hello to whom is listening, 12 years ago my father murdered my mother in our house due to substance absurd issues. The issue I’m facing isn’t the feeling of loss of them because I have come to copes with it and assuming in ways this was suppose to happen. My issue is now that I fear my relationships with my siblings because I feel and have nightmares of how I could have stopped this from occurring and stopped the pain to my family. I don’t discuss the pain with my family due to an unspoken rule that we don’t discuss these things and act as if they don’t want exist. However, within the pass 3 and Half years I was blessed with 2 amazing nieces who I love dearly. Recently, my older niece has been asking where our mom and dad are and I just don’t know how to answer or react. I truly feel as part of it is my fault because I was there but other parts I feel like there’s nothing I can do because of the substance abuse my father was dealing with. I hate lying to my family about the pain but the pain has taken over lately. I just don’t know how to feel and I don’t know who to talk to anymore.