My husband is gone and I just cannot accept it.....

My husband passed away 4 weeks ago. He was 37 and we have a 19 month old son. He was not ill and apparently had heart disease that we didn't know about. I am so angry. I am angry at God for taking him away when my little boy and I need him. Why does God need him more than us? The only thing that gets me out of bed each morning is that little boy. Will he ever know how much his father loved/adored him? That is my fear. I have plenty of videos and photos to show him and enough stories to fill a book, but will he ever really know? I miss Anthony every second of every day. I keep waking up in the morning expecting him to be beside me or downstairs in his man chair passed out with his feet up and the TV on. I am consumed by and cannot get the gurgle sound/noise he made as he died in front of me after falling to the floor. The only comfort I have is that he knew I was there because we talked before he fell down. He thought he was having a panic attack. I know that time heals all wounds, but my heart is dead. It died on July 23, 2019.

 

I’m so sorry. Mine was similar circumstance around my husbands death and he was 49. I can see him in his chair too where he passed on February 4th this year. I died inside that day with him. We will never be the same without them but we have to go on for our loved ones. It’s not fair to our kids who already lost a parent to have the other one so unhappy that they have basically lost both. You’re little boy will always know how much his father loved him because he is in his heart and you will tell him everyday how much he loved him and everything about his dad.

 

I am sorry about both your losses. I lost my dear hubby this past April 16th on one of our daughter's birthdays. We were out of town in a hotel room when he had a sudden heart attack and that loud horrid gurgling sound and writhing all over the bed. I also just lost my mom 9 days ago and a dear friend 5 days ago.
I feel like I am in some nightmare dream and cannot escape. I think of my beloved husband constantly, and we would ha e been together 46 years this month. I cannot even fully describe how I feel anymore except totally broken. I try to maintain and keep busy and I have a loving family if 4 children (lost one son in 69) and grandchildren, but do not wish to show my grief and cause them more heartache. Actually I dont like to show too much to anyone.
I read my bible and try to stay close to the Lord,s strength. I know we do not always understand His plan but must learn to accept it and trust him.
I try to remind myself my that my dear husband is happy in the splendor of the Lord and he deserves to be happy and can feel my love reaching him. I also hear him in my mind as I speak to him saying that he is still with me, I just cannot see him.
They all are in good comps y together now but it hurts so much.

 

Ladies, I am so sorry for your losses. I just keep asking WHY? He had lost both of his parents last year within 6 weeks of each other. Neither of them were sick. His mother had a heart attack, she was 60. His father had an an abdominal aneurysm and he was 64. I know deep down that those two losses within such a short time frame killed him in the end. It certainly contributed to it. I feel him with me each day and he leaves behind his sister. She is the only one left out of the entire family. We have always been close and we are both leaning on one another even more. My son lost 2 grandparents and his father within 16 months. WHY? We were together for 17 years, married for 9. My entire world was wrapped up into him. We never spent one day apart. We had so much left to do together. I know that God has a plan. I know that and I do believe it, but my heart cannot accept it.