My father is only 52 age , and he is suddenly now between life and death

Just what the title said , i woke up and i see my father dying from a stroke , we took him to intensive care but he had another 2 strokes after , their is huge chance that he gonna die , how do i cope with this , i thought when this will happen i would be married and having kids and it would have less impact , but here we are still at 21 years old , i have 1 person that i can barely say is a friend , i cant see my mother becasue she is always with my father and extremely deppersd , iam literally alone , how do i cope with this , how do i handel it , is it good to just grief with denial , to say my father will get back and stay like this untill he actually die ? is it better to start coping with his death from now ? i dont knpw

 

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I wish I had answers for you but unfortunately I do not. I am new to this as well. I lost my husband suddenly last month. He died at age 53 from a heart attack. I have 3 sons around your age (2 step sons 25 and 22 and my son 23). They all feel as you - and myself tbh - that they still had so many years ahead with him. Loss of someone so close is never easy - whether now at 21 or in many years later as a father with a family of your own - it would still be difficult and at times feel lonely.

Ask the hospital staff if they have any resources for someone to talk to - support groups, chat lines, etc. Hospice agencies usually have counseling available even for those who did not use hospice. Do you have a group on Facebook from high school? I was amazed at how many people I never even knew in high school ended up being someone I could talk to.

For now, focus on the fact that he is still alive and do not worry about the future which is not in your control. If you can visit him in the ICU then go for even just a short time. Take a deep breath, focus on you and him. Tell him how you feel and what he means to you while you can.

Everything will feel so lost - but you are already doing the right thing reaching out for help and talking it through. Above all things be patient. Patient with yourself. Patient with your mom. It will not be easy, but I believe you will do OK.

 

Hi Mako,

I too am so sorry and understand how overwhelming this all is. Here's my story.

My father was diagnosed with liver cancer 5 years ago. He took well to treatment and it never got him down. We sometimes forgot he was even sick to be honest because it never seemed like it. After a long visit in July we flew home and starting feeling a lot of pain and within days we found out his cancer had gotten worse since his last checkup a month prior. His liver was failing and there was nothing else they could do. He was released into hospice. He went from walking, traveling completely independent to not being able to walk and barely could talk within a couple weeks.

The sudden such drastic change shook all of us and my brother and I had to completely pivot and figure out how to not only take care of him ourselves 24/7 but how to process saying goodbye at the same time.

I'll tell you that I starting mourning my dad as soon as he was diagnosed. I can say that I wish i had allowed myself to be more in the moment because there was so much time I was worried and sad that i didn't need to be. However when he was put into hospice I had to be honest about what that meant realistically. Chances are he was going to be gone in months. He was my best friend, my person. I still cant even comprehend that hes gone.

He passed suddenly in September, 1 month after he came home. I say suddenly because he was improving so much every week that even the nurses thought he had months. But one night he suddenly had a series of strokes and he was gone.

My advice would be say everything you need to. Tell him all the things you could ever want to. Spend as much time with him as you can. Memorize his eyes, his hands, the wrinkles on his face. It sounds silly but its all things we never think about noticing and youll want to remember. We thought we had so much more time and we didn't, you just never know. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

As far as coping goes allow yourself to be sad, angry scared. Whatever is going to happen will happen and you cant control that. It took me a long time to really come to terms with that. Giving up control because I never really had it. I promise whatever happens you will survive. The days keep going as much as sometimes you wish they didn't.

I send you all the peace and love. If you ever want to talk to just me know.

 

Hello Mako, I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this tragedy. Try to see him as much as you are able, and when you do see him, if he's unable to speak - remember that our hearing is the last sense that we have - so if he can't look at you or speak he can still hear what you have to say to him.
I was 23 when my mother died of cancer, she was 46. I understand how difficult it is to see someone so young, so sick.
My sincerest thoughts are with you and your family...
~ Michael