Lost My Wife

O...M...G...! How moving!
I hadn’t seen that side of his personality before. I’ve laughed with him even before he declared that “short people had no reason to live “. He sure exposes his true heart here. Thank you all for sharing.
Bill

 

I want to thank everyone in the group for their beautiful and empathetic responses. That’s another thing, I am impressed at the ability to think of others when you personally have just gone through the worst event of your life. That is something I need to learn from you.

 

Colleen used to hate that “Short People” song. She was 5’3” and took umbrage with it. I eventually won her over about Randy Newman’s music and she came to love it more than I did. She downloaded almost every song he wrote. When she heard that song Randy Newman wrote for the last episode of the TV show “Monk”, she hurried me over to the TV “Joe, you gotta here this! I love this!”

 

Joe
What a wonderful memory. Colleen has this marvelous sense of humor that evokes chuckles and laughter from those around her. That gift to you will continue every time you visualize her smiling face. Music and humor, what amazing gifts. She’s with you constantly.
Bill

 

I actually think we all bond because we’re dealing with the same feelings. The loneliness is such a big part of our loss. So, reading and sharing stories and our ups and downs feel safe on this site. You’ve shared your story and just knowing what others are going through is so much like our own torture is somehow comforting, knowing we’re not in this alone.
The health crisis added to our already painful life is certainly making things feel worse. I know I’m feeling worse. I have plenty of things I could be doing around my house but I’m lacking motivation. If I do actually push to do something I do feel better but it’s all so very hard to get moving in the first place. I do like Bill said and think of my husband Ron and what he’d say to me. He’d tell me to try to enjoy life again. Enjoy my hobbies. I love to cook and it’s been difficult to cook because it’s Ron I loved to cook for and now it’s just me. I invite my daughter over and cook for the 2 of us sometimes. She’s been quarantined all along so we’re safe to go to each other’s homes. My hobbies are making things, sewing crochet, I have no desire to do any of that. But I do listen to what Ron would say and try to be motivated to get moving. I do tend to be on the internet a lot. I think back to when my Dad passed and wonder how did my Mom survive, there was no internet then. But I guess if you don’t have it you find other things to keep your mind busy. I was with her a lot.
Ron is my inspiration to get out of bed everyday, and to try to keep taking steps forward. We all know our loved ones would want that, but it’s so very hard.
I keep hoping we can move past this social distancing sooner rather then later and take one layer off our already burdened minds.
Keep posting and reading it’s very cathartic.
Robin

 

This site, and my Hospice Grief Counselor, Joanie, have encouraged me to pursue some youthful dreams. I worked in the music industry and lived through the good, and the bad parts of that world. Coming out of high school I was offered a music scholarship to the University of Washington which I accepted, only to enlist in the service during the Korean “conflict “ (although it was never officially a war, it was a WAR!!!). With the aid of Hospice my love of music has been re-kindled. I am now writing music again. Part of my methodology is to write down words or phrases that I hear or see (whatever the source) for use down the line. One such phrase that I have inserted into a song I am writing is: “There is no right or wrong, we’re all singing different verses of the same song”
It’s from a song called “God n’ Me.” It will have a reggae or Ska tempo. So you can make changes in your life even at 85 years of age or older. It just takes some encouragement.

 

Bill

I want to thank you for your response to my post. That is exactly it. I have had moments of tranquillity in the eight months after Colleen died, but only when I would ask myself, “What would she want from me?”

The thing I regret most in my marriage was that I would let envy stand in the way of love. I would be envious of her musical gift and envious of her emotional strength. When I felt that, jealousy was “driving the bus”- not love.

In the months after her death I have made a point of being a supportive friend to a younger musical colleague, a student teacher, who is more talented than me. At first it was tough, but when I saw the compassion this guy felt towards all students, the envy melted away. At that moment, I felt happy. I “got it” and I felt like Colleen was smiling down at me.

You are right. That is the key. Thank you for letting me share.

Joe

 

Bill,

What instrument do you play? What kind of music speaks to you? Who are your musical heroes? Sorry about the “dumb” questions.

Joe

 

All I CAN SAY IS, WAY TO GO JOE!!!
When I first started dating my wife, Janet, I was 12 years older than she, and I arrogantly assumed that I could be her mentor. Boy! Was I wrong!.
She turned out to be my mentor, and life coach. One of her first lessons for me was humility. She taught me so many valuable lessons that I can’t even count them properly. I am, and will always be
grateful to my Life coach, my mentor,
...my wife.

 

In my younger life I was a jazz musician, and fancied myself to be pretty good until I ran into some “real” talent. At that time I was friendly with the owners of a couple jazz venues. I met and got to know a lot of the premier jazz artists of that time and place. After realizing I couldn’t compete with real talent I started a production company. Because of some of the friendships I had developed over the years I was able to book some well known artists. One of those artist was Ella Fitzgerald. Her ex husband Ray Brown was a friend of mine and that got me to her manager, Norman Granz. After Ella’s concert, her accompanist Tommy Flanagan, sat down at the piano and put on an impromptu concert. What a talented artist.
David can you please help by downloading some Tommy Flanagan for me?

 

Bill,

Tommy Flanagan - Jazz Poet |FULL ABLUM|




Tommy Flanagan - Ron Carter - Tony Williams – The Trio (Full Album)

 

I forgot how to do

it

 

Thank you David. My mind just went blank.
The music reminded me of that night. Ella, as usual was superb. After her time in the spotlight was finished and the concert was over, she retired to her dressing room to eat some of the lavish food she had requested on her contract Ryder. In this case, cold cuts
and Tab (I don’t think they even make Tab any more)
Meanwhile, Mr. Tommy Flanagan sat down at the Piano.
His eyes, half closed, a cigarette, with a half inch of ashes bouncing with the music’s beat, dangled from the corner of his mouth. And the beauty and talent flowed from the Steinway. I’ll never forget it.

 

Bill,

I am always happy to bring back memories. It is what so many of us live for and to never forget.

-david

 

You’re the best David. Thanks again.

 

Hi Joe
I like all forms and styles of music. From pop to rock. From country to classical. When saw a concert at about 5 years of age that featured a violinist I wanted to play the violin. When I started school and enrolled in music classes, the teacher said they needed a trombonist , so that’s where I started. I learned most of the brass instruments, and my favorite trombonist, at that time, was Urbie Green. I love Romantic Russian composers, and was really into James Galway for a time. Love good piano, and good country. I also really liked Stan Kenton arrangements back in the day.

for a time.

 

One of my favorites, and influences, was Bill Withers, who was a remarkable song writer.(grammas hands, use me, there ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone) Bill Withers was a one of a kind philosophical genius. I loved his quiet, heartfelt delivery. A great story teller who will be missed.

 

Bill,

You are so right!

 

When Bill Withers was elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he was presented by Stevie Wonder and John Legend. He commented that he was honored to be presented by a Wonder and a legend.
He was very proud of his heritage, being from a small coal mining town in West Virginia. Grandma’s Hands speaks to his memories of that time.