Still Grieving

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by BrownEyes, Feb 10, 2019.

  1. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    I lost the love of my life 4 years ago. I'm having trouble moving on. I am still stuck in the anger stage. We were so happy and perfect for each other. It doesn't seem fair that our future was taken away. I constantly relive our past and mourn for my future. How do I let go of anger?
     
  2. Sona

    Sona Member

    I lost my husband 2 years ago...its like just yesterday...Time has stopped for me.I realize I am becoming irritant , angry...I was not like this at all.
    I wonder if things will ever be same. I think as the time is passing...the wounds are becoming greener.
    Trying to keep myself physically n mentally active n tired...It does help ..but every morning its a new chapter...
     
  3. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    Sona, I'm so sorry about your husband, but I feel a lot like you. Everyone kept telling me that with time the pain would lessen. It has a bit, I don't cry everyday anymore, more like a few times a week. Like I stated, having a hard time moving forward.
     
  4. Apron

    Apron Member

    I lost my fiancé to a sudden heart attack a couple months ago. I’m searching everywhere for some glimpse of comfort. I have found little to that effect. I come here and I see you who’ve also lost their partners and it has been years, yet you still seem to as sad as I am everyday. This is disconcerting in the sense that people time heals. How much goddamn time? It doesn’t seem there is enough time! I’m not hopeful that this will get easier, better or change at all.
     
  5. Sona

    Sona Member

    Apron
    Sorry to hear about your fiance..
    People say..Time heals..I really doubt..
    Rather wounds get deeper with time..
     
  6. Apron

    Apron Member

    What is a person to do then? What do you do? This pain is consuming, if we allow it to take over our life where does that leave us? There must be help out there, there must be a way.
     
  7. Sona

    Sona Member

    Apron
    I keep myself physically and mentally exhausted ...but there is always a shroud of sadness..I feel suffocated in company of happy people..honestly. I mean why me?
     
  8. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    I find myself wondering the same is this gonna get better or what does that mean? The other is I see happy couples together and feel very empty. I just keep going on somehow I know she lives in me! It hasnt been 2 months yet a long road ahead I see.
     
  9. Apron

    Apron Member

    It’s completely and utterly an abyss. My heart and my soul are gone. I can’t sleep because my mind is racing constantly with what if’s. All the while the world around me is carrying on and I feel myself slipping further away from it all. Does anyone have anything that has helped them cope even in the slightest way?
     
  10. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

  11. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    Apron
    This book helped me. But I still struggle daily. I went to a counselor for a while, and she gave me some good ways to deal with my loss. She told me to rub his deodorant on the inside of my pillowcase. It is soothing to smell him. Also, wear one of his shirts to bed. I breakdown crying anytime I'm in my car for more than 30 minutes. Best piece of advice I got was to not make any major decisions for a year because your brain is experiencing grief fog.
    Mike
    I'm so sorry for your loss too. I also have a hard time watching couples. But the biggest trigger aren't birthdays or holidays. You know those are coming and can prepare. It's the weird things like a smell, a song, a phrase that catch you off guard.
     
  12. Apron

    Apron Member

    Thank you! I will try anything! I’m also going to counseling but she hasn’t seemed to offer me any comfort. I like your suggestions, these are great.
     
  13. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I’m definitely in a phase of “happy people suck!”
    Especially that it’s Valentines week. Ugh. My husband and I “met” through a dating app on Valentines Day. Back then on Match you could view profiles for free and send someone a “wink” for free to see if they were interested (this was about ten years ago. ) He sent me acwink and I sent one back. So then we both finally paid for subscriptions so we could actually contact each other. After we got married and years since, when he’d send me flowers or a card he’d sign of with “It all started with a wink.” This Saturday will be four months since he died. Happy people really suck right now.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  14. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    I love your wink story. I'm so sorry for your loss. Life is NOT fair. Valentines day will be hard, my hardest day is 4th of July. I haven't figured out the secret to handling those days yet. On my love's birthday, my family and friends started a tradition where we eat dessert first in honor of him. He loved dessert! I do enjoy seeing pics on Facebook of everyone posting their dessert first photos on his bday. Helps a lot.
     
    Saintgrl74 likes this.
  15. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I’m also perturbed by the length of time people think grieving should take. My own therapist this week said she thinks I need a “girls vacation to the beach.” Really? My 8 year old son is having separation anxiety, I’m having separation anxiety, I’m barely functioning, but hey, let’s go get some sand ‘n sun with my gal pals? Did I mention it’s only been four months..
     
  16. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    My family and friends didn't understand that either. All I wanted to do was be by myself and engulf the grief but no one would let me. Plus, I had to work. It amazed me how my world came to a grinding halt, yet it kept moving for everyone else. I'm still longing for a week all by myself, no people, no phones, no connections.
     
  17. Sona

    Sona Member

    BrownEves
    Our families become over-caring over -protective whereas I require total solitude.The world is the same for everybody n they expect us to be normal too like them. I must have eaten all books of Paulo Coelho... that did give me relief.. but i think talking to people who are undergoing same pain.. like here.. gives more relief... like you know... I am not the only one in this pain...
     
  18. Sona

    Sona Member

    Saintgrl74
    I tried to go on vacation after 2 months when my husband passed away...but each moment was like an era...non ending..didnt want to see anything or eat anything...Even the pictures that we clicked there were so lifeless..
     
  19. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Member

    Sona
    Yes, it's a club no one wants to be in, but it helps when others understand the heartache.
     
  20. Sona

    Sona Member

    Mike
    Its been almost 2 year now....people think we are getting better ...its not so..its just that i have started putting a smiling face...i realized its just my battle...nobody will understand it..unless they expereince...