Mom died unexpectedly during surgery

My mom died three months ago, in a surgery that was supposed to have a less than 1% chance of risk. It was also the last procedure that was supposed to relieve her of all her symptoms. We had so much hope, and she was so young.

I was heavily involved in her medical care and advocated hard for her - I feel so much guilt and blame for pushing for this pathway. Maybe we should have left well enough alone. I am angry at myself, and even more angry at her doctors.

I wish she would have had the chance to see me married and have children. I'm devestated I never gave her that. I am 35 years old, single and don't have children, so I regret not getting married and giving her children earlier. She would have been so happy. I don't understand why she didn't get the chance to see the fruits of her labour, but others get this chance. I feel so alone without her. She was my biggest supporter. She was the only one who prayed for me. Who will pray for me now? Who will I tell my problems, my achievements, my sadness and joy?

 

Hi! Firstly, I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently going through something similar, I unexpectedly lost my father in May and have been feeling the same sort of guilt. He would have been over joyed if I had children and the thought of him not being able to walk me down the aisle crushes me. I’ve also been feeling angry at friends and family that still have their dad. I know it’s not fair to think that, but how come they get to have a dad and I don’t. I just feel cold and numb. But try to not think so much about it but everything reminds me of him. I was his caretaker along with my brother and now he’s just gone and we don’t know what to do with ourselves. I’m angry at the world for taking him so soon. I know it’s easier said than done to say don’t feel guilty about medical decisions you made to advocate for your mother. Anyone would have taken those 1% odds, you are not to blame for advocating for your mom to relieve her of her symptoms. I am sorry you are going through this.

 

Thank you so much. It's a terrible club to be part of, but I'm glad to not be alone. I also relate to the anger - I feel that all the time towards people who still have their moms. I even feel it towards people who've lost their moms, but at a much older age and after they've lived a full life. My mom was only 62 years old.

I hope it gets easier for the both of us. I'm so sorry for your loss.