How do I move on

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Jackiej, Nov 16, 2019.

  1. Jackiej

    Jackiej New Member

    I lost my Terrance 2/13/2019 to stomach cancer. He was diagnosed only 6 months prior. I am a nurse so logically I knew he would last long and yet I didnt believe God would take him so soon. I am totally devastated. I feel worse because we have 2 teenage boys and now that the holidays are here our house is depressed and I dont know how to make it better for my kids. How to get out of this slump and be a mother to my kids again.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Jackie,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, so devastating, so young! So unfair! The holidays magnify our pain. Tomorrow is one year since I lost my soul mate. The one year mark is making me more anxious, sadder, just plain devastated. I feel I shouldn’t still be here without Ron. My husband was 63; and healthy, so we thought. He had a massive heart attack, gone from my life in 2 hours. He was my everything. His funeral was the day after Thanksgiving. Last Christmas was only 1 month and 8 days since he had passed. It’s all a blur how we even got through the holidYs at all. A lot of crying, for sure. I’m seriously dreading this Christmas. I know what you’re feeling and it’s awful. Other people in our lives try to provide us support, but unless they’ve gone through losing a spouse, they really don’t understand. People on this site all understand and know how this feels. And that feels good. I feel your pain and understand your concern for your boys, and they’re dealing with their own loss of their dad. All I can offer is to deal with one day at a time, or hour by hour, or minute to minute. Whatever you feel up to. The 3 of you will give each other strength and grieve together. But you all need each other.
    I have 2 adult children and we’re dealing together as best we can. My daughter lives 15 minutes away, my son is in Florida. I’m in NY. My daughter is a God send. She is here for me whenever I need her day or night and I’m here for her. This is the worst thing to ever go through and nothing makes it easier. Some day down The road all your memories will feel good, but it takes time. I’m not there yet, they still make me cry. What you’re feeling is normal, try not to be hard on yourself, no one is ever ready to deal with what we’re dealing with.
    I’m thinking of you and praying for you and your boys to have the strength to move forward. Robin ❤️
     
  3. Jackiej

    Jackiej New Member

    Thank you
    Robin thank you. It is so devastating. I woke up feeling like I woke to a nightmare. I'm sure you understand, in so sorry for your loss too. I'm grateful to you and this site, to have people who understand, it helps.
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Jackie, you’re so welcome. What we’re going through is nothing short of a nightmare for sure. I only recently found this site myself and it feels comforting to have people who understand what each of us are going through. Today has been a rough day for me, in 55 minutes it’ll be a full year since I lost my Ron. How am I still here? I know you understand what I’m feeling, can’t put into words. Had a few family members over as a memorial. It was nice and helped me through the day, I suppose.
    Take care
     
  5. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Jackiej, I am so sorry for your loss. When we lose someone who has been a part of us in our lives, there are no words that can really console us with that tremendous loss. I have hidden my sorrow in music for so long it brings comfort to me when I am feeling down.

    I bring you a song today, of another who sings of her plight. Even though her voice may not speak for you, she speaks from the heart.

    Having to gather the strength to make comfort you husband I am sure was awful and you had many a painful day. I know when my own wife started getting sick after we moved to Florida, she was eventually diagnosed with cancer. She had attended nursing school in Maryland after our youngest at the time had stopped breathing one day and having that helpless feeling. I came in on her, and we both were scared. The ambulance arrived and eventually he started breathing again. But that event made her need to know more on how to help in such situations.

    Of course I realize that even though having a medical background might make you more acutely aware of their sickness, it doesn't really give you the tools to overcome it. She held on for 6 years, with many treatments, many times being on the transplant list going up and down. Finally when she was almost to the top they checked the cancer one last time and it had jumped to other organs. Need I say she was aware of her outcome as were we, and we all cried so many tears of hopelessness.

    Our two sons, were adults when she finally past, but when that happened after going through so long of hoping, of wishing we all had to watch as her final day came in hospice. I agree with you, having to be a parent is so extremely hard when you are in this situation. We look at each other's eyes and can see and sense the hurt. There are no words. We all shared so many precious times together in our lives, and will cherish those memories for the rest of our lives.

    One word of advice I would give to you is, don't ever stop sharing this loss with your boys. Though they may be quiet too often and not want to talk, looking at pictures and talking of trips you all had togethers and the great times you had with each other is worth so much. Tears will be endless, loneliness with come and go, but always remember, it is for the love you all shared for the one who is now not with you, other than a memory.

    I will forever keep my wife Nadine with me, in my mind, in my heart and in my soul. I do believe in God and know that she is with him in heaven now. God Bless. Keep on sharing with each other, and may peace and comfort come to you and your sons.