One year without him

Thank you . I did just that, we had a dinner in his name with a birthday cake and ice cream. Grandchildren sang happy birthday to their favorite tiny papa. He would of loved it every much. ❤️

 

Cora,

No amount of time will ever take away the memory of the loss of your husband. I hope you are doing well on this anniversary date. You and your children and grandchildren shared so many wonderful memories together. Especially as they were born and then had children of their own. Those are times that bring tears of joy to our eyes, our heart mind and soul are gladdened by such occasion and perhaps you might have many pictures that captured those moments to look back upon.

When my sons talk of their mother, it is one of sorrow and memories. As it must be for your children and grandchildren who miss their father, and grandfather.
Loss in life is unfair. We all feel like there never was enough time to finish all the things we wished to do. But at least, we each have memories to fall back upon.

I know there will be tears, just like all of us shed from loss, but as time moves forward, we will celebrate as you did with your family and share some tender moments together. My heart goes out to all of you. Please continue to reach out. Share the loss with your family and never forget it will take time and many tears to virtually mend your heart, mind, and soul. Each day, he is with you, in your actions, your words, your precious tears. Take care for now. Peace be with you today and the days forward.

-david

The Miracle of Love as children are born

 

Beautiful words by your husband. I know when I lost my wife, she always told me how sad she was for leaving us alone, even as she suffered so much from cancer. She showed us how to endure the hurt. The last day in her life, as sat by her bedside and held her hand gently, I was so filled with emotions. The moment she took her last breath and her hand slipped from mine, I was crushed, but I was also so relieved she would no longer suffer anymore.

You sound like an amazing person. You have faced your loss, held you head up high and go on through life in what seems like being inspired by his last words to you.

Let me tell you how Nadine inspired me. I am a Roman Catholic who has always had faith as my guiding light even in troubling times during my life. One day in hospice, Nadine told her last sister Linda (both Nadine and her had already suffered the loss of their two brothers and last sister), her niece Lisa, me, my two sons, and friends were in the room.

Nadine told us of having a dream of being visited by an angel. Nadine had always wanted grandchildren in life and alas that was not to be. She said the angel told her in heaven she would take care of all the unwanted children. She had a look that was one that was hard to forget, her face was vibrant and so full of life. I believed her.

After her passing it took me a long time to come to terms with her loss. But last year during her birthday month I had a dream and remembered it after I awoke, not normal for me. I dreamt of a spirit all in white had slept upon my chest that night. I felt comforted by that thought. It was from that moment forward that I looked for a location to help me talk of my sorrow and loss.

On Sep 25th of last year I made my first post here. From that day forward until just recently I carried this enormous weight of my loss and was unable to resolve it. One day after so many posts here it was as if a weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders. I felt better, my tears were not of sorrow but joy as I felt so much better inside. I can't say enough for grief. It can be with you even before loss nor is it easy to face and overcome it.

I hope you don't mind that I shared this with you, but I have seen your comments and felt safe in talking with you. Thank you for listening.

-david

During this isolation, this is a collaboration of a little girl from the US and another from Italy

 

David, thank you for your kind words and wisdom.

 

Another wonderful musical choice. It certainly lifted my spirits.

 

Thank you Senith, we had a dinner and cake with ice cream for my husbands birthday and the grandchildren sang happy birthday to him. I can’t believe I made it through the day but I did. There will be many more trials along the way too but I know he would of loved it. God bless

 

Kriss, I was wondering if your family came through for you? Your not the only one with family issues so I was hopeful that your sisters didn’t let you down. It sucks that our families don’t understand. God bless

 

Well. Out of six sisters I had one that actually came thru with a comment about something she remembered about Ruch. A few others remembered what he liked to do but nothing that they could remember having a moment with him. One only wished me luck getting thru thr day. So I guess it was an epic fail as to what I was hoping for. It was a real real bad day. Spent most of the day crying. Now to get thru the next ten days. Since our anniversary and the anniversary of his death which is May 3 a lot happened. His first minor heart attack days in the hospital then recovery at home then the death. I am reliving each day like it was yesterday. I’ve been lashing out at my son who doesn’t deserve it but I don’t know what else to do. He is the only one I see cuz of this covid. Just wish I could get out and see people. Thank you for being here and trying to help me out I do appreciate it.

