Sudden and unexpected

Deb, I think that off switch is stuck, it needs WD 40.

Yes, it makes sense Bob is gone, Jack is gone both physically, but I hope there is a spirit that lives on and they are waiting for us in the most happiest place, God's Paradise.

I'm not sure I'm at the point of un reversible permanency that he's gone. I keep thinking of him dressed in his favorite clothes, dancing on the deck, walking around the house. I even remember our kisses; he was so funny when he got older I kept telling him stop sucking my lips in your mouth, I'm not an ice cream cone. We laughed.

I still remember the smell of his cheek when I kissed him just before he passed, I know someday it will fade, but for now it makes me feel better.

As I told Lou this morning I feel everyone's posts reminds me of reading a novel, several chapters each day. Let's see, what shall we call the novel? Hum!

Well, I woke up in the worst mood and I thought about you making lists and walking so I got my butt outside and did some raking and felt better.

Do you remember the TV series, Dr. Cluso (sp?) Peter Sellers? He was a detective and his comment always was, "Only the shadow knows." I use this saying when someone asks me something that I have no answer for.

We're all trying to find some comfort, some peace, some (something) to get us though our days of grief's journey. Hoping Grief in Common gives us all strength to carry on each day and days to come.

On that, I'll say, have a good evening Deb, it's 2PM here. Karen

 

Deb, I agree with every word you said to
our dear friend, Karen, formerly known as the woman with the broken arm. She was
one of the first people I met on here. I had
to be a pain & ask for her real first name,
and that of her husband, Jack. It may
bring some level of comfort to you that
I'm treating Oct. 13, like any other day.
Thanks to Kim, who never met Linda,
but was a shoulder to cry on, in the
beginning, I am going about my usual
Wed., which is a ride to the PO Box,
the supermarket, and, tomorrow, to the
barber. I will have ready made food in
my fridge for Wed & Thurs nights, and
look forward to seeing my friends, incl.
Steven & Betsy, over the weekend. Like
Ginny, I have to live in the present, and
look forward to the future. I cry every
morning, as you know, but I dust myself
off, put my sneakers on ( I thank God I can
now without pain), and walk out that door.
As we said to our friend, George, with
his dialysis, "you can do it" . Linda had a
variation of Bob's reply, when asked how
she was. She'd say, "above ground". Sad.
I want much more for us. In Jonathan's
last message to me, he encouraged both of
us to seek happiness. We weren't put on
this earth to be "miserable" as Deb said.
OK, I'll get "off my soapbox " now. Lou

 

Lou,

While it did make me laugh, hitting ignore by accident to all of Karen's messages, is something I could have easily done myself. So..., if the day ever comes when you stop getting replies from me, at least you'll know why. I HATE!!! being so technically challenged, total understatement!!! However, I might have forgotten to mention this to you, I think it was last week, but I lose track of time, so not really sure, I fixed my TV!!! I was so proud of myself even if I had to call my son for help. Turns out I only needed new batteries for the remote. Okay, I think I can hear you laughing all the way from SC. When I tell you I'm technically challenged, I'm not exaggerating, total understatement!!! (Now I'm tossing in extra ones just for you.)

I still have catching up to do... So stopping here. This is another amazingly short reply. I'm smiling, thinking about Bob's response.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

Thanks for the laugh!!! I love the ice cream cone story!!!

I always can use more of them. I'm glad you understood what I meant. I love how you worded it, I also hope that their spirit live on and are waiting for us in Heaven...

You know that now I'll be thinking of what to call our GIC novel... I feel like all the creativity has been zapped right out of me, so it may take me years before I can answer this. It's another one of those TBC's...

I hope your day is going the best that it possibly can...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Forgot to mention that I LOVE the line about the "off switch" needing some WD 40. If only it were that simple... Okay, stopping here, before I finish that GIC novel!!!

 

Lou, in your previous post I really liked what you said, "Let's not let one day spoil one month". I find the dreaded feeling of an upcoming date of doom is worst than the actual day.
Sat is Jack's celebration of life here at my house with family. I've dreaded it so much due to severe pain for me, but I realize it's not all about me. The family wants it, so I'm doing it for them because I know Jack would want this. Jack knows I'm a coward so he will be proud of me on his day. Your quoted comment above is a great help.
Lou, you seemed to have grown since you started on this forum, I mean in your journey. I'll call you counselor Lou. From the lady with the broken arm, so funny.

 

Deb, thanks for telling me about the remote, so I don't feel so bad! I solved
that problem by not bothering with a TV
at all!After Linda died, I bought a smart
phone, at the advice of the counselors in
the psychiatric unit. I just wanted a regular flip phone, without all the bells
and whistles, but was persuaded to get a
phone with unlimited phone service,
texting, emails, and Internet. It has opened
my world, and I'm grateful. Bc I did that,
I'm on Grief in Common, and can see Tom0
Zuba and Jonathan on YouTube! Lou

 

Lou,

As I always say, there is a reason for everything. So glad you now have a smart phone.

This has got to be my shortest message yet!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. Thanks for not laughing at me, but it would have been okay if you did.

