Lost my soul mate at 38...anyone lose a spouse at a young age?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Chelle51, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. Joanna!

    Joanna! Member

    Beccy, I feel the same way. It's like I don't know how to be without him. And I'm starting to think my family is tired of me saying I miss him. The house is so quiet. It's been six months for me and it hasn't gotten any easier. I just miss him so much.
     
  2. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I feel like that, my family are already talking about it will get easier in time. As if I should be over it by now, I don’t want it to get easier as if he never existed. He was my my whole life, I can’t just brush my feelings off to suit people and nor would I want to.
     
  3. OFD_Josh

    OFD_Josh New Member

    I think people say it will get easier because that’s what they’ve heard or maybe because they have experienced loss on some level. The thing about sudden loss/death at a young age/loss of a spouse or child is the devestation. Others, even close family, can’t understand the pain you go through because they have not experienced that type of grief. That’s why they say generic things like “they’re in a better place”, “God has a plan”, or “it will get easier in time”. They want to comfort you and they care about you, they just can’t relate to what you are going through. This is just my opinion and I don’t think every situation is the same, so please don’t take the way I feel as the way you should.
    Moving on with your life is the hardest thing you will do. Living without your husband, wife, or child can be unbearable sometimes. I often think about what my wife would say, if she were able to tell me what I should do. She was the most level headed person I had ever met. For me, she would say “take care of our kids, take care of yourself, and be happy”. It’s been almost 2 years since she left us. I know she didn’t want to go and we will always remember her. She loved us and we will always love her. The hardest part now is raising 3 children who need their mom and who have so many questions. It’s hard to give them answers that they can understand. I know as they get older they will be ok....I just wish she could be here to see them grow up.
    Talking with others who are going through a similar situation has been a tremendous help. I started counseling a few months ago and I wish I had done it sooner. Just saying your feelings out loud worked for me. By myself at night or on my drive to and from work, I would talk to her or God and just lay it all out. Exactly how I felt, the anger and guilt, the sadness, the memories....whatever was or is on my mind. I feel a little better after saying these things out loud instead of keeping them in my head.
    I pray for everyone that has lost someone...I couldn’t and didn’t want to talk to God for a long time. I think my mother in law has completely given up on faith. I am trying to get mine back, but it has been difficult.
    I’m sorry for such a long post, but I hope it might help someone else. You are all important and your feelings matter. I’m glad I found this site. It has helped me cope a little better just by reading these posts.
     
  4. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Thankyou for your kind words, it’s really helping to hear from other people that are or have been through it. I’m sorry for your loss.
    I just find it extremely difficult and lonely to be without him, I just cry all the time, I miss him so much, I don’t know how to cope without him.
     
  5. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Can I ask who are you having counselling with?
    Why did you not have it sooner?
     
  6. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    Hi so sorry for your loss my wife was only 43 and we had our lives ahead of us. Have you given thought to a therapist or even a support group? I have done both and at times it seems to help then others feels like I am going no where. Even reaching out in here is a big step in a very horrible journey. Find comfort in prayer I also read a book its called Grief day by day.
     
  7. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Can I ask when did u lose your wife?
    What counselling and support group did u try?
     
  8. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    I lost her on 12/24/18 not long ago. The support group is loss of spouse and tonight i attend a mens group then later I will goto a young loss of spouse I am trying any thing including a therapist. I am still having daily issues where I feel like a mess,and I have to go hide and cry! I know there is no magic cure but over all at time it seems to help. Good luck sorry to meet you like this
     
  9. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    You sound like your getting out there. I’m having trouble try to find counselling and support groups. I’m currently on Cruse waiting list.
    How did you find support groups? Do u live in birds?
     
  10. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Bir(sorr
    y
     
  11. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Do u live in Birmingham ( sorry not birds)?
     