 

Dear David,

Thank you for making me cry. I need it. Thank you for the beautiful song that made me hug myself today - remembering how we used to dance or would just cuddle while listening to it. In life, we get clapped now and again, but in our case, losing our loved ones felt like the world crushed right in front of us. I lived for 12 beautiful years in South Africa with him, and early last year he physically left me. For +-3 months, he did everything to prepare me of his passing. But when the time came, it felt terrible! Me alone physically in a foreign country and facing a legal battle, I stood firm in front of others, but would break down the minute I get back to my zone. Two (2) months later, I made a decision to save my life - flew back to my home country, Palawan, Philippines, and now recovering in the arms of my loving family. But did he ever abandon me? NEVER! My husband moved in me since 2PM of 7th of February, 2019 and never leaves me as he promised. I am looking after myself (hair and nails attended at all times - as he wished) as I promised. Thank you.

 

Ohhh.. Cora, for sure you made him happy! Three (3) months after my husband's passing, I opened a Travel Agency business to keep me occupied. But believe me, it wasn't easy, is still not easy. There are times when I have to excuse myself from the crowd - because of a familiar scent ot scene that reminds me of him. I break down and it is alright! Be strong and remember HE IS WITH YOU. Be Strong!

 

Senith,

Excellent picture. We all need to cry and release our emotions, some days more than others. I used to believe a man was not allowed to cry, but one day I walked into a room and stopped at the doorway. My dad was weeping. He was a giant of a man. A World War 2 naval hero. He had seen so much in his life.

At this point the day previous his new cat has passed and for the first time in my life, I saw dad break down and cry. I was at a loss for words and so affected by what I had seen, I slowly backed out of the room and left. Life can be harsh, but it can also be enlightening. I just know from that day forward dad changed my life.

Senith you did well in recovering from your loss, especially in a land you were not native with. I am so glad you are where you feel the safest. I hope life forward will be wonderful. Take care and stay safe. Never surrender to despair and above all else just believe in yourself.

-david

This is a violinist who is from the Philippines, and I have listened to him since the start of my grief.

Bryson Andres

 

Hi David!

Life is never been easy without him, but I still have a purpose that is why I am still breathing. Remembering what my counselor once said, "instead of listening to others breathing, focus on your own. Listen to your heartbeat. Life is beautiful and that you are alive, so enjoy it!" Just to share, I have a notebook size adult colouring book that I carry with me all the time. When my mind start wandering, I use my colouring book to refocus and it really helps. Took me over a year to watch a full movie without tears, but it is alright. I am doing great. Keep well!

 

Senith,

Having an item like the oversized colouring book is a great idea. I have also found that music is one the most amazing way to relax.



The scenery adds to the peacefulness. If you are not in an area to view, just the sounds can help with or without headphones on.

-david

 

