd see him. Today is his birthday it's been 2 months and i still can't believe it i keep checking my phone to see if he has texted. Does it ever get better
     
  16. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    I understand totally. My boyfriend died on July 27th 2018 so it's only been about 6 weeks. I find myself praying the phone's going to ring or looking at every old text message we had between us going through my pictures it's heart wrenching. I can't tell you it's going to get better because I'm right in the middle of it just like you are. But I can tell you I will pray for you and you pray for me and if you need to talk you you can always reach out.
     
  17. Thank you for replying and being there for me id love to pray for you and thank you for praying for me. You can contact me any time
     
  18. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    I'm sorry I can't offer more hope. My heartache is fresh too. But knowing we aren't alone can help. I truly felt like no one could understand how I felt. I know you do.
    My boyfriend called the afternoon before he died. I didn't answer. I was in traffic heading home. So I text him and said I would call the minute I got home. When I called he was in the hospital. He had an anurysm. I never got to speak to him again. It kills me that I didn't answer my freaking phone. He was my first love from high school, we reconnected two years ago. I truly thought he was the blessing from God. I know he was. But the painful loss is unbearable.
    Tell me about your boyfriend, your experience.
     
  19. Omg that's so terrible i know exactly how you feel hey My boyfriend and i also had just gotten back together and we were talking about moving in together like things were finally good after all our fights. This night on the 30 th of June he had gone out and he didn't tell me he was out. We were fighting about something so insignificant i didn't answer his calls or reply him and before i fell asleep i finally texted him back I woke up at 1 am to check my phone but i was so sleepy that I didn't text him when i woke up at 4 am again i did text him but he never read my text The next morning i called him to ask is he OK but be didn't answer. He was in a car crash with 2 friends they'd gotten so drunk they drove into a truck I feel so guilty and it still hasn't sunk in At his funeral his ex carried his coffin Two weeks later his baby momma tells me he always loved her Im hurt and angry and i miss him i wish i could turn back time Every morning i wake up and i have to remind myself he's gone
     
  20. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    I'm so sorry. That is so hard. So many things we wish could change right? And nothing to be excited about or look forward to anymore. (Except winter coming and being alone)...and the holidays. Ugh.
    I find myself always just wanting to go home and be in bed. Not much happiness or joy anymore.
    Everyone says time heals. I know it will, but it's of little comfort now.
    Just lean on God. Pray hard when you feel your breaking. Do any small thing that makes you feel better. And get somewhere really quiet and talk to him. I believe he hears you. Our friends try to help, but after a bit they assume we are ok and don't talk much about it anymore. So you can talk to me, I understand. Talking helps