My husband should have been there today.

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Lisam57, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. Lisam57

    Lisam57 New Member

    My son was three when my husband commuted suicide. He is now six and the pain is still so raw. Every special event has a cloud over it because he is missing everything. Today was a special day with dad at my sons school, and I watched this morning as my son walked in with his grandpa.. it should have been his father. Everyone else was marching in proudly with their daddy's. It's days like this that I just have to shut the door and sob. I try very hard not to live in the past, but his loss is felt every single day, and the weight never seems to lift. We've been to so many group and individual counseling sessions, and have a very healthy relationship where we talk about it openly...but living with this pain is sometimes unbearable. I know we are not alone in this, but grief is such a personal thing, that most days I do feel completely alone in it. Does anyone else feel this way? Will this ever not feel so heavy? Will all of my sons happy occasions be marred with the sadness that his father isn't there?
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Lisa, thank you for joining us here and for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think so much of what you say rings true for so many people. And even as a longtime bereavement coordinator and administrator of this site, I recognize and agree that as wonderful as good support can be, it still has it's limitations. There is no easy fix, that's for sure. For most it's a matter of adjusting and adapting to this life that they didn't plan for and don't want to have to accept. What that looks like will be different for everyone of course. If nothing else, I think being here with other grievers can validate this experience for you, and I'm attaching an article from one of our blogs that I hope you will find helpful:
    It explains the impact of loss from a perspective that I think you'll relate to. In the meanwhile if we can be a support in any way, please just let us know. Thanks again for being here, and please take care~
    Lisam57 likes this.
  3. Lisam57

    Lisam57 New Member

    Thank you so much for your response. The article was so true, and did help to validate the things I feel every day. I appreciate that very much, especially when many people are quick to say, "You need to just move on", or " Why are you so stuck in the past". Grieving is a solitary thing, and different for each person, but just being connected to others who understand and can relate is always a comfort. Thank you!

  4. Barbara vinton

    Barbara vinton New Member

  5. Barbara vinton

    Barbara vinton New Member

    I understand how you feel. My son just started college and my other son just got into medical school. Their dad should be here to hug them and tell them how proud he is. My heart is broken
  6. Milemile

    Milemile New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss and I know the feeling!! I lost my husband to suicide May 2015 and our son is now 5 years old and it’s so hard. I cry almost daily and some days struggle to get out of bed. I walk him to school and see so many dads and their sons and it kills me inside. Everyone says with time the pain will ease and be different!!! I hope that is true because this hurt is unbearable. Please know you are not alone I know exactly how you feel:-(