My dad

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by gingerdowski, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. gingerdowski

    gingerdowski New Member

    I lost my dad 11 years ago. I don’t necessarily feel comfortable disclosing how, but it was out of nowhere.

    My parents had split 8 months before, and I was left by my mum to look after my dad, who suffered with bipolar disorder, and was a recovering alcoholic.

    At 14, I tried for a while to be a supportive daughter, but after a while I began to detach myself from my dad - who had been my best friend my entire life. We did everything together. Shared a love of film, sports, board games, and music. We spent as much possible time together, and he was my greatest hero and inspiration.

    When my parents split, I was on a weekly rotation between them. Whenever I was at my dads, he would cry and ask about my mums new boyfriend, or would be out until the early hours drinking, leaving me to stay up worrying about where he was. I sought help from my mum, but she simply told me that she had dealt with him for 20 years and it was my turn now.

    The last time I saw my dad, I was upset that he had slept in late on the day he was supposed to take him to my mums, and when he dropped me off, I slammed the door in his face when he tried to give me a hug goodbye.

    I’ll never get that image out of my head.

    As much as everyone says things will get better, they haven’t, and I struggle more and more with the guilt of upsetting my dad the last time I saw him.

    I miss him so much.
  2. Terrie_

    Terrie_ New Member

    I have a guilt around losing my dad too. I lost him suddenly a little over 2 years ago. I knew something wasnt right the night before but i thought it was to do with mental heath, not physical health. I feel so guilty that i may have been able to do something.
    Although its not the same situation, i completely understand that feeling or guilt and not being able to change it. <3
  3. Cloudsclouds

    Cloudsclouds Member

    I can relate to the feeling of guilt as well. I lost my dad 2 and a half months ago suddenly. My family planned a get together one day, and he asked me to go. I said I couldn't make it this time because it was my first wedding anniversary with my husband so we had made some special plans. He died that day. So I missed his last day on earth because I said no to his invitation to celebrate my anniversary, now the anniversary of his death and my wedding anniversary are on the same day forever.
  4. Terrie_

    Terrie_ New Member

    My dad always told me to remember the good anniversaries not the bad. Thats what i try to focus on. Not the day i lost him, but his birthday or his and my mums anniversary... to celebrate... not to dwell. Maybe this is something you could try. Celebrate your wedding anniversary and remember your dad at your wedding :). I hope this helps.
    I get married in september this year and dont know how im going to get down thay aisle without him :( x