Yes I know everyone is going to say be patient, it's time, but it's so hard. I thought I was getting a handle on this, and I've just had a visit from my youngest daughter, who has suffered just as much as her sister thru this loss of daughter in law. She looks exhausted, is worn out, struggling, fed up, life in tatters and still trying to juggle her job a social worker and mother to a 3 year old. That's tough enough already. On leaving we were both so sad. And then I felt so angry that this damned act has wreaked such havoc in all our lives. It's made my move to a new home to retire a completely different experience and I've gone from feeling hàppy and carefree to feeling old, sad and unsure of my future. It's a hell we never asked for or deserved and that makes me angry all over be again. Grief. When and where does it end.........
I know what you are going through. My wife of 41 years took her life 8 months ago and I feel worse today. I feel lost, afraid, alone and confused. I sold my home 2 months after she died and moved into a senior living complex. But it made me feel worse...seeing all the couples aging together... feel like I was cheated. So I moved out...back into a house in my old neighborhood.... better but not much. Coffee friends help, along with a widow/widower support group.
Never ends. We somehow learn to deal with the mess. death is not something we have control over. And Life is uncertain. It happens! All our permutations change. All our plans have been upended. Very few of us expected stuff to happen that happened. Take deep breaths. Easy to say, but we're all in the same or similar boat. We all need to reprogram our lives. Reassess our expectations and for the moment: reboot.