When does it get better

Thank you Karen for your kind words and for sharing your story. I am so sorry Jack had to suffer, and I think you suffered right along with him. It was a shock, and I sometimes wish I would hurry up and wake from the nightmare. I have good days, then will sink into sadness, despair, for a few days. I am still getting use to being in the house alone, with the cat, Miss Kitty(named after the character on Gunsmoke, Ted had a warped sense of humor).
Mr. Grief does like to hang around, so I do feel for you, and wish you peace and happiness. Savannah

 

Thanks the Amazing Deb! Really needed those hugzes!

 

Good morning, Savannah!I eavesdropped
on your conversation with my good friend,
Karen, in California. She is one of the first
people to welcome me to GIC. We were,
and are, very empathetic toward each
other. One of the things that Karen misses
most about her husband, Jack, is their
teasing each other. I'm the same way with
Linda, and I can see you're the same way
with Ted. Your Miss Kitty comment about
Ted's "warped sense of humor", made me
smile. I loved all the TV Westerns, growing
up, but I didn't realize Miss Kitty was a
madam, until I was in my 20s! Linda said
she loved me, bc I wasn't "beige". I felt the
same way about her. Hope you have a fun
day with Brittany . I just got a text that a
THIRD PT (!) is coming to my apartment.
I'm going to ask her how many there are. I miss walking outside, my favorite
exercise, and can't get motivated to do
the exercises, which the last PT left for
me. Maybe if I just had ONE PT, I would
feel differently. Lou

 

Savannah,
I see you’ve met most if not all of TGW. You’ve definitely been a welcoming addition to our group of friends here. There’s many many more people on this site but this group stays together through thick and thin. No one left behind. I see today is a Brittany day! Love it! Hope you have a wonderful lunch and enjoy some smiles and laughs. From the sounds of it you shop in stores I shop in regularly. Our thrift store is Savers, I go in with my daughter usually once a month or so. We also go in $5 below often. You’re having very cold weather just like Lou and I are dealing with. A nor’easter is coming through late tomorrow. Supposed to dump a lot of snow on us. Whee!
Sounds like you’re figuring out your smart phone. I still have Ron on my cell plan and I was given a new iPhone to replace his old iPhone. I kept getting notices of 5G disappearing. But I never purchased a new phone for him. Then about a month ago one arrived in the mail. Sweet! It’s pretty nice too. Ron wouldn’t be happy I pay all my bills on line. Like Ted he didn’t want our info “out there” but USPS has gotten so bad I didn’t have a choice. I tell him sorry before I sign in to pay my bills. I’m sure he gets it. I always payed our bills home and business he managed our banking and investments. That’s where I get anxious. But I’m managing. Hope you have a good day! Enjoy Britts us company and Miss Kitty will be waiting for you.
Robin

 

George, How are you managing without your car? I’m hoping you might get it back tomorrow. So many things you say remind me of my younger brother. I think and say many of the things you mentioned about people wearing masks alone in their car, walking outside, and feel happy seeing people without masks in stores. But my brother will go over to them and high 5 them. He puts stickers on gas pumps thanking Biden for the high cost.
Anyway, I hope you’re managing ok snd get your car back soon. lots of love snd hugs! Robin

 

Your brother sounds like me, Robin!
I miss Linda, bcshe felt the same
way about hypocrisy. She died several
months before COVID hit here. I feel bad
that it looks like Long Island will be hit
with a big snowstorm on Sat. We will, too,
but I don't know how many inches. I plan
to stay inside as I'm sure you will. Cold,
but sunny right now, so I'm forcing
myself out the door. Keep warm! Lou

 

Lou, I had 8° this morning. Not sure what it is now. I’m staying in. I could get up to 18° of snow with gale wind warnings. I think I’m staying in starting today. Be careful going out today. Your temps have to be close to what I have or colder. Sun is trying to shine. My younger brother doesn’t mince words and yes, hates hypocrisy. I’ve been very close to him all my life. He’s 9 years younger then me. Since Rons passing he isn’t as supportive as I thought he would be. But between both brothers if I need advice or help they will be here for me. Just not so much on their own. Ron didn’t experience covid either, came about a year after he passed. Having RA my immune system is compromised so I do need to be careful. But, I just wish we could get the truth on things. So many lies. I know Ron would protect me and do the shopping etc.
Lou, how many NP do you have checking on you? I guess they feel you need it but it seems like a lot. I’m glad you’re doing so much better. Keep healing. Please wear lots of layers if you’re heading out in this. I know we need air and get tired of being stuck inside. But it’s brutal out today. Be careful, Robin

