I've had some major losses in the past few years. It started with my mom, she died of a slow bleed aneurism. A few months later my youngest daughter was killed in a hunting accident. Next was my brother, polio complications. Then was my husband. They really never nailed down why he died. Three months later my sister died of cancer. Thanksgiving day another sister died of a heart attack. Then my father-in-law died while having knee surgery. I'm scared to grieve for them. It seems to overwhelming. If I let go I may never find my way out. I don't sleep much because when I sleep I dream of them. Dreaming of them is so bittersweet. I don't want the dreams to end but when I wake it hurts so much it's hard to breathe. Everyone thinks I'm so strong. I smile and keep on going. But inside I feel like I could shatter into small pieces. I want my life back. I want to find some happiness agian. Not just pretend I'm happy.