I have lost my husband after 50 years ....my children don't want to hear anymore about it.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Candace, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Candace

    Candace New Member

  2. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss
    and more so that you don't
    seem to have anyone you
    can talk to.

    I would suggest you try to
    find Hospice and see if they
    can provide some help, 1 to 1
    or maybe a grief circle where
    you can meet others.

    It is a real shame that society
    is rough on those who have
    lost a spouse or other loved
    one.

    I have no idea of how your
    children got along with Dad
    so if it was good, one would
    think they would be more
    supporting by listening to
    you more often.

    Check out Hospice or get hold
    of a social worker from the
    hospital. They should be able
    to help in some way.
     
    Struggling Lady likes this.
  3. Joann Shaw

    Joann Shaw New Member

    Joann S

    I know how you feel . It's like someone cut off an arm or a leg . Whether you were close or not was never the issue. He filled a large space that can't be replaced ....
    There was a knowing, a feeling of oneness, a silent understanding.
    I lost my husband, May 2, 2018.
    I was married 48 years. This is for you.
    Do something funny for yourself.
    Do something kind for yourself.
    Do something scarey for yourself,
    Take a watercolor class, a singing lesson,
    anything your fighting with yourself to do ..
    We both took care of our families, now we need to find a way to take care of us
    We need to put our selves first.
    This is terrifying for me and still needs to be done. Just know you are loved and being watched over by angels. You don't need to believe in them for they believe in you. I am just winging here. Just do things
    the best way you know how.
    Be kind and gentle to yourself.
    Don't let the guilts get you down.
    Know, you did the best you could at the time. Cry when you need to cry, you also need to laugh. This one is impossible for me but working on it. I am just as sad as
    you are. Some how we need to go on .
    I will pray for both of us. Be well and know someday you might feel better than today ...
    Punch a pillow, exercise, write down your feelings. Just trying to help. Joann
     
  4. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    I lost my husband of 55 years 13 months ago. I understand where you are coming from. There are so many firsts when you loose your husband. He was the person you shared everything with. It is so difficult to not have that other half. I was so tired of the paperwork that is required. It is like the world wants to erase him. As I try to adjust I have done some really strange things. I immediately ordered bright colored throws to put on my furniture. Got I bright bedspread. My husband was a beige and brown person so I knew I had to make it my own.
     
  5. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    Losing your husband is like half of your brain died. On the positive side, I am so glad he died before me because he would never had survived the aftermath.
     
  6. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    Candace if your children do not want to hear it anymore. They cannot understand it. Only other women that have or are going through it will understand.But we are here for you.
     
  7. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    I of course am not a woman but
    know 1st hand what it is like to
    lose a spouse. Like someone
    swiped a large part of your
    ❤ during the night.
     
  8. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    Not only did someone swipe a large party of heart they swiped a large part of our brain also. When I feel bummed out I just sit and remember how many people are going through this.
     
  9. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    There is no preparation for this.
     
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Active Member

    I lost my husband this past May 3 rd from a sudden heart attack. Within 3 hours of the 911 call he was gone. He was my life. My son and I are walking zombies. Everyone wants to help take care of his things. I’m not ready. They don’t understand
     
  11. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    It's very difficult for people to understand. Just graciously let them know when you're ready you'll let them know you'll ask them for help. It took me about 9 months before was ready to go to my husband's things. Do everything in your own time. You have you to take care of now. Just do one day at a time. Is time goes by you will adjust to the change but it certainly isn't fast. I started keeping a diary of what I was feeling. Now that I go back and look at it it's very interesting. I use all kinds of Self Help books. When called when your husband dies Was the biggest help. We have never been taught this we have nothing to go by so just hold on.
     
  12. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    You'll have to excuse my screw up on words I have a Tremor.
     
  13. Marcia Carey

    Marcia Carey Active Member

    The book was called WHEN YOUR HUSBAND DIES. I am sure they also have WHEN YOUR WIFE DIES.
     
  14. Struggling Lady

    Struggling Lady New Member

     
  15. Struggling Lady

    Struggling Lady New Member

    Dearest Candace,
    I was blessed to have two loving and precious parents. Both have passed away. My mother passed Aug 19, 2012. Dad recently (Jan 27th 2019). They were married 53 years and truly loved one another! To their union six children were born, myself being the third. When mother passed I knew and saw that dad's life was forever changed. I stepped up to share in the care of my father (In God's Care) because it was very clear and understandable (just how much he needed me)! Everyone DOES NOT love unconditionally but God ALWAYS put in place AN ANGEL for us. He has one for you as well (even though it may Not be your child/children)!! My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry for your loss but don't lose sight of your continued blessings (God is Still keeping You) and HE WILL...