My wife passed away in Aug of 2020 of lung Cancer. She passed away sudden at home, I was holding her but felt guilty that I couldn’t save her. At the Hospital I got to see her and they gave me her clothes and shoes, that’s hard when I got home it was Quiet. I didn’t know how to process it, I smelled her clothes and sprayed her body spray, talked to her, anything, prayed, I was in a fog, The day she died, I wanted to also, and in some aspect I did, Life just wasn’t the same anymore, just bringing up her name I would cry, we had 32 years together. I didn’t have a lot of family, so I had to grieve by myself, and after she passed everyone moved on. Her mail is slowing down, calls for her is almost gone, I still say her name and say good morning and good night, when my grandson comes over it hurts my heart because she’s not here, she enjoyed watching him play, and she loved him so much, for me I feel like, no one could really say or do anything for me, I had to work it out on my own. I think the biggest thing is life just seems so different, I’m still trying to figure it all out,
My heart and my Prayers go out to you. My heart and my prayers go out to you and for you. My Janet died (from cancer on 10/18/2019) and I am still grieving. The empty void is still present, but now, am somehow able to function around it. I remember going through the same list of feelings that you describe in your post. I certainly didn't want to live without her, and I kept asking...WHY?.. Like you, I talk to my wife every day and, she keeps offering back her responses via goose-bumps. I would talk to her and ask her questions. She would respond by giving me goosebumps , and she let me know that I had more work to do before we would be together again. My Hospice Grief Counselor, Joanie, found out in a meeting, that I used to write Janet poetry, and encouraged me to keep doing so as a form of therapy. It helped me a lot. I was able to deflect my grief by paying tribute to my wife. I have been able to shift my writing to songwriting because of a lifelong passion for music. I have published three songs in tribute to Janet during the last year or so. I still talk to Janet every day. My prayer is, to give just one (or more) people peace and respite through my words. Janet is with me every step of the way. I truly believe that it's all real. She's mentoring me every day on how to be kind, and how to be a better human being. I still have more work to do. May God bless you and give you peace. Bill
I don't know. I think the world kept moving on for me while I was in shock for a long time. Now, I find solace in their love towards me. The love is still there and I can feel them with me. I know when it first happened and at least for 6 months, I was in a blur. The shock/grief was constant for me for about 2 years. If you are only under 6 months in, it would make sense that you're feeling this,way, not that brings any comfort. Han
I found this prayer today. I am going to try to focus on it - it seems like it might help. I hope so. Praying for peace for all of us. Lord, I did not want a new life. I liked my old one just fine, but I understand that going back is not an option. Therefore, Lord, I will move forward. Teach me to seek You and embrace You and grow in this new life. Amen.
Just starting this journey after almost 42 years married + 5 years dating. Fortunately, my 2 grown children live in the same city with me, and I make a point of seeing them often, and talking with them daily. I first week I went back to work and it seemed to at least keep me busy. But this week I had planned to be off, and the extra time for reflection and remembering has been painful. I think I will go back to being busy. It is just easier to put one foot in front of the other when you have some place to go.
I’m hoping to have the same experiences with by wife, because I know she will be with me every step if she has anything to say about it. We wrote a song together in out teens when we were dating. It was about how real and present God is in our everyday life. We never did anything with it except sing it in church. I tried to play & sing it yesterday and couldn’t get through the first verse. Went back to the piano after a long cry, and forced my way through it. Then cried some more as I notified some of her phone contacts of her passing . . . And then cried a lot more. I’m OK about the why, I’ve learned we don’t get to know why sometimes until years down the road, maybe not in this life. But we can trust that God’s plans take eternity into account, something that’s a little difficult to fathom right now. But I would like to know what it is that I have left undone, that I need to do, that doesn’t include my wife by mi side. Maybe in time.
Amen. Thank you so much for that! I’m putting that on my fridge, on my phone’s Lock Screen, over my desk at work. It will be my mantra going forward. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I totally understand. My husband of 46 blessed years, passed in December from a combination of kidney failure and congestive heart failure. I was with him and rubbing his head the day and moment that he left this world. The pain was so unbearable I felt like I could not breathe. I also say good morning and good night to him each night. I journal a lot and tell him how I am feeling that day. I bless you and will pray peace for you.
