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So Lonely...

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by DEB321, Jun 9, 2021.

  1. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    I lost my husband on April 11, 2021. We were together for 35 years. I'm not only lonely, but also alone. It's a long story, but several years after he was diagnosed with cancer, we decided to move to the state we had originally planned to retire in. He was doing well on an oral immunotherapy drug so we didn't need to make frequent trips to a hospital for medical care. However, almost as soon as we moved, the immunotherapy drug stopped working, my husband's health started spiraling downward. Most of my time, and all of my energy, was focused on taking care of my husband.

    I have some great neighbors and many acquaintances, but no "real" friends here. Since my husband's death, I've been invited to several cookouts, over for coffee, a glass of wine, etc..., but I just don't feel like socializing. I don't want people feeling badly for me or feeling uncomfortable being around me, not knowing what to say, etc...

    I know I need to find something to fill what seem like endless days. I've been taking long walks, and while my walks are definitely helping me cope, they're not enough. I'm planning on doing some volunteer work. At some point, I need to find a job. But, what I really need are my friends from "home." I know eventually, when I'm ready, I'll make new friends here, but there really isn't anything like the comfort of being with an old friend, someone who not only shares my past, but who also knew my husband before he got sick.

    I have three children, one lives in another country, and the other two live in different states, both far away from me. They keep in touch with me, but they have their own lives to live. All of them have worked hard, and are busy achieving their goals and dreams. I don't want any of them to feel like they have to move closer to me, to take care of me.

    I don't know who I am without my husband. Until I figure out who I am now, and feel capable of making important decisions that will have a major impact on the rest of my life, I know I need to live here. It's just so hard.... Lonely doesn't even begin to describe how I feel...

    If you've made it this far, thanks for "listening." It's been a really difficult day.
  2. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    (24) William Lathrop - YouTube

    I wrote this song to my late wife Janet after a particularly tough day (emotion-wise) earlier this year. I started writing songs as a form of therapy, thanks to my hospice grief counselor (Joanie).
    Music has carried me through my grief.
  3. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    You're very talented. This song is absolutely beautiful... It has me in tears, but I think it's just what I really need, a good cry. I've already listened to it twice and I know I'm going to be listening to it lots more. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. DEB321
  4. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    This was what I was hoping. I wanted my music to be of comfort to someone. The depth of this grief and pain, that we are going through, cannot be fully understood unless you have personally gone through the experience yourself.
    Thank you for liking my song. I hope it helped.
    God bless you.

  5. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    I'm positive your music is a source of comfort for many people. It's really nice that you not only found a way to help yourself, but also to help others too. Thanks again for sharing. DEB321
  6. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    Here is some more of my music. I hope they can give you some comfort.
    (143) William Lathrop - YouTube
  7. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for sharing some more of your music. It is just beautiful, so meaningful... touches my heart...
    It is obvious from listening to your music, how much you loved, still love, your wife...
    I know there is nothing anyone can do or say to take away the pain, but I am so very sorry for your loss. DEB321
  8. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your good wishes. It does help to hear from others who understand the huge hole in your very being, that such a horrible experience leaves behind. Those of us here all know.