When does it get better

Hi , thanks Lou,Bernadine, I saw this morning Deb posted to
Helena. Hope she will be able to connect with everyone here.
TGW family has been a blessing to and for me, to one another.
Lou so thankful you had the great care from those overseeing
your needs, along with at home aftercare in recovering the virus.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, it’s been a difficult health issue,
being alone without Jack being here ( as he always was when he was well )
I have to remind myself daily that I’m forever thankful God kept me
healthy while caring for Jack.I know God is in control.
Thanks to each of you here with TGW family for your support
from one another, love, compassion, humor, especially your prayers for
one another.. I believe society has no idea , nor thought to what one
goes through after loosing our beloved partner, wife, husband. You
ALL are a Godsend, keeping you ALL in my prayers, along with ALL
caregivers throughout the world. Hugs, love to all. Patti

 

Patti, I agree with you that God is in
control. He answered my prayers to live
past my illness in this miserable winter.
Thank you, as always, for your kind
words, and caring about me & other GW.
Lou

 

Yes, Patti society has no idea, nor thought to what one goes through after losing our beloved one. Perfectly said.

To everyone: Yesterday I woke with the most incredible grateful feeling in my heart. It was because of everyone on this forum. I felt joy and safe knowing we are ONE in spirit. You have blessed me beyond words, seriously. I'm honored to be on GW's.

 

Patti,

I'm so very grateful that you are a part of our "family." Your prayers mean so much to me, as I know they do to each and every one of us. I believe, as Gary once said, or at least I think it was Gary who said this, that we are stronger collectively, as a group (or something similar to this). I agree. Together we will find our way to the exit of Mr. Grief's twisted amusement park, and force him to let each and every one of us escape. I know that even after we safely get every GW out of his way beyond twisted amusement park, our work isn't finished. It never will be finished. We will have to battle Mr. Grief whenever he decides to make an appearance, but hopefully, once out of his over the top twisted amusement park, he won't be able to grab on to us as tightly as he is able to now, allowing us more happy moments, than sad ones... From now on, our lives with always be a mix of happy and sad... (thank you for probably the zillionth time, Robin!!!), as we continue to heal.

Just as our lives will always be a mix of happy and sad, healing will always be a process. We can't fully heal. It's impossible!!! Tom Zuba talks about this in his second book, "Becoming Radiant, A New Way To Do Life Following The Death of A Beloved." Zuba says although we will never fully heal, he can accept/live with this. I can too. We don't have a choice. Zuba says the only choice we have is whether we chose to become "radiant," or remain in "lack." I pray each and every day, for all of us, for God to give us strength..., so we will be able to chose to become radiant, live the rest of our lives to the fullest extent possible, until it's our turn to be reunited with Jack, Bob, and everyone else's one true love of their lives.

As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs, and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

You just made me smile... Thank you so much for sharing this very beautiful, uplifting message with all of us. I feel this way too, but you expressed this much better than I ever could. I love!!! how you're able to express your feelings so well, in so few words. I wish I had this ability, lol...

I'm so grateful for your friendship, for the friendship of all TGW... I hope and pray we will remain close throughout the rest of our lives...

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, this is the most positive post you have written so far, it's full of hope for the future. Here's to God's grace for us all. Karen

 

Bernadine,

I love the way you explained the difference between grieving and mourning. Our culture doesn't allow us to openly mourn the way other cultures do. Sadly, we live in a world where we're supposed to tie up our grief in a nice little package (Zuba explained it sort of like this in his second book), and toss it out with the garbage. I HATE!!! the way our society values success in terms of our possessions, how much money we make, how many hours we work, how many activities we pack into our days, etc., etc., etc... It SUCKS!!! In the end, none of this matters. The only thing that really matters in life, are the connections we make, the relationships we have with others. The relationships we have with others doesn't "magically" disappear after a set number of days. We continue to have a relationship with those we love who have died, right up until the time it's our turn to leave this earth, and be reunited with them. Tom Zuba talks about this, believing that our relationships with our departed loved ones are eternal. I wish our society would "wake up," accept this, realize that we have a need to mourn, to express our feelings openly. If society allowed us to fully mourn, it would make the process of healing so much easier.

