I'm sorry if I am putting this in the wrong place. I have a vision challenge - actually a pretty serious condition that has nothing to do with this post, so I'll move on.. I just can't see through all of the posts to see where to place this. I am adding on to the loss of someone I knew more than 20 years ago who passed without my knowing until recently posts. So, I had to unexpectedly drive from one side of the country to the other recently to see my mother who was not feeling well. I can't fly because of my own health issue. That being said, I decided to go and locate the resting place of the man that I had loss. It took some serious searching and I was initially sent to the wrong cemetery, but I found his mausoleum. It was - traumatic. All of the memories and emotions just rushed back and overwhelmed me. I remembered the details of the last time I saw him, things that I had suppressed for years. I remembered the last things he said to me, the last things I said to him. I had to look up high to see where he was placed and had to support myself when I saw the name of the person directly beneath him. My first name is Marilyn. Her first name was Marilyn. In the months leading up to his passing, he was trying to contact me but my family member did not pass his messages to me. They had various reasons, including their original from over twenty years earlier, they thought the one I married was the better match and just didn't like the other. The problem is, he was the love of my life. There he is, up there resting with Marilyn. It actually made me smile a little for a moment. He found Marilyn, not his Marilyn, but Marilyn... All of his pictures that I found on his family's social media were so sad looking. It just hurts. To top it off, the guy I married likely doesn't really love me. I think he was competing with the one I lost. I really believe he was. He talks about him, in an obsessively negative way. He hasn't so much as even touched me in over four years and rarely prior to that and it's not like I'm a bad looking person. He's just mean. I need to change my life, I'm too young at 51 to feel this sad and without direction. This man, my love - whom I did not even realize I loved, passing has forced me to wake up I think.