Kriss,
I’m sorry as a whole your sisters didn’t come through for you. It’s not what you hoped for. However let’s try to put a spin on it some. You did have one sister who shared a memory and one sister who wished you luck getting through the day. Others mentioned things Ruch enjoyed. They made an effort. Was it like you hoped, no. But they tried. They might not know how to support you. I have a brother who I have always been close with, he was 8 when I started dating Ron. Ron treated him like his little brother, they remained close. My brother knew I wasn’t sleeping, and he called me every morning at 6 to ask how I was and then called later in the day again. He did this at least 3 weeks maybe 4. The calls became less and less. During one call, I was crying, as usual, and he was like, you’re having a hard day, I’ll call back later. So not what I needed. He did call back, I actually got the nerve up to let him know his calls mean the world to me, I need support, you don’t make me cry, I’m crying all the time. Please keep calling and just listen if you don’t know what to say. Please I need the support from someone who knew Ron so well. His wife told me that the night of Ron’s passing, when they got back home, my brother was shaking uncontrollably, and crying and asked her to hold him. He was very affected by our loss. After I asked him to please keep calling, he did better then dropped off again til now with covid 19. And he’s in touch more. I told him this solitude we’re all feeling right now, it’s very similar to how I felt after Ron passed. So alone, and scared.
I guess I shared that because people just don’t know what this pain feels like. If they haven’t had such a loss how can they understand. Maybe think of how that went as, at least they tried. That’s something.
I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you on the 3rd, I’m going through a rough spot myself but I am sorry. I do hope you managed and got through. I know exactly how it all feels but not how it feels having these dates and living in this time of crisis. My heart goes out to you, I know how you’re feeling. Plain and simple, it sucks!
Please take care,
Robin

 

Kriss,
I am sorry that your sisters didn’t do a better job for you but I know exactly how u feel. My sister lives next door and has never been a comfort for me anytime. But it’s been that way my whole life. I also have a brother in the same small town and nothing from him either. I hope everyone is still trying to hand in there, it’s been rough but I just take it one day at time. I am trying to learn how to breathe too. I have my good days and bad ones.
Robin, I hope you are having better days too. Thank god for our children. Everyone take care and god bless

 

Cora,
I recall you mentioning your sister is next door, and offers no support. I can’t even imagine, I’m so sorry! And you’re brother too. I’ve mentioned it before but I have a brother also living In the same small town, if I call him he will help me but I tend to not call. Not my nature. My other brother is still trying to be supportive, but stopped joining me for holidays. My sister, let’s not even go there.
People here not only know the pain and angst from our loss but also know how it feels for family to not support us.
I’m going through a rough spell, but I keep trying to push forward. Cora I hope you’re continuing to push forward as well.
Strangers, people we’ve never met, give and offer such wonderful support here on this site. I’m thankful for each and every person on here.
Yes, thank god for our children! And try breathing exercises, they’re very helpful.
❤️Robin

 

Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. Haven’t been on the site lately been going thru a rough time. My mother in law passed away on April 28 th. Just five days before my husbands year anniversary date. She is now with Rich and they are both watching down on my kids and I and father in law. Once again my family amazed me and never got in touch after I to,d them of my mother in laws passing. Been rough with this covid. Not having a service or anything for my mother in law and not being with her when she passed was very hard. My kids and I did get my father in law to her rest home and we did get to view her shortly after her passing in the window. We did get our chance to say goodbye. Still not the same but to be honest I don’t know if I or our family could have mentally and physically handled a funeral so close to the anniversary of Rich’s. I will just get thru this knowing they are together and taking care of each other and they are no longer in pain.( her from dimentia and hubby from prosthetic and sugar ) my father in law and I talk daily and try to be supportive of each other. Wish he didn’t live two hours away but we manage. Thanks again for everyone of you.

 

Kriss,
I am so sorry! Too many things one on top the other. I can’t even imagine. And not being able to be close as our loved ones pass. Looking through the window, I’m so sorry! But at least you had that moment, not enough of course but the fact that you were able to help your father in law get to have that time to see her, I’m sure he’s so thankful for that.
My in laws passed just 1 year, my mother in law and 1 1/2 years my father in law before Ron passed. I believe they are together and watching over our children and myself. As sad as it all is, feeling Rich is with his Mom and Ron is with his parents, there’s something comforting with that.
I am sorry about your family not reaching out after the loss of your mother in law. Sadly a lot of us have family that fail to give support we desperately need. I’m sorry they keep letting you down. I’m glad you have your children, I hope your father in law is managing, it’s nice you’re supporting each other. So sorry that it’s necessary for each of you.
Please take care, and you do have people here who care and will support you.
❤️ Robin