Lost my soul mate at 38...anyone lose a spouse at a young age?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Chelle51, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. SoLost

    SoLost New Member

    Hi Taylar, I know you have heard this a million times just as I have but Im so sorry for your loss. Like you this is a new thing for me with my husband only being gone for 3 days. He was 38 and I am 35 it feels so unreal, like he is gone to work and will be home any minute. I am glad I came across this site though it makes it a little easier talking to some people that really know what you are going through... I here is you want to vent.
     
  2. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I have any really sleep properly for a while, I find it all extra difficult, days and nights are all hard to me. I won’t lie and say it will get easier in time as people keep telling me as I haven’t found that yet, it’s still really raw to me as he only passed away in December 2018. So I won’t give you the cliches.
    What I will say is don’t ever feel pressured into moving fast with your grief or trying to rush it for the sake of other people, and allow yourself to grief in the way you want to, and never feel like how you coping isn’t normal. Even though I hate people telling me it’s normal how I’m feeling. Non of this is normal. I miss him so much and I feel so lost and alone without him by my side.
    I’m always here if you need to chat or scream day or night, yourself not alone.
     
    BarbEdge likes this.
  3. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

     
  4. Robert Gilley

    Robert Gilley New Member

    Hello I lost my wife of 18 years to cancer. She was 37 and she passed away July 27 2017 after a long battle it finally took over her entire body. Her diagnosis came only days after we adopted a baby. So now my responsibility is to raise our daughter she is a very happy 5 year old and has dreams about her mom all the time. Some days are easier than others and yes it is hard and I have tried to date as a promise to my wife but things are definitely not same as they were in the dating world. So my advice is to keep God close to you and talk to him often, he will lead us in the right direction.
     
  5. Melissyah favela

    Melissyah favela New Member

    I just lost the love of my life on feb 28th to a herion overdose ..he was 41 when he died and my heart hurts for him every day
     
  6. Bella628

    Bella628 New Member

    I can relate. I am 33. My husband died in September suddenly at the age of 32. We have a 2 year old son together. We had gotten married 2 years before and been in love for 13 years. He had an autoimmune disease and actually had a heart attack unrelated to his disease. Neither of us could work because I was always taking care of our son (he couldn’t) and I was constantly taking care of my husband. He vomited blood several times a day (normal for his disease). I was always cleaning up after 1 of the 2 of them. It was exhausting. I don’t say that as a means of complaining. It was just exhausting. He was my best friend since I was 17. We took many years apart to “find ourselves” and we found ourselves back together for 2 very short years. I feel cheated as well. We had so many plans. Even simple ones like our son helping decorate the next Christmas tree. Our son doesn’t even recognize him in photos anymore. He’s just another person. It breaks me. So yeah, I can partially relate. In my brain I’m counting the years I have left until I’m done. I don’t want to die but my best friend doesn’t exist anymore so I am just counting down the time until I can see him again...

    I
     
  7. lola

    lola New Member

    hello.. this is my first day on this site... i also lost my partner in December.... i recently had a conversation wherein this person told me i should be feeling better by now.... i don't... some of my friends have gone away.. but in the same breath.... strangers have become friends..... i think people don't know what to say.... but for some reason think saying or doing nothing is better.... how has your support from others been?
     
