When does it get better

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Good days bad days, Jan 26, 2022.

  1. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I wish so much I could wrap my arms around you, give you the biggest hug ever... To date, I haven't had to experience the pain of a close friend suffering a stroke and the complications that can go hand and hand after this tragic event. My heart goes out to you..., to Scarlett..., to her family, and all of her friends... I will pray for Scarlett... I will pray for all of you at this very sad and difficult time.

    I am also so sorry to hear that an auto accident took the life of one of your long time friends... I HATE!!! saying I'm sorry... Words seem so shallow at times, but since words are all I have, I hope you know how deeply sorry I am. Patti, you have been through so much..., you have way too much on your plate for any one person to handle. I am saying extra prayers for you, for God to give you the strength you need to cope with these very sad events. I believe that there is strength in numbers... I know collectively, all of our prayers are being heard.

    Backing up a bit, I hope you are feeling much better physically. I'm glad to hear you are taking the best care of yourself you possibly can. I understand not wanting to go to an ER as they are filled to the max. There is no way you want to leave an ER with something "extra!!!." TU!!! However, if you continue to feel sick, please consider calling your primary care physician. Maybe she/he can schedule a video visit. I know this is far from ideal, but I had to have a video appointment during COVID when it was impossible to book an office appointment. My primary care doctor was able to prescribe an antibiotic to get rid of a very nasty sinus infection. Backing up just a bit, I'm very technically challenged!!!, TU!!!, and all I had to do was click on a link the scheduling department provided when it was time for my visit. It was simple, even for me.

    I'm so glad all of us, by sharing so many of our experiences of the very worst moments in our lives, with no "sugar coating!!!," have made you feel comfortable enough to share some of the very worst moments in your life with us. I think this is the "magic" of a support group when it works the way it's intended to. It's amazing how all of TGW, so different in so many ways, have been able to come together, united by the death of the one true love of our lives, provide support, friendship and love to each other, in ways that only those of us who are part of this group can understand. I'm so glad GIC has become a safe place for you to "visit," just as it's become a safe place for me, for all of TGW to "visit." As Lou said in a previous post, "GIC is not complete without your presence." We love you!!!, TU!!!

    I hope that when you're ready, if you want/need to, you will feel comfortable enough to share the horrible experiences you had with hospice. It is truly disgraceful!!!, TU!!! (I'm speechless... I can't find a strong enough word to use!!!, TU!!!). It is way beyond difficult to imagine, calling in hospice, in what can be a very difficult and heartbreaking decision to have to make in the first place, only to have hospice providers who didn't provide the quality care and support Jack and you needed, during the most horrific and sad moments of your lives... the reason why hospices exist... !!! I could go on and on and on, definitely outlasting that "Energizer Bunny," but will get off of my soapbox before I really begin to get going. Just one last comment on this!!!, I promise. Sadly, from my experiences, this state provides the worst quality health care out of anywhere I've lived, and far worse than in states that I haven't lived in too, from hearing about friends' experiences dealing with health care where they live. This is one of the many reasons, when I'm ready, I'll probably move.

    You are going through such a difficult time, and on top of this, today is February 14th. Valentine's Day is very difficult me, for so many of us, but for you, this pain and sadness must be magnified by a zillion times... Please be extra gentle with yourself today. Know that we're here if you need us, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, if you're not able to "talk," it's okay!!!

    As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
  2. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Thank you Lou,Karen,Bernadine,
    Just talked with Scarlett’s daughter, they had given her
    Something to break up the blood clot, she’ll be given more
    scans today, rechecking blood clot.There is slight
    improvement in her condition at this time. I will keep
    you updated.
    Sleeplessnight for me, will get some now.
    Sending hugs, love,prayers to you and all others.
    Blessings, Patti
  3. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Thank you for sharing this positive update with us.

