I lost my husband on April 11, 2021. We were together for 35 years. I'm not only lonely, but also alone. It's a long story, but several years after he was diagnosed with cancer, we decided to move to the state we had originally planned to retire in. He was doing well on an oral immunotherapy drug so we didn't need to make frequent trips to a hospital for medical care. However, almost as soon as we moved, the immunotherapy drug stopped working, my husband's health started spiraling downward. Most of my time, and all of my energy, was focused on taking care of my husband. I have some great neighbors and many acquaintances, but no "real" friends here. Since my husband's death, I've been invited to several cookouts, over for coffee, a glass of wine, etc..., but I just don't feel like socializing. I don't want people feeling badly for me or feeling uncomfortable being around me, not knowing what to say, etc... I know I need to find something to fill what seem like endless days. I've been taking long walks, and while my walks are definitely helping me cope, they're not enough. I'm planning on doing some volunteer work. At some point, I need to find a job. But, what I really need are my friends from "home." I know eventually, when I'm ready, I'll make new friends here, but there really isn't anything like the comfort of being with an old friend, someone who not only shares my past, but who also knew my husband before he got sick. I have three children, one lives in another country, and the other two live in different states, both far away from me. They keep in touch with me, but they have their own lives to live. All of them have worked hard, and are busy achieving their goals and dreams. I don't want any of them to feel like they have to move closer to me, to take care of me. I don't know who I am without my husband. Until I figure out who I am now, and feel capable of making important decisions that will have a major impact on the rest of my life, I know I need to live here. It's just so hard.... Lonely doesn't even begin to describe how I feel... If you've made it this far, thanks for "listening." It's been a really difficult day.