 

Beradine,

It's good to "see" you, but totally "get" the not being up to posting much thing. I think it was Karen, who said in a message to Savannah, that whenever she has to talk about that horrible period, up to and including Jack's death, she gets super sad, that it's like reliving it all over again. I feel this way too. As much as I'm glad when new members find GIC, and as much as I want to respond and be supportive to them, it is over the top difficult for me. I'm thinking it's not only over the top difficult for Karen to "talk" about what happened to Jack, for me to "talk" about what happened to Bob, but for all of TGW to "talk" about the one true love of their lives, gone, way too soon. It SUCKS!!! (Yes, I'm still stuck on sucks and probably will be forever...)

At the same time, I know I would be in a lot worse shape than I am now, if people didn't respond and support me at the beginning of this miserable "new" life that not one of us would have chosen, but we've been forced to endure. Plus, sometimes as much as reliving the past SUCKS, TU!!!, it helps me move forward. Sometimes I'm shocked by all the emotions, still as raw as ever, after over nine months, that I feel when I "talk" about what happened to Bob. The last 24 hours of his life, are so over the top traumatic, so over the top sad, filled with way too many "if onlys," although I know all those "if onlys" don't serve any good purpose, that it makes those floodgates open as Mr. Grief takes charge of my life (again). But, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, "talking" to new members helps me probably lots more than it helps them. Kenn's death is still so new... it's over the top heartbreaking whenever I think that you've only been dealing with this for three months... I feel like you've been a part of TGW for as long as I have. Wish I could reach out and give you the biggest hug ever...

I'm glad Savannah has become the newest GW, but so sorry she has to join us as we continue to struggle to find the exit to Mr. Grief's amusement park. Just think...if all of us could meet at that exit, with Mr. Grief standing there, ready to unlock the gate, and set us all free, how much better life would be!!!, TU!!! Just think... how much fun it would be, if we could arrange for all TGW to meet somewhere, and throw the biggest party, just celebrate to the max!!! Better stop here, getting carried away, but as is becoming another one of my over used, but maybe not quite has reached that stale point yet, daydreaming can be a good thing!!!, TU!!! I think I might have just beat my all time record for the longest run on sentence, lol!!! But, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I'm not the least bit concerned about this, because George has forgiven me, forgiven all of us, for all grammatical errors... Thanks, George!!!

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch, and wish there was something I could do, we could do to help you. Sadly, I know there is nothing any of us can do, except to be here for you, when you feel like "talking" and continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers when you need to be MIA. Please!!! don't feel like you need to respond to all of this rambling!!! But, and this is the last very BIG BUT for now, whenever you feel up to it, please let us know how Maggie Joy is doing. I bet she's growing like a weed, and keeping you over the top busy. Puppies are the absolute best!!!, TU!!! (Last TU!!! for now too.)

As always, sending you and Maggie Joy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,
I agree with you, this mask thing just SUCKS!!!, TU!!! It seems especially over the top when people wear masks when they're alone, in their cars. As far as gas prices, I think I better get off of my soapbox before I even begin to get going!!! Backing up just for a minute, Kroger's has been giving out double fuel points on Fridays- Sundays for the past couple weeks. I've been doing as much of my grocery shopping over the weekend as I possibly can. Every time I have to fill up my tank, I get so angry... Wait, I said I wasn't going to keep on rambling on and on and on about this, so stopping here, for real.

I read some of your messages already, and it made me so happy when I read that you made chili for your daughter recently (or I think this is what I read). I know Ron is so proud of you!!! This IS progress!!!, TU!!! I'm sorry you're expecting such nasty weather this weekend. I hope your furnace is in good working order, that you and Teddy can (mostly) stay inside, stay warm... and that you have already picked up whatever supplies you need to get through this soon to be storm as comfortably as possible.

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

Just as I said to Robin, so sorry you're going to be hit with such nasty weather too!!!, TU!!! It SUCKS!!! I'm glad you're planning on staying inside, staying warm, staying safe. I wish I could motivate myself to hit the pavement. If you can do it, I should be able to do it too. Compared to the weather you're experiencing, it's (almost) tropical here. However, I'm not overly motivated today. Have some more calls I have to make. I HATE!!! tax season, TU!!! You're off the hook, I'm done complaining (for now!!!).