    As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  4. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Patti I started praying for Scarlet as soon as I read your post this morning And for your friend who was killed in the car accident. I’m glad to hear the good news about Scarlet now. I think Deb has said the most important thing in regards to being kind and gentle with yourself. TU. Especially since you are recovering from the virus. Stress from being sick along with additional grief can be overwhelming. Take naps when you can. And don’t try to do too much. Eat healthy. When I had the virus the doctor did not want to see me because covid was a mad house then. He suggested I take over-the-counter meds drink plenty of liquids and rest. I tried some meditation before I wrote this post. I imagined a chain of hearts from all the grief warriors connecting to hearts of our beloved in the afterlife. I saw the universe filled with hearts. I remembered the first times Cheryl and I expressed love towards one another. It is such a beautiful memory. Like our friend SweetCole reminds us to sit in a comfortable chair and just focus on our breathing. Today I was able to slow the thought processing part of my brain. I’m glad you shared your last moments with Jack. You got to say everything you needed and you know Jack heard you. What a beautiful memory. Gary
  5. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    So beautiful..., "a chain of hearts from all the grief warriors connecting to the hearts of our beloved in the afterlife," a "universe filled with hearts..."

    Remembering such special memories... those magical moments when you and Cheryl first expressed your love for each other... A perfect way to honor Cheryl's memory on Valentine's Day.

    What you said to Patti brought tears to my eyes... Bittersweet, but only in the best of ways.

    Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you so much for the smiles... Smiles are one thing I can NEVER!!! get enough of!!!, TU!!!

    As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  6. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    "Chain of Hearts"....I'm a little choked up. Beautiful.
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  7. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Hi Gary, thank you so much for your heart felt
    Beautiful response to me, it was very comforting,
    so much I needed today. I don’t have any recent update
    on Scarlett, they were to do more tests on her today.
    Apparently (I think) she had a light stroke few days prior,as
    I recalled a phone conversation Thursday, she mentioned
    she was having difficulty with her left arm, at that time
    I wanted her to be seen in ER she shrugged it off thinking
    It was from her shoulder she has a shoulder surgery
    scheduled in April.How wonderful it would be if we all
    lived close to oneanother and could have group get
    togethers. Our world needs more caring folks,as are here
    within GIC & ourGW “Family”.
    Gary, I had shared sometime back in a previous posting,
    when I was holding Jack in my arms for my last time in this
    lifetime, I told Jack, “Jesus has HIS arms around you
    with mine, HE is ready to take you to Heaven to be with God,
    please go with HIM, see all the Beautiful fields and fields of
    flowers, all the Beautiful puffy white clouds.” I felt his
    spirit ascend to Heaven.
    Thanks for everyone’s prayers
    Prayers for us all, love, hugs. Blessings, Patti
    Dreary, Gary166, DEB321 and 3 others like this.
  8. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Dear Deb, Karen, Lou, Gary Bernadine, all others praying
    for Scarlett,
    Just got a call from her daughter, Scarlett’s progress in recovering
    is a miracle,Doctors feel she is doing amazingly well, praise God.
    I want to thank each of you, on her behalf and that of her
    Deb, I’m taking vitamins, etc. Our son in law is a retired pharmacist
    I’m thankful to see COVID positives are better level now in the state.
    The nagging cough is a nuisance, been wondering what they gave Lou
    when he had the virus.
    Deb, I hope it was much warmer so you could walk and enjoy outdoors
    today.it was windy chilly here.
    Gary, so sorry for the snow and weather up there in Indiana, I remember
    when Jack was at Angola , students did BEAUTIFUL ice sculptures at the
    center circle of town.
    Lou, I’m so glad reading you are getting out now, it sounds lovely where
    you reside, peaceful. May I ask what medicine was given to you for the
    nagging cough?
    Karen I giggle reading you and Lou’s postings on his typo’s. Our life
    Living in Calif was enjoyable prior to Jack’s illness, having fruit trees ,
    veggie garden. There was lot of info to garden in drought areas on line,
    at that time the info was helpful.
    Bernadine, so happy you have Maggie , have you posted picture?
    Wonder if there’s a tutorial on how to for GIC?I am not techie.
    Sleepy Time tea is calling me , I will be ZZZZZZ in no time.
    Night everyone, keeping each of you in prayer,love, hugs.
    Blessings, Patti
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  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Patti, wonderful about Scarlett!! Our
    prayers to God were answered . For the
    lingering cough, I used over the counter
    Delsym DM Cough Syrup & Claritan, to
    fight congestion. I don't need cough
    medicine now, but I still take one
    Claritin every morning. In addition, I've
    been taking Vitamin D3 and a multivitamin
    every day, which includes iron & zinc.
    I was dehydrated in the hospital. My VNA
    nurse ( who came to my apartment) urged
    me to eat watermelon, grapes, & OUTSHINE fruit bar popsicles, without
    sugar. Great idea, bc just water & orange
    juice isn't enough. I can walk outside now.
    We are praying for no more snow. It
    looks like the worst may be behind us.
    We can have 50 degrees one day, and 30
    degrees the next. We are heading into
    rain, rather than snow, thank God. I feel
    great now. I came down with Omicron
    on Christmas Night. It was like the flu.
    I stayed home for a week. I felt weak, lost
    interest in food, & lost weight. I had to go
    into the hospital, & was put on an IV for
    hydration & nourishment. I felt better &
    it was great to eat hot meals again. I tested
    positive for COVID in the hospital, went
    home, & self quarantined. The VNA nurse
    & physical therapists came to my apt.,
    wearing masks, with visors,& hazmat
    suits, until I was OK. You will be, too! Lou
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Patti, I’m so sorry I’m late to add my prayers and best thoughts and wishes for your good friend Scarlett. It’s good to read that she is making progress and started recovering. What a blessing. Patti you’re going through so much, continue to take care of you. You’re important and with so much going on it does take so much energy. My prayers are with you and your friends family. So sorry another life was taken so tragically.
    ❤️ Chain of hearts! What a beautiful thought and picture I have right now.
    Patti, my heart breaks for you going through so much. You’re in my prayers along with both of your friends and families. Praying Scarlett continues on this path of recovery.
    Sending love, hugs and so many prayers. Robin.

