When does it get better

Hi, Savannah
I’m sorry to hear of Ted’s death.
My name is Bernadine, my partner, Kenn died 3 months ago.
I’m not up to posting a lot right now but I wanted to be sure to welcome you.
~Bernadine

 

I am so sorry Valerie had to suffer. That had to be so hard on both of you. Ted went so quickly, I barely had time to process what was happening. It has been lonely, but Brittany coming twice a week helps. I do the WTF alone when I see someone double masked and a face shield on. I smile at them and go on my merry way. Ted and I stayed pretty much to ourselves, had a few close friends, a couple of them passed away before Ted did. I keep to myself, getting use to doing things alone, I don't like it, but I do it it anyway. Just before Ted had his heart attack, I upgraded my flip phone to a Smart phone, just got it out a few months ago, Brittany helped me activate it, set it up, how to answer the phone (flip phone was much easier to use). Ted has Magic Jack on his computer, he hated cell phones. Someday I will turn on his computer. I covered the monitor to keep the dust off. I will close for now. Talk again soon, Savannah

 

Thank you Bernadine, and so sorry your loss has been so soon. I can be a chatter box sometimes, but I understand you not wanting to post a lot right now. Take care, Savannah

 

Savannah, you are amazing, insightful,
and funny. Like my wife, Linda. you can't
stand hypocrisy & things that are totally
illogical. You mentioned Ted's military
papers. I want to thank him posthumously,
and you, for being the widow of a man
who served. During the Vietnam war,
there was a draft lottery. I got a high
number, and didn't have to serve. I was
disgusted that some Vietnam veterans
were spat upon when they returned home. Now, even though not a veteran,
I go to an open house coffee every Sat. am at the American Legion. The guys
are funny & make fun of each other.
They also poke fun at me. But. I can "take
it" & "dish it out". They like me, and know I support our military. Lou

 

Hey Savannah!
That's so interesting cuz I still have a flip fone and so did Valerie. We too stayed pretty much to ourselves too. After I got kidney disease and lost my teaching position all my "friends" from work pretty much disappeared on me and now it is just me and my son and his girlfriend. It is so hard for me to do anything. Valerie did all the serious stuff like taxes and bills. I have no clue about most of that stuff. I blank out to serious real stuff but I try to do what I need to. I know I should do better but we all do our best I think. I don't like computers a lot too.

 

Hi Lou, I did answer George. Also got a message from Bernadine, I thanked her, she had said she wasn't posting much right now, but wanted to welcome me.
When Don(the gentleman from the funeral home that was my director)delivered Teds ashes and flag I was so surprised. I had no idea he would deliver them personally. There was a certificate with the ashes, so if I wanted to travel with them I needed the certificate. Out of the clear blue, my mouth opened and out came the words "I guess he will be riding to Kroger's with me after all" we both got a chuckle.
That is nice you can meet with veterans for coffee. I am sure you all have a good time. I guess I never felt like a military wife, since he served before we met. Thank you for your thoughts.
Time to see what I can fix for dinner, talk again soon. Savannah.

 

The only reason I upgraded, Consumer Cellular was going to 5G, and my flip phone was so outdated. I am kind of glad what friends we had have faded into the back ground. Less I have to deal with. It was hard for me at first to make any big decisions. I was always the caretaker of bills, so that didn't bother me. I did the taxes, when we had taxes to do. I would be lost without my computer. I do a lot of things on line. I would laugh at Ted, when he would admonish me about paying bills online, saying giving out my info was not a good idea, my rebuttal was always, "so you order clothes, gifts online, you give out your info, please tell me the difference". We had fun, sorrow, happy times, grumpy times, and we always had love and respect for one another. My goodness , I feel better already, I can talk with people that know what it like to grieve, feel alone, be at loose ends. I have gotten such encouraging, nice messages, does my old heart good. Savannah

 

Wow you are so like Valerie! She did EVERYTHING on line. I'm glad you can be a part of our grieving community. But not glad about the Grieving part... just the ability to connect with others part!

 

Savannah,you've been on GIC for a very
short time, but, with your compassion for
others here & your good sense of humor,
it seems a lot longer than that. I liked,
"happy times, grumpy times......we always
had love and respect for one another". A while back, I came up with the term , The
Grief Warriors ( TGW) to describe us on
GIC. We leave no one behind. Lou

 