Enjoy your walk. Looking forward to hearing about today's adventures later...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Like Robin, I'm thinking about you... Do you know when you're getting your car back??? It SUCKS!!! It especially SUCKS!!! because you need to keep those dialysis appointments. I don't have much in the way of public transportation where I live either. I know we had this conversation already, think it was yesterday, but with this foggy widow brain thing happening all the time, I'm not sure. Anyway, just wanted to drop by, send lots more extra hugs your way...

Hope today you have at least one, but hopefully many more, reasons to LMSO...

Sending zillions more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Deb, I wanted to acknowledge I received your message. Thank you, nice to meet a fellow rambler. I start out to do a nice, short, sweet, to the point answer, but all by itself it gets longer and longer I will respond better, later today. It is Brittany day for me today( she is my twice a week checker upper person, comes to make sure I am ok) so have to shower, lotion up, dry my hair, stand at the closet and figure out what I want to wear to face the outside world. Talk later. Take care, stay safe and if in the cold part of the US, stay warm. It is 0 degrees here this morning, brrrr. Savannah

Savannah,

I know what you mean. Sometimes it's just impossible to keep things short, to the point. Please don't feel like you have to respond!!! Have a fun day with Brittany, stay WARM!!! I'm way beyond frozen just thinking about zero degrees!!!, TU!!! Enjoy lunch in a new, (hopefully) soon to be favorite place. Backing up a bit, I live in SC, moved here in the beginning of 2018, but I was born, raised, and spent most of my life in New England. I still call it "home," and miss my friends so much... Better stop here or else this could turn into what Lou and I call, one of my "books."

As always, sending you and Miss Kitty lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Savannah,

I LOVE!!! Ted's sense of humor!!!, TU!!! Bob had a great sense of humor too!!!, one of the things I loved about him the very first time we met. He had that wonderful sense of humor, until shortly before his death, when Parkinson's related dementia (or at I think Parkinson's had something to do with it), seemed to slowly strip him of who he was, leaving just a shell of a man, a shell that didn't resemble who he had been physically as well as mentally. Stopping here, those floodgates open way too easily, and Mr. Grief (a Karen original), tightens his already too tight grip on me. It SUCKS!!!

Backing up for just a second, we always had a house full of fur babies. Our kids begged us to keep stray dogs and cats when their families couldn't be found, and Bob loved fur babies as much as I do. So... both of us had a difficult time saying no when one of our kids brought home an unexpected guest. One of our cats, this one had been a shelter girl, was a beautiful long haired black cat, with the biggest, brightest gorgeous blue/green eyes... She was extremely sweet, and Bob's favorite out of all of our cats. Prior to adopting her, Bob used to call me "Hollywood," because of a pair of sunglasses I had. We named our new fur baby, Hollywood, because it was the only way I could get Bob to agree to stop calling me this. As it turned out, her name fit her perfectly, she was an over the top glamorous girl... This story just popped into my head, even though it isn't one of the ones that has anything to do with Bob's sense of humor. Just one of those fun memories, that is now so bittersweet..., happy mixed with sad, as Robin would say..., I need a tissue!!! Stopping here.

Backing up just a bit, Bob would have LOVED!!! Ted's sense of humor!!!, TU!!!, as much as I would have. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

As always, sending you and Miss Kitty lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, there's a great anonymous Center for
Loss quote, which should comfort all GW.
Some days. with grief, it's OK to wake up,
SURVIVE, and go back to bed. I've been
in that mode since being put on an IV in
the middle of the night, for hydration &
nourishment. I had lost weight & interest
in food, when I had Omicron & later,
testing positive for COVID. Now, I have a
VNA and PT coming to my apartment, at
different times. to make sure I'm hydrated & eating healthy food. The VNA nurse
gave me a great idea,which I enjoy. I can
be hydrated by grapes, watermelon, and
OUTSHINE popsicles,which are non sugar
frozen fruit bars. We have a lively bunch
of GW today, so I have to catch up before
my.PT gets here! Lou

 

