Deb, Robin, and all my friends, yesterday was one of the best days I've had for the last three years, it was such a wonderful, joyful reunion, but always with that underlying sadness, heartache inside, which you all understand. Like Robin's perfect word "bittersweet". We hugged and cried when we first met (obviously, I was the one who broke down first, then started her off!), it was like a dream come true. We spent the whole day together, my parents were here too (she's my dad's niece), it was a big family reunion, just like the scene of a film, BUT the best part (my C, the 'soul of the party') was missing, I felt that emptiness so much. Towards the end of the day, not in my children's presence, we did talk about my C, and unlike other people, she didn't say the usual "time heals" and "you must move on", and so on. She really understood and supported me, I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to her,she's such a good listener. She and her husband couldn't have children, but she remembers supporting her boyfriend (now, her husband) when, at only 21, he suddenly lost his dad just like my kids lost theirs, and she said to him, honestly, sincerely : "I'm not going to say I know how you feel, that I understand, because I don't, I can't, I haven't been through it". The way she supported him during those difficult first months drew them even closer together, their love stronger than ever. I think these are the words we find more comforting than just the usual ones we have all heard. I felt so relieved to be able to actually to talk to someone about my innermost feelings, she would make a great therapist, she actually does work in the consultancy sector of a big company, dealing with workers' emotional problems.
For the first time in years, I spoke English for over nine hours non-stop, I did have some hesitations, couldn't think of the right words, stuttered a little, but it was better than I thought it would be. We could have gone on talking all night.
Deb, you've just sent some shorter posts, well, if I don't stop now, I may be taking your place in your "long books", like Lou calls them, which, may I say, we all appreciate, love and take inspiration and comfort from!
Robin, I relate to you about your mechanic retiring, not knowing who to call now, I've had many changes to. In the last three years, our family doctor (who was also a friend of my C) has retired, our pharmacy (the pharmacist also knew my C very well) has closed and moved to a different town, other trusted people that I can't remember now have also 'disappeared' in one way or another. As if life wasn't difficult enough!!
Thank you to everyone as always, for being here.
Rose
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