You were so evil but I couldn’t hate you

I always asked my self why do I have sympathy for someone who did not have sympathy for others ? You left the only life you knew and became a monster . You risked the life of yourself and your three kids for what ? For a lost caused that no one believed in but you kept pushing the agenda . I sat and watched all your propaganda videos and how you showed no emotions and I kept rewatching it in disbelief . But I couldn’t bring myself to hate you I was just disappointed in you . Because that isn’t the man I knew , you suffered but you fought it , until you left unexpectedly. So I couldn’t be mad at you because I knew that was not the man I known and people constantly told me to not feel sorrow for a monster but I don’t have enough hate in my heart . I wish you were still here , I wish I could’ve communicate with you and help you . To me you were just a lost kid and needed guidance , I was angry at your wife for allowing you to follow a path of distruction but she is the only hope for your kids now that you are gone . I just wish I was there for you earlier , I’m sorry life had failed you , I wish you had the life you deserved when you were younger but I always keep you in my heart .