Year marks from when you learned of the tragedy are very hard to deal with. Last December I pretty much came apart. It may have been 38 years since Linda died, but for me it was only 1 year. It is acute pain. But it does not last forever. The acute pain will be replaced with what you were feeling before the year mark. During this acute period avoid those behaviors you mentioned. For me it is staring at her pictures. The less I do that, the less it hurts. Remember you have friends here that you can talk openly about it and help you through it.