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I can't believe she is gone

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Ali2107Grae, Aug 11, 2020.

  1. Ali2107Grae

    Ali2107Grae New Member

    hi everyone

    I am new, just signed up.

    I lost my mom 3 weeks ago.

    My mom was a diabetic and became very sickly over the last 2 months. She was in hospital a few times and because of the lockdown due to Covid, she was not allowed visitors.

    By the time she was sent home, she had a fear of going back to hospital and not seeing us. She became depressed and filled with anxiety and was also not coping with being under lockdown.

    We talked to her all the time, trying to encourage her to eat, move around, as she was struggling with that and lost a lot of weight.

    When my dad called me unexpectedly in the early hours of 21 Jul, I was in total disbelief when he told me my mom passed away. My dad said he woke up and found her cold next to him. She passed in her sleep.
    I was not expecting that at all.

    Since then, I have not really cried very much which is not in line with my character.

    I find myself doing well, even talking about her and then suddenly out of nowhere I would feel sad/nauseas/cannot think straight and just ball my eyes out. This generally happens after my work day comes to an end and I am alone at home.

    I just need some encouraging words from someone that knows what I am going through. I just need to hear someone say - it will be alright / it will be ok again.

    I am so lost....
    DallasPaige likes this.
  2. Singstar16

    Singstar16 New Member

    Hello. I’m Stephanie. I lost my dad almost two months ago. It was a sudden loss from alcohol abuse. I don’t know what it feels like to lose a mom but losing my dad showed me losing a parent so young is difficult. I’m also at work and seem ok until a song comes on that reminds me of him and I start crying, happened Monday. It’s ok to grieve and let your work know you are. Life is difficult and people who are compassionate and understanding are who you want to work for. Allow yourself to grieve in ways that help you. I write and sing and even talk to my dad at times. Maybe write a letter to your mom
    About how you feel. It’s hard but your not alone . Hugs
  3. Ali2107Grae

    Ali2107Grae New Member

    thanks, Stephanie.
    I wrote the letter as you suggested and boy did it open the flood gates.
    I have now decided to write to her on a regular basis. It makes me feel close to her
  4. lifeafterfootball65

    lifeafterfootball65 New Member

    I just lost my mom a little over 3 weeks ago. My mom fell and broke her right leg. Due to other health issues, she developed complications, which delayed surgery and recovery. She was frail to begin with since she was 91 and I think all the complications just wore her down and she eventually told the doctors she did not want any more treatments. The doctor told her that her refusal would lead to death, but she seemed okay with that and stopped treatments. Fortunately, my brother phoned me about the refusal and I got on the next flight I could to go where she lived. I went right to the hospital and tried to talk her into the treatments, but she was having none of it. Because she was of sound mind (she was mentally still sharp as a tack), we had to respect her wishes and let nature take its course. That was so hard. Two of my brothers were with me and Mom when she passed, 2 1/2 days later. She was 91. As difficult as it was to sit by her bedside and watch her fade away, I would not have wanted to be anywhere else. She slipped away peacefully right after midnight and we had to make arrangements for her cremation (her wish) that night. That was pretty tough. Then notifying my family was another difficult task, especially having to tell my daughter who was pregnant with my mom's 9th great grandchild (she had a girl earlier this week). My daughter was close to my mom since my mom lived with me from the time my daughter was 8 until after my daughter left to go to college. My daughter also lost a brother 10 years ago (my stepson}, so she has had to deal with the death of close family members more than I had to at her age.

    While I am struggling to deal with my grief because my mom was also my best friend (I was in the military and moved a lot so I don't have really close friends since I moved away so many years ago), I know I will eventually learn to deal with this grief (you never get over a loss like this, but you do learn to deal with it). Having lost my dad 27 years ago, I have dealt with the loss of a parent before. The loss of my stepson was immensely hard to deal with and that caused me to go to a grief counselor for several months, but look back on that time as worth it to bring peace into my life. It did calm me and allowed me to reflect on him so that now, I look back on his life and feel like it was one well lived, although the promise died with him. I cherish the memories I had with him and look to that to bring me comfort.

    With my mom, I find It's the finality of not having either parent around anymore that is so difficult for me. I think this time it is going to be more difficult to learn to live with it. One thing that is helping is the birth of my granddaughter (she's my first grandchild). Unfortunately, that is being overshadowed by COVID, which makes being around my granddaughter a little challenging because of the precautions that have to be made. Not being able to hold them the old fashioned way is hard! But, she is a joy!

    I am glad you are writing to your Mom. I find myself just talking to my mom as if she is there. I think writing gives you an opportunity to reflect on what your mom meant to you and helps keep her close. Don't let anyone discourage you from doing this. We all deal with loss in different ways and if there's anything I have learned about people, it's while we are all alike in some ways, we are all different! There is no right way to grieve, but there is a way for you. You seem like you may have found what works for you and so I encourage you to continue doing it.

    I, in the mean time, will continue just remembering the great times I had with my mom and remembering what a great, long life she lived. She wouldn't want me to have difficulties with her being gone and I'm going to try to just continue living my life in such a way that it honors her.
    DallasPaige likes this.