more than 3 years...still lost

You’re already getting there by using this site to vent. If you feel like venting here, go ahead and vent, and don’t worry about the tears. My grief counselor Joanie gave me a saying by
Voltaire “ tears are the silent language of grief “. Another Hospice counselor told me “don’t worry about tears, she’s earned them. Keep on venting of it makes you feel better. We’ve all been there, and we’re ready to support you.
Bill

 

This quarantine sucks! If she were here we would have made it fun. Instead we are trapped in our own thoughts. Reliving every moment. Looking forward to peace for both you and me. Shitty times!!!

 

I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. Today hit me hard. I drank almost a bottle and and I am tipsy. In a way, it makes it easier to handle the pain because I cannot concentrate on anything. My world is spinning and the pain is manageable.

 

I’m sorry..I wish there was something I could say to make the pain stop. I go back n forth with my drinking. I get it. These times are the worst!!

 

And being stuck in the house during this virus makes it even more difficult. It’s almost 1pm here and just being stuck here alone just sucks. I miss her every second of every day.

 

3rd week in quarantine. I am getting all my bad habits back. Been drinking and smoking more often these days. One moment I would be ok, then something will remind me of her. Is it really normal not to be able to cry? I feel this pain in my chest and I feel the tears coming but my mind switches it off. They say you feel better after a good cry. I cannot do that. It just hurts so I turn to my bad habits to cope. It is a shitty feeling being like this.

 

This quarantine is a bitch! We have to believe that somehow, someway we are going to make it thur this. I have no idea how. But we will. I wish there was some magic thing to say to make it better. I can’t wait to feel normal again. For what it’s worth, I’m thinking of you and I feel your pain. Hope one day soon this feeling will fade!

 

sorry for being away for so long...i myself have been having issues till now...never was a drinker but got back into smoking a lot. I have been smoking since almost 20 years between15-20 a day. I have made a few attempts and this time i threw away all cigs as soon as i finished the last one 2 days back. These 2 days were ok and whenever i thought about it i managed to stay on track. but today has been very difficult. i am feeling low and depressed. i am 39F and single not working, not very social and because of corona have been mostly home. live with my parents so am a secret smoker, mostly smoking in the bathroom or go for a drive to smaoke...nothing to live for...no one special in life...nothing to look forward to...i am psyching myself into thinking that smoking gave me some kind of support or some sort of escape from my sad life. really tempted to go back to it...hate this feeling!

 

I’ve been dealing with helping my brother go through the grief process so I’ve been away. His grief is a divorce. He is staying with me and all I can think of that when I lost my person she helped me to have empathy that I never had before her. I feel her guiding me. Giving me patience. I use to smoke and god do I crave a smoke once in awhile. I for sure have been drinking more often. God I miss her.

 

The feeling will go. We just have to keep moving forward. My line recently is everything is temporary. All these feelings are temporary. There will be days when we can actually smile and love our loved ones without crying. The thing is not temporary is the missing of our loved ones. The pain just changes from time to time. We just need to keep moving.

 

Q

 

I really enjoyed watching this video and I agree with everything she said. We have to change the way people feel about grief and how they treat others who have lost their loved one