Work Advice

I am finding it extremely difficult to focus at work. I might be working a critical issue and having to pause just to randomly cry. Anyone have any advice, I definitely need my job.

-Chad

 

Are you working on site, Chad? Up North.
especially in NYC, bc of the highly
contagious Omicron, people haven't
returned to their offices yet. It must feel
neveremding, for people who WANT to be
in the office, but can't. I'm retired, but I've
been sick with Omicron, for a week. I've
had to put M. Grief on the back burner,
bc I have to focus on getting a proper
sleeping & eating schedule. When I feel
better, I can walk outside again. Lou

 

Working from home. They were planning on returning to office but it keeps getting pushed back. Initially I did want to return to the office but now I am not so sure. Out of my team I am one of two that are in Texas and we work opposite sides of the week. So by myself at the office or at home. At least at home I can cry in private and have Fergie, our pink haired Shih Tzu, who hasn't left my side.

-Chad

P.S. She will always have the pink hair.

 

Good morning Chad,
I’m not sure it will help but I build grief into my day. (Kinda like Lou put mr. grief on the back burner to be sick.)
Before starting a training I get up and start to talk to Kenn. Just like I used to talk to him on the phone between tasks.
I tell him what I’ve been doing up until that point. Put the tea kettle on. Tell him a funny thing. Go to the bathroom. Tell him how much I miss him. Make tea and toast. Wipe my tears if I need to and as I go to sit back at my computer I say “I’ll get back to you right after this next session.” Or something along those lines. It’s different depending on the day and what I’m up to but it compartmentalizes it a bit. Doesn’t make the grief go away, doesn’t hide or stifle or deny the process but makes it manageable.
Preemptive grieving I suppose. That way it doesn’t, usually, sneak up on me. ~Bernadine

 

Chad,

Unfortunately what you are describing... those tears seemingly appearing out of nowhere..., not being able to concentrate on important matters..., is part of this way beyond miserable process, for (lack of a better word.) You are so new to this total heartbreak... In the very beginning, random thoughts would constantly pop in and out of my mind. It didn't matter whether they were happy memories from wonderful, seemingly magical times Bob and I spent together, or the very worst memories from the last 24 hours of Bob's life... all of them had me in tears... crying uncontrollably..., unable to stop this constant stream of memories from invading my brain. When I first joined GIC, I often referred to this, wishing I had an "off switch" for my brain. It SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!!, TU!!!

Also, anything and everything can be a trigger for tears... I used to wear sunglasses in the grocery store because just seeing one of Bob's favorite foods on a shelf, was enough to have tears streaming down my face, no way to stop them. Even now, there are days when I have to leave a store before getting what I wanted to buy because of those way too frequent triggers. I'm prepared for these sudden outbursts and NEVER leave home without lots of tissues in my purse or pockets. It SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!! Music is another HUGE trigger for me. After over eight months, I can't listen to music that Bob loved, and I still love. Every single song has a memory attached to it, and gets those tears flowing. Music is way too painful, but living in a world without music SUCKS!!!, BIG TIME!!!, TU!!!

I'm sorry, I'm not much help as far as suggestions on how to concentrate while at work. For now, I think working at home is your best option, so hopefully you won't have to go back the office anytime soon. I'm so glad you have pink haired "Fergie" to help get you through these way beyond dark days. I LOVE!!! dogs and when I'm ready, want to adopt another fur baby. Bob loved them just as much as I love them. It's going to be difficult adopting another one without him. Stopping here. Getting off subject.

Although I haven't been helpful, I want you to know what you're experiencing, is something that is common to all of us. We "get" it!!! It just SUCKS...

As always, sending you and Fergie lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou, how are you this Monday morning? K

 

Why are grocery stores such a trigger? I can absolutely fall apart trying to pick out bread or seeing gum at the checkout line.

