Where do I start. Nadine, my wife of 42 years died of cancer on April 19, 2015. Since that time I have tried to resolve this loss with myself and two sons. One of the toughest things I have found is how to talk about this profound loss. Nadine was a person I admired, my best friend, and loved and looked up to, since the first time I wrote to her when I was serving in South Vietnam.
Days would pass and the hurt just kept burying itself deep inside me. I have spent my time trying to forget, trying to move on. So I started watching YouTube videos on almost any subject. Then one day I found this video
of a 10 year old violin prodigy named Karolina Protsenko . Her playing was/is beautiful and for some reason the violin seemed to help me deal with my tinnitus. I can truly enjoy the sound the violin produces, because it just cuts through the constant noise in my head.
I wanted to know if someone had also sang the words of that song. I found Carrie Underwood's 'See You Again',
. This song is beautiful, and reminded that while time may not heal all wounds, if you truly are a person of faith you will take hope in her words.
As a Roman Catholic who believes in the afterlife, I do believe that one day I will see her again in heaven.
As 4 years have passed during that time I was a previous member of Facebook. At some point I came to the realization that all I was doing was just posting with no heart in my posts anymore. So one day I quit and had my account deleted hoping to help forget about Nadine. That doesn't work.
Not really being able to talk about Nadine has been extremely tough. This year as her birthday once again approached of course all the thoughts would flood back. I would have many sad moments.
I never seem to remember anything I have dreamed as long as I can recall. but then one day when I woke I started remembering the dream I had that night A spirit all of white was sleeping on my chest, and I felt so comforted with that thought. Call me crazy, but that is the absolute truth. I have not dreamed another dream since that day. However, the dream was around Nadine's birthday.
Now let me back up a little. The videos that I watched, and there were many. I found a collection of wedding proposal flash mobs, and I just could not see enough of them. I would cry, smile, be happy and wanted to watch them all, and there are many. I would watch even those of another language. Love is funny, even if you don't understand the words a person is saying, the actions they do are clear as a bell.
We were living in Florida for 10 years when Nadine developed cancer. She was put on a transplant list so many times, going up and down on it. Finally the cancer had progressed to stage 4 and we had to all accept that reality.
She asked to go home, back to Maine and be buried there. So Nadine ended up in the Auburn, ME hospice. My sons and I visited her everyday. As word spread of Nadine's sickness friends from all over showed up to share their love for her. What amazed me was her beautiful mind, she remembered everyone, their names, their kids, and those special bonds they shared.
As we watched Nadine slowly prepare for the next stage of life, afterlife, she shared a dream she had with us. She had been visited by an angel, who told her that in heaven she would take care of children. The glow on her face just was amazing.
As time passed, which seemed too quickly, a nurse came into her room. She lit a candle and told us that Nadine was for ready to pass on. The nurse read a poem to us that totally made all of us cry. You knew it was time but you didn't want to admit it.
That night my love Nadine moved into the afterlife. It was the moment that is hard to put in words. I was relieved she would no longer suffer, but so very sorry I would no longer share my life with her anymore. The walk out of the hospice that night was the hardest thing I have ever done. Please forgive me if I have made any of you feel bad.
This is my wife's obit with many pictures within, including our wedding.
https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/auburn-me/nadine-hughes-6409908
Lastly, I am at a loss to find people to talk to, my sons have moved on mentally, my brother whose wife also died of cancer has moved on and won't talk about it. I am seeking those who might understand why I can't move on. As a person who strongly believes in the Almighty God, I have prayed to him many times for myself and others. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless.
If I had known how to post a picture I would have.
David Hughes
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