I feel selfish

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by TLD, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    I feel incredibly selfish. After losing the love of my life i thought things would get easier. It's not.....i miss him more and more everyday. I feel guilt like i should have been able to do something to prevent it. I had a horrible dream last night and it made me feel even worse. I have wonderful children that love me and need me. But all i can think about is just wanting to go where he is. It feels like it's the only way to make the pain stop. I don't want to hurt my children. How do i make it stop? I thought i was stronger than this....
     
  2. Collection

    Collection Member

    I honestly know how you feel. I feel the same way, and I know if it wasn't for my kids - I would have at least attempted to leave this earth.
     
  3. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I feel the guilt and I have felt same way about joining my wife and sometimes that feeling creeps back in; but there are people that are alive that need me as much as I needed and need my wife. I would not and could not force what I’m going through on to someone else, especially a dear loved one. I know how great the pain can be and how it shuts down our lives to where these thoughts come to our minds but it’s not the answer and honestly I do not have an answer that will make the pain stop but killing yourself is never the answer. Tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow may suck just as bad or worse but there will be another tomorrow one day where it will get just a little easier to get through just that day then maybe the next tomorrow a little easier. I have to believe this will happen because I am the one left alive and there must be a reason I’m still here. I miss my wife, the other half of my soul so very very much, I cry for her every day, but one day I want to feel honest to goodness joy again and I know my wife wants that for me also. So I will try to keep making it to tomorrow. I hope and pray that you and the rest of us can hold on to the love for our children and loved ones and reach that tomorrow also. May God bless you both with the strength and peace for your hearts to withstand our horrible and painful loss.
     
  4. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    I know i won't do anything stupid. But some days the desire to be with him again is overwhelming. You're right i don't want to leave others feeling the pain i am feeling right now. I have talked to my kids about it, if anything were to ever happen to me i don't want them to feel what i am feeling right now. There is never anything for them to feel guilty or sad about. Nothing make sense right now but i know in time...well i don't know...but i hope we can all come to the place where the love we shared with these people overshadows our heartache and despair.
     
  5. Jazzy112718

    Jazzy112718 Member

    You took the words right out of my mouth. "I thought I was stronger!" but I'm not! I'm just not. If I were younger - maybe. BUT I'm not strong enough. Everyone thinks they know what they would do............right! When you're 1 year from your soulmates death - call me & let me know how that works out for you. I'm angry, hurt, sad, depressed, tired. But son here with me now.