Dad my hero passed away I am dying inside

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by @APPY, May 10, 2020.

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  1. @APPY

    @APPY Active Member

    Please somebody reply .... something is nibbling me from inside. I lost my dad my best friend my hero 5 days ago. Please somebody give me support here. I am lost.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    @APPY,

    So sorry for the loss of your dad. After this profound loss, it makes it difficult to face some days. Each day can so slow and painful, and you just might wish to make it to evening. Alas, when night does fall it can seem to bring so many memories that bring a deluge.

    Dad holds a special place in all our hearts. He was our provider, our guardian, our trainer and so many more things, but most importantly he may have been our hero as well.

    I am not sure how it was for you, and how often you were able to spend time with your dad. I would bet each of those moments in time was special. So you can look back upon some of them and recall.

    Your support should come from (possibly) many sources. If you have family, if you have siblings they should be your first support block. Your friends might also be able to help as well, depending on how close they were to you and your dad. Then you should seek out the professionals in life- like a counselor, a psychiatrist, and/or a priest. If money is tight, especially because of how this isolation has affected each of us, then you need to ask first those who offer support if and how much this might cost you.

    My two sons just had their doctors appointments over the internet, with facetime. The phone is also one of your best avenues to talk with people who can offer to talk with you. During these difficult times not is set in stone, there is no easy path for any of us. After the loss of their mother, my sons got lost with their friends online, and besides our own talks, that has been how they dealt with their feelings. Personally I talk with her a lot, even when it is hard.

    Each of us had a unique relationship with our dad. If you were able to share a lot of time with him then that holds so many memories you can draw upon. If your dad's job always took him away from family, then those times he would come home were much more special.

    I am not sure how life was for your relationship, a lot of time, or not, but what matters is the impact he had on you with those times. It seems obvious to me that your dad no matter how little or how much time he spent with you made a special impact on your life. That feeling, those memories are something that will be with you for a lifetime.

    I also want to tell you that by sharing stories with others like us helps you, helps others. That allows you to keep thinking about your dad. So @APPY, you have to walk forward in time over the broken bridge of grief you walk upon. Time has a way of dulling the pain, but just remember it will never take away those precious memories you have of your dad.

    Please take care of yourself. Talk as you are able. Be careful to avoid depression. Continue to reach out.

    -david

    A song for you

     
    Chris C and Sweetcole like this.
  3. @APPY

    @APPY Active Member

    Thank you so much @ David
    My dad is very special to me rather us ie me and my mom. I am a single child so no other siblings. My entire world revolved round these two figures . My mom and my dad . I am still my " daddy's princess". I was very very attached to him . He used to go to work and come back home each day with something for me till he retired . Every day after I reached office i got a call from him confirming that whether I hv made it to work safely or not. Every new cafe in the city i visited with him . Every new cuisine i tried out with him . He was is and will remain my best friend. Infact when my other friends celebrated with their boy friends I preferred spending time with my parents. My mom prefers staying at home and is our backbone but whtever I did in my life till 5/5/2020 was with my dad. I am lost in grief . Never confronted pain like this before.
     
  4. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    I also lost my father Carl years ago
    I was adopted
    This man Carl my father was the only person who showed me how to an shared with me care love respect patience time with me this man Carl and I shared true love
    When this man Carl my father hugged me he would squeeze very hard and would not let go
    He told me every day he loved me I told him every day I loved him
    I miss his love as I have not felt any other love in life
    I am deeply sorry for your loss of your dad
    I listen with kindness respect and care
    If you would like to write your feelings I am here to listen
    All the best health to you your family and friends
    Take care with love time patience
    Lovingly
    Jesse
     
  5. @APPY

    @APPY Active Member

    Thank you so much @ JesFiveHealth
    The pain of losing him is so acute I am not being able to figure out anything . I haven't got out of bed since . Wgenever I am closing my eyes all the memories are coming to me. I am taking sleeping peels.I really do not want to get up once asleep . My mom is a fighter she is dealing with everything around I know she is in pain too but doesn't hv time to express .
     
  6. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    Your welcome Appy
     
  7. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    I believe you are strong
    I Care for you
    I Respect you
    I Support you

    Communicating is healthy to process your feelings

    You are strong and doing right to share your feelings
    Great job Appy
    You ate loved
     
  8. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Jesse,

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your dad Carl. He will always be your dad adopted or not.

    Those bear hugs your dad gave you were special. I hope you hugged back strong as well. Some men never learn to show feelings to another man, it is great when Carl showed you how to connect, with true loving feelings, not something forced.

    I know love does not come easy in life, but when it happens, those fortunate to have that experience are the envy of so many people. You had something amazing with your dad.

    My dad was mostly aways as I grew up, working upstate in Maine, or another New England state. He would come home on weekends for a day and a half and I say it was the best part of my life seeing him during those times. He never seen me pitch growing up from preteen to late teen as work always took him away. But dad always provided for us well. When he passed in 1990 it was a tough time to get past, but my mom, step-brother, and two sisters eventually did.

