Lost, alone, destroyed. World Destroyed

On April 10, 2021 I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my rock, my world to addiction (alcohol). We were together for 10 years and now she is gone.

We met 10 years ago when I was just getting out of a bad spot in my life, and was down on my luck. We met, fell in love and was married after only being together for 2 months. Together we had started a business that we fought very hard to make is successful and where it is today. But through everything she was there for me...through my good day, my bad days, just like I was there for her. We were each others rocks, support, and our love was something that couldn't be destroyed.

No I sit here and wonder what am I going to do now? Everything that I have known, loved, cherished is gone. Where do I go? What do I do? I'm in a world that is now dark because the guiding light that I had for 10 years has now burned out.

To best put it...I feel like a sailor on the seas that knows his travels are complete because of the recognizable sight of a lighthouse that shines its guiding light to let me know that I am home, that I am safe. Well now the light of that lighthouse has burned out, never to be replaced. I am lost in that sea, trying to figure out which way to go.....alone.....scared....because the safety of that guiding light is gone....never to return. Where do I go? Which direction do I travel?

 

Hi Joew,
I know the feeling very well. I also recently tragically lost my partner on March 26 2021 over alcohol addiction. I was so distraught, didn't know what to do, contemplated suicide. It just felt like the end of my world. I recently took the Newly Bereaved Self study assignment available on this website. It lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders and gave me a new perspective that helped me better understand what I was going through. I'm not saying it will help you because we heal differently, but have a look and see if it is something that might be of benefit to you. I wish you peace and strength during this time.

 

Thank you very much. I will definitely do that. I hope that together, we can communicate and help each other through this hard time. My condolences to your loss.

 

I lost my boyfriend to alcohol addiction last week. We were together for 2 short years but our relationship sounds much like yours in that we had a whole life we started and knew we were going to live together until the end. It’s hard to explain that to people when they think of the times he was drinking and think how could you know? But we knew. I am so devastated. Hoping to connect here. I am so sorry for both of your losses.

 

Hi Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes it is hard, and we had created a beautiful like together that I will continue on knowing that she is my guardian angel still enjoying it with me.

You are right, we just know. After my wife Jesse passed away, he one close friend asked me how am I able to stay so calm. And I told her I was not being cold or cruel, but with every relapse she had I would sit there and ask myself it this going to be the time that I lose her, or will she pull through. So mentally with each relapse you prepare yourself mentally, because you know the time is going to happen at some point its just a matter of when.

We are both very close to losing our loved ones, so we are fresh in the grief stages. You are going to have your good days and bad days. I had a VERY bad night last night, but I pulled through and so will you. I encourage you to join the live chats. I have been going in there for about a week and the people in there are great, it is like a big family.

Just remember you are not alone, you have people that love you and care about you. As you do grief groups you will have total strangers come up to you and say, here is my number call me if you need anything. Dont be afraid to say no. I did that this past Wednesday to a grief group that I went to and I am so glad that I did. We can connect here, I would be happy to connect here. We can talk and support each other.

 

Hey Julie....I just re read my last post, I have to tell you I made a mistake. If you do grief groups and someone from that group says I know what you are going through. Here is my number, please give me a call if you need anything just to chat....dont be afraid to take the number and say ok. Right now the important thing you need is a support group, and a strong one at that. That is what I am doing now, so build the strongest support you can because in the long run you will need it.

My apology for the mistake in the first post

 

Hi Julie. I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing?

 

Hi Joew and Julie. How is everything going with you two?
Today I'm having one of those days where I am an emotional wreck. I'm missing my fiance so bad.
I spend the whole day in bed and don't look forward to anything

 

Hey Noms,

I have been like that for the past few days. Today was the first day where I could get up and not have to push myself to do so. So quiet in this house, and I am alone all day and night.

 

Hi Joew,
I'm happy for you to know that today was a better day for you.
I also do get those but they don't remain for long. I find myself regressing out of no where.
Even with professional help and taking part in ways to get better. The grief just won't leave me.
I also leave alone now that my partner has passed, and the emptiness and loneliness in the house is beyond me. His side of the bed is so lonely
without him. It's heartbreaking to go to bed every night without him. I wish all of us strength and wisdom to surpass these hard times.
If you wanna chat with someone at any point please feel free to call or text. I believe we can support each other during these hard times.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance ayear ago and it still feels like it just happened. Our relationship happened quick too. It was just right. We went through a bumpy patch but it made us stronger. We have small kids and I feel like I'm grieving for them and myself. I pray that we all get stronger with each passing day.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I know it has only been a little over a month but it still feels like it just happened yesterday. All the pain, hurt, all the emotions that I am feeling at the same time are so raw and fresh. I pray that we all get stronger each day as well, as of right now for me, I feel like I have hit rock bottom and have no way back up to top

 

You are welcome. Yes your loss is fresh and the hurt is right up front. I definitely can see where the feeling of rock bottom can come from. You've lost a part of you so you feel that you're at the end of the road. Its definitely going to take time to get to a better place. Some days for me are better than others. When I do things with my kids I feel emotional because I know we'd be doing them together. Im here if you want to talk. Take care!

 

Hey all - been just in it for the past few weeks. So much crying, so much trying to hold on to every memory I have with him and being terrified that they will slip away, feeing guilt and can’t stop thinking about the life we had dreamed about and made plans for that now just can’t be. I feel isolated because some people say “are you surprised” well yes I am. I always knew he could get better. I still did and believe it and believe that he just accidentally died before he could. It makes me so angry. I know that feeling of rock bottom right now. How will it ever get better? How can I be here when he’s not?