Hey Lou, my Mom always said I was an empathic. I never knew exactly what that meant, until in my late 30's when I finally looked up the meaning. The traits of an empath fit me to a T. Being here is like finding a new home. All those that have corresponded with me have been kind, encouraging, non judgemental. I try to return to them what they have given me. I like the TGW, all those that are grieving are warriors of a special kind. I like the idea I can say what I need to say, one on one, but that everyone can see and join in the conversation. Everyone's 2 cents matter!! I have so much pent up, talking to ashes or a cat doesn't really fit the bill, I need feed back, good or bad. Thanks for leading the way, Mr. Well-Known Member!!!
Tomorrow is Brittany day, yay. Trying out a restaurant I have never been to, that is less than 2 miles from my house, duh. Probably go to Dollar Tree or Big Lots, maybe even the thrift store. I love thrift store shopping, especially the one closet to me, lots of almost new and new clothes for cheap. I am all about saving money, always have been, must have gotten it from my parents.
Well, will close out for the night, I will check in, in the morning . Brittany comes at 11. I get up when Miss Kitty starts walking on me and batting my face to be fed. Have a good night, stay safe and warm. Talk to you tomorrow. Savannah

 

Shoot George, when I found out I could order postage stamps on line, I was in 7th heaven. Our post office sucks, never enough counter help, plus they are a bit snotty, like they are put out people are coming in. I bank , pay bills, order groceries when I don't feel like facing the world, order from my one catalog, all on line. I change passwords every 3 months, and have Vipre security installed along with what came with Windows10.
Connecting with others here has been a good experience. Brittany comes tomorrow, so will close for the night. I will check in tomorrow. Take care, stay safe and warm. Savannah

 

Savannah,

I was about to say sorry for getting here so late, until I saw that it's been less than 24 hours since your first message. lol... It's amazing how good it feels to "talk" to others in similar circumstances, although I wish with all my heart, that not one of us had ever met!!!,TU!!! (Total understatement, one of many phrases/words I repeat so often around here, that all of them have grown stale, and grow even more stale by second... Old habits are hard to break. Thought it, but didn't say it.) Back to what I started to say, NEVER!!! apologize for "rambling." I used to do it frequently, needed a super big daily fix of GIC in order to survive all those way beyond miserable days, hours, minutes, seconds, after my husband, Bob died. I'm glad that rambling helps you as much as it helps me. I still ramble on and on and on... Many times, I think I have that Energizer Bunny beat, but the more into this grieving process I get, the more I'm finding I need much more time alone, doing absolutely nothing at all, just being a total couch potato, with a cup of herbal tea, wrapped in a super soft, bereavement blanket, my best friend sent me shortly after Bob's death. A box of tissues is my constant companion. Many times at night, I'll sit with my box of tissues, watching the flickering flame of a candle on my coffee table. Sometimes I'll just sit and stare at that flickering flame. Sometimes I'll tune into something mindless on the tube. Before you call the guys in the white coats to get me, as shocking as this might sound, I've found all this alone time is helpful. Prior to all this "me" time, I was stressed out 24/7 and over the top sad. Now, instead of feeling like a rubber band ready to snap 24/7, I feel this new sense of "calm" mixed with over the top sad. I'll take calm mixed with over the top sad anytime!!!, TU!!! In case you haven't noticed, I can probably win the world's record for the longest run on sentences. Once I start "talking", the words just seem to type themselves.

I'm super frazzled tonight, I didn't have the best of days, but in the scheme of life, none of the things I had to deal with are really that important. All that really matters in life are the connections we make, the relationships we have with others. All the rest is just "garbage." Wait, I'm getting way off track and I really need some "me" time, so I'm going to try to keep the rest of this message short. Bob had many diseases, all controlled by medication, all treated as though they were chronic illnesses. He was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005, suffered a major heart attack February 3, 2009, and developed many more medical issues following these. Two of the worst, were kidney cancer, (by the time it was correctly diagnosed it had spread to his lungs), and the very last diagnosis he received, Parkinson's Disease. In spite of all of this, until the beginning of 2018, the side effects from the medications were manageable, and Bob and I were able to go out for dinner, spend time with friends, and travel. In the beginning of 2018 we moved. His health began a downward spiral and I became his full time caregiver. Life revolved around medical appointments, lab appointments, scans, infusions, ambulance rides, hospital stays, and at the end of his life, two stays in rehab facilities. Through it all, Bob wanted to live. He found something to be grateful for each and every day. One of his favorite sayings was, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Life is a gift and Bob cherished every moment he got to spend on this earth. He died on April 11, 2021 at 3:45 a.m. The last 24 hours of his life were the absolute worst!!!, TU!!! So much more to this story, as there is to everyone's stories, but I'm tired,and going to cut this short. Wait... this has been anything BUT short, lol...

I originally just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you had to find us, but how glad I am that you did. As I mentioned earlier, this site has been one of the best things I've done for myself since Bob died. I have made many friends here, you've "met" some of them already. Everyone "gets" it. We're here to "listen" whenever you feel like "talking," offer advice, but and this is a really BIG BUT!!! (another phrase that's grown way past stale), we won't be offended if you don't follow our advice. This is a totally judgement free zone. GIC has become my safe place, the place I come to whenever I want to "talk," "listen" to others' stories, want to share something that's helped me survive some of my very darkest days, or just need a "virtual" hug. I was going to say I hope you stick around and get to "know' us, and give us a chance to get to "know" you, but from the look of things, I think you're here to stay. Welcome to TGW (The Grief Warriors... Thanks to Lou, who came up with this perfect name for our group.)...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. What I wanted to say at the very beginning but forgot (I blame it on this foggy widow brain thing that I can't seem to ditch) is that I am very sorry for your loss. I hate saying this because words seem so shallow at times, now being one of them, but I hope you know how truly sorry I am.

 

Savannah, I'm glad you have Brittany in your life. She may be a "youngster", but
sounds like an "old soul" . I have a friend
who owns a small store near me. He's
really young chronologically, 28, but wears
a beard to look older. We bonded one day,
bc he told me his mother died when he was only 12, & he had to grow up fast. We like to kid each other. Recently, on a really
cold day, I sat in a chair opposite his desk--
drinking tea. He looked at me & said,
"Lou, this isn't the Senior Center". Lou

 

George,

I couldn't put away my chrome book for the night without sending you lots of extra hugs... I'm so sorry about your car!!!, TU!!! Sadly, no words of wisdom or advice, just sending even more hugs and love your way...

Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you!!!, TU!!!

As always wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

Thanks!!! Your response to Savannah just made me laugh!!! There is no such thing as too many laughs!!!, TU!!!

 

Deb, so glad you were able to "meet" and
"talk" with Savannah. I know you will
be good friends with her, as you've been
with me. This is late for me to tune into
GIC. I had napped earlier. I'm drinking
herbal tea & will go back to bed soon.
It was so good to see you warmly
welcome Savannah, but heartbreaking
to hear of Bob's last days. and you being
his caregiver 24/7. Now that we've gotten
the worst stories out of the way, we can go
on to aspects of our daily lives ---- now."Talk" tomorrow. Lou

 

J

 

Deb. I KNEW you would like the Senior
Center reference. I hope Karen will catch
up with us. She would love to tease me
about that, "TU!!!". Lou

 

Savannah, I'm a little late responding here. I've been on this forum for 1 year. It's been 1 year and 2 months since I lost my husband, Jack. I'm so very sorry for your loss and so sudden. It must of been a shock to say the least. I was married 39 years and I knew Jack was not going to make it. He was ill for about 8 months, came home with hospice and died two weeks later. He never accepted his terminal illness. Every time the phone would ring he thought it was the doctors with good news.
I get sad typing my story, so I'll quit here.
It does help to talk about it, but after one year I just need a break from repeating it. It always brings Mr. Grief back and there are times I just need a break.
This is a great forum and a place to vent with no judgements. My name is Karen and I'm sending you blessings from California.

 

Karen, the toughest thing TGW have to do,
when welcoming a. new member to GIC, is to retell the horrible last days on earth of
our soulmates. Once we get past that, we
can be good friends here, and talk about
our daily lives. I look forward to the
expressions of our friend, Deb: "total
understatement!!!" and "SUCKS BIG
TIME!!!" bc she is compassionate and
reflects our feelings. I look forward to
hearing from my younger brothers: Gary,
George. and Chad. We care about. each
other, and miss each other, when one of
us isn't posting for a while. When I was
sick & later, had to be on an IV in the
ER. for hydration & nourishment, I was in
a bad way, and couldn't get on GIC. I
remember your concern when you didn't
hear from me. Since the hospital, I have 2
professionals, to check on my well being at
my apartment: a VNA nurse, who makes
sure I live independently, and will not have to go back to the ER in the middle of night,
and a PT, who makes sure my place is safe
and fall-proof. She walked through my
apartment, monitored my walking, looked
at the grab bars in my bathtub, and Linda's
shower bench, which I never thought I would have to use. At first, I was tense
when these 2 women came to my
apartment. Before I would answer their
questions, I would tell them that Linda
always came with me to see our nurse
practitioner ( who we saw instead of our
primary care physician). I cried in the small
lab room of the NP after Linda died. Linda
made me promise to be healthy, and to
try to be happy, whatever happened to her.
I've kept that promise. My appetite is back,
and I'm enjoying food again, gaining my
strength back. The weather has not been
good for walking ( either very cold, snowy, or rainy). I did walk one recent mild &
sunny day, and it felt wonderful. Like many of us on GIC, I pray for an early
Spring. You were kind to tell me that I'm
"turning a corner" and will be myself soon.
I miss our gentle kidding of each other.
When I told Savannah an anecdote about
my being called a "senior" by a young
friend, I thought of you, and hope you
have a chance to read it. I believe that
Savannah has a great sense of humor, as
well as compassion, and will be sticking
with us. I look forward to our talks. She lives in Ohio, a different time zone from you, but you're used to that. Well, back to
sleep, Karen. Hope to talk soon. Lou