  12. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    The mortuary provided me with a groups that meets where I had her service. I looked up therapist online and there is no guarantee so I turned my focus into prayer.
    That seems to be a solid means of support but even with all of that my heart really aches at times. I miss her so much and this is very hard to type this to you I hope I am not upsetting you I will pray for you! My wife and I live in Denver
     
  13. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

  14. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Thankyou for replying, you are not upsetting me, I too find typing really difficult at the minute, so i apppreciate your kind words and prays. I’m grafetful for your time.
     
  15. Ralph Smith

    Ralph Smith Member

    My wife was killed in a car crash. She was only 41 at the time. The driver who hit her was drunk and trying to reach for his phone to read a text message from his drug supplier. I was devastated when I received the phone call that she was involved in a fatal accident. For a long time I was very angry with God because I did not know why this could happen to someone who was loved by so many. I wanted to know what I did wrong to be put in this horrible position. I asked God please let me make ii right. Whatever I did wrong please let me correct it I just want her back. It has been 4 1/2 Years and I still have no answers why. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that in some way I will be with her again. I cannot even think of being happy with someone else. Therefore I have to live out the rest of my life alone. Good luck to everyone who has lost someone special in there lives. Just remember that you will be together with them again.
     
  16. taylar

    taylar New Member

    I understand how you feel. I am 23 and lost my 25 year old fiancé this week. Here I am feeling as though I’m the only person going through this but clearly there are so many of us burdened by the loss of a loved one so early.
     
  17. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I am so very for your loss, it’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had to go through, people say it gets easier in time, I’m not so sure.
    May I ask how you lost her at such a young age?
     
  18. SoLost

    SoLost New Member

    I am new to this, and hoping this can give me some help. My husband of 15 years pass yesterday he was 38 and I am 35. We have a 9 year old daughter together. He was the only man I have ever loved, and the hardest part of this whole thing was having to tell our daughter. He was diagnosed with HL back in October and we have been doing chemo once every two weeks since. He was found to be in remission in February, in March he got really sick with what we thought was just a cold until one night he could barely breathe. I took him to the Emergency room to find out he had double lung PNA and some blood clots, as he laid there he just kept apologizing to me and telling me how much he loved me. I left to get my daughter ready for school and when I got back he was intubated and in a coma. He stayed this way for over 8 days... Then they took the tube out and he woke up!!! The next two weeks we spent watching tv and talking( although he was on a by pap) we spent this time together. Then one morning I was getting ready to go and see him and they called, he had a bad night and they needed to re intubate him. The doctor came to tell me his lungs had been affected by the Bleomycin and this was non reversible, but he wanted to try him on ECMO ( a machine that basically breathes for him and lets his lungs rest) but this needed to take place at a hospital 2 hours away. What was I suppose to do say no, So I would get up every morning at 4 and drive the 2 hours or more (LA traffic) and go sit next to him while he was out of it. I did this for 4 weeks, finally the dr told me that there was nothing left that could be done and this lungs are not healing. I had to make the biggest most difficult decision in my entire life to turn these machines off. I know it has only been one day but I feel so broken, sad, alone, and at peace all at the same time. I know in my heart this was the right thing to do but why do I feel so guilty? I have no friends here ( we are new to this state) and not on the best of terms with my family.
     
  19. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I’m so very so to hear of your loss, similar to you I was 37 and he was 43 when I lost him in 15th December 2019, following a short battle with cancer. I just can’t get my head around it, he went in with a completely different matter and ended up in a coma, it is all still do unreal.
    If you ever need someone to talk to you can talk to me, I know what it feels like to be isolated and alone. I’m here if you need a friendly ear.
     
  20. SoLost

    SoLost New Member

    Thank you Beccy, its nice to talk to someone that knows your pain. I mean I am thankful for all the well wishes and prayers and calls from people, but no one truly knows what I am going through. This is still so very new to me with him only being gone for 3 days but I know things will get better each day but right now it is so hard to see it like that. I make it through my days ok there are things to do especially with taking care of our daughter, its the nights that feel so long. I haven't slept through the night. How are you doing?