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I thought that I was doing fine.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Cdavis, May 4, 2021.

  1. Cdavis

    Cdavis Member

    It’s been 5 months since my husband of 46 years went home to our Father in heaven. I thought that I was starting to do better and enjoy life but then I had a de ja boo moment today. It was my break time and I thought oh I have to call Bob and realized oh he is not here anymore. Then of course I had to see my memories on Facebook and saw where he fell down on the sidewalk. Then all these emotions came over me and my heart broke all over again.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. Onesimus

    Onesimus Member

    May 1 was 5 months for me. Like you, I do fine, and then WHAM! A grief mine! I expect them to come, just not sure when. But I let myself cry for a bit, which helps me, then wipe my tears and do the next thing, whatever that is (laundry, dishes, go to work, grocery shop, etc). Hang in there. To love, and then no longer have that love, hurts. It's supposed to.
     
  3. tgotyall

    tgotyall Active Member

    I am sorry for both of you and your losses.This grieving process is very hard stuff and there truly is no timetable .I am now at 15 months ,it seems as more time passes it is just more days ,weeks and months that I miss my wife.I still can't believe what happened like it's a cruel joke that was played on us.I believe we never forget and moving on I just try and make it thru each day one foot in front of the other.I try to see any light in this darkness and get any joy some way some how and rejoice in it..People have no clue what pain and the suffering ,the hell we have been put thru but here we are and we have no choice but to live each day and who knows by are suffering maybe we will be a blessing to someone who sees a warrior being strong and courageous in life's greatest challenge. This is the price we pay for love.God bless you both .
     
  4. Cathmv

    Cathmv New Member

    I like your name for it - grief mine. You never know when it will hit. Just got hit again over weekend. Made it thru part of work day yesterday and home today and tomorrow. Need to give in and let it flow.
    As people remind me, I'm only 2 months out from my wife's death.
     
  5. Cdavis

    Cdavis Member

    Thank you for listening. I just had to get it out!
     
  6. Cdavis

    Cdavis Member

     
  7. Cdavis

    Cdavis Member

    God bless you! I try to honor him by going back to ministry and it helped a lot. But I guess I just wasn’t ready for today. Tomorrow is a new day.
     
  8. LinF

    LinF Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, I totally understand. It will be a month this weekend since my husband died. I keep telling myself it will get better, but in a lot of ways it's worse because it sneaks up on me when I think I'm okay. All the ugly circumstances of his hospital stay haunt me, everything I wish I had done differently plays nonstop in my brain. I sleep, but I can't rest. He was everything to me, and I feel like I didn't do enough for him. He did not deserve to go so soon, and I didn't deserve to lose him, we went through so much before we finally found each other. How could 20 years go by so fast??? I will never 'move on', but I'm trying so hard to move forward....
     
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I too lost my husband, now 6 months ago. I thought, as you all have expressed, I was doing okay but for some reason my body and spirit feels like a shell with nothing in it. I go about my days taking care of things. But what I'm concerned about is my lack of feeling for anything. I don't feel anything my family shares in joy, happiness. I wake up at 8:30 feed the cat go about my day duty wise, at 5PM have my cocktail which used to make me feel happy, then watch my soap, then TV then reading in bed at 8PM and stay awake until I can sleep. That's about all. I feel useless, but I can't seem to change it. I do get out and take care of our 1 acre property, but that is more than one person can handle. So, I just give up and come in the house. Hoping for all of us some peace.
     
  10. Cdavis

    Cdavis Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. Playing those last moments over and over in your head will only keep you doubting yourself. I know sometimes I feel if only I had one more day. I know he knew how much I loved him as your husband knew the love you had for him. And I know how much he loved me. Just like your husband knew how much you loved him. Just think about your love and some day you will be United again. Love is eternal❤️
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  11. Onesimus

    Onesimus Member

    “All the ugly circumstances haunt me”-well put. I don’t quite know how to describe the last month of our life together/apart but that covers it. Things done differently or not enough for our loves-let it be known we did the best we could with what we had. My Queen and I had almost 25 years, and as you said, “Where did the time go?” The Good Book says life is a vapor. I get that. I read where a widower wrote, “Moving forward doesn’t mean we have to leave anyone behind.” Those words comfort me. My Queen made me a better man, I will always have that. And I’m starting to smile more with the memories I have, in gratitude for having them, and a little less devastation in what I’ve lost. Being thankful to God for the time I did have with Beth is helping. Hang in there. Peace.
     
    cjpines and LinF like this.
  12. SusanMc8

    SusanMc8 Active Member

    I am so sorry for your loss - I lost my husband of 56 years to a massive stroke four months ago. I am hurting so bad and miss him so much. I keep replaying his last moments in my head - where he fell - I told him I loved him and his last words to me were: I love you more. The pain is unbearable.
     
  13. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Yes, love is eternal. That is why we hurt so much without them!
     
    Carlosadavis252@gmail likes this.
  14. Hello 39 i loss my mom 6mos ago and lost my husband of 14yrs..bestfriend grew up together..we have 3kids 2,5,14,..its been so hard..i cant sleep or eat..its hard to even get out of bed..he was too young and i didnt no he had health issues after losing my mom..i never thought i would loss the my lifepartner..i been looking for a group to talk to..
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  15. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    So sorry for two losses. You have come to the right group. We all understand because we all are going through losses of our own and can share with you. Keep posting your feelings and I'm very sorry.

    I lost my husband 7 months ago, this forum has helped me feel not so alone.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  16. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hi Carlosadavis, I am sorry for your two losses of some of the people you loved most in life. I am sure you had to be dependent on them both to be helpful with your children. You must feel like you have a very heavy weight on your shoulders now. Don't give up, God is there to help you carry that heavy burden. I know the feeliing of not wanting to even get out of bed. The only reason I ever did get out of bed after we lost our son, was so that my husband didn't have to get up by himself and go out into the empty living room with his thoughts and his pain alone. It is so hard to be motivated to do anything when you are grieving so over a lost loved one. Be patient with yourself. Don't expect more than you are able to do. Try to just get by the next moment, then hour, then day. If you can accomplish a small thing like getting up and getting dressed, congratulate yourself that you were able to do something. Accomplish one little thing at a time. Try to get outside and get some sunshine and fresh air each day even if it is only for a short while. Do what you can for your children and don't browbeat yourself over what you cannot do right now. We want the best for you. You are able to do this. Just keep going one day at a time and you will be surprised at the strength you find in yourself and the strength God gives you. You can make it through this. I have confidence in you. Chris
     
    Carlosadavis252@gmail likes this.
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  18. I really appreciate the kind words..i really miss them both...situation different but they both die unexpectedly...my mom covid my husband a dvt...at only 38yrs old...it saddens my heart more because of our kids...jus a hard pill to swallow
     
  19. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    What a heavy burden you have to carry, and at the same time try to continue on with your 3 children. There are groups online that meet live online at GriefShare.org. You can put you zip code in and find a group near you. Others of these groups meet in person. If you think this would be any help to you, look them up. If you have any problem getting connected, let me know and I will try to help you.
    Wishing God's peace and strength to go on, to you.
    Chris
     
  20. Ty so much..i check into it..god bless u