i am having such a bad day today.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by brenda d, Sep 28, 2019.

  1. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    i have been crying all day today. its been really bad all day long. you see this weekend is the large yard sales that goes on every year. it is about 20 miles long and many people are selling stuff everywhere.
    kenny loved this sale he had a spot where he set up the things he wanted to sale. most of all he loved to meet and talk to all the people that came by.

    i have stayed home and not went out because i would have to pass by the place he always was. it was always a big deal here and i am so sad he is no longer here to be apart of it. i wonder if people missed him or spoke of him today. i sure miss him and about now he would be coming home to tell me all the stories of what happened.

    dear god how am i going to make it through thanksgiving,christmas and our anniversary on feb 3 valentines day. this is so bad.
     
  2. Mimi2

    Mimi2 Member

    Today
    Today was a bad day for me, as well. I can usually make it through the week, but it's hard getting through the weekend . Are you seeing a counselor ? If not, I would recommend it. Counseling helps, but it doesn't take away all of the grief. Brenda, I wish I could wave a magic wand to take away your pain. I am sorry you have to deal with it.My husband and I were retired . I think of all that we could be doing. Instead, I am dealing with more pain than I can handle.
     
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  3. Allie7

    Allie7 New Member

    I am dreading the holidays also, so sorry for your loss
     
  4. Allie7

    Allie7 New Member

    We are retired also, my husband had been sick for almost 8 months when he passed away in May, 2019. This is so hard to get though.Brenda I knowhow you feel.
     
  5. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thank you so much for your reply. i am sure it is bad for you also i to wished i could take your pain away to.
    no i am not seeing anyone for help yet. see kenny was taking care of me. i am not well. i had a kidney transplant in 2006 and now it is old. i have a lot of other problems as well. i had not driven in 5 years when he died in july. i am having to relearn to drive again. traffic freaks me out so i stay close to home.
    there is no one close to me to see so i havent been.

    we both were retired as well kenny was 67 in may and i will be 67 in december. i dont have anyone here to help me at all. hardly anyone calls and no one visits me. i stay here and go nuts most days. that is why when i found this site i signed up.

    mimi i am here anytime you want to share with me thanks for your reply it means a lot.
     
  6. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    allie so sorry for your loss to. thank you so very much it means so much that people on here reaches out. it is hard to go though and it hurts so much. talk to me whenever you feel like it allie. thanks
     
  7. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Brenda and Mimi glad you both are talking. Similiar in the Holiday upcoming. It's a restaurant that we went to often and know the staff well. To be there without her is too much.
     
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  8. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thanks paul i know that must be hard to go there. there places i dont know if i will ever be able to go to again.
    we loved cades cove in tennessee a wonderful place but i believe it would more than i could stand.
     
  9. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Hello Brenda d, my heart goes out to you. I know how bad the bad days can be. I would have never guessed a person could cry so many tears; I could probably have filled a swimming pool. I wished I had some definite answers for you to help with the pain and agony of the emptiness inside but I struggle with it also . I go to grievance counseling and it does help me some, I also go to a grievance group that my pastor friend that works in hospice runs that has been very helpful. I think either counseling or a grief group could be helpful for you. It helps to get you out of the house and meet and make new connections with people that understand and maybe a new friend. My wife always wanted to make the yard sale trip but we kept putting it off, she would have really loved it. Your husband sounds like a nice guy that my wife and I would have probably got along well with because we loved yard sales and the hunt for little treasures. I bet he was missed today by the regulars that make the trip. I hope your tomorrow is a little easier.
     
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  10. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I also dread the holidays! Christmas has always been my favorite time of year; I would set up the tree and my wife would decorate it and the house. We would always watch the Christmas shows on the Hallmark channel. I don’t know how I’ll be able to deal with it this year. Maybe I’ll try something different like honoring my wife’s memory in some way.
     
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  11. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thank you john yes kenny was loved by everyone he met. he was a nice guy he spoiled me and treated me very well.
    we loved christmas and i dread it coming this year. my heart goes out to you i do understand what it feels like. i do know about the tears i have cried a ton today alone.
    everyone here is so nice and caring i wished we all could have a big group hug.
     
  12. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I agree! Group hugs all around.
     
  13. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    With the end of the year approaching so many holidays are coming again. I also use to love this part of the year the most, because there were so many people to share the different holidays with.

    I loved the shopping with my sons, with my wife, and the surprises we each would give. Now the pumpkins don't seem so bright, the turkey so delightful, and Christmas will also be so much more lonelier and lastly New Years eve so much more quieter.

    Just this last year I started decorating a pumpkin for my wife and put a picture of her on it. If I could carve her face I would. As for turkey, ham or whatever, as those of us who gather, we all grab each other hands and someone is selected to say a prayer, then each of us say something about who we are missing. For Christmas we started putting a stocking up for my wife Nadine, and a present under the tree. For New Years, I drink a toast to my wife.

    Sure, each one of the events are emotional. No amounts of words will make it right. No amount of prayers will ever be enough. But for at least to me, I will remember, I will cry, and I will never forget. God Bless all of you, my heart goes out to each of you. I am sending a hug.
     
  14. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    thanks david. yes it is going to be a sad time this year.
     
  15. Mimi2

    Mimi2 Member

    In addition to celebrating the holidays without John, I have his birthday and our anniversary on the 16th to deal with.Hopefully today will be a better day for us than yesterday.
     
  16. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    i know all these is coming for me to out anniversary is feb 3 rd. would have been 31 years. i am going to church this morning i hope today will be better to. i hope your day will be a better as well. thanks mimi. a hug from me.
     
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  17. Mimi2

    Mimi2 Member

    Hi Allie!! A week before Thanksgiving in 2014, we found out my husband, John had lung cancer. Less than 2 weeks later, he passed away. We normally went to Florida where my son and granddaughters live to celebrate Christmas. No Florida that year. Barely had time to come to terms with his lung cancer diagnosis. Then he was gone.The pain of losing the love of your life is hard to deal with. Whether it's been a few months or a few years.
     
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  18. Mimi2

    Mimi2 Member

    I went to church this morning. It got me out of my apartment. Now I am back home, having to spend the rest of the day by myself. So far today has been a better day than yesterday. Hope it stays that way. Take care, Brenda.
     
  19. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    mimi i just got back home to ate some chicken. it is a little better to day also. you take care to.
     
  20. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Mimi2, Brenda d, omg in my haste I also forgot about our upcoming anniversary. It would have been 46 years on Dec. 15th. Time has a way of slipping away. I wish for you both to have some peace of mind as those dates come. I know it will be very hard.

    I remember when I was going to college and my dad found out he had spot on his lungs I was driving him to his next appointment on Valentine's day.

    I waited outside because he wouldn't let me come in. When he came back, he opened the door, got in, and just sat, and asked me just to drive to the lake nearby. This was the first time in my life my dad ever truly opened up to me. He wouldn't talk about his time in WW2, but today something was different.

    He just looked at me, with tears forming in his eyes and told me he had terminal lung cancer. He asked me to take care of mom, which I agreed to, and said he would arrange his funeral and everything else. He went home, made a few calls, told mom in private, and went into the living room and sat down. He didn't move from that chair and days later he passed away, as he refused to eat anything at all. So I absolutely hate Valentines day.

    I am sending some more hugs for out there for all of us. Please take care.