As always, sending you and Maggie Joy lots of hugs, and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, don't knock yourself down, you express your words as if reading a chapter in a book. I love your details for words and your Mr. Grief's comments really make me giggle. Karen

 

Karen,

You just made me teary eyed, but only in the best of ways...

Sending you and Rambo lots more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

Thanks... You just made me smile through those tears....

Sending even more hugs and love to you and Rambo, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen, I agree with you about Deb. She
has inspired, encouraged, moved all of us.
Her distinct phrases have made us laugh,
like : SUCKS BIG TIME!!! and TOTAL UNDERSTATEMENT!!! I admire her so much that I missed her when she went
away, with her son. I quoted her funny
phrases, & I seem to remember that it
made you smile. You & I always make
each other smile, as well. Lou

 

Thanks Lou,

You and Karen are making me cry and smile at the same time... I love!!! each and every one of TGW... All of you are such a blessing. I know God gave us each other to help each other through the very darkest days of our lives. God listens to our prayers and provides us with what we need to continue moving forward in this never ending journey.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Now I need to make something for dinner. I can't wait until I can eat solid foods again!!!, TU

 

Deb, thank you for sharing your profound,
moving thoughts about our soulmates being with us forever. Thank you, also,
for being the first GW to read Zuba's new
book. Lou

 

Evening all. I have really enjoyed reading everyone's post and getting caught up. All this talk about gardening and fishing has made me realize I need to get out in nature more and take a break from being a computer nerd from time to time. Lizzy's dad wants me to go fishing with him sometime soon and I think that will be fun. A few days ago I realized I hadn't watered Lizzy's plants in a bit so I made sure to do that. Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

-Chad

 

Yes Bernadine, I have our first air compressor we bought for our business in the center of the garden as a nod to Ron. And many of his favorite bulbs, iris, daffodils, tulips and also rose bushes, mums etc. I love working on it, good for the body and soul. Maggie sounds wonderful, full of energy and life. I’m picturing a beautiful and loving companion. My daughter has a puppy, much older then Maggie, Slinky, he’s about an 8 month mini dachshund and she says the same you mention. When do I get quiet time? So sorry you lost Tai, that had to be horrible. I know how much we need our fur family. Ted, is my
I’ve been off a while, been under the weather. Some kind of stomach virus thing. I think I’m finally starting to feel better. I hope. So I didn’t see your post until now. I stay up way too late too, can’t sleep. I hope you’re enjoying some quiet time. Rest well, Robin

 

Lou, I’m glad you were able to finally get out and enjoy some fresh air. Today was a beautiful day here, I let Ted get some fresh air but I’ve been suffering with a stomach virus and still not feeling great. So we weren’t out long. But an unseasonably warm day of 47° was nice. Even if I still have snow. I hope you got out today. Robin

 

Glad you finally got a beautiful day,
Robin! Hope you feel better soon, to really
enjoy the milder temps. After a tiring
week of rushing back home to see the
VNA nurse & PTs , I wanted to do
nothing yesterday. I stayed in my robe &
slippers & looked out the window at the
rain. I practiced being still & doing the
equivalent of Deb's staring at the
flickering candle. I feel differently today.
It's sunny, with blue skies, so I plan to
see my friends on the Neck. Some of
them own shops. I haven't seen them
since Christmas. I went to a restaurant
on Tues., & the owner was pleasantly
surprised to see me. I know that will
happen today. I plan to walk to a nearby
restaurant tomorrow. It has live music
on Sat, at lunchtime, & I sit in the
backroom, with a married friend, my
age, who plays the drums. We talk about
everything when it's quiet. When other
musicians are there, he joins them. He
surprised the owners ( &me) when he
stood up, played his harp, & sang the
blues. Lou

 

Deb, I agree with your every word, as
usual! The Center for Loss quote
yesterday, said we are on a meandering
journey, and that sums it up. Lou

 

Well stated The Deb!