i am having such a bad day today.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by brenda d, Sep 28, 2019.

  1. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thank you david for sharing that story. and hugs to you to.
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    I wanted to share this story I remembered from my service days. I was serving in Field Station Korea in 1983 and had put in for leave midway through my tour to go back home to my wife and sons, who were at Ft George G. Meade. The leave was approved and I headed for the airline at Naha, South Korea.

    I made it home, spent a great time with the family and had to eventually head back to finish my tour. So we headed to BWI airport in Baltimore, Maryland. I checked in and started to head to the gate.

    My youngest son Christopher, who was 3 at the time, grabbed my leg and sat on my shoe. So he stayed right there the entire walk all the way to the gate. It was a wonderful moment in my life I will never forget. When I got to the gate, it was extremely tough saying goodbye, but when duty calls you comply.

    During my flight, from Baltimore, Maryland I had stops in New York, New York and then Anchorage, Alaska and finally onto Seoul, South Korea once more and back to my unit. What I didn't realized was the flight before me was this ( Korean Air Lines Flight 007 (also known as KAL007 and KE007) was a scheduled Korean Air Lines flight from New York City to Seoul via Anchorage, Alaska. On 1 September 1983, the South Korean airliner servicing the flight was shot down by a SovietSu-15interceptor.)

    My wife told me about it in a phone call. I look back and think it just wasn't my time and thank God he was looking over me that day.
    brenda d likes this.
  3. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thank you for sharing your story with me david.
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    As I wake each day I have set a routine of sorts. First, I will feed the cats who are scratching at my door for attention. I reach for the snack box, put them down in two separate piles to distract them while I gather their first morning meal. Then I easily put their real food down, step back and watch them go to their separate bowls, purring all the while. A very pleasurable start to my day.

    I then make my first cup of coffee, excited on what this new day will bring. Sure there is an emptiness to house with no sound of Nadine my late wife, but all I do is look on the wall to her painting, her smile and it is so infectious. I realize she will no longer be here, but take solace knowing and thinking back to all the amazing times in life we had, and also shared with so many people.

    So I collect myself, move back to the coffee maker and see it is ready. I check my coffee supplies and see I have a good 30 day supply still left. I leave the kitchen, head to my room where my computer is, hit the power switch, sit back as it starts, and slowly enjoy the coffee also. When the desktop is viewable, I see the time says it is around 4 am. Wonderful. I have the whole day ahead.

    I direct my browser to YouTube, put my headsets on, and start viewing all my musical bookmarks. I have subscribed to over 200 channels, music, animals, world news, and stories (good only) I don't need no depressing views of the world anymore. So I find a musical piece that brings joy to me, start it up and set it on LOOP, so I can hear it over and over.

    I then begin my day at the computer, searching I know not what for, but for something that will perhaps shake my world a little, and perhaps others on how amazing a world we all live in. Sure if I wanted to find bad things, that would be easy because so many people have given into their heartache and might feel desperately lost in time and the world around them.

    I myself at one time in my life was treated for depression. It was after my father died of lung cancer, from all his years of smoking cigarettes. Shortly after all that happened, I was eating one of my favorite meals and started choking. My wife who thankfully had taken nurse course saved my life that day. Due to my current situation I developed panic attacks. I actually felt I forgot how to breath.

    We would be driving down the road in the middle of winter, I would open the window, unbuckle my pants belt hoping to breath better. Ask my wife to stop the car, get out and literally cried in desperation not knowing what to do. So I finally saw the family doctor. He heard of my plight and had brought another doctor with him to sit in with him and I described what was happening to me.

    When it was all over they recognized I was in a depression. I was treated for this for 6 months and finally recovered fully and could once again face my world, as a person who recognized, I was human, I feel, I sometimes need others to help me exist. Without their care and concern life may have been a lot different for me today.

    So each of us who start a day, need to sometimes listen to ourselves, see our actions and not normal and just reach out to someone. I don't care who, but that is our first step to saving ourselves. Enough said

    So as, I sit, the music plays, the melody has no words, just music. It is soothing violin music that helps me focus, and actually sends many thoughts through my head of my life and I reach into those thoughts and look for a moment in time that I wish to speak of to myself and others. That depression I talk about above, was just one of them memories I needed to share.

    Today will be a brighter day. I intend to find something I can bring a smile to myself and perhaps others. There I have found one. I think back to my days as a kid. I love the water so much. My family use to travel to Pemaquid Point Lighthouse Park in Maine many times during the summer months, around my baseball playing.

    It was a 4th of July type of celebration. Relatives from all over travelled here to share this time with us. I met cousins who I had played with many summers before. As kids we had so much fun discovering all the wonders there. We talked as children do, of the great things we had done or seen.

    There was so much food, drink, desserts. My favorite sandwich was cucumbers with mayonnaise. My favorite dessert was coconut covered marshmallow cookies. My favorite drink was raspberry kool-aid. So the summer day would be amazing. We played with the crabs, the little fish swept in by waves and generally anything else that amused us. When we left that day we had shared many good times with each other.

    Satisfied, I continued at my computer for the rest of the morning, then shut it down, got up and moved onto other things. Hope this moment was one you didn't mind hearing. Until the next time, God Bless.
  5. Amy T

    Amy T New Member

    Hi Brenda,
    I am new to this site- signed up yesterday. Just came across your post and I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you are all alone and not many people call/stop by. I have the opposite issue, I don’t want anyone around and while I’m doing it to myself, I feel very isolated. Just can’t put the energy forth to be ‘normal’. hang in there and keep reaching out for someone to talk to.

  6. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Amy T, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you, as I know how lonely life can be without the one we loved so much is no longer with us. Each day is different, and emotions are high at times and exasperation can set in so easily.

    If you feel like talking about you or your husband, we don't mind listening. Your picture of you both is beautiful.

    One of the things I loved about my Nadine my wife was her caring for others. When she talked I was always amazed at her amazing insight.

    I hope today will be a better day for you.
  7. Amy T

    Amy T New Member

    Hi David,
    Thank you for your post. I am so sorry for your loss. I read a post a while back that says ‘be the things you love most about the people who are gone”. Sounds like you are doing that! Thanks again for the kind words. herw’s to a better week!