I have lost so many people recently I'm not sure where to start. Lost:•Aunt died in a house fire July 2017 •Grandma died of Cancer March 2018 •Grandpa died of Cancer April 2018 •Best friend (19) died in a motorcycle accident on my birthday July 2018 •Grandpa died of old age December 2018 •My 16 year brother died in car accident June 2019 I turned 20 this year, and I feel like I can't escape death. Everyone that I love keeps dying. Everytime I think I'm starting to heal I lose someone else. Losing my bestfriend was especially hard because we were in love, but never dated. I ended up getting married, but my never ending grief caused a divorce. I just feel so angry. I just want to scream, cry, and punch things all the time. I don't feel like I can catch my breath. Everything feels like I'm failing. I'm in counseling, but my depression is starting to consume me. I can't seem to heal. Sometimes it feels like I'll hurt like this until I die. If anyone has advice or words of encouragement. I could really use it right now.
I can't even imagine your pain... to loose so many.... I lost my brother, my only sibling, and my mom within 40 days of each other. It will be one year for my brother on the 23rd of this month and a year for my mom on November 2nd. I still can't deal with my losses either. My depression is all consuming.. I am still in therapy. Like you, I wonder if I will feel this way until I too take my last breath.. because it sure feels like I will. The best tool that I have used is writing. I have a notebook and I write them letters. I write directly to them and I start each one with either Dear Mom or Dear Brian. Sometimes I write to tell them about my day, sometimes I write to tell them how much I miss them and how NOTHING has been the same since they left. It actually does help because it gets whatever is weighing heavily on my heart at that time out. I think this tool can help you too... You can write to your best friend and tell him how much you love him. Tell him about your marriage falling apart. Tell him you miss him. Write to your brother and your grandparents.. tell them you love and miss them. I carry my book with me everywhere I go because I never know when the emotions will bring me to my knees... I have actually walked away from my position at work to write a quick letter when I became overwhelmed... When I was done I would be okay enough to go finish my job. In essence, it's almost like you are talking directly to them as you write.. Try it. It has kept me somewhat sane through all of my grief... And also, be kind to yourself.. You have the right to grieve even if it takes forever. They are your losses... they are pieces of you... Breathe and know that you are not alone in this world of grief and mourning...
I tried walking. I would get up early and watch each sunrise and each sunset. I would go out to hear live music and get out there and dance. We are all in this together. Hang in there and look for ways to help others. It feels good to make someone's day!
Trystin, it's ok not to be ok, you have overwhelming losses and the grief is overwhelming. My hubby died in March of this year. However, the only words I can say is that you letting out your emotions is ok. It's ok to fall apart. One thing I am learning is not to place a demand on myself that I need to get over grief or to be healed from such devastating loss. It takes a long time to grieve over love. It's not one day at a time, it's one moment at a time. I wish I could give you a big, warm hug, a pillow to hit and a box of Kleenex.
It has been a very difficult adjustment losing my wonderful husband. It's been 2 1/2 years and I still have all his clothing and belongings. I'm still not wanting to get rid of them. I miss him so terribly the longer time goes by. It's never going to be the same without him. But....God didn't take me yet and i honestly prayed he would but my kids and family and friends prayed harder so here I still am. Doing the best I can with God's help I pray daily. I look for ways to help others and I get outdoors as often as I can.