    What can you say about dads? They are strong. They would die for us. They would do anything for us. Each year during vacation we would have a great time going to the ocean. He would sit with mom, and us kids would play on the rocks, do some fishing, and when done tell our parent's tall tales of our big adventures catching huge fish, or grabbing a horseshoe crab or whatever. Sure we would get sunburns, but we earned them, and it was the memory of those days that mattered most.

    After dads passing I took care of mom. Those days are filled with memories, so many talks, so many tears.

    Jesse, I am also here to listen if you wish. Take care and please have safe trucking days on those long trips and lonely night. Dad use to tell me about his hated trips through the Haynesville Woods.

    A song he loved as he drove


    -david
     
  9. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    David,

    Thank you for sharing your loving living memories
    Yes I hugged back strong long and lovingly accepted his hug an kiss
    I listened to him say I Love You
    I said I Love You
    Carl an I would go fishing boating and hunting together
    When I was in the single digit years of childhood
    Carl an I enjoyed
    Upland game hunting for pheasant
    Three years we walked together every morning before he dropped me off to school we hugged each other he stood kiss me an say I Love you I said I Love You

    Those days started at three am an never ended as these memories of us together are imprinted with support love kindness sharing quiet walks together
    Only one time did we shoot at pheasants
    He shot one then handed me the twenty gauge an I missed one he got the one I missed
    Two birds three years and memories worth more to me than anything else in the world
    I remember a time when we were surf casting with three treble hooked top water poppers on Cape Cod beach for blue fish what aday this was
    The fishing pole looked like it already had ahuge fish on it with the top water popper
    I was not strong enough to cast past the surf with the thumb press release zebco fishing pole
    Carl cast it for me time an time again We reeled in blue fish
    We gave away many fish to people walking by as the blue fish do every year the run the surf on Cape Cod
    These memories of our similar times with family really are the greatest gift life shares with us
    David
    Thank you David for sharing your life your love sharing times with your father
    I Support You
    I Care For You
    I Respect You
    I look forward to sharing more loving memories

    Thanks alot David
    I will talk with you soon

    Ps not trucking right now Im talking some time off
     
  10. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    Taking some time off this predictive text is nice Ihave too remember to proof read

    Have anice day David

    Jesse
     
  11. Chris C

    Chris C Member

    I wish i had words to help your pain, I can feel it from here. I know this pain all to well when I lost my dad and hero years ago. I did not know how I could or world go on without him but I did and I think it would have been better if there was a place like this to talk to others. My mom ( also my hero ) passed March 12th and once again I am trying to find my way through this grief. I completely understand about the sleep. I tis the only thing I find any comfort ini and look forward to just so my brain can shut off for a while. I know this will get better for both of us and want you to know you are not alone. I think there are a lot of good people here that want to help. For right now I know it is sometimes minute to minute but what will turn into hour to hour and then one day I realized I went a whole day without the saddens.
    I look forward to that day again with the loss of my mom and your hero.

    Chris
     
  12. rsaxton

    rsaxton New Member

    I lost my dad just a few weeks ago and I am devastated and I can relate to everything you are going through because I am going through it too. You are not alone and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about this. I thought that I would never recover when I lost my mom in 2014, but I can tell you from experience, it does get easier and you will laugh again. After my mom died, I held onto my dad for dear life because I didnt want to be all alone in the world, then what I believed would be just another trip to the hospital for my dad turned my whole world upside down 2 weeks ago when he didnt leave the hospital. I felt like somebody ripped all of my insides out and I still feel numb and sick just thinking that I have to go through the rest of my life without either of my parents, but I know that how I feel right now will pass. I was my parent's youngest daughter and the most attached to both of them. Having them and losing them is humbling and I know that I wasnt the same after my mom, but some semblance of normalcy did return to my life and I know that some semblance of normalcy will eventually return this time. It does get easier and you are not alone. I will pray that God brings you peace.
     
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  13. Laurenbh

    Laurenbh New Member

    I just lost my dad two days ago and this exactly how I feel. He had Lewy Body dementia and had been declining for years. About a month ago, it was like someone hit fast forward and he declined quickly. It was so painful to watch him in pain and get closer to death that I almost wanted it to be over. Now, I’d give anything just to hold his hand again and kiss his cheek. I haven’t been able to get much sleep at all, despite taking sleeping pills. I feel so incredibly broken.

    I truly hope all of you are now feeling even a tiny bit better. Thank you for sharing your stories.
     
  14. Toni24

    Toni24 Member

    My father passed in early June. I know from experience, because my mother passed over 25 years ago, that this rawness will ease. I grieved so differently back then probably because I was so young. Above someone said, "you have to walk forward in time over the broken bridge of grief"...such a poignant description. I know that to be true even while I feel smothered by dad's loss, I know there are better times ahead. Maybe not tomorrow, or next month or year but there will be a time when I can process his death without the heartbreaking pain. When I get caught up in the pain I find myself comforted by knowing my Dad would never want me to lose myself in it. And that keeps me moving forward.

    We are all in such different phases of loss. Some days fresh. Thank you all for your words and the sharing of your stories. Our parents love knows no ties to time. They will be with us forever. Peace to all of you.
     
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  15. @APPY

    @APPY Active Member

    Thank you so much Toni ..3 months without dad .. still breathing .... i wish I knew a way to connect to him.