April 9th marks 2 years

On April 9th my husband will be gone for 2 years. It's almost hard to imagine. Yet, it's very true. In the past 2 years, I have gone through a lot. I found myself homeless for the first time ever, and when I stop to think about it, I believe that it was necessary for me to go through that. The reason I feel this way is: if I had been capable of keeping our home, I would have, more than likely, fallen into my own inner darkness. I've already made it out of the darkest parts of my mind, and I refuse to go back.

I believe that God is the reason I was able to make it off the streets before I got "used to" living on them. He's also the reason why I would love to have a plaque or other type of decor with "Footprints" on it. Because God carried me through the worst time in my life, and He kept me safe. So, it's only befitting that I can obtain "Footprints", which I will proudly display for others to see.

When I first lost Jeremy, I was around a lot of people who were made uncomfortable by my crying. Especially when I did it in public. I wasn't going to be able to stop the years from falling, and I wasn't even going to try to bottle them up. When someone would say anything about my crying, I would say, "I can't wait to see what kind of person I will be in a year once I have put some time between myself and April ninth, I believe I will be a totally different person". And I was right.

Even though I wasn't able to properly grieve, I am a very different person. There are more times in between each time I come apart over Jeremy, andI can talk about him without falling into tears. At first, I thought that it was wrong for people to say, "Time heals all sounds". I used to get very angry over people trying to quell my emotions with what I called, "Useless platitudes". However, I now understand that even though time doesn't heal all sounds, it does help with the pain of loss. Well, it has for me, and I hope that anyone reading this will one day be able to find some solice in that particular phrase.