    Posting pictures:
    next to post reply, click on upload a file.

    *then click on choose a file

    *Then choose, take a photo or photo library

    *You will then choose camera roll
    or your camera automatically opens. Depending on which you chose.

    *Choose a picture or take a picture.

    *I always choose thumbnail over full image because full image almost never posts. It’s too large.

    *This should help you post pictures.

    I’m hoping this is clear and I didn’t make it more confusing. Step by step hopefully it goes smooth.
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Patti, glad you get a kick out of Karen
    finding my typos. She admitted that she
    has a computer with a large screen, and
    would find it hard to email on a Smart
    Phone like mine! I just spotted 2 spellings
    for the same item. The correct spelling is
    Claritin. Karen may find others. I happened
    to wake up, got on GIC, but have to go
    back to sleep. Hope you have pleasant
    dreams, Patti. Lou
    Patti 61 likes this.
  12. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    This is the very first message I'm reading today. I'm so over the top glad!!! to hear Scarlett's doctors are so happy with her progress!!!, TU!!! I will continue to keep Scarlett and her family in my prayers...

    I didn't make it outside for a walk yesterday, but I'm going to hit the pavement soon. It's much warmer today. I hope it's warmer and less windy where you are too. Keep thinking spring... It'll be here before we know it!!!

    I hope you continue to feel better and get rid of that cough ASAP!!!

    I love Sleepy Time tea. I drink it just about every night. It helps me relax and stay warm.

    Today must be so bittersweet..., so sad that a friend has passed, but at the same time, so happy that Scarlett is doing so well... I hope you have the very best day you possibly can. Keeping you and all TGW close in my daily prayers...

    As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Hey, "The Deb!" as George calls you. don't
    forget to read my reply to Patti, about
    Karen finding my typos. Patti gets a kick
    out of it! I wrote my replies when I woke
    up at 1:30am this morning. "The Lou"
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  14. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    On Center for Loss daily reflection, I don't remember the actual date, but I do remember what it said, to repeat. "You look the same outside, inside you are torn up". I think it best describes my feelings. When someone asks me how am I doing? I'm going to use this phrase. To me it says it all.
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  15. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Yes, Karen, I felt the same way the whole
    first year after Linda died. I forced a
    a smile with friends, but revealed my
    true, sad feelings to my grief counselor.
    Now,I take comfort in other Center for
    Loss quotes, like the one about feeling
    gratitude. I certainly didn't feel grateful,
    when Linda's physical body was taken
    away from me 3 years ago. Like Jonathan,
    in his book, I'm grateful NOW, for
    having had the uncondional love of
    Linda, after both of us dated others. I'm
    also grateful to God, for helping me
    through my scary ER visits in middle of
    night, a warm apartment, food ( I can
    eat again, now that I'm not sick) on the
    table, & a network of friends, both on
    GIC, & off. I'm also grateful for VNA
    nurse & 2 different PTs who came to
    my place to check on my well being,
    including hydration & nourishment,
    so I wouldn't have to go back to ER.
    When Linda died, I didn't care if I lived
    or died But, as I've said here before , I made a promise to Linda to try to be
    healthy ( & even happy) if anything
    happened to her. I'm doing that with the
    help of Kim, who's like a daughter to me.
    I can even laugh with her, on way to
    supermarket. Lou
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  16. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Oh Lou, I feel the tears coming from my chest reading this. I'm so very happy you have progressed in 3 years. I know everyone here on Grief in Common will have hope for the future reading your story. I'm on 1yr and 3 months and I still don't care if I live. I'm starting to get things in order on my trust so the kids won't have the headaches that I and my sister had with our Mom. Losing our soulmates and living alone makes you think differently.
    I'm back to your testimony of gratefulness. It's so inspiring and, for me, brings hope and faith that things will get better.