 

Thank you for your compliment that I'm
"Counselor Lou". I chuckled bc I've needed
counseling, or therapy, since I was
diagnosed in a hospital, with manic
depression. Medication was not enough.
It was a rocky road sometimes, bc I drank
alcohol, against the advice of the
psychiatrists. I had a spotty work record,
and Linda had to work tough jobs to
put food on the table. Linda knew I had
manic depression ( bipolar disorder) ,
but our love never wavered. She took care
of me in the beginning, and I took care of
her in the end. I love to see you on here
again. Aside from a belief in God, a great
sense of humor binds us together. Lou

 

Wow, Deb, that was a quick reply about
my smart phone! I need a secretary. My
fingers aren't working fast enough. I was
just emailing Karen. Lou

 

Lou,

I'm very happy that you're going to treat tomorrow like any other day. I know this would make Linda very proud of you. I'm very proud of you too. I love!!! your attitude!!! I also love!!! what Jonathan said in his last message to you. I think all the time about how life is a gift, and as I've said so many times before, that I don't believe we're still here just to be miserable. I know that Linda is smiling down on you from heaven. I hope I can make Bob happy, the way you're making Linda happy. Reading about your life, gives me and many others, so much hope, that all of us, will be able to find happiness again too. It'll be bittersweet, but hopefully filled with way more happy moments than sad ones. I want so much more for all of us too!!! Like you, I'll get off my soapbox before I really get going. And you know already know how much I can "talk," total understatement!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

Sometimes the words just seem to type themselves. I guess there was a reason why I was forced to take typing in order to graduate from junior high school.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen, your talk about Jack's kisses were
bittersweet. I've told Deb some of Linda's
funny phrases, which I couldn't do in the
beginning, without sobbing. Now I tell
friends & strangers, who didn't even know
Linda, to make them laugh. It keeps her
spirit alive, by my side. I go to places we
never were, which helps. I'm trying to start anew.Sorry to be a pain, Karen, but
Linda & I loved the Inspector Clouseau
movies , with Peter Sellers, especially
"A Shot in the Dark". But, "Only the
Shadow Knows" was from an old radio
program, from the 1930s & 1940s about
a crime fighting hero, named Lamont
Cranston. See, my smart phone keeps me
smart!! Linda & I used to annoy each other
when we corrected each other, but we
laughed about it later. I hope you don't take offense, Karen!! Lou

 

Deb, although you write your memoirs
here, as I do, I bet you're more like Ginny,
given to quiet conversation. Ginny has a
marvelous sense of humor, and we make each other laugh. A shopkeeper saw us
together , and with a mischievous laugh,
told me to watch out for Ginny, bc she
said she wanted a man with whom to
"cuddle"! I laughed, but pointed out that
Ginny's son is my age, and lives in town! L

 

You know the best counselors are the ones who have gone through tribulations in their life as you have.

 

Gary, your reflection article made me feel calm right away just reading it. I have meditated somewhat, but not as often as I should. Thank you for sending it's beautiful, calming words.
I think I responded to your first post briefly, but didn't go into any details. I'm not a wordy type of person like so many here, but I do my best. I lost, Jack, my husband last Nov 4th to sarcoma cancer in his hip that took his body within one year. The surgeon was ready to do surgery to remove the mass, suddenly they found it had spread to his neck as why he was having headaches. Radiation was not an option due to the fact, it was too close to his artery. So, home he came with hospice, passed in two weeks. I guess I'm puzzled how a cancer can travel all the way from the lower part of the body up to the head. It's like an octopus, I know that word gives me chills.
Every feeling, sadness, and tears everyone and you are experiencing -- I'm experiencing. It's a journey of hell and I hurt for everyone here as well as myself. Prayers, Karen

 

Gary,

I got the "Sacred Pause." I took a picture of it with my phone so I can carry it with me, wherever I am. I think it's going to be difficult for me to be able to do this, because I can't seem to find that "off switch," but I'm going to keep trying... I really need to learn how to stay in the present moment, just relax... Something I used to be able to do, but haven't been able to do since Bob passed away. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

Backing up a bit, I'm not a perfectionist even though I tend to be way too hard on myself at times. As far as a people pleaser, I need to think about this some more. I'm way too emotionally exhausted right now. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. You've given me lots to think about.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey, thanks I didn't know where the "correct" name came from. I thought I remember Peter Sellers using it??? No offense. Being offensive uses too much negative energy.

And I could of passed on Jack's kisses -- later on. Ha!

 

Karen, come to think of it, the Inspector
Clouseau character may have been using
that old line for himself! You are a very
funny woman. You, Deb, and I share a
common cultural history of music, TV
shows, and movies. It's a welcome
distraction from our mourning. Despite
your continued pain over Jack's death,
and your understandable apprehension
of the Celebration of Life, we manage to
make each other smile, even laugh. Lou

 

Yap, smile and laugh, that's what we all need.

Here's a comment that some people think I'm crazy. I've been watching a soap on TV for 23 years. When my Dad died my Mom got into soaps and she got me hooked on them. I'm still watching the one after my Mom died 23 years ago. When people look at me funny I just say, "It's the same as reading a novel." except soaps never end novels do.
I got so hooked on soaps where I worked I made sure I was back home on my lunch hour, if not I record it for later.

But, since Jack died I don't watch much TV or soaps, I don't know why. I hate what's going on in our world everywhere--let's go back to the 50's. K