Rose,
I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you a giant hug, but since it isn't happening, sending you the very BIGGEST!!! virtual hug... It breaks my heart, knowing how much pain you're in, that there is nothing that any of us can do, except be to "listen," give you a virtual shoulder to lean on, and send zillions of virtual hugs.
While I can watch comedies again, they help me preserve whatever little sanity I have left, I still can't listen to music, go to restaurants or places that Bob and I enjoyed together. I live a short drive from beautiful beaches. I love the ocean. It's my very favorite place on earth. It was Bob's very favorite place on earth too. I thought by now I would be able to go to the beach, but Mr. Grief continues to set up all kinds of hurdles and barricades, leaving me in tears, unable to enjoy a day at the beach without Bob...
My widow brain is super foggy this morning, so I'm not sure if you exercise regularly, or even if you're able to. I find taking long walks, being outside, enjoying all the beauty God has created, is one of the very best ways for me to gain the necessary strength to kick the F*CK out of Mr. Grief. Even if lack of sleep makes the thought of taking long walks unappealing, or if there are medical reasons why you can't exercise, as Robin often says, try to get outside, breathe in all that fresh air, soak up that sunshine. A change of environment can sometimes work wonders for me.
Have you tried an in person support group? Once again, I'm dealing with that foggy widow brain to the max this morning, so if this is something you've already tried, just ignore the rest of this paragraph. If you try one, the medical social worker who ran the group I used to attend, said to always go to a couple of meetings. If after a couple of meetings, the group isn't a good fit for you, move on, try another one, until you find one that works. I'm thinking you might make a friend going through similar circumstances to your own. Although I love!!! TGW, and feel so fortunate to be a part of this very caring, wonderful group, there is nothing like being able to talk to a friend over coffee, lunch or dinner.
I don't think I would be doing as well as I'm doing now if it wasn't for TGW, but also for my friend who became a widow a little over a year before I did. I can't even begin to describe how close we've become, the very best of friends. It helps more than I can ever express in words, to have a friend who you can hang out with, who totally "gets" what you're going though, who you can cry in front of one moment, and laugh the next, and not have her thinking you've lost it, have finally become totally unglued. I know you tend to be a private person, but everybody needs at least one friend like the one I have, who lives nearby. Just my two cents. Take it or leave it. Like all of TGW, I'll be here for you no matter what choices you make.
Backing up a bit, I'm very glad your two adult children live with you. While my children have been wonderful, providing me with endless support, they live very far away from me. I wish at least one of them lived nearby. I hope in time, you and your children will be able to open up to each other more, share more of the pain you're experiencing. I think this would help all of you as you continue to heal.
YES!!!, I said this to you before, but I'm saying it again, you ARE!!! healing even though you don't think you are. You are a true GW!!! Together and with the help of our GIC "family" we will rebuild our shattered lives.
I enjoyed a long walk this morning. It wasn't as hot and humid as it's been, plenty of sunshine, and breezy, Mother Nature's air conditioning... However, I stink!!!, lol... Need a shower... So stopping here.
I just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief for you. Hope I managed to knock him unconscious for awhile.
As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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