I am a new member. I lost my husband of sudden heart attack on November 26, 2019. He was 53. It was one week after we returned from celebrating our 25th anniversary abroad. There he said good bye to his family, although I would not have known it then. We met abroad when I was 19. We grew up together. We have 2 children. He died at work, so that evening, my new life began. When I read a post written by a another widow, I joined this network. My husband was my best friend and life now is strange, surreal, complicated, difficult. My anxiety is hard to manage. Half of a life with a person is a life time, middle age is complicated as is it, figuring out what you want to keep and what you want to leave behind, watching children grow up, thinking about your purpose in life. Now alone, it is strangely blank, and not blank, there are so many memories that make up my identity. We had always planned to move abroad, to where he and his family are from, now I wonder if that country can be my home without him. Every day is different.