My son was three when my husband commuted suicide. He is now six and the pain is still so raw. Every special event has a cloud over it because he is missing everything. Today was a special day with dad at my sons school, and I watched this morning as my son walked in with his grandpa.. it should have been his father. Everyone else was marching in proudly with their daddy's. It's days like this that I just have to shut the door and sob. I try very hard not to live in the past, but his loss is felt every single day, and the weight never seems to lift. We've been to so many group and individual counseling sessions, and have a very healthy relationship where we talk about it openly...but living with this pain is sometimes unbearable. I know we are not alone in this, but grief is such a personal thing, that most days I do feel completely alone in it. Does anyone else feel this way? Will this ever not feel so heavy? Will all of my sons happy occasions be marred with the sadness that his father isn't there?