 

Chad, maybe it's better for you right now,
to try to work from home. It's heartwarming that you have a lovable,
cute Fergie, as your loyal companion. She's
like your service animal, & you have
unconditional love. If you need to cry,
in the privacy of your home, Fergie is there
to comfort you. Lou

 

For those of you who are not on Center For Loss site here is part of Jan 3rd that I thought was so true.
"PART OF WHAT MAKES GRIEF SO HARD IS THAT IT'S INVISIBLE. INSIDE WE ARE TORN APART, OUTSIDE WE LOOK BASICALLY THE SAME.
NO ONE CAN TELL WHAT WE LACK- SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSEST TO US".
If you go to Center for Loss you can sign up for their daily reflections. Something to start your day. Karen

 

Thank you, Karen ,I was about to look at
my C. for L. quote, but was caught up in
replying to texts from 2 different friends,
who care about my health, and have
gone to the supermarket for me. You asked
how I was. I had to put Mr.Grief on the
back burner, bc of my slow road to
recovery. I feel like I've been on house
arrest since Christmas. Some GW think I
miss Linda bc she would bring me
chicken soup, but the fact is that I've
learned to take care of myself. I just
have the daily ache of not seeing her
warm eyes and hearing her laugh. Lou

 

Hoping for better days soon for you Lou. I must admit I did get a little giggle out of your comment, "House Arrest".
I'm glad you put MG on the back burner, in fact let's let the Gnomes take care of him down under the earth for awhile.
Bless your friends, you are very lucky to have good friends to help you. Keep truckin, Karen

 

Thanks, Karen, always like to give you a
giggle ( & not for just a typo). You gave me
one about the "gnomes". I can understand
how frustrated & angry you were when
you broke your arm &were confined to your house during the smoke. It's weird,
bc that feels like a year go. Lou

 

That's so true about grief being so invisible. I feel like part of me has been ripped apart. I am so tired of this.

 

Bernadine,

I had to think about this for awhile before I could come up with an answer. I think grocery stores might be a major trigger for so many of us because different foods remind us of special occasions, romantic dinners, vacations, and just all those ordinary moments sitting around the kitchen table, talking about all the little things that make up so much of our lives. Bob loved angel food cakes and every year when he was growing up, his mother would make two of them on his birthday, one for him, and one for the rest of the family. He loved them that much, lol!!! I remember about six months after we had been dating, we went over his parents house to celebrate his birthday. His mother took a picture of the two of us, Bob about to take a bite out of the largest piece of angel food cake ever... Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, it was a very BIG piece. I love!!! that picture... I can see the image in my mind... I remember exactly what he was wearing..., what I was wearing... We were deeply in love, everything seemed right in the world... we looked forward to the future, to all those things that we wanted to do together... Although I can "see" the picture in my mind, there is no way I'm anywhere near ready to look at the real thing.
Before I continue to ramble on and on and on, getting way off track, since Bob's death, I can't walk past a display angel food cakes in the grocery store without those floodgates opening... It SUCKS!!! Same thing happens every time I walk past a box of angel hair pasta... Really stopping here!!! Wait... you mentioned bread. Bob loved all kinds of bread, freshly baked loaves of really crusty bread, baguettes, sourdough, Italian, French, you name it, he loved it. The entire bakery department is off limits. It SUCKS!!!, BIG TIME!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

I "get" it... I feel the same way, like my heart has been ripped in half... I'm so tired of people telling me they think I'm doing good!!!, TU!!! Grieving is way beyond emotionally and physically exhausting!!!, TU!!! It just SUXS!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks the Deb. Not doing real great today. what else is new? Right1

 

George,

I was just about to put my chrome book away for the night, go back to watching that flickering flame in total silence, when I saw your message. I'm so sorry you've having such a bad day... It SUXS!!!, BIG TIME!!!, TU!!!

Sending lots and lots of extra hugs your way, hoping tomorrow you will have at least one reason to LMSO, and as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I love this reply. ~B

 

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Just talking with those that understand helps a lot!!

-Chad

 

Deb,

Thank for taking time to reply. You were a help. Songs are a definite trigger. Sometimes I will listen to our song, "Can't help falling in love" by Elvis, even though I know it will bring the tears. I would sing that song to her often. And almost every night at the hospital, then again when she passed. I haven't gotten the courage to sing it to her after I have been home. I think I need to do that. She always loved it, even though I'm no singer by any means.

And you are right, this feeling really sucks.

-Chad