  8. Bella628

    Bella628 New Member

    That’s a big part of it (it feels like to me); people have no idea what to say and although they mean well they’re kind of just filling in the silence with things they think maybe someone should say. And I would rather not speak at all if it’s not going to be true/meaningful/helpful. I feel like for the first few months EVERYONE was ALWAYS there for me and it was actually overwhelming not in a great way but now I feel and see that people have kind of moved on and I’m one of the few left with it. It feels lonely because their lives just continue whereas I have to start all over. With a 2 year old son. You can’t just magically do that. I wouldn’t say I feel better. I would say I have become a different person. I get angry a lot for no reason (it doesn’t affect anyone, it’s just internal) and I have a lot of resentment. Towards so many things and concepts. I feel like nobody else could ever understand this no matter how much you explain because it’s just something you would have to experience first hand. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never feel “better.” I can find things in my life to pass time and to hopefully interest me but at this point I feel like I’ve lived my life and now I’m just listening to the clock or watching the calendar. I love my son but I’ve technically lived my life. So no. I don’t feel better. Because now I have to wake up for however many extra days and be a widow and a single mom and all the other things. Wake up as a label. And then go to bed. And then repeat. I don’t believe time heals. I think it changes you. Which isn’t really a concrete response but I hope helps... thank you for talking to me honestly :)
     
  9. BarbEdge

    BarbEdge New Member

    Hi there,
     
  10. BarbEdge

    BarbEdge New Member

    I too have recently lost my husband. He was 49 years old. We only had three months from diagnosis to passing. Together for 27 years and married for almost 24. Unfortunately we had had a separation and had just reconciled six months prior to diagnosis. I have been left with so many regrets and what if‘s. I wonder we make the right decisions regarding his care. So many things left unsaid because we thought we had more time. After looking through his phone I found some things I’m glad I found and other things not so glad I found. I try to keep busy with work , but the sadness is overwhelming. I have dealt with a lot of pain in my life but nothing relates to this.
     
  11. Rebecca Higgins

    Rebecca Higgins New Member

    My husband also died in October. It was just a couple weeks before his 41st birthday. I was 38 at the time, though I've since had a birthday. We were supposed to celebrate our 20 year anniversary in December. We were going to plan a trip to Italy this summer to celebrate. We have 4 sons together. At the time of his death, they were 16, 14, 13, and 11. We've had to face most of our firsts without him already- his birthday, like I mentioned-our anniversary, all the holidays, 3 of my kids' birthdays, my birthday... etc... It's so painful, I can't stand it. I hate the loneliness and the hollow feeling where my heart is supposed to be. I've started seeing someone else who is so sweet and understanding. I know I don't want to be with him forever, but he helps me to not feel so lonely.
     
  12. BarbEdge

    BarbEdge New Member

     
  13. Kiea McCrary

    Kiea McCrary New Member

    I can definitely relate. I'm 37 and I lost my husband who was also 41 this March the 19th. I am completely lost. He was best friend. I feel like a shadow. Most of the time I am just existing and I am looking for some semblance of peace or understanding or just anyone who can tell me what comes next.?
     
  14. Kiea McCrary

    Kiea McCrary New Member

    We were together 8 years but we were only married for 4 months
     
  15. misty326

    misty326 New Member

    Hi Chelle, So sorry for your loss... My first husband made it back from Viet Nam twice, we then got married. 5 months and a day later a drunk driver killed him... We were both 21. He had taught me how to be a girl instead of a tomboy... took me from jeans to pink lace dresses..... I was blessed to have shared time with him. My second husband was the father of my son. We were together for 10 years when he died in a car wreck. I was 32. My son was my lifeline through this loss. Now I am 70 and my husband of 20 years died suddenly at 66 years old. What I can tell you from my perspective is that good things will still happen in your life.. You will never forget your husband but you will find joy again... This loss at my age is different and I wont get into it as you were asking about loss at a young age... Find a way to have some time to do things you like to do...it will feel empty for a while because you cant share it with him... but keep putting one foot in front of the other...and hopefully you will find some Sunshine through the Tears... I am thinking of writing a book with that title..
     
  16. Cheryl123

    Cheryl123 New Member

    Hello. I am 39. 7 months ago I lost my significant other suddenly and unexpectedly. He had a heart attack and died at home while I was at work. He was 41. We have 4 young children. It feels like it was just yesterday that he passed. I miss him so much. I hurt for myself and I hurt for my children everyday. I feel stuck in this grief and depression. I stumbled upon this website just looking for something that might help me get through this.