Robin, I just replied to Deb about my
essential medical visitors, paid by
Medicare. I was on an IV in the middle
of night, bc I had lost weight, my
appetite, and all interest in food. There
were no tests available, but all my
symptoms resembled Omicron, very
much like the flu: started with painful
sore throat & cough, chills & fever. The
cough lingered, and I was given Delsym
DM cough syrup & Claritin, for
congestion. While at the ER, it was discovered that I had a UTI ( aren't you glad youasked?!). I also had the nostril
test & tested positive for COVID. When I
went home, I had to self quarantine. A
VNA nurse came to my door, in mask,
visor, and Hazmat suit. I wore a N-95
mask. She took my blood pressure, checked
my breathing, temp, and heart, using a
stethoscope. She wanted to make sure I
was eating, and, in a healthy way. I was
tense, when she asked a lot of questions,
looked her in the eye, and said that
Linda went to all my NP appointments
with me. When I pointed to Linda's
simple memorial, on my bureau, her face
£softened. She came a 2nd time yesterday,
and it was much better. I've had a revolving door of different PTs who make
sure my apartment is fall-proof ( grab bars
in bathroom, Linda's shower bench).Part
of the reason they come here to check on
my well being is that I became isolated
with the bad weather and couldn't walk
by the ocean. The 3rd PT is coming today,
and will ask if I'm doing my exercises, and
I will be honest & say no, that I've been
tired and waiting for milder temps to
walk outside. Here's to an early Spring! L

 

Thanks Robin for including me in the TGW. Cold here, 0 this morning when I got up. Snow on the way this evening. I am so done with winter. Lunch was ok, Dollar Tree was more fun Coming back we had to detour, huge auto accident , police had the road we were on blocked off. I will watch the local news tonight to see what happened. It looked like 2 maybe 3 ambulances, a fire truck, and a crap load of police.
The thrift store I go to is run by the Kidney Foundation. It is clean, well organized and has awesome bargains. I have lost so much weight since Ted passed, my old clothes were falling off of me. Thrift store was a blessing.
I am doing ok with the Smart phone, Brittany was a HUGE help showing me things on it. I am not a good texter, but the phone will show me words, so I just click on them.
Waiting for my Walmart order, should be here at 3 P.M. I get lazy at times, order groceries, and have them delivered.
Talk again soon. Stay safe and warm. Savannah

 

Good afternoon Lou. Funny story, my Grandmother lived with us until her death in 1971. Growing up she
and I would watch Gunsmoke, Have Gun Will Travel, Cheyenne(I was 13/14 by then, had a huge crush on Clint Walker), anyway Granny was crushing on Marshall Dillon(James Arness),if I remember correctly Mr. Arness divorced his wife, Granny got upset with his character, and refused to watch Gunsmoke. If Granny and my Mom had of realized Miss Kitty was a lady of the night, Gunsmoke would have been banned from our house. I miss those old shows, I can catch some of them on Antenna tv, and MeTv. Mornings TVland runs Gunsmoke.
Ted was more on the beige side when we met. Had one of those smirky smiles, eyes that could stare a hole in you, a quick wit, and that wonderful warped /dry sense of humor.
Brittany and I had a good time, I enjoy her company, pretty sure she enjoys mine. Her little niece comes with her when school is out,( she is a mini Brittany), Abby is well behaved, likes to do whatever Brittany and I want to do. She is 8 going on 16
My Walmart should be delivered to my door in about 15 min. so I will close for now. Talk again soon. Stay safe and warm.
Going to really cold here, suppose to get snow starting later this afternoon. Savannah

 

That's funny, Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke, cute. I have a cat or it was Jack's cat named Rambo for his personality. He's almost 16 now. He keeps the void out of the house and is great company. When Jack was home with hospice I put Rambo on his bed to say hi. Rambo went up to Jack and sniffed his cheek and ran away. He knew.
I'm sure everyone here feels the same. It's a feeling of profound sadness all day and night. I do believe one year is just the beginning of what now, -- a kind of limbo feeling.
I do enjoy the stories how everyone is surviving day to day and I enjoy your posts, very interesting Always blessings, Karen

 

Deb, and everyone. I'm noticing here on GW's more nice memories and stories lately. Does that mean we're moving forward? We can talk about good memories without falling apart -- most of the time. Tissue's near. I find it healing for us to share our days and nights too, like what we had for breakfast. I think it means we're revolving. Always blessings, keep marching on. K