    But, I have to ding you again. uncondional. Ops. I'll let you off the hook on this one because of your grateful testimony.
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  17. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Perfect timing, Karen. My "daughter"
    Kim just dropped me off after the
    supermarket. She said there was an
    amazing change in me, from 3 years ago.
    She would visit me in my winter motel,
    after Linda died. I was a broken man,
    weeping, & she listened & comforted me
    by saying Linda's spirit was with me, &
    would be forever. Kim never met Linda.
    Now, I can quote some of the funny &
    sometimes sarcastic things she said,
    sometimes at my expense, and both of us
    laugh.., I couldn't do that before. I feel
    particularly close to you, Karen, bc you
    are about the same age as me. Also, you &
    Patti were the first to welcome and
    comfort me. I've also become close to
    Deb, who has a great sense of humor, &
    I love to quote her phrases. I like to
    greet new members, & hope they stay on
    GIC, but you & Deb taught me not to
    "take it personally", like Tom Zuba
    advises, if they don't. Then, of course ,
    there are my 3 younger brothers, & we
    care about each other, but kid each other,
    like you & I do! Feel free to find one of my
    typos anytime. I'm not quite the
    hypersensitive sh-t I was ! Lou
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  18. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Dear, Dear, Karen ; I just lifted you in prayer, I wish I
    could give you a GREAT BIG HUG. I totally understand
    your feelings, when God calls our beloved partner,wife,
    husband, to Heaven , it’s a total life change without them.
    I believe there is no time limit through grief, the last
    nine years for my Jack, it was as though I was living his
    life for him as he could do nothing in caring for himself,
    God was overseeing everything, enabling me to do all
    that he physically couldn’t. I prayed daily for God to have
    “HIS WIIL IN OUR LIVES”, It took me years to get beyond
    those caregiving years ( HATE) using that word, I never
    felt I was a caregiver, but Jack’s wife, being one together
    through all things. I pray daily having long talks to God, I
    shall always pray for those whom took care, and those who
    still do for their loved one. I believe our grief takes as long
    as it needs to. To me, I believe it’s ok, it’s part of the healing
    I will be honest, I know putting my feelings , thoughts in
    posting sometimes is difficult, at times I hesitate and hold back.
    in posting.
    Finding GIC and you all here has helped me tremendously,
    reading your postings and that of others has helped me to
    look ahead on my journey in life, helping me to go back to
    Our happy times in Jack and my life, I believe we belong
    to God and HE will give our hearts peace,
    Again Karen, sending a big hug and heartfelt love and
    continued prayer for us all.
    Blessings, Patti
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  19. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    "Hey, The Lou,"

    Thanks so much for the laugh!!! As I've been saying so frequently lately, and I'm thinking it's getting close to it's expiration date, laughing is one thing I'll NEVER!!! take for granted again!!!, TU!!! (Last one for now...) I spent most of the day outside, got in at 6, right before sunset. It was a mostly a beautiful day... Just a very quick, less than five minute shower. I'm toasted, wait!!!, not that way, I haven't had anything stronger than coffee today...

    Super fried, so stopping here.

    As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. The DEB
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  20. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    One of my shortest messages yet... Just sending you lots of extra hugs...

    Sending more hugs and love